Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Loss … or Farewell to the “BIG LUG”

Enough is enough! Since January, it seems like it has been one personal loss after another. They say you hear of “deaths” in three, well for me these past three months, it has been more like three times three. Just in the past three weeks alone, I have lost very close dear friends. Last week it was a friend of mine, who has been in my life for over thirty years. Then just yesterday, I and some of my dear friends, have lost a loved one. Someone affectionately know to us as the “Big Lug”. The world will be a much emptier place without our friend Al.

Loss is not easy for any of us to handle. I know speaking for myself, as an addict, I feel that the emptiness I feel, the great hole that is left deep down inside of me, the pain that my heart is screaming out with, knows only one temporary “pain reliever”. You know exactly what I am talking about! We try stopping the pains, these wounds with a “band-aide”. A band-aide called food! I ask you, does this simply gratification solve anything? Does it take away the pain, does it ease the loss, does it fill the emptiness, and does it bring back our “dead” loved ones?

No, it does not! I know that, and you know it and the world knows it. We need to be rational when it comes to times like this. We have to be rational! If we turn to food now, if I turn to food now, it solves nothing and creates an infinite number of other problems.

What else do we do? I do not have all the answers. What I do have is many experiences. I know what does not work. I know bingeing do not work.

Often talking with someone, sharing how you are feeling in the moment, might help. Writing a note to someone, maybe to yourself or even your friend or loved one that you have lost, can help. Blogging might be an outlet, and yes, even praying can be a blessing.

Sometimes I take a walk, (it may be a short one, but it is a walk). I might make a phone call to someone. Often that person I am talking to, may not know what I am even going through at that moment.

One thing I know for sure, is that the people I have lost recently in my life, very much supported my recovery. The last thing they would want for me, is to be part of my potential “backslide”.

My pain exists, my friends are gone, and the loved ones they leave behind hurt.

The earth is less full, their lack of presence will be realized, Al (“Big Lug”), Linda, David, Bill, Robert all gone too early in life, (some due to our “disease”).
Your physical beings will sure be missed but your memory and spirit will live forever in many of our hearts.

To my sweet friend Ro, who physically you are still with us (thank God) but you have seemed to leave us in memory (hopefully temporarily). I miss you dearly Ro and I am praying for your prompt return.
Painful? You bet! Since January, it has been one loss after another and many major battles have been fought within.
Life is often about battles and these are the days that our training and experience really have to kick in.

Easy? No. Impossible? No. Necessary? Absolutely!

We must stay focused, we must Keep It Simple Today, and we must “never give up” and always remember all things are possible … as long as we believe!

God bless my friends and loved ones here and there


Saturday, March 1, 2008

Comes In Like A Lion …

They say March either, comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb or visa-versa. Personally I like roller coasters but in theme parks and not in my life. Of course, in a perfect world, every day being mellow and predictable, would be easy for someone to follow a health food program but “man would that be a bore”! Therefore, we have months like March in our lives, unpredictable. Think about it, how many times are our days like March,... "unpredictable"? We start out with one plan and "boom" something happens that changes our direction. Often we start out in one kind of “head” (mood) and someone or something comes along and bingo! We all of a sudden have a new attitude, one of which is often not a good one.
Life has its difficulties and at times our plans do not work out.

This is life and thank God for it! Think of how boring life would be if nothing changed and everything worked as planned. Oh, I am not crazy about the rough times. I am human.
Health crisis, money problems, relationship conflicts, they all trouble me and often really can cloud my outlook. What I try to do is catch it when I can. I try to, as soon as possible, realize that I am allowing that situation to take control of my life rather than “me, myself” being in the drivers seat! If I let, the “problems” run the situation then I am just a passenger, in my own life and I have to go where I am taken. WELL NO MORE! I cannot allow myself to be a just passenger in my own life! I have to be the pilot! I have to be behind the wheel and I have to direct the path my life takes. Other wise I take the role of the victim and that does not work for me. I cannot let a bad situation run me (control me) longer than the moment I realize that it is happening.

I know if my life is to work, I have to work it and this is what seems to be working for me now!
Believe me I am not without problems, boy do I have my share of situations but they are in a pile and I try to handle them one at a time. Some I work out pretty well and some are in the pile a little longer. I know if I let them take over my life, if I constantly worry about money or health, if I try to be always right in an argument or try to figure out someone else’s ways, it could and will “drive me to eat”!
I do not need reasons to self-destruct and eat myself to oblivion.

I love life too much; I enjoy the little things that I am able to do again. It sounds corny but you do not realize what you have until you do not have it any more. I was homebound, bed bound, institutionalized for nearly 15 years. That is a long time. Prior to that my disease caused me to cut myself out of many things in my life and the lives of my loved ones.

Now that I am in my “twilight” years, I want to maximize every possible opportunity. I do what I need to do to get through each situation .... some times it is even writing on my blog!

Therefore my friends, do not let the garbage smell up your life. Throw it aside, throw it out and take the time to "smell the flowers". Get in the drivers seat and sore!
Have a great day …. You deserve it!