Saturday, April 26, 2008

FEELINGS ….”To Err is Human to Forgive is Divine”

Forgive or forgiveness, emm, I am not sure that forgiveness is a feeling or not but I think it is important to talk about at this time.

Forgiveness is a big word and (pardon the pun) a “heavy’ concept. Let me start with this analogy. A day is a day, and each day is a beautiful thing and we are blessed to experience any day. Yet lets be honest with ourselves, some days are a little nicer than others. I am not talking about anything that may be going on in your personal lives but just the day in itself.

Take a day when the sun is shinning, there is a nice warm breeze (not to hot), the air smells clean, you can hear the birds in the trees and mother nature is at her best. Tell me, that is not nicer than a day where there is overcast? A day when you know the sun is out but where it is out, who knows. The temperature is chilly; there is not a bird insight (except maybe a gull if you live by water). It is dreary, damp, and you just push yourself to do anything. Think about it for a second …… okay time is up!

When you are angry, bitter, or full of hate it is like those damp dreary days. Your life is like there is a cloud overhead. You don not want (consciously or subconsciously) to function, at your fullest. There is always this something there. Yet if you can forgive, truly forgive, then the “sun shines”!

Your life is now free, clean, fresh, bright, and yes chippy!

Easier said than done! Yes, of course it is. Does it take work? Definitely! Is it worth it? Well you tell me, would someone want a life clouded and gloomy (holding on to bad feelings of anger, hate, despair) or would someone want a life open, fresh, clean, bright, filled with hope and joy? A life that is more suitable to taking care of things, especially ones on person!

Believe me I know that some people (and situations) are easier to forgive than others are. Sometimes the hurts are tiny, not meaningful, without too much damage. Then other times they scream out with all reasons not to forgive. Yet we need to forgive, so we can go on!

Forgiving is a process and one that takes practice sometimes. I have learned to try to put things into perspective. Often I find forgiving easy. The little things are easier to forgive, especially if it is our loved ones, we are forgiving, (although they can often hurt the most).

Then there are the deep rooted, angers and hurts. Sometimes from as long ago as our childhood, where there might have been physical, sexually, mentally, and/or emotional abuse. Often the problems may be relationships gone badly, where there where all kinds of hurts and horrible things done to you. People often hurt people, and forgiving these people, is not easy to do and often not the thing you sometimes want to do.

Yet keep in mind that forgiving, sometimes can be sort of a selfish act. In, the fact, that it is for your own benefit, that you do forgive. This way, you can go on with your life. That your life can be free of this so call, “cloud” this “darkness”.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting or necessarily even renewing that particular relationship. If the person who hurt you is still around and you never speak to them again, so be it (if that is what you want and works for you). Just do not let hatred, anger, and the bad times of the past, rob you now of the present and of the future.

You need to feel the best you can, if you want to do the best you can.

Therefore work on the forgiveness thing (you may even need the help of a friend, professional, and/or religious advisor), just do whatever it takes to help you get past it and past it in a healthy way.

Get rid of the dirty laundry, and you will feel the freshness of springtime, within yourself.

Forgiveness gives me power. A power I love to feel and experience. I like to be able to forgive and I hope that I too can be forgiven when the time (s) come.

Have a great smiling and inner healthy day



Friday, April 18, 2008

FEELINGS … "Give Me Anger or Give Me Death" …

Is that not what Patrick Henry said? I do not think he quite said that, but “Anger” is the second installment of the “feelings” writings that I would like to address with this blog.
“Anger” can be very destructive both internally and externally.

Externally, as we look around the world, we can see what “anger” actually can do. It literally kills and mangles millions and billions of people, around the world. How dose this sound for an idealistic viewpoint, “a world without anger”? What a thought, what a world it would be.

Before we even attempt to make such an accomplishment and take on such a task, we first need to look at “anger” within ourselves. I put this to all of you who are reading this blog…
“How does anger affect your life”?

Do not get me wrong, I know anger is natural. It is natural to get angry … sometimes. Yet how we deal with the anger, how long we hang on to this anger, this becomes the “million dollar” question. Let us face it the longer anger “runs” us the more destructive it can become.

Often if we do not handle anger properly and efficiently, then for many of us it will manifest into more reasons for us to become self-destructive. Let us face it, we do not need more reasons for us to be self-destructive (overeat). Therefore, it is to our advantage to get over the anger as soon as possible. If I may say in the healthiest way possible.

