Sitting home and getting to watch many of the twenty-four news networks you get to realize how funny politics really is. The sad thing is how many lives depend out the outcome of what goes on with all of this. These people spend time knocking each other and promising things and assuring the next thing. Which one is going to end the war and who says the troops may be there for the next hundred years? One is going to end poverty, the next one is going to give universal health care and next one will balance the budget. Some may raise taxes; some lower, some even do away with taxes, and some might just flatten them and make them fairer! They say “we’ll educate everyone, create millions of new jobs, secure boarders, build walls, open up the boarders, give amnesty, bring down gas prices, reduce green house emissions, cure all diseases, protect life, protect choice, protect choice of life”. WHEW! If we could take a little of this one, a little of the next one and some of the other one, mix them all together and maybe then just maybe, wow we would have some candidate! Who knows?
The truth is (in my limited opinion), I have followed politics for some time (especially presidential) and in all honesty I find throughout the years (with some exceptions), and most of the people who run are sincere. I think they mean well and have some true honest convictions. Some do flip-flop and seem to say what is popular at the moment. I feel they say a lot, then when they get to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. and they are sitting in that Oval Office they find things are not as easy as they might have thought and the job is a lot more involved. That is why so many of them get white hair by the time they leave office. We as Americans can be funny too. We will put a democrat President in the White House and then we give them a republican Congress or visa-a-versa, so they wind up in grind lock for at least two years.
Bureaucracy, oh do not let me even get started. The other day I needed to call Medicare and I needed to speak to a human being. First after pressing eight different buttons, the recording tells me there will be a 12-minute wait to talk to a human being. Okay, a 12-minute wait this is the United States of America government business office telling me this, so I wait maybe 12, maybe 6, maybe 15 minutes, eventually a person gets on. I explain the situation and he tells me he needs to check something out, "to please hold on". I do. One minute leads into three minutes into 6 minutes, ten, and fifteen until a recording tells me that I am on hold to long thank you and proceeds to disconnect me. Therefore, we start all over again!
I was ready to eat a horse! In four hours, I basically, got nothing accomplished with all my calls. My instinct was to eat and eat a lot. I was angry, frustrated and my energy levels were down. I had to fight my old behavior patterns and ways of handling these feelings and for that day, I was successful! To quote Martha “that was a good thing”.
Yet it was not just a fight and I did not just sit there and bite my finger, hold on to my chair and just wait and hope until the feeling to binge passed. No! It did not work that way. I had to change my ways, I had to do things differently. The ways of my past do not work in my current lifestyle. Some one once said the sign of insanity is to do the same thing over and over the same way again and again. No, I found more constructive things to do. I spoke to people, I wrote, I even did a little exercise (for me).
We really need to try to do things differently. If it did not work for us in the past, why keep doing it the same old, same old, thing in the same old way. Sometimes we need to really change and not just talk about change and throw the word around meaninglessly. It is nice to talk change, yet we need to be doers, make change, especially change in our personal lives. This is what is really going to make a difference and count towards a quality of life.
Good luck to you in your political choices but more important bless you in your personal journey to make the changes that count.
Have a great day!
Love
Mike
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
A Little Less Sunlight Shines Today ...
I am sad today! I am hurting, I am burning inside and my heart is screaming in pain. God has decided it is not quite the time for me to become a grandpa again. It is times like this when I find my faith being tested and I know I must turn to God even more, yet it is difficult. I know he understands it a lot better than I do. However, what hurts the most is not the loss of the opportunity of being a grandpa to another little baby right now. No, I have my grandson and that is wonderful enough and if God says that is it, well then that is okay. What hurts the most is that I have two children (my daughter-in-law and son) who are hurting and I cannot do anything to make that pain go away.
I know, I as a parent, I want for my kids not to hurt. I want to protect them. I know it is not a reasonable thing to say, I know it is part of growing up, I know they are adults and I hear all the arguments and voices telling me all the logical things but I still wish there was more that I could do for them, than just sit here. Sit here and love them, grieve with them, support them and try to find the right words (which I never seem to do).
