Mike Hebranko

The Stork Arrives

2009-10-20T12:10:00.000-07:00

It is 11:03AM on Thursday, October 20th 1977 and the doctor (actually, it was a nurse) tells me that I have a son!! A little boy weighing it at 11 pounds 4 ounces a bouncing baby boy, a healthy little “Butterball”. Imagine I was a father and now the task of becoming a “Daddy” began.

Oh, it is not easy for any parent. Raising a child, being responsible for their safety, well-being, happiness, future, their every need is not an easy thing. Some people unfortunately think “flim-flam-bam and thank you mam they are parents and the rest is easy….it is not!

I only realized the struggle, worry and concern my parents went through, only when I became a father myself.

I always say, just because you are a parent that does not make you perfect! That when you become a parent, there are no, instructions that come along with that tiny little miracle of life, that is now yours.

It is like being thrown into the 100 foot water (never knowing if you can swim or not) and being told, “Swim”!

Yet I for one thing I am the luckiest man in the world! Seriously! Many of these blogs have been about my struggles or those of others but let us face it life has its REWARDS!

In addition, to being a father and I believe I also can call myself a “Daddy” for Thirty-Two years there are many “REWARD”!

I have been blessed with a child (and now a Man) who has been respectful to his family, loved his family, never ever embarrassed himself or his family. He works hard for his wife and children, he is true to them (and better be) and loves them and adores them very much.

Is he perfect? In my eyes as a dad, ….Yes! Could he do or have done some things differently? Ha! Who could not do some things differently in thirty-two years if given the chance? It is certainly easy for me or anyone from the cheap seats to sit and be a judge….but I will not!

I too could have done things differently and so could have you, I am sure!

The thing is I have gotten to see him grow up! With all that comes from that.

All the cheers, jeers, and tears! The awards (and there were many), the parties, graduations (I might not have attended them all but I have been around for them all), and “the first”! First tooth, then the first tooth to fall out, first job, first girlfriend, first (and only) wife, first child, (now second child) many first.

Yes, life has its REWARDS and one of mine (a biggy) was certainly the day the Stork arrived in our family.

I feel good today! I feel great today! I am proud to be a father and more proud to be the Dad of Michael Hebranko III born 1977.

I am a lucky person to be here to see all this and to be able to share it with my loved ones and my friends.

I share this part of my life with you and I ask you to take a moment to reflect on even just one “REWARD” life has had for you……..We all have them……….

In this world today of havoc, finances a mock, news is crazy, wars, innocent people dying, people doing crazy things just to be on TV ….sometimes it is important amidst all this havoc to search and reflect on the good things …..

On the REWARDS…it helps us to appreciate our lives ourselves..

It may bring a smile to us…

I know, to this very day not matter how I feel, no matter what kind of mood I am in, when I see my Son (even if it is for a second, until we argue about something) my heart brightens up, my blood flows better, my insides smile!

There are certain things that I am proudest of in my life one being my marriage and the love and relationship it has produced between myself and my bride and from that comes the other most proudest things in my life….my son...and now his family, his children, my grandchildren…

I have other things that I am proud of most… some are self accomplishment and survival and most are relationships with family and friends.

Life’s REWARDS they are there for the enjoyment, the reflection, the inner peace and comfort. Use them, allow yourself to appreciate them and acknowledge your part in your life’s REWARDS!

Enjoy today and all the days….

Love
Mike

Isolation

2009-09-29T11:45:00.000-07:00

Those of us who suffer from this “Disease”, “Addiction”, “Affliction”. Need to understand the things that truly feed or fuel this “mis-function” within us.

Throughout the years of my journey and as I walk the road towards recovery I have learned many things about myself and what works and even more so what does not work.

With me, myself and through observations of close friends and associates, I have seen one common behavior pattern with in many of us, that is “Isolation”.

Isolation, we tend to withdraw first in our heads then in our lives.

For example: In so many interviews that I have done, it will not take a minute for some one to ask my poor wife, “How can you watch him eat? On the other hand, “Why don’t you stop him”?

Well here is some news for the world…97% of all the wrong kind of eating, I have done, I have done alone, on the sneak, in private. I have never needed anyone to help me to get my “drug of choice” ---“FOOD”! I have put those pounds on in private…for the world to see in public!!

So hiding and sneak eating is one of our problems and one that needs to be addressed if we are going to make any improvements in our life!

Another major “Isolation” problem is that we will withdraw, internally. We will cut people out! Stop communicating! Stop talking to loved ones. Whether we live with them, or if we live alone, we will stop calling or avoid calling friends and family. Just so that we do have to face the reality of that dreaded question …“How are you doing?”

We hear that question and if we are not doing well with our food, we will hear… “How are you doing, now that you are not dieting and eating out of control and gaining all that weight and being a complete failure…etc”!

Even though that poor person never said anything like that but that is what we might hear because often those are the tapes we are playing in our own head! That is our we are beating ourselves up already!

Isolation feeds our ability to make our self wrong, to support our terrible feelings of failure! Isolation will do that.

Then the finally kind of “Isolation” is the physical kind.

That is where you will avoid going out, avoid going to family functions, meeting with friends, going shopping, or just going to a movie. You are ashamed, you are tired, you are heavier, etc. etc.!

IF YOU WANT TO WIN THIS BATTLE, IT IS MORE THAN JUST MAKING A SALAD!

If you want to win the battle it is more than just making a salad, you need to make changes! You need to acknowledge you want to withdraw from everything and say, “Okay, I feel this way but I am still going to be a player, even though I do not want to play”!

Isolation means just you and your disease and guess what????? That disease knows how to push your buttons and for the most part …will win over you.

Do not let it win over you any more!

Just recognize that you are trying to Isolate and that is part of your problem.

Yet still get up tomorrow and make that phone call, go out to visit your friend, go to the neighborhood café and socialize, go to the family function…no matter what your weight is today! That number can change either way tomorrow, depending on what you do right…Today!

You are a human being who deserves every break in life! You deserve the chance to enjoy life, to smile. You have paid your dues now you can enjoy a little.

Give yourself permission to smile, laugh, and have a good time. Okay life may be a little “Heavy”. You know what? It could be worse…you know that, just turn on the News.

So remember do not Isolate, it does not help…at all.

Open up those doors, open up your heart, and get out of your head.

Look for some one who loves you and share with them. Play with them. Laugh with them.

Laughter, good medicine…and it is free!

My dear friends, we are in a war to survive but one where there are many battles to be won.

We learn along the way, we learn from each other… I am sharing with you, my brothers and a sister in battle…that Isolation is “Not a good thing”!

Do not be alone! You do not have to be!

You have me, I have you, we have each other!

You have to make it work ……..Go fight for what you deserve!

Have a great day and Never Give UP!

Love

Mike

Cheating

2009-08-29T10:23:00.000-07:00

The dictionary defines cheating as follows: to defraud; swindle; to deceive; to elude; to violate rules or regulations; a person who acts dishonestly.

Wow, after all that we are then suppose to feel good about ourselves and get back on track and do the things that we need to do to live a healthier and fuller life.