How do we get over anger? I for one do not hold onto anger, not for long at least. I just do not like the way it makes me feel. Sometimes if I am angry with someone, I will let him or her know and then often I do not. I find it just sometimes dose not pay. It dose not change anything, and is often a waste of my valuable time and just causes more aggravation. I will just process the anger with rationalization and accepting the fact where it is coming from.

The anger that I personally find sometimes the hardest to deal with is self-anger. The anger I find I often have for myself. I get angry for the times that I have allowed myself to lose such valuable life experiences. This is the most difficult for me and this to me is a more important anger to deal with than any external anger that I might experience. This internal anger lingers in so many of us and needs to be dealt with on so many levels.

I find one healthy way to deal with this anger is with a lot of forgiveness. Self-forgiveness and self-love. Patience, a little understanding and I have to remember that “we” have been through a lot together (the “we” being, me and myself) and I have to give me a break.

If I am angry with myself, then I am not interested in caring for myself, and again that dose not work anymore for me in my life.

Okay everyone let us not be angry anymore! Let us not be angry with our parents, or our spouses (present or exes) our uncles and aunts, or even our abusers. Enough, with being angry at the politicians, and most of all with ourselves.

I know that it is not easy not to be angry, especially with people who have hurt you. I am not telling you to forget, I am just saying let go of the anger and do whatever you need to do to let go of it in a healthy way. It is for your own sake, your overall well-being. Your future success depends on it!

Hey, you are a good person, as a matter of fact, you are a great person and you deserve all the best that life can offer you. You do not have to live with anger any longer than you should have to.

Get rid of these negative feelings. Feelings that knock you down and keep you down!

Replace them with good feelings.

The good feelings of love, and a lot of self-love. Replace anger with caring for yourself, building on successes, feeling a little better about who you are and the good things you can do and the things that you really do for yourself. Void out anger and take in life, your life and start smiling, and smiling a lot.

These are good things!

Have an angry free day!

Love ya


Friday, April 11, 2008

FEELINGS …Loneliness

Feelings, nothing more than feelings, trying to forget those feelings of …..! I love that song and I am one of those frustrated singers. Actually, I am a 55-year-old, American Idol reject. If I were on American Idol Randy would say, “You really have it man, but you are just off pitch. Then Paula would be next and say “Michael you’re beautiful man and you love to entertain but I have to agree (as always) with Randy, your pitch is off. Then Simon, he would sit back with his arm on the back of Paula’s chair and his words of wisdom would spurt out “YOU STINK”! That would be the end of my singing career. Yet it would not stop me from singing, as people who are close to me know I do. In spite of some opinions, I sing anyway.

Singing is not what I really want to deal with in this positing. Actually, for the next couple of postings I want to talk about feelings. Feelings are the key to our whole life. Our “ups and downs” our successes and the things that sometimes hold us back. All of it has to do with our feelings, and how we deal with them. Our feelings and how we deal with these feelings means the difference between night and day.

The feeling I want to talk about today is, one that almost embarrasses me. I will tell you why. I consider myself a very lucky man and for several reasons. One reason is that I have been blessed with a “soul mate” my wife, my son and now his wife and my beautifully handsome grandson. I also have some great family members who I love and who I know love me back. I have wonderful friends and we care for each other. “I have people”, through most of my life I have had people. I have this theory, you give, you get! I give of myself and I get so much more in return. Therefore, what am I embarrassed to talk about …..”Loneliness”.

Loneliness is the hardest feeling I believe I have to deal with. There are times that loneliness consumes me. It takes comes over me like a “black cloud” a dark blanket. It could happen when I am all alone or when I am in a room full of people. When it hits, it hits hard! It drains me, leaves me empty. I am not scared to be alone, at least not in the respect where I am afraid of something may happen. If anything “scares” me when this loneliness comes over, is myself.

I can be and in the past have been dangerous to myself. Sometimes this loneliness last for seconds and sometimes for months. All I know is when this emptiness, abandonees, “black hole”, comes over me there is not enough food in New York City to fill the void. I have done some terrible damage to myself in the past. Learning how to deal with it in other ways can be and is cathartic.

This feeling of loneliness is a rough one for me to handle. The other feelings I do a lot better with, I really do not “hate” anyone or anything. I dislike sometimes for a little while but not hate. I am not a negative person. I do not have anger in me (although my therapist thing I should have some anger).