I know time will heal, and with the help of our Lord a year or so from now there might be a little baby sitting here and today although will never be forgotten, the pain might be filed under “Past Pains”, but all that doesn’t help today or make it feel any better.
I want to take a moment to address all you beautiful, wonderful mothers out there. You are “vessels of miracles”, and you go through so much. Thank you and God bless you all.
As for my Nancy (my daughter-in-law, who I do not even think reads my blog), Nancy I love you honey and it will be okay and God, I am asking you, take care of her through this difficult time. Thank you.
Thank you everyone for your time and ...
Love to all of you … born and unborn
Mike
I know, I as a parent, I want for my kids not to hurt. I want to protect them. I know it is not a reasonable thing to say, I know it is part of growing up, I know they are adults and I hear all the arguments and voices telling me all the logical things but I still wish there was more that I could do for them, than just sit here. Sit here and love them, grieve with them, support them and try to find the right words (which I never seem to do).
I know time will heal, and with the help of our Lord a year or so from now there might be a little baby sitting here and today although will never be forgotten, the pain might be filed under “Past Pains”, but all that doesn’t help today or make it feel any better.
I want to take a moment to address all you beautiful, wonderful mothers out there. You are “vessels of miracles”, and you go through so much. Thank you and God bless you all.
As for my Nancy (my daughter-in-law, who I do not even think reads my blog), Nancy I love you honey and it will be okay and God, I am asking you, take care of her through this difficult time. Thank you.
Thank you everyone for your time and ...
Love to all of you … born and unborn
Mike
Thursday, January 3, 2008
No Resolutions ... at least not the same old, same old!
How could I even dare to attempt to make a New Years resolution? What would I say? How about, “I will go on a diet this year and lose weight”. Emmm, how original, I never said that one before! In a pig’s eye I didn’t. I can not begin to share with you how many times, how many years, how many resolutions started out, just like that one, “I will go on a diet …”! Not doing it this year, I will not set myself up, just to fail. In the past I would make that same old commitment to myself and when I would find myself in trouble, eating out of control, it would be just another excuse for me to eat some more. Why not? I failed at my resolution once again, munch, munch, munch, etc.
Not this year! 2007 has been a good year, a great year for me, I am in a better place both mentally and physically than I was 300 days ago and certainly 600 plus days ago. It has been a losing year for me (weight wise). This I have not been able to say for many years. I am more mobile than a year ago, I am home with my family and the past six months I have gotten the opportunity of a lifetime (one I never thought I would ever see). I have gotten to experience, interact, play and love my grandson, more than I could have ever imagined. What a blessing this has been!
Now for 2008 do I have resolutions, goals etc? Sure I do. I resolve not to be such a nag to my sweet wife. She is not responsible for me not being able to do the things I would like to be doing. She is, has been and always will be an angel to me. She is my soul mate and has put up with things that no human being (in my opinion) could do. She is a super gal, so I resolve to try to make her life a little easier (as far as I can do). I also resolve not to be so “OCD”. I don’t know when it happened and I am not even sure if I officially am but as I get older, I seem to become more like Jack Nicholson in “As Good As It Gets”. I need things done in certain ways; things have to be just so, it drives me crazy and the people around me, are not so thrilled with this either. So I will try not to be so … so, well you know. To be honest I am not to sure even these two resolutions are working out and it is only the 3rd of January.
Yet I will try to work on those things. As far as food and dieting go, no resolutions, not at all! It is about a way of life and what is better for me. I know it is better for me to eat sensibly and to move as much as I can and if by chance January 3rd 2009 I happen to weigh less than I do today, well then that is a good thing.
To all my dear friends, let’s stick together, remember it is a “weigh of life”, and also keep in mind “it’s not to late for 2008”.