Think about it? Here we are doing are best, trying are hardest, whether it is to eat right, stay sober, be positive or just live a healthier life style and then it happens! A bad moment, a bad choice, a bad day, whatever the reasons may be, you may be aware of the reason or you may not, it just happens!

You “Cheat”, then you come to your senses and cannot help but look at what has happened, what you have done and you think to yourself...”I cheated”!

Then the tapes begin to play in your head. Then by definition you are a fraud, swindler, you violate the rules, you are dishonest! You cannot help but hear these tapes in your head. You have been raised your whole life, to know that cheaters are low lives.

Now after that and a host of other guilty feelings, you are suppose to go forward, feel good about yourself, get back “on the wagon” and eat healthy and do healthy things for our self.

Can it be done? It can! Is it easy? No! Must it happen? You bet!

Who else but “you” is going to do it? If not now, when? Are you going to let another day go by? Do more damage to your body, your mind, your heart?

You cannot wait for someone else to make you feel good (it might happen, but there are no guarantees). There is an expression that goes “don’t wait for some one to tell you to wash your face…because then you just might look better than them.”

That is a harsh statement and does not play true in all cases but the point is we cannot wait for others to make us feel good about ourselves.

We have to dig deep inside and find the strength, realize the goodness, the worth inside of our self and begin once again.

It can be difficult, especially when you might have people around that knock you every chance they get, that may have lost faith in you, or are just fed up with you and all the years of you have struggled already.

These are the times when you need to try your hardest.

When that hill becomes a mountain, yet either way, it still needs to be climbed, one more time. You and you alone have to find the strength to take those first steps.

You have to tap into that inner worth, the inner need to succeed, the desire to survive, you have to know that you are worth it!
Life at times is not easy and often the bounce back from “nowhere” seems impossible, but who else but you deserves to be happy.

Do not act has if you might not deserve to be happy, you do!

You are a beautiful creation and deserve to live your life to its fullest.

Therefore, you, I and the rest of us have to fight!

Fight for our well-being, fight no matter what our demons are, no matter how dark they may be. We have to do what we need to do to make it!

If we need help and cannot find it here then we have to look for it there.

We need to do, what we need to do! As hard as it may seem, as alone as we may feel, we need to be able to look inside ourselves first!

We have power! We are strong! We made it this far and we can make it to the top of that mountain.

My friends who are in struggles of all kinds…I say this to you. Hang in there!

Be a little easy on yourself; give a little hug to yourself.

Never quit, never give up!

You are special….very special and you are worth it!

Love
Your Brother in Battle

Mike

Do you need help --To put yourself down?

2009-07-30T10:25:00.000-07:00

I have found through my journey that when I am having my worst times. Those days when I would be eating out of control. When I would be starting every day with the words, “Today is going to be the day I do good” and by sometime soon into that day I will be re-negotiated with myself and committing to, “tomorrow I will start over again”!

Each new day making another new deal and truly wanting to believe it will happen and why not? Do I really need to gain any more weight? Do I really want to jeopardize my health and independence? Do I want to die? No, No, No and definitely No! Yet my clothes get tighter, my pain gets deeper, my legs get weaker and my breath gets shorter. I know then that I am in trouble. I have known along the way that I was in trouble.

I am having enough of a hard time with the battle, just to put two healthy meals together, do I really need any ones help, making me feel worse than I already do, about myself? Do I need a family member, a boss, a colleague, a producer, doctor, stranger or friend coming up to me and asking me or “telling” me that I have gained weight? DUH! I know all about it and I thank you for making (helping) me to feel even better about myself, than I do already! DO WE REALLY NEED THAT KIND OF HELP??

You know I have this theory and I will try to explain it in a short version (because some day it might be in a book form, I hope). Her goes, our disease (our struggle, battle, fight, problem, habit, call it whatever makes you feel comfortable), our disease feeds off negative energy. Whether it may be caused from depression, pressure, nerves, loneliness, anxiety, the past, the present, or the fears of the future, any kind of negative energy, both conscience or unconscious, and we will eat over it.

Each time we eat out of control, it is like those “old locomotives”, we feed the engine with more negative logs (reasons) to keep the “engine” (our) mouth going. We eat, we react to eating and then we eat more.

Then all we need is some one to really mean well (and sometimes not mean well) and try to tell us we have gained weight and maybe they can help!

BOOM!

More logs for that engine and then “FULL SPEED AHEAD”, and eating FRENZY!

I know about intervention and I agree that in the right way and done at the right time with the right set of circumstances it can be helpful but it is a delicate problem and needs delicate handling. The biggest intervention has to come first from within.

We know the people in our lives who are out there who will help us! HOWEVER, we have to make those moves toward them; we have to want to make those moves.

In order to want to help ourselves, and to help ourselves we must be in a POSITIVE state of mind, a positive place!

I f you are angry with yourself, if you hate yourself, then how can you be positive about you???

How can you go through the struggle ahead of you that day, if you do not like the person you are fighting for?

You need to support a positive atmosphere around you, within your life as much as possible.

How? Well, one way is to think about this.

You can hate the act (of overeating) but do not hate the actor.

You can possibly not be thrilled with the physical package when you look in a mirror but love the ingredients.

Do that first my friends and then dealing with the others in your life who say hurtful things will be a little easier. If you think about this…

In the scheme of things, the people who are upsetting you do not really matter! They are not there when you have to make the right choices. They are not with your 24/7 when you have to face your inner most self. Who are these people you give so much power too?

They may people who threaten to fire you, or not be your friend, maybe divorce you or never speak with you again, if, you do not lose weight.

Yet do they have the power to extend your life? Can they give you five or ten more years of living? I doubt it but guess what? You have that power!

You are the one that has to like yourself, and like yourself enough to where no matter what hits you, that it will not matter.

You are going to do well with your next choice!

Therefore the original question was “Do you need help to put yourself down?”

What is the answer? You should know the answer.

The answer is, “No one puts you down! You give no one that power!”
Take the power away from those who hurt you and then …

You have won one more battle!

Each battle we win helps with our personal WAR!

Take back the POWER, take back the CONTROL

Good luck my so” worth while”, “Brother and Sister in Battle”

Good luck my friend

Never give up and so you will never fail!

Love

Mike

Depression

2009-07-15T17:29:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been in a room full of people and felt alone? Have you ever felt as if you wanted to, just scream but for no particular reason. Besides, why bother, who would care or even hear you anyway? Does what seems to be the silliest little reason put you into tears? Does your bed or your living room ever seem like it is the easiest or safest place to deal with “today”?

Sound familiar? You may be depressed! I looked up in the dictionary and among many definitions on “depression”; I would like to share these few:

A depressed or sunken place- sadness; gloom; dejection. A condition of general emotion dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason

Suffering from depression or being depressed… in the past has been an embarrassment and almost like having some terrible social disease.

Times have changed and the time is now and is time to “Get over that”!

Depression is not something to be ashamed of nor is it something to be ignored and “shoved under the carpet”, with hopes it will go away on its own Depression is something that needs to be fought, on every level with everything you got!

This is a time in history, when we as human beings acknowledge whatever is not working and then do what is needed to be done and make it all work for the better!

