Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Loss … or Farewell to the “BIG LUG”

Enough is enough! Since January, it seems like it has been one personal loss after another. They say you hear of “deaths” in three, well for me these past three months, it has been more like three times three. Just in the past three weeks alone, I have lost very close dear friends. Last week it was a friend of mine, who has been in my life for over thirty years. Then just yesterday, I and some of my dear friends, have lost a loved one. Someone affectionately know to us as the “Big Lug”. The world will be a much emptier place without our friend Al.

Loss is not easy for any of us to handle. I know speaking for myself, as an addict, I feel that the emptiness I feel, the great hole that is left deep down inside of me, the pain that my heart is screaming out with, knows only one temporary “pain reliever”. You know exactly what I am talking about! We try stopping the pains, these wounds with a “band-aide”. A band-aide called food! I ask you, does this simply gratification solve anything? Does it take away the pain, does it ease the loss, does it fill the emptiness, and does it bring back our “dead” loved ones?

No, it does not! I know that, and you know it and the world knows it. We need to be rational when it comes to times like this. We have to be rational! If we turn to food now, if I turn to food now, it solves nothing and creates an infinite number of other problems.

What else do we do? I do not have all the answers. What I do have is many experiences. I know what does not work. I know bingeing do not work.

Often talking with someone, sharing how you are feeling in the moment, might help. Writing a note to someone, maybe to yourself or even your friend or loved one that you have lost, can help. Blogging might be an outlet, and yes, even praying can be a blessing.

Sometimes I take a walk, (it may be a short one, but it is a walk). I might make a phone call to someone. Often that person I am talking to, may not know what I am even going through at that moment.

One thing I know for sure, is that the people I have lost recently in my life, very much supported my recovery. The last thing they would want for me, is to be part of my potential “backslide”.

My pain exists, my friends are gone, and the loved ones they leave behind hurt.

The earth is less full, their lack of presence will be realized, Al (“Big Lug”), Linda, David, Bill, Robert all gone too early in life, (some due to our “disease”).
Your physical beings will sure be missed but your memory and spirit will live forever in many of our hearts.

To my sweet friend Ro, who physically you are still with us (thank God) but you have seemed to leave us in memory (hopefully temporarily). I miss you dearly Ro and I am praying for your prompt return.
Painful? You bet! Since January, it has been one loss after another and many major battles have been fought within.
Life is often about battles and these are the days that our training and experience really have to kick in.

Easy? No. Impossible? No. Necessary? Absolutely!

We must stay focused, we must Keep It Simple Today, and we must “never give up” and always remember all things are possible … as long as we believe!

God bless my friends and loved ones here and there



Anonymous said...

Hi Mike
Just read your message and you sound like you are in pain. I am prayying for you. I have to tell you even in your pain your words are moving and I learn from you. I enjoy reading your blog I only wish you would blog more often but I nderstand.
Thank you for your time

Anonymous said...

Hi Boot

Remember live life the way most of our friends do by living it to the fullest as we face new challenges we must rise to the tuffest sistuations and sometimes it is easy to fall back into some of our bad habits that seem to comfort us in our time of need. The biggest comfort for us should be the value of our lives being happy and healthy. Also, to share our feelings with our loved ones and friends. We hold each other hands as we walk through the hard times if our life. Always remember you are not alone and just think of footprints.

Love me

Anonymous said...

I can not deal with loss. The pain is too much and you are so right, I go right to the fridge!
Thank you for sharing your pain and your words of wisdom.
I look forward to this blog page keep it going.
Deepest prayers and love

Anonymous said...

your poll questions are interesting but at the same time get me thinking. The last one about myself I keep thinking and asking myself daily. This new one about eating healthy at first I lied and said yes but then I thought about it and realized that no one knew it was me. Besides who am I lying too!
I look forward to the new questions
I hope you and all are eating healthy

Karon said...


I'm sorry for all the loss you've had recently. It is never easy. You are doing the right thing in reaching out to others. Even when we don't know what someone is going through it's important to be a friend and just listen. Thanks for the reminder!

Mike Hebranko said...

Hi Rosie
Thank you for your time and sweet words. I want to tell you I am going to try to blog more often. I am currently working on a book and I love spending time with my grandson. I have to say I love my son so much and have so for over 30 years now and now his baby, oh man I adore this little boy. He is so cute and so smart and more important he has a great personality. He gets a lot of love from everyone and a lot of time from my special daughter in law.
Let me stop from rambling (spelling??), I bet I sound like every grandparent.
Anyway I will try to blog more but thanks for asking.

Mike Hebranko said...

Thanks for your hand it has always been there for me as has mine for you. I think that is one of the many things that makes our relationship special. Another thing is our means of communication. Especially since you are sitting right next to me and borrowed my laptop to write this blog response. You are too cute, you were 40 years ago and you get even more cute with each day.
Deep Love

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear Kathy
We and I mean all of us have to fight from going to the "fridge". Now I am not one of those 95 pound experts (and I respect them for their knowledge) preaching what we (the food additcs) need to do. I am talking from experience (many years, many pains) the answer is not in that "Ice Box"! Matter of fact we should think of the solution from the "Ice Box" as if it were a peice of "ice". Cold, and very temporary!
Take care of yourself Kathy and hang in there. You and all of us can make it!

Mike Hebranko said...

First I want to thank you for taking the time and responding to the "Poll Questions" I appreciate your time as I do everyone who takes the time. I am gathering this information for parts of my book and as you know I do not know who votes or how they vote.
Next I appreciate your honesty in your comment on the blog page. You mention about lying to yourself but the truth is how often do we find ourselves lying to ourselves. It might be about what we ate earlier (or didn't eat) or that we are going to exercise tomorrow, or the best one ... "I don't know how I gained weight"? Honesty is so important in our recovery and it begins with ourself. So Tanya you did good (in my opinion) by your honest response to the poll question. Now keep that honesty going to yourself, in your life and I will keep new poll questions coming.
Take care Tanya, be well and take care of number one ...YOU!
with love and respect

Mike Hebranko said...

Hi Karon
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Your words are wise. Friends are so important and listening sometimes is a talent. I have been told in the past that I have been a good listener but sharing also is a talent and important in getting well and staying well. Karon I hope to hear from you often and I want to share just a personal note I just became an uncle (really a third cousin but in our family out of respect our kids call each other aunt and uncle) anyway I have a beautiful little niece named Chloe.
I thought you might appreciate that.
Be well and Bless You
With repsect Love

Anonymous said...

My friend and I were recently discussing about the ubiquitousness of technology in our daily lives. Reading this post makes me think back to that debate we had, and just how inseparable from electronics we have all become.

I don't mean this in a bad way, of course! Ethical concerns aside... I just hope that as the price of memory decreases, the possibility of uploading our brains onto a digital medium becomes a true reality. It's a fantasy that I daydream about almost every day.

(Posted by NDSBro for R4i Nintendo DS.)