Happy and Healthy New Year
Love ya
Mike
Not this year! 2007 has been a good year, a great year for me, I am in a better place both mentally and physically than I was 300 days ago and certainly 600 plus days ago. It has been a losing year for me (weight wise). This I have not been able to say for many years. I am more mobile than a year ago, I am home with my family and the past six months I have gotten the opportunity of a lifetime (one I never thought I would ever see). I have gotten to experience, interact, play and love my grandson, more than I could have ever imagined. What a blessing this has been!
Now for 2008 do I have resolutions, goals etc? Sure I do. I resolve not to be such a nag to my sweet wife. She is not responsible for me not being able to do the things I would like to be doing. She is, has been and always will be an angel to me. She is my soul mate and has put up with things that no human being (in my opinion) could do. She is a super gal, so I resolve to try to make her life a little easier (as far as I can do). I also resolve not to be so “OCD”. I don’t know when it happened and I am not even sure if I officially am but as I get older, I seem to become more like Jack Nicholson in “As Good As It Gets”. I need things done in certain ways; things have to be just so, it drives me crazy and the people around me, are not so thrilled with this either. So I will try not to be so … so, well you know. To be honest I am not to sure even these two resolutions are working out and it is only the 3rd of January.
Yet I will try to work on those things. As far as food and dieting go, no resolutions, not at all! It is about a way of life and what is better for me. I know it is better for me to eat sensibly and to move as much as I can and if by chance January 3rd 2009 I happen to weigh less than I do today, well then that is a good thing.
To all my dear friends, let’s stick together, remember it is a “weigh of life”, and also keep in mind “it’s not to late for 2008”.
Happy and Healthy New Year
Love ya
Mike
Friday, December 21, 2007
MERRY CHRISTMAS... MOMMY & DADDY
The holiday season is a time for an explosion of emotions and feelings. There is the obvious and that is joy and happiness but then there are the feelings and emotions that many of us are either afraid to talk about or ashamed to talk about. These are the feelings of sadness, emptiness, and loneliness. The feelings you get when you miss someone(s) and you cannot just pick up a phone and call him or her. In my case around the holiday season (just a little more than other times) I seem to miss my mommy and daddy. Let us face it, it hurts.
I can smell the freshness of the real Christmas tree in our small apartment and picture the same decorations placed in the same places year after year. I can hear my mom on the phone to my father, telling him to stop at the grocery store and to pick up something she ran short of for her cooking and baking. In my home (when I was single), the holiday ran for the whole week long. There was different guest every night and a spread put out on the table, fit for a king. My mom cooked and baked for a whole week before the holiday, in anticipation for these galas. Friends and relatives could not wait for her specialties that she would cook traditionally at this time of the year. I remember that we lived in a very small apartment and my dad built her a steel box to put out on to the fire escape so she could use it to store her food, there was so much of it. This was the spare refrigerator (our fire escape). Every day different smells and aromas would mesmerize you coming from her kitchen. Dinners the week before the holiday were a little skimpy because mom would always say, “I had no time to make anything to extravagant for supper, tonight”. Yet it all seemed okay because we knew the payoff was next week. Yes there we go with the payoff (rewards) being food and cooking but what the heck it was the holidays. I am sure many bad habits of mine were established during those years but that is not what I am writing about today. I am writing about mommy and daddy.
I wish my mom were around to see my son (she missed him by a couple of months) she would have been a very proud “nana”. Her son’s son, her chest would have stuck out at least a yard with pride. It angers me sometimes, that she never got to hold my son, never got to see him laugh or smile. My son had a great personality as a little boy, everyone loved Mikey and why not he was and still is a great person! My dad did get to know him some what.
Yet neither one of them got to experience the “piece de resistance” and that is my grandson. Oh, man he makes every battle, every hurdle, and every step I take worth it all. Just the pleasure to hear his little voice call me Ga-ga. I wish my mommy and daddy could hear that. Is that selfish? It might be, some people may say, but I do not care! I wish they were here to share this joy in my life, to see that I am happy, their little (maybe not so little) boy has truly found the meaning of happiness. It is not in things that you can buy or own. Happiness can be measure by how much you are loved by others. My mother and father’s only child is truly happy. I am loved by my wife (and friend) of over 30 years. I am loved by my son and his wife, my family and friends and now by my special little ga-ga (my grandson). I have happiness and I would like my mommy and daddy to see this, especially now around the holiday season.