There is nothing wrong with depression or being depressed except “Staying Depressed”!

I have dealt with depression on many levels throughout my battle and during my re-discovery.

All I do know is, depression is not pretty. It could be very painful, draining and at times destructive. Destructive meaning: non-productive; harmful to relationships; hurtful to oneself; and on many different levels.

In my particular case, I would often find myself asking…

“Do I overeat because I am depressed or “Am I depressed because I overeat”?

This is the “million dollar” question but either way the results of the overeating in the past have not been good for me.

That is why I and I hope anyone who reads this must be willing to take the “Bull by the horns”.
Recognize the enemy! Notice the signs and if you are depressed, then do whatever it may take to get yourself back on track.

I am no professional nor do I pretend to be one but I am a person who knows about depression. I have seen it in its ugliest states.

Besides, I personally like millions of human beings fight to stay positive. Sometimes you may be feeling a little blue and just a new hair do may be the “Pick you up” that you might need. Maybe a phone call to an old friend and a few laughs is just “What the doctor has ordered”.

Sometimes it may take a little more than just that. It may take some professional help…and why not? Are you not worth it? I ask you, is not your life working well, worth anything and everything? If you had a bad cold that you could not “shake” with some over-the-counter medication, you would look to a professional.

So, I ask, why not in this case too?

I know I would do anything, rather than be confined to a bed again for three years or homebound for fifteen years. If it means me admitting, I might need a little extra help and that I am not the one who can fix everything in the world and in my life. That I might need some help. Than let it be!

Depression is an ugly thing! Yet with work, it can be made better. Maybe it will not be cured forever, but for now, you do what you have to. Later, then you do what needs to be done, then too!

As long as you remember at all times, your life is meant to be lived, to the fullest and at the highest quality possible. You must remember that you do whatever needs to be done to make you smile inside your heart. To have peace, within your being.

You must make the effort, to get up out of that bed, if you physically can (so many of our friends physically cannot), get up out of that chair; open up that door or window, take a deep breathe and smile. Smile, then make some good healthy choices today and always remember these four simple but very important words….say them to yourself daily and as often as necessary during the day. Repeat them now…with meaning

I AM WORTH IT! One more time I AM WORTH IT!

Have a great day and do whatever you need to do to make this day, your day!

Love
Mike

The Miracle of Life

2009-06-16T20:14:00.001-07:00

On June 9th, of this year I was honored, proud, and thrilled to be at the hospital, when my daughter-in-law and my son become new parents of a healthy baby boy. In the waiting room along with the mom’s family, was my wife, my 83-year-old mother-in-law and my three-year-old grandson. Four glorious generations, in a waiting room, just waiting for the surprise announcement of whether their was a new Hebranko boy or girl. Then my son came through the elevator doors and the wait was over. My grandson had his little brother, that he was so anxiously waiting for, a new play pal.

Right after the initial emotional outburst from all and my own personal pride, I was feeling for my son and his now family of four. I could not help to think about how beautiful life is truly. A miracle had just happened within that building and my son and daughter-in-law (especially) were part of it. Within minutes, we were able to look through this glass window and I saw him. My grandson, my second grandson. I never had a two. I was an only child, I had an only child and for the past three plus years, I was blessed with one grandchild. Now I had two.

I have lived to see this happen. I could not help think, as I looked at this beautiful little boy how great it was this time, to be a part of this moment. Sadly, at the birth of his brother, I could not be at the hospital. Therefore, I waited at home for a phone call from his dad. That when it did come through, he said to me, “Da, I have a son”!

I also could not help remember how many of my son’s school plays I missed, his little league games that I could not attend. I even missed my own son’s high school graduation.

However, I did not miss this. I was there, live and part of it all. The last brand new baby I had seen born was this little person’s daddy 32 years ago. It was a big difference. Besides me being 32 years younger, his daddy was almost twice his size. My little grandson was a small guy, six pounds eleven ounces. His dad was eleven pounds four ounces. Almost half but just as beautiful and just as cute.

Life is a miracle. At one point I was holding my older grandson (imagine, my older grandson) and the both of us are looking at this newcomer to the world.

I want to wish my grandsons, their mom and dad only happiness and health in life. I hope they always see the glass as half full and look for that silver lining in those clouds….it is there.

Life is a miracle and if you are reading this blog, then you are part of this miracle. Each day we open our eyes and at the end of the day, lay our heads on our pillows, we were part of the “Miracle of Life”.

There were times in my life I did not see grandchild in my future and now I see me dancing at their grandchildren’s wedding.

All things are possible ……

Have a great day and keep smiling
Love,

Mike

Prayer

2009-06-03T12:48:00.000-07:00

I believe in prayer. The power of prayer is probably the most powerful force in the world, the universe. For me prayer is my personal communication with my maker, my lord. To some who are non-believers, they may call prayer; meditation, quite time or whatever they may like.

From a personal point of view, I pray daily. Being raised a Roman Catholic I have my standard prayers (Our “Hail Mary’s”, The “Lords Prayer”, A “Glory Be”, An “Act of Contrition” etc :) but then there is my direct communication, my one on one time, me to the lord.

Today, I found myself alone in the house for a short time and I began to pray. Before I knew it, I was praying aloud as if God was sitting right next to me (and he was). There were no formal words; I thanked him for what I have, for what he has done in my life, and for my life! Then of course, I asked him for things. Health was on the top of that list and not so much for me (although I did not fail to include me on the list) but mostly for my wife, son, daughter in law and the future baby soon to be part of our world and life. Then there were special thanks for my grandson and what a gift he is and to protect him (by now I was in tears).

Before you know it, I was feeling guilty. I didn’t want to leave anyone out, I prayed for my mother in law, my extended family, my friends, my blog buddies, and for even people I didn’t know. I also asked for a few other things….like strength.

I am not posting this to share my prayers or try to convert anyone. What I am trying to say is afterwards I felt, GREAT!

I felt strong, as if a weight was lifted off my shoulder.

Me, I believe it was my direct communication with the “Big Guy”. I highly recommend it. Again, if you are not the spiritual type then just a little alone time and speak out loud, how you feel. Holler if need be, cry out in pain if that is what you are feeling. Crying is not a sign of weakness but rather a way of cleansing of ones mind and spirit.

People have been praying and meditating for trillions (ha) of years. Some call it meditation, some call it prayer, call it what you want to, I just say it is a great experience.

Spending time with yourself, deep time, getting things together, being thankful for the things that have worked (and there is plenty of things that work), verbalizing what you need to have happen, what you want to happen. Being grateful for the things in your life, even the small things, can help one along the path with great power.

Getting yourself in a positive mood and being positive helps in those self-struggles, we all face. So for me, I had a great spiritual morning and wanted to share it with my friends (I must be honest it was not my first). I feel extra good, extra strong and very happy.
Why not share it?

If you are one who prays (or meditates), then I am sure you understand what I am saying and for those who have different beliefs or no beliefs then I just ask you to find some time to spend with you. You will find that you need a little affirmation, forgiveness, and some direction.

Go for it and never ever forget about yourself …in this very complex world!

Have a great day!