One of the new ways of dealing with this loneliness feeling is trying to understand what it is about and where does it come from. Trying not to fill my face with food allows me to experience the feeling for what it is. I have to share with you, it can and does hurt! Dealing with this feeling of loneliness involves asking yourself, real hard true questions. Some of which you may not be ready for the answers. Often it involves “crying”, sometimes a lot of it, and why not if that is what comes up for someone then let it happen. The history of my loneliness is interesting and I guess it has to do with the old “childhood” thing. Everything is blamed on the “childhood”. I was an only child (as was millions of other people), and I spent a lot of time alone. The “Teddy Bears” and me. There were three of them and myself. The four of us played monopoly together (I never did, the Panda always did. He was a hard negotiator), and many other things, they were my best friends who I played with and shared my fears with (of which I had many as a little kid).

I had people around then but I was lonely I guess and much of that time was filled with food and snacks. Early bad habits that filled and emptiness and made me feel good for the moment. We know this does not work for us now. Still knowing and doing is the struggle of a lifetime, a “struggle for life”.

I cannot stop feeling lonely in my life at times. Even now at a time in my life when I am at the height of the “love” that flows through my daily life. I cannot stop feelings from coming up. None of us can stop feelings from happening. It is how we deal with the feelings that can change our lives. I for one am trying, trying very hard to do things differently.

I wish I would not feel so lonely, especially when I have so much in my life. I do not feel this way all the time but sometimes. The way I look at it, it could be worse. As long as I have breathe, as long as I can write about it, talk about it, as long as I try then I know I will not fail.

Right now I am not lonely, because I have you …… thanks

Good luck to you …

Feel… go with it, do not bury the feelings it with food!


Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Did You Hear the News?

It’s happened! The little “Red Pill” has been invented. You know what red pill I am talking about, The one where we need no more surgeries, no more exercise, no more dieting, no more trying, no more set backs! The “Red Pill” where we take it at 9pm, go to bed and the next morning we all look like Brad Pitt or Angelina.

April fools!! Sorry, believe me am I sorry. I think in the back of my mind I have waited for that pill for the past 42 years. The truth is it is not happening … at least not now! Who knows what the future holds but the fact is, we live in the present. It is “the Now” that we need to deal with. We need to live life to our fullest ….. Now, today!

When I began this blog message, I thought for a minute, “should I fool around with such a sensitive subject. Let us face it obesity is a serious problem. People dying from it each day and others are sacrificing their own quality of life. So what is so funny I thought? Then I said to myself, “self, lighten up”! Sometimes we need to use our sense of humor … it helps. A little laughter is not a sin. It is okay to laugh. I have met people in my life, who think if they laugh, then others will not know how miserable their lives are!

Do not worry; we will know how miserable your life is ….. just laugh a little. It is okay and it may feel good actually.

I love humor. I try to find humor in life as much as possible. My wife (best friend) and I have laughed so much (often through some of our hardest times). You would be surprised how a little humor; a little laughter can make things go a little better.

As a dear friend of mine, taught me a long time ago … your sense humor can often heal loneliness, boredom, anger and many other negative feelings.

So look around today, find a something to smile about (or laugh about). Call someone who makes you laugh, tell someone a joke, get tickled (emmmm).

The thing is, feel good about life in general, feel could about yourself; feel great that you are a player. Why shouldn’t you? You are, and I am great people and we deserve happiness.

Have a smiling day



This new nun joins a convent and she takes the vow of silence. She is only allowed to say “two words” each year. Therefore, a year goes by and the Mother Superior says to her “okay sister a year has gone by you can now say two words. What would you like to say”? The sister looks at the Mother Superior and says “Food Stinks”!

The Mother Superior thought to herself, “wow, she could only say two words and food stinks is what she says”. The “Mother Superior” changes the cook and brings in better quality food.

Another year goes by, the sister comes in front of the “Mother Superior”, and Mother says to her, “Sister another year has gone by what two words would you like to say this year”?

The Sister looks at Mother Superior and says “Bed hard”! The Mother Superior thought to herself, “My Lord, I better change the furniture. It must be terrible, if this is the two words she chooses to say and it is about the furniture”. She changes all the furniture in the Convent.

The third year pasts and the Sister comes before the Mother Superior and Mother says, “What words do you choose to say this year”? The nun says “I Quit”!

The Mother Superior says, “Oh, thank God, you have done nothing but complain since you got hear”!!!!