Well with technology the way it is going, maybe next year I can pick up my cell phone and dial 1-800- 4HEAVEN and ask to speak with Jeanette and Mike (my mom and dad). I miss you guys, I love you, have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, do not fight and remember I have found true happiness!
Love your baby
Michael
Ps
And to all of you my friends all the best for a holiday season and healthy New Year
Love
Mike
I can smell the freshness of the real Christmas tree in our small apartment and picture the same decorations placed in the same places year after year. I can hear my mom on the phone to my father, telling him to stop at the grocery store and to pick up something she ran short of for her cooking and baking. In my home (when I was single), the holiday ran for the whole week long. There was different guest every night and a spread put out on the table, fit for a king. My mom cooked and baked for a whole week before the holiday, in anticipation for these galas. Friends and relatives could not wait for her specialties that she would cook traditionally at this time of the year. I remember that we lived in a very small apartment and my dad built her a steel box to put out on to the fire escape so she could use it to store her food, there was so much of it. This was the spare refrigerator (our fire escape). Every day different smells and aromas would mesmerize you coming from her kitchen. Dinners the week before the holiday were a little skimpy because mom would always say, “I had no time to make anything to extravagant for supper, tonight”. Yet it all seemed okay because we knew the payoff was next week. Yes there we go with the payoff (rewards) being food and cooking but what the heck it was the holidays. I am sure many bad habits of mine were established during those years but that is not what I am writing about today. I am writing about mommy and daddy.
I wish my mom were around to see my son (she missed him by a couple of months) she would have been a very proud “nana”. Her son’s son, her chest would have stuck out at least a yard with pride. It angers me sometimes, that she never got to hold my son, never got to see him laugh or smile. My son had a great personality as a little boy, everyone loved Mikey and why not he was and still is a great person! My dad did get to know him some what.
Yet neither one of them got to experience the “piece de resistance” and that is my grandson. Oh, man he makes every battle, every hurdle, and every step I take worth it all. Just the pleasure to hear his little voice call me Ga-ga. I wish my mommy and daddy could hear that. Is that selfish? It might be, some people may say, but I do not care! I wish they were here to share this joy in my life, to see that I am happy, their little (maybe not so little) boy has truly found the meaning of happiness. It is not in things that you can buy or own. Happiness can be measure by how much you are loved by others. My mother and father’s only child is truly happy. I am loved by my wife (and friend) of over 30 years. I am loved by my son and his wife, my family and friends and now by my special little ga-ga (my grandson). I have happiness and I would like my mommy and daddy to see this, especially now around the holiday season.
Well with technology the way it is going, maybe next year I can pick up my cell phone and dial 1-800- 4HEAVEN and ask to speak with Jeanette and Mike (my mom and dad). I miss you guys, I love you, have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, do not fight and remember I have found true happiness!
Love your baby
Michael
Ps
And to all of you my friends all the best for a holiday season and healthy New Year
Love
Mike
Monday, November 26, 2007
Canonization... Not In My Near Future
Thanksgiving, I had a plan and thank God I did. I knew from the beginning 1400 calories for the day was a little unreasonable and too much pressure on one’s self is not always the best plan either. Of course, I could have made the choice to stay at home alone, but what did I do wrong? Why should I punish myself? Last year I was at Brookhaven with my friends and Brookhaven family and that was a good experience. Because of that choice last year, this year I now could be with my wife and family. I knew from the past that dinner would be about 4pm and starving myself all day was not the way to go. Therefore, I had a light breakfast and was good. My plan for dinner was some turkey (light and dark, I like both) no skin. A teaspoon (yes teaspoon) of stuffing, veggies and that would be it. Later, if I wanted a couple of fresh nuts, I enjoy them on the holidays.