Peace of mind and Peace be with you

Love
Mike

Reflections

2009-05-13T19:01:00.000-07:00

I sit here and it is the last day that I live as a fifty-six year old man. Tomorrow I begin my journey on my fifty-seventh year of life. What have I accomplished in 56 years? What have I learned in 56 years?

If you allow me, I would like to take a minute of your time to share some of my life’s lessons. I have learned that there is nothing more important than faith and love. Faith in my God and the love for the life he has given me. I have learned that the important thing is not the material things you accumulate (because they can be gone in an instant) in life, but what are important is the people you get to share your life with and that you meet along the way.

If I remember in my High School Year book, my goal in life was to be rich and I spent a good part of my early time of my life trying to be rich . My problem was I did not know what the meaning of rich was then.

Like so many, I thought “Rich” meant how much money you had and where you ranked in the “Fortune 500”. You know they call money a “Liquid Asset” for a good reason because like a liquid, it can flow in any direction very easily. There was a time when I did not have money and I thought I was “Poor”. I was so wrong. What I did not realize then was with each day I was getting richer and richer.

There was a point that I wooed my life’s mate and married my sweet wife, since then it has been as if my “Dow Jones” has been doubling each day. Some of the priceless “Dividends” has to be my son and now his son and soon to be new baby.

Over these years, I have been able to bank some very important relationships. I have friends of over 40 years and through these years have come across some amazing people who I have become friendly with. I have a cousin who is more like a sister to me and our relationship is very valuable to me. My dad’s sister and her family have been supportive of me through some very difficult times. I love my Aunt Eva and Uncle Steve and pray for their health each day.

Then there are my “In-Laws”, boy do in-laws get a bad rap as far as I am concerned. My wife’s family has adopted me and been by my side through thick and thin. My late father in law was one of my best friends and I miss him dearly. My mother in law is a Saint and I enjoy everyday talking with her and sharing life with her. She is and has been so good to me. My sister-in-laws are great. They have been like sisters to me and to my son! My brother in law was the first to offer me blood when I needed it and for this, I can never forget him. My wife’s Uncle’s and late Aunts ….beautiful people, no other way to describe them and her cousins unique are my cousins too, a true dedicated family, all there for each other. Therefore, what value do I put on that? You can not!

Then as a parent you worry and hope that, your child finds the right mate too. You hope that they are as happy in their relationship as you are in yours. My son brings home a truly wonderful wife, a marvelous mother and a great daughter (in law). Together I know that they will be as happy as my wife and I are …a forever kind of love.

Blessed family, good friends what else is there? Well there is more.

I have been a man who has lived in fear of his life for over 40 years. Since I was 16, I have felt that I was going to die (mostly because professionals have told me so). Long-life was not in my future. I spent many a day living (and eating) as if it was the last day on earth. Seriously, I use to go to bed with five or six ham and cheese sandwiches thinking if I was going to die, I ought to die with a full stomach (is that not the reasoning of someone with a disease?).

Thirty-five years ago tonight I swore I was going to go to bed and not wake up on my Twenty-First Birthday because I was sworn to that I would never live to my 21st Birthday if I didn’t lose weight.

I sit here now and I will begin my 56th year tomorrow. Am I sounding like “ha-ha” I beat all the odds? Oh no, forgive me if I sound that way. I am a grateful human being. I am thankful to many people; and on the top of that list are my wife and son, my special doctors and her colleagues, Richard, my friends and my family. Two other special thanks. One is to me because with all the help and all the support I have gotten, no one goes through the battle daily, minute by minute but me and little pat on my back is well deserved once in awhile. Then on top of the list is God, I am so thankful to God for giving me this time. Can I say to God, “God bless you” God because I am so grateful.

Therefore, I get this time to reflect on the important things in life. Yes, numbers were always a big thing in my life. How much money I had, how much did I weigh, how much did I lose or gain? Now numbers are not so important. Lifestyle is more important. I cannot take numbers with me to the next world.

My health is important, the quality of my life is important and the people in my life are important.
Thank you Mommy and Dad for the life you have given me and even though you may not be here with me on this earth, you live so strongly in my heart and mind.

What have I accomplished? I have been a loving husband and father and grandpa and one grateful human being! I have accomplished a lot! I have lived my High School Dream , I am a rich man, a very rich man!!

Therefore, my friends on my Birthday I give to you this gift of “reflections” and ask you too to reflect on exactly what is important to you. What are the things you can do today that will be with you tomorrow and not just for a passing moment?

Have a great day tomorrow and for many tomorrows to come…
Happy day to you
Love
Mike

Not Easy To Pick Yourself Up …But Necessary

2009-04-18T11:31:00.000-07:00

Probably one of the most difficult things in the world is admitting to yourself (and sometimes others) that you have made a mistake. You goofed! Call it what you want, you may say you slipped, you fell off the wagon, you cheated, you had a bad day, whatever but I have learned two things in my journey. The first thing is not to ever say to myself that I have Failed! No no no, Failure is not an option!

Failure only exists, only when you stop trying! My feeling is as long as God gives me the gift of life, then I will do my utmost to make the best of it. I have to try to do my best (I sound like the Boy or Girl Scouts), for myself because the “carrot” for that effort is a better and longer quality of life. Do I not deserve it? Sure I do and so do you!

We are here for a fixed period of time. We are not meant to suffer in our lives. Certainly, we are not meant to be harmful to ourselves. You and I should take advantage of every moment we have. We all deal with different problems and situations and I know at times they can become overwhelming. Yet as soon as we snap to reality and at the next available moment we can, we need to take the “ball” we have be given and “run” with it. For some of us that “run” might be just a walk or just a way to deal with it.

In my life, my constant issues have been weight related and dealing with the struggles of eating healthy and taking care of myself on a daily basis. My “disease” has taken its toll on me. I have had my “ups and downs” and yes, I do not weigh 198 pounds as I did in September of 1990 but I am still not a failure (even though some may see me as one). I have not failed and why because I have not given up! I have never stopped trying.

I fought to survive for over twenty years. I have slipped, slid, fell, bumped, backslid, and binged myself up and down hundreds and hundreds of pounds but I never failed. There was not a day that I thought that there was not any hope left for me. There was not a day, a moment that I was not willing to try and try again, even it meant to start all over again!

I am eating healthier today than I have in many of my past days. I pray that I will continue to make the right choices and if there may come a moment when I will slip again; I pray that I will have the chance to try again. Hey, life is too good, not to want to make the best of it. Fourteen years ago, I was bedbound and I knew that I wanted to survive; I knew I had to keep fighting. I knew I had things to live for and I knew that there was more ahead.

Look what my life is now. I am a Grandpa! A completely new chance to love a completely new life. To share in the energy of God’s gift of new life! I did not know then that this is what was in store for me now as I do not know now what might be in store for me tomorrow…just let me go the way!

I have said I have learned two things along my journey and one being is not to ever say I have failed as long as I am trying. The other one is simple and an obvious one but it took me a little longer to learn and to accept. That is that I am “Human”. Yep, human, in all its glory and all its meaning.