The guest arrived at my mother in laws house and at about 3:50pm I lead the group in Grace and the feast began. First the dreaded “anti-pasta”, those imported Italian chesses. It has been a long time since I tasted chesses at least one that is not salt/free, fat/free, I had a couple of pieces. Just that I can remember it was a couple is a big thing for me (I use to eat pounds of it), I also had a couple of pieces of the imported smoked meats (I paid for that the next day, my body is not use to fatty meats). Then there was the pasta course (I did not even take a plate for that course) but those mini raviolis looked so good I had to taste one. Then the main course! It is kind of funny when you are not busy stuffing your face and you get to observe how other people eat on holidays and what actually goes on the table. There were five yes five different potato dishes on the table. Two different mashed, candy yams, sweet potato pies, and yes a baked sweet potato, (for me). There were two different kinds of stuffing’s, turkey, roast pork and green veggies some creamed and buttered and some steamed and plain for me.
I strayed a bit and I went off my plan and it made me feel a little guilty but it should not have.
Let me share the great things about that day,
1. I was alive
2. I was a participant
3. I was with my wife and loved ones
4. I didn’t have to prepare the food
5. I did not have to deal with leftovers
6. Most of all there was a family medical emergency (we had to call 911) that could have ended up in a disaster but turned out to be okay
We had a lot to be thankful for that day, I am thankful for that day and every other day … so Sainthood is not in my future (I really never expected it to be) but I do thank the Lord that I have today to keep trying and that we all have today as a gift. We need to make the best of this gift.
Have A Great Day …. “All things are possible…”
With Love and Respect,
Mike
The guest arrived at my mother in laws house and at about 3:50pm I lead the group in Grace and the feast began. First the dreaded “anti-pasta”, those imported Italian chesses. It has been a long time since I tasted chesses at least one that is not salt/free, fat/free, I had a couple of pieces. Just that I can remember it was a couple is a big thing for me (I use to eat pounds of it), I also had a couple of pieces of the imported smoked meats (I paid for that the next day, my body is not use to fatty meats). Then there was the pasta course (I did not even take a plate for that course) but those mini raviolis looked so good I had to taste one. Then the main course! It is kind of funny when you are not busy stuffing your face and you get to observe how other people eat on holidays and what actually goes on the table. There were five yes five different potato dishes on the table. Two different mashed, candy yams, sweet potato pies, and yes a baked sweet potato, (for me). There were two different kinds of stuffing’s, turkey, roast pork and green veggies some creamed and buttered and some steamed and plain for me.
I strayed a bit and I went off my plan and it made me feel a little guilty but it should not have.
Let me share the great things about that day,
1. I was alive
2. I was a participant
3. I was with my wife and loved ones
4. I didn’t have to prepare the food
5. I did not have to deal with leftovers
6. Most of all there was a family medical emergency (we had to call 911) that could have ended up in a disaster but turned out to be okay
We had a lot to be thankful for that day, I am thankful for that day and every other day … so Sainthood is not in my future (I really never expected it to be) but I do thank the Lord that I have today to keep trying and that we all have today as a gift. We need to make the best of this gift.
Have A Great Day …. “All things are possible…”
With Love and Respect,
Mike
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
To Eat or Not to Eat ...That is the Question..
Or is it the question? The holidays are right around the corner and for the past 55 years, that has meant an orgy of eating. Usually, it begins a couple of days before Thanksgiving (preparing the meals) and ending the second week in January with the last of the leftovers. I use to laugh when I would hear the report how the “average” person would gain 6 to 9 pounds over the holiday season, Ha! Once again, I did not fall into the averages. My weight gain over this seven-week season would be more like 50 pounds, yes fifty pounds. Then the depression and anger with myself would give me the excuse to beat myself up and say “what the heck” and the 50 would turn into 100 pounds. They are just numbers, for me it is 50 and 100 for you it can be 25 and 40 or 15 to 30, the numbers are not the issue, it is the behavior and attitude!