In being human, I have realized that we are not perfect in the fact that we make mistakes by nature. Once I can accept that about myself then I will not be so darn hard on myself. Boy can we be hard on ourselves. Isn’t it funny we can be patient with the whole world, we can forgive so many people in our lives that have hurt us, time and time again but when it comes to forgiving ourselves ... ??

That has been the hardest lesson to learn in my new life, yet it has been one of the best and it has been one of my most useful tools! Self-forgiveness a better tool, the primary tool before any “Diet”, Food Program”, Exercise Regiment”, “Calorie Calculator” “Pedometer” or any other tool or gimmick one may use.

Learning to forgive you is such an important and necessary step in being a Winner! If we have the gift of forgiveness for others than it is about time to give it to ourselves.

It is “Not easy to pick yourself up, when you have fallen of the righteous path of living a healthy lifestyle. After days, weeks, months of eating the right foods, making the right choices, doing the healthy things then BOOM, a moment comes and you “Goof”. Sometimes those “Goofs” last a long time and do a lot of damage and picking yourself up, brushing yourself off and starting all over again may not be easy but it is “Necessary”!

Why because you are necessary…

Have a great day

Never give up

Love
Mike

Take Back That Power…

2009-03-26T17:49:00.000-07:00

Do they like me? What will he think? I wonder what is she saying? I hope they agree!
How often have we or do we play these tapes inside our own heads? How many times in our lives do we look for the approval of others before we think we can be happy?

Then when we do not get what we expect, why do we give our self, permission to do some kind of self-destructive behavior. Something to make ourselves feel even worse. In many of our cases, it will lead to some kind of binge or even worse, we fall off the wagon and reverse many hours of hard work.

There are those times that people in our lives not only never give you that “Pat on the Back” but often cut you in half with some harsh words. We are human and no matter what size we are, no matter how much flesh we may have on our bones. We still feel! We still hurt! We are sensitive people with real feelings and we are not protected from pain, either physical or emotional.

The thing is it will be an almost impossible task to change those people and get them to stop hurting us (although we can try). What is more important? What will work a lot more easily is to …

TAKE AWAY THEIR POWER! Take away their power to hurt you. Let us face it is you that have given them such power! You allow them to hurt your feeling, for their opinions to count so very much. Now is the time for you to take ownership back.

No one should have such power over you, as to where a remark or lack of one, would turn your whole life upside down!

Change has to happen. As many of us know, taking off the weight often is not as difficult as keeping it off. Keeping it off is a whole project, which involves many changes…external and internal. Someone hurting us does not help our metamorphosis.

You are who you are and people who care bout you, who love you, who count just need to accept you the way you are. Now if there are things about your personality, your character, your being that you want to change…then you will add that to the list of inventory changes about you …and work on them.

In the meantime, you are here in this world first to make you the person that you like.
In order for you to change you have “to first be who you is and not who you isn’t because if you is who you isn’t you just isn’t who you is.”

I always say we can always change the packaging (our outside) but we have to like the ingredients first. We really do not need many unsolicited outside opinions. We usually have enough about ourselves.

The changes we need to make require a lot of positive energy around us and we need to be in as positive a mood as possible.

Do not give the power to others to drag you down!

Take Back That Power

You Are Worth It!

Have a wonderful day and never forget how very special you are…

Love
Mike

Birthday

2009-02-27T10:39:00.000-08:00

I personally know people who probably stopped reading this blog right after they read the title of this positing. There are people who actually hate birthdays, but do they? Is it that they hate birthdays or just what they represent, and what they fear?

What is it that a birthday actually represents? A birthday represents a celebration of the anniversary of a miracle of somebody’s life. A continuation of this life.
Whether an easy year free of problems and pain, or one that was filled with trials and tribulations. The point is that it was a success, we are here to talk about it and we get a chance to keep going on.

I personally love birthdays and I hope that I and the people that I love have as many birthdays as possible.

Tomorrow (February 28th ) is a very special (Birthday) for me. In 1953 on this day, a star shined down from the heavens over a little town called Brooklyn, New York and born to a kind couple was this beautiful little girl. A little girl, one with the warmest and kindest heart in the world. A little girl who grew into a woman who knows how to love purely.

A lifetime friend, a partner and a wife, one who has been dedicated through the good and the rough times. One who defines the terms “in good times and in bad”.

Happy Birthday to my wife, Madelaine.

I dedicate this positing to my wife Madelaine on the anniversary of her birth. I would not be the man I am without her, my soul mate.

Madelaine is the salt to my pepper, the left to my right, the up to my down, the in to my out. She makes life so much enjoyable.

One of the things I love best about her is when I get annoyed at something she has done (believe me we know each other for over 43 years so we can annoy each other at times), I am ready to be angry with her. Then I hear her voice, she looks at me in a certain way and she melts me. I forget what I am angry about, she makes me laugh and then we go on.

Each night I go to bed thinking I could not possibly love this woman any more than I do this day and then I wake up the next morning and I love more than I loved her yesterday …. I look forward to tomorrow.

Madelaine has been by my side through my worse times but through all our years, we have had fun! Even through the darkest and heaviest (no pun) of times, we have tried to laugh as much as possible, find the humor in many situations and she has been a main force behind my strength.

She is also the greatest teacher I have had in my life. She is probably the smartest woman (person), I know. Her wisdom is superior. She has taught me to be who I am and not who I am not. She has taught me that she is not in this world to live up to my expectations, nor am I in this world to live up to hers, among many other great, wonderful and powerful things.

She has helped me to realize my relationship with God. She has taught me the true meaning of family. She teaches through example.

Madelaine is a giant among us and sets an example to me and many of us, on just how to live. If she has any weaknesses, it is not knowing how to say “NO”.

Not an evil bone in her body, no hardness in her heart but she would not want everyone to know that. So shhhh, do not tell anyone she is a softy.

I am the luckiest man to have lived and to have been matched with Madelaine.

Birthdays? I love birthdays, especially February 28th.

Happy Birthday my Boot, I love you privately, publicly, timelessly, now and forever.

Thank you my friends for allowing me to use this space to pay tribute to a very special soul.

We all need to appreciate life around us…
our loved ones, and our own.

Birthdays are not to be scared of but rather to be appreciating of…life itself!

Have a great day, have a great life!

Love
Mike

Love

2009-02-13T19:07:00.000-08:00

Wars have been fought, people have died, all over this simple but complicated “four” letter word … LOVE! Throughout time, people have proclaimed their love for their gods, for God, for their countries, for their fellow man, for nature and for each other. Love has become a very deep involved word and often a misused one. Love is said to come on all levels and all forms. There is the love you have for a parent, which is not the same as the love you have for a spouse. Nor is the love of a spouse the same as a love for a child. Then we love our children differently than we love our grandchildren. We have love for our close friends, which is nothing like we have for our neighbor next door, and the love for our neighbor next door is not quite the same as the love we have for our neighbors across the ocean.

Why have we complicated such a simple beautiful thing, like love? Boy, as human beings we can certainly “take simple and make it complicated”.

Anyone have an animal or a newborn baby? Watch how innocent and pure their love is for you. I had a physical therapist once who use to say all the time “Love is Love”!

When you think of it, how true is that statement? Love is just that …love! If we kept it simple, pure and true then love at its simplest form would be the same all around. How we express our love, how we practice our love to our spouses, parents, children, friends, families and acquaintances is different and should be different …of course it is. Yet the foundation is the same. A bonding, a respect, closeness, a oneness a feeling that cannot really be put in to human terms because it is a feeling beyond full human comprehension.

If we think of love like an onion (nice analogy) and peel it away layer by layer in the center of our love for all things, for all people must be the simplest of all loves.

Yet on the other hand, it is the kind of love, which gives most the biggest problem of all. What is that you might ask?
That kind of love is “Self-Love”!

Self-Love is at the core of true love. How do we begin to love, if we cannot love ourselves? Oh, I can hear the roar out there and read the emails already …relax. I hear you and I have been where many of you think you are.

There was a time when I knew I loved my wife and adored my son but I would swear there was no self-love for me. I would have argued that I could love others without loving myself …but I was wrong!

I was wrong, not in the fact that I loved my wife and son of course I loved them, I was wrong in the fact of loving myself. I did love myself, I always loved myself and not in a narcissistic way but in way that love counts. The caring, the important way.

The problem was it was so long since I felt hope, so long since I really did anything good for myself, so long since I showed myself any love that I actually forgot that I did love myself.

The fact is we all love ourselves, we may forget that at times, sometimes for very long period. So long of periods that we think it is the truth …we do not love our selves but we do!

What one needs to do is something to spark that Self-Love. Something that really counts.

It is okay to love yourself; it is not selfish to have “Self-Love”. A little more “Self-Love” might help you to be happier, healthier and live better.

Allowing me to love me has been a positive thing. It has given me the strength to not give up, wanting to live, to want to be a part of the lives of those I love. Allowing me to love myself just intensifies and secures the love I have for all in my life.

“Love is Love” and let it begin with you.

Have a happy and loving day

Love
Mike

Inauguration Day

2009-01-20T13:56:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here having lunch with the new President of the United States of America. The only thing is he is at the capital in the Capitol having his lunch eating seafood and some kind of duck and I am in my living room having a fat free cheese wrap with plain sundried tomatoes and honey mustard.

Yet you cannot watch the beauty of the smooth change of power and the majesty of this historical event, without appreciating a philosophy that I have been living by for many years. This is that “All things are possible ….and that as long as there is life there is hope!

Now I do not use nor do I wish to use this blog page as a political platform and I try not to express my personal preferences but today I am an American and a proud one …as always. As a human being, I am so hopeful for both you and me personally. We all have our battles, our inner battles, often we have some victories, and sometimes we do not do as well.

Yet “All things are possible ….you just have to believe, not give up hope, never give up and never stop fighting! This inner faith has to give you an inner fire that is always burning. Sometimes the flame may be a little lower than other times, this is normal but the “flame of life” never goes out as long as we have life itself.

We have to fan our own “inner flames”. When all is said and done, it is I; it is you that has to fight ….today. We have to do the one thing positive for our self today. It may be making a healthier lunch choice, doing something physical, making a doctors appointment, healing a relationship, anything that in the end will help your life work better.

By the way if you do not think that one healthier choice for lunch does not make a difference let me tell you, those lunches add up and combined with a good breakfast, balanced dinner and the right kind of physical activity…it matters! Those pounds will come off and if done it the right way and the lifestyle changes are made for the better can only hope and pray and fight each day to stay healthy and continue to move forward in our life and dreams!

Today we witnessed a man who has followed his dream and the dreams of millions both present and past. On a greater scale we have seen that “All things are possible”, and in our own personal lives we must always remember that hope lives and we as individuals are powerful, we can change. Change is in the air and let it begin within ourselves.

Good luck my friends, brothers, and sisters in battle, the light of hope shines upon us all.

Good luck to our new President, good luck to all of us as citizens of the United States, members of the human race, and with our personal daily lives.
Good health, good attitude and do not give up hope because “All Things Are Possible …if you believe!
Love
Mike

Resolution

2009-01-03T12:18:00.000-08:00

One of the definitions when looked up in the dictionary of “Resolution” is -- “the mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute; firmness of purpose. I personally like the part that states “firmness of purpose”.

Come the New Year, how many of us in the past, have made a resolution (usually to go on a diet), and within days, realize we have not stuck to that “New Resolution”. Then we just feel guilty about it and it does not make us feel good about ourselves, and here we go into a vicious circle once again.

It is a New Year and New Beginning a New Chance to take advantage of a situation. What situation, you may ask? The situation that you, have an opportunity, to participate in the “game of life”! Your game of life! This is a wonderful gift for both you and me.

I for one will not be making “Traditional Resolutions” this year (I have not for the past few years). I will re-visit and reinforce my “Firmness of Purpose”. I will encourage in myself the things that have been working and I will look at the things in my life (as I do on a regular basis) those things that need to be adjusted. I do not wait until New Years to change my life. As I proceed through the adventure of living, I will adjust along the way, as I need to.

I will build on my strengths and acknowledge, accept and improve on my imperfections. My purpose as I go along my life’s path is to take advantage, absorb and enjoy the things in life that are meant to be. Then what we need to fix …we fix!

Therefore, for this New Year, for 2009, I affirm to reaffirm my, purpose and that is to, Go through my life and live it to the best of my ability. I know what I know. I am willing to learn and if need be make adjustments. I acknowledge what has been working for me in the past and what has not worked for me. Is there room for improvement? In case I have any doubt, I can always ask my wife or son, they always seem to have a list of things for me.

Seriously, living is the greatest experience I know, everything else is second best.

Some poor desperate soul wrote on my comments section of the blog, the other day, something to the effect that she basically did not care if she lived on. My heart wept for her. I knew her pain, her desperation, possibly her anger, fear, and tiredness. All I did know is that I was frustrated. Frustrated, that I could not take her in my arms, give her a big hug and tell her to “Hang on there, within time it will be better, much better”! I personally know what it feels like when you think that there are no answers but believe me, “Oh God, believe me, that is so wrong! There are answers, there is hope, there is light at the end of the tunnel. There is life beyond today. Unbelievably much of our solutions comes from within….it does! Life is a gift and not one for us to take lightly. My prayers are with my sweet “blog friend” and I hope that she and any of us who may feel the way she does at some point in our life, just search out help …wherever it may come from. There is no shame in taking care of you. Good luck to her!

Now for 2009, my purpose, my “Firm Purpose” is to continue to take care of myself. No specific resolutions for me. Nothing written down on paper or in my mind that might say, “By March 1st I want to lose 18 pounds”. Then March 1st comes and I lost only 16.5 pounds and then I am a failure. No way! I am not playing that game.

My “Firm Purpose” is in 2009, is to do things that make me feel better, physically, mentally and spiritually. That is what is good for me. Feel better about me! Be happier, content, and peaceful.

I want to take this opportunity to thank all my friends for visiting our blog page and hope you continue to visit on a regular basis. Maybe if you have not in the past, you might even contribute a comment, we would love to hear from you.

I also want to not miss the chance to wish all of you, your friends and loved ones a most joyous and healthy New Year. I hope that 2009 is a year that is filled with peace, joy and happiness to you.