I cannot afford a backslide. I cannot let my guard down. My gift to myself this holiday season is to stay healthy. I must stay focused on the great feeling of being able to move better and participate in life better than I have in the past. It cannot be all about food. Yes, reality is that there are favorite seasonal, traditional dishes that are made during the season. Well I do not have to eat all of them and I do not have to eat it all. A taste if anything will have to be enough! I am a realist and in the past (1989-90) I starved myself for the holidays like some kind of hero. Whom did I fool? What was I proving?
I am a human being and I will want to have a taste of something, right now to be honest I do not. There is nothing I want to have and part of my disease is to have this great control and have nothing during the holidays, but why? When the time comes, I will do my best to plan, choose, and eat sensible.
I want this to be a joyous holiday for me. I have so much to be thankful for and so many things to look forward to. Life is so great, the world is a beautiful place, and I want to be a player. It is much more fun playing than just sitting on the sidelines and being a spectator. Relaxing, making the right choices and loving myself will allow me to continue to be a player and play even better next year!
Have a great day and remember "you are worth it"!
with Love
Mike
I cannot afford a backslide. I cannot let my guard down. My gift to myself this holiday season is to stay healthy. I must stay focused on the great feeling of being able to move better and participate in life better than I have in the past. It cannot be all about food. Yes, reality is that there are favorite seasonal, traditional dishes that are made during the season. Well I do not have to eat all of them and I do not have to eat it all. A taste if anything will have to be enough! I am a realist and in the past (1989-90) I starved myself for the holidays like some kind of hero. Whom did I fool? What was I proving?
I am a human being and I will want to have a taste of something, right now to be honest I do not. There is nothing I want to have and part of my disease is to have this great control and have nothing during the holidays, but why? When the time comes, I will do my best to plan, choose, and eat sensible.
I want this to be a joyous holiday for me. I have so much to be thankful for and so many things to look forward to. Life is so great, the world is a beautiful place, and I want to be a player. It is much more fun playing than just sitting on the sidelines and being a spectator. Relaxing, making the right choices and loving myself will allow me to continue to be a player and play even better next year!
Have a great day and remember "you are worth it"!
with Love
Mike
Sunday, October 14, 2007
I Can Be My Worse Enemy...
Oh my mind, what a mind! I really like myself and I would not trade myself with no one else. I like the way I reason things out, I love the way I love. I think I have a fairly, good outlook on life and I know I could hang out with a person like me. Yet sometimes when I allow my negative thoughts to get the best of me, it can be damaging. Let me share something with all of you.
I came home from Brookhaven (Rehab) the end of June and when I left, I weighed myself as we did each week. Two weeks later, I paid a visit back to Brookhaven and of course, I weighed myself and had lost a couple of pounds. That was good. Unfortunately, I have not been able to return to “My Brookhaven Family” since then. I have had all kinds of reasons and stupid little problems but one of them is I think in the back of my head I thought I might be gaining weight. Why? No logical reason for this thought pattern. No reason, except for my sick mind. You see when you are in Brookhaven (or at least when I am in Brookhaven) you eat three meals a day. Three meals that are planned for you, prepared for you and then served to you. If I ate between meals, it would be a piece of fruit or a cereal (portion-controlled cereal) that I would bum from someone and that would be it. Since I have been home, I have not binged. I have not eaten bread, or pastas, or pizza or a lot of meat. Rarely do I eat a slice of beef or pork, I have had no cold cuts or cheese. I eat many veggies and fruits, salads, some chicken and tuna fish packed in water. Yet I find myself picking sometimes on an extra cracker or pretzel or a 90-calorie, Quacker snack bar. My mind right away says that is cheating, you are doing the wrong thing, “bad Michael”! In the past, I would then turn around and punish myself by turning that snack into a 50-pound weight gain. I do not do that any more, at least not for now!