A “Great Purpose” for all in 2009

Love Mike

Tow the line in 09

The Perfect Gift

2008-12-19T12:29:00.000-08:00

I truly appreciate the reason for this season and it never leaves my heart or mind.

Yet to so many of us “gift giving and receiving” has become such a big part of these holidays. What is the perfect gift? Think about it!

Well if I ask my three-year-old, grandson it could be anything from “Transformers”, to Batman, Pirates or the last thing he has seen on Television or in the aisles of the toy stores. Why not, he is three and if Christmas is not about children and babies and new and young lives, then what is it about? As a grandpa there is no immediate better gift I can receive than seeing your grandchild or child happy. So for kids, give them things and they are thrilled.

Then if you ask almost any person who has battled with and who has suffered from obesity they will tell you that, “The perfect gift would be to be thin and look like (this movie star or personality). I want to have a beautiful body forever and not have to worry about gaining weight”. Now now you know that this is a true wish’s of so many. We look for that perfect image rather than a lifestyle. This is often why many of us fall short of our dreams.

Some of us want things! Real material like things. As we get older, the list of the kind of things we want may change. For example; First it is toys, such as dolls, G.I. Joe’s, Tinker Toys, Slinky. Then we get a little older and we want games. Games such as, “Mystery Date”, “Monopoly”, “Stratego”, Chess and the list goes on. We become teenagers and maybe we might add to our list of the “Perfect Gifts”; the “Girl on the next block”; or the “Boy next door”. When we get older the list gets more serious. We want Cars, houses, diamonds, trips all kinds of Things, Things Things!!

One of the “things” on my Christmas list is this “Teeth Whitening” system. My wife wraps it up for me and on Christmas, I open it in front of my family and I make a big fuss over it. I then realize everyone around me is laughing, why you may ask? The reason is that this is the same exact gift she gave me last year, and the year before that, and the year before that and so on, for the past ten years. I keep asking for this same gift, I get it, never use it, she puts it aside until next year and I forget about it and she “re-gifts” it to me over and over again.

Things! You want them, sometimes you get them, you might even use them, sometimes you do not use them. They may wear down, you may get bored with it, it might break or become out dated. They are just things. The point is, as we get older, how many “things” do we need?

Rarely by Christmas, do I really need anything, that I have not gotten by then. Now, do not get me wrong. I love to give gifts! I love to give gifts, to people I love. To my grandchild, oh to see his face, to see his joy and hear his excitement is priceless.
I love to give to those who may be in need this year (to charities). I enjoy giving to my family, my son and daughter in law, my wife, my friends.

This is how I get my gifts, by bringing a smile to someone’s face...but I do have a “Perfect Gift” list.

The perfect gift(s) for me this year? I will tell you.

First (I know it sounds corny) is ‘World Peace’. Call me selfish but I want to see the people of the world to be able to live together and in harmony. I want people to be able to travel and to be able to go shopping, without worrying, about being blown up. I want to see countries live as neighbors, as they should.

Then my next perfect gift would be health! The gift of health to my wife, to my daughter in law, my son, my grandson and whoever ever may come into my immediate family in the near future.
I want good health for my mother in law, and the rest of my family and friends. Right now, I want a little extra special gift of health to a very dear special friend of ours, who needs it and I believe will get it.

Another perfect gift for me of course would be for me this year to be able to continue in personal growth and once again newfound freedom. My ability to go out in public. To be able to accompany my wife occasionally and to participate in life and basically be a player once again rather than a spectator. I want to be able to continue to face my demons head on (food and other demons) and often, very often come out victorious.

My last gift on my “Perfect Gift List” this year would be serenity! A continued growth of serenity in my overall being. Serenity around me and in the lives of people that matter so much to me. Serenity in the Universe, in my Universe. Serenity is followed by a certain special happiness and happiness is very nice. .

So there it is! That is my personal, “Gift List” my so called, “Wish List”. So if you see these gifts “on line” or on special at Wal-Mart or Target, just drop me a note.

Gifts are nice to give and receive and it is fun to share in the joy of giving and receiving. Yet in my opinion, the best gifts are not physical things you can buy in a store.

The best gifts …you get from special places.

You now know what my four perfect gifts are. What about you?

What are your perfect gifts? Share your thoughts with us …

To all my dear special friends who visit this blog page

Please have a joyful, peaceful, fun filled, happy and healthy holiday and New Year

Love to you and your loved ones

Mike

Holidays

2008-11-25T11:52:00.000-08:00

I received an email the other day from a wonderful woman who has recently lost well over 100 pounds. She had written to me that she has been having a little problem lately (as many of us could certainly relate too). I wrote back to her and tried to encourage her to keep going, what was happening to her was a normal thing and this is the time not to fall deeper into negative state of mind. My friend then in return, wrote back to me, she said that she was “under a lot of stress in her life right now and that she would start after the holidays and begin with a “New”, New Years Resolution”! Oh! I felt an arrow go right through my heart as I read those words!

It sounded so familiar, I have heard that from so many people over the years and even worse, I have told myself that exact thing several years over my life.

Do you know how much damage I can do to myself from now until January 1st? Do you know how many pounds and inches I could add to my body, how much pressure to my heart, legs, and organs, I could place on myself? How much overall damage I can do to my health in general? Do we have any idea any much weight is gained over this period of time with that kind of thinking?

That kind of thinking, in my opinion, is the “Disease Talking”. That is the sick part of our brain, giving us permission, rationalizing with us to wait. Sure, my dear friend (who emailed me) has stress in her life and I certainly know when there is stress the last thing you feel like doing is eating healthy. Yet when we start rationalizing and giving ourselves permission to not pay attention to what we eat and just eat without boundaries, well then we are in trouble! It is going to take a lot of energy and maybe a tragedy to get back on track. Besides if, we wait for a stress free life….. Well when will that be?

My friends the Holidays are great times and they should be but they are actually only three or 4 days and maybe a party thrown in here or there. Six days is not 40 days or 25 days of uncontrolled eating. Part of your celebration, of your holidays may be with some traditional (fattening) dishes. Okay, eat some, have a taste, a normal portion. The trick is just for that day!

Do not celebrate the holidays with the leftovers for the next 6 weeks and then suffer for the rest of the year trying to undo the damage.

Besides, if you plan you actual days meals (with the extras) and you stick to it pretty much (and if need be include your sweets) then two things will happen.

First of all, you are almost taking out insurance that you will have a good chance of being around next year to enjoy it all over again.

The second thing is an immediate HIGH! You will feel so much better with yourself the next day when you have stuck to your plan.
Then come January 2nd when the whole world gains 20 to 100 pounds you may actually gain less or maybe even nothing! WOW, can you imagine that!

What better gift can you give yourself than that! Do you not deserve it? I think so!

Therefore, make this Holiday a real special one for you.

I wish you and all your loved ones all the best, I will have you in my prayers and please keep me in yours.

Love
Mike

Ps
If for some reasons one of your plans do not work out one day (one meal), do not give up! Do not wait another month another day! Make a new plan and stick to it! You can do it!
You are a winner!