I fight my mind making me wrong and looking for the opportunity to turn a snack into a reason to binge. My mind wins sometimes, and how it did this time is by telling me I am gaining weight. Even though my clothes say I am not, my family says I am not. I am getting around more, and I dance with my grandson a little. We play hide and seek, of course, he hides in the same places all the time and I pretend not to see him, then he jumps out and scares me. Why do I still after all these years allow myself to listen sometimes to that voice that says to me “you are getting heavier, you are not doing well”!
Well let me share with you and the world that voice is a liar!!! I had to go to my Doctor’s office this past week and I with fear in my heart I knew I had to face the demons and get on that scale. Well I have lost 27 pounds since I have been home! Twenty-seven pounds, I am so pleased. It is not any world record and that is fine I have “been there, done that” before! It is coming off slowly but it is coming off! All I know is that with God’s help I will soon be out of the 400’s. The thought of me in the 300’s a number I have not seen for over 15 years.
We cannot let our negative thoughts rule us. We must push on, past those thoughts and reinforce the positive things we do for ourselves. We cannot let fear rule us. I knew I had to get on that scale and whatever the results would be I had to go on and fight. “Every day in every way, I am getting better and better” and this is what I have to live by! My program, my life is too important to be ruled by what the scale says. We know in our hearts what we are doing, I have to allow my heart help me more and for my mind to but out sometimes.
Good luck my friends and never give up!
With love and respect
Mike
I came home from Brookhaven (Rehab) the end of June and when I left, I weighed myself as we did each week. Two weeks later, I paid a visit back to Brookhaven and of course, I weighed myself and had lost a couple of pounds. That was good. Unfortunately, I have not been able to return to “My Brookhaven Family” since then. I have had all kinds of reasons and stupid little problems but one of them is I think in the back of my head I thought I might be gaining weight. Why? No logical reason for this thought pattern. No reason, except for my sick mind. You see when you are in Brookhaven (or at least when I am in Brookhaven) you eat three meals a day. Three meals that are planned for you, prepared for you and then served to you. If I ate between meals, it would be a piece of fruit or a cereal (portion-controlled cereal) that I would bum from someone and that would be it. Since I have been home, I have not binged. I have not eaten bread, or pastas, or pizza or a lot of meat. Rarely do I eat a slice of beef or pork, I have had no cold cuts or cheese. I eat many veggies and fruits, salads, some chicken and tuna fish packed in water. Yet I find myself picking sometimes on an extra cracker or pretzel or a 90-calorie, Quacker snack bar. My mind right away says that is cheating, you are doing the wrong thing, “bad Michael”! In the past, I would then turn around and punish myself by turning that snack into a 50-pound weight gain. I do not do that any more, at least not for now!
I fight my mind making me wrong and looking for the opportunity to turn a snack into a reason to binge. My mind wins sometimes, and how it did this time is by telling me I am gaining weight. Even though my clothes say I am not, my family says I am not. I am getting around more, and I dance with my grandson a little. We play hide and seek, of course, he hides in the same places all the time and I pretend not to see him, then he jumps out and scares me. Why do I still after all these years allow myself to listen sometimes to that voice that says to me “you are getting heavier, you are not doing well”!
Well let me share with you and the world that voice is a liar!!! I had to go to my Doctor’s office this past week and I with fear in my heart I knew I had to face the demons and get on that scale. Well I have lost 27 pounds since I have been home! Twenty-seven pounds, I am so pleased. It is not any world record and that is fine I have “been there, done that” before! It is coming off slowly but it is coming off! All I know is that with God’s help I will soon be out of the 400’s. The thought of me in the 300’s a number I have not seen for over 15 years.
We cannot let our negative thoughts rule us. We must push on, past those thoughts and reinforce the positive things we do for ourselves. We cannot let fear rule us. I knew I had to get on that scale and whatever the results would be I had to go on and fight. “Every day in every way, I am getting better and better” and this is what I have to live by! My program, my life is too important to be ruled by what the scale says. We know in our hearts what we are doing, I have to allow my heart help me more and for my mind to but out sometimes.
Good luck my friends and never give up!
With love and respect
Mike
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