The Happiest Moment In My Life …

2008-11-07T10:35:00.000-08:00

Over the past few days (since Election Day), I have heard this expression all over the News and from many of my friends. “It was the happiest moment in my life”! I too have to admit that no matter what my political belief might be, no matter whether I am a Democrat, Republican, Independent, etc. That at 11pm eastern standard time on election night, when Barack Obama, was declared the winner and the 44th President elect of the United States of America a “certain feeling” came over me. I was proud to see that America was able to look beyond and be able to judge “by the content of ones character …”, for me it was an emotional moment. I could understand the feeling of so many Americans who were filled with such pride and a feeling of accomplishment and a kind of completion of centuries of hardships and battles. So many of them, saying that this is, “The Happiest Moment of Their Lives”.

I began to think about that, what was the happiest moment in my life? The truth, is there is something wrong with me but I cannot pick just one. It changes, some even overlap others …for example.

I would say the first happiest moment in my life is probably one I do not remember. That would be the day I was born and the moment the doctor smacked my “Butt” and I began to cry. I took my first breath and wow even though I was crying I was thrilled to be alive. This was a happy moment!

The next happiest moment of my life came when I was 16 years old (just before my 17th birthday), I came home from school and my Mom was holding the mail in her hand (of course it was opened, there was no privacy under her roof), there it was, I passed my road test and I got my drivers license. I was so excited that I yelled out something like, “Oh sh_t”! The one and only time my Mom ever heard me say any off words! She was sure to remark about it later that day!

Okay going on through my life I would have to say the next happiest moment in my life was the moment that my Madelaine said, “yes, we should get married”! I was driving my car at the time and I had to stop it. I got out and I literally danced around outside in joy! This is one of those moments that have not stopped giving. One happiness has led to another!

For example, the next happiest moment in my life is when my wife broke the news to me that I was going to be a “Daddy”. Me, a father, could you imagine that. Then ….

My next happiest moment is …you guessed it, the moment my son was born. I held this little life in my arms, part of me, I was responsible for him and it was all my pleasure. The joy was overwhelming, my emotions, were uncontrollable. This was the beginning of a lifelong love festival that to this day (31 years later) has not stopped. I am sure at times if my son had his way he would say “Da, back off a bit”! I am so bad, I smother him sometimes, I know. His whole life brought me so many happy days and then approximately 27 years after his birth …

BOOM! Another happy moment for me!

The birth of my Lil Ga Ga (my grandson). I do not know if it is that I am older and I appreciate things more but the day he was born was thrilling. Then the first day I saw him and now every single time I see him is my happiest moment. I just saw him dressed in a pair of “little devil” pajamas and Oh my goodness. All I could say is, if the “Devil” were so cute, the world would be a much better place.

My grandson brings me such joy and I am so happy that I have had this opportunity to be in the world this very moment.

So, I wish the current President Elect all the best of luck and I hope he has all of our best wishes and prayers. Whoever would have won would have had a tough job ahead of them. There are rough days ahead and President Barack will need all our support right now.

As for me, I am grateful for the elections, it has given me an opportunity to take a look at my “happiest moments in my life” and how lucky I really am.

I look at my luckiest moments from a personal perspective and

Although I do not consider Tuesday as my luckiest moment of my life, it certainly has made me feel lucky to be an American.

By the way, when were your happiest moments?

Share some with us

Have a great day

Have a happy moment

Love

Mike

WHEN IS THE TIME FOR CHANGE?

2008-10-30T11:03:00.000-07:00

There is no better time than NOW! Does that sound cliché’, it might but sometimes the simplest. the obvious… is the best!

People have emailed me and often have asked, “Mike, how did you know, when the time was right”? “When do you start? I think I will start tomorrow”? They will say.

Well in my experience, those tomorrows rarely start 24 hours from then. Usually they start a week later, a month later, several months later and often 20, 50 or 100 pounds later. Therefore, the battle is that much more difficult, the guilt is that much deeper and our health is that much more at risk.

When is the time for change? Well when the change that one is thinking about is taking care of themselves, eating healthier, doing more physical activity for the betterment of their lives, then what better time is there than NOW!

What is the delay? Oh, I have said it all and rationalized it all to myself, and others. Things such as, “I have been eating terrible all day, so I will start tomorrow. Before I begin I have to first eat some of my favorite cake, or pizza etc”. What about this one, “oh the holidays are coming (next month), I will start after them”.

Do I have to tell anyone how much damage I can do to myself from now until the holidays, do not even ask! These are just excuses that I have used. What I should have said in the past was, “I am not ready yet. I am scared! I do not have the faith in myself. I do not have the strength right now to try again”! At least these would have been more honest. At least with those answers there would be a little less guilt attached.

When is the right time for the battle of your lifetime? Well, if we wait, for every “duck” to be in line, and for “the moon to be in the seventh house”, then for Jupiter to align with Mars. If we wait, for the sun to be shinning, and for everything to be just “perfect”, before we begin dieting, well, and then guess what? We might as well take those first three letters in the word “Diet” …because that is what is going to happen a lot sooner. We cannot wait no longer! NOW is the time!

The truth is we can take this philosophy of “NOW” and apply to many things in our lives and not just eating healthier. Sometimes as human beings, we think things out tooooo long!

Do not get me wrong, the thought process is a good one, it is healthy and necessary but we have to know when we have to stop thinking and begin doing!

When, it comes to our health and making changes in our life, our lifestyle, and our eating habits, etc: The time when we are thinking about the question, “When is it a good time? Then the answer is ….NOW is a great time!!
I have become a NOW person over the past few years, when it comes to me. I remember back about three years ago, I had already been out of rehab, for a few months and having problems (with food). I said to me, “self, you are in trouble”.
I thought for a second, “I should be back in rehab.”, and with the support of my wife and family, I went back.

I believe that decision then, is responsible for my current quality of life, which I have Now. Even though, overall my life, is a conglomerate of positive attitudes, decisions, luck, support and blessings, that particular decision then, has been a key one for me Now!

I know if I would have procrastinated and thought about going back into rehab over a period of time. I would have had many more months pass under my belt along with many more pounds, added on my waist and who knows if I would have even lived throughout that “thought process”.

The things I would have missed. This renewed time with my wife (who is my best life-long friend and soul mate) has been enchanting. I wait each day for her to come home from work, even if it is to just to look in her eyes for a few moments, share some words of each of our day’s events and then watch a little television together. The things we are able to do together once again. If I did react to my thoughts then at the moment, I may not have gotten to enjoy my grandson as “Captain Hook”, “Dracula”, “Woody” or “Peter Pan” whom ever he may finally decide to be for this Halloween. My daughter in law is so good with him, she is so clever, and when it comes to these costumes, she puts her personal touch, he looks so authentic, and needless to say, so adorable, I could just “eat him up”!

I laugh, when I was a kid, if I was lucky enough to have an official costume, it was one of those “Ben Cooper” brand skeleton, devil, super hero costumes and we only had one. I hated them, oh, man! I was too big and the seams would rip usually as soon as I put them on. Then the elastic band around the mask would always snap because my head was too big. Yet I loved trick or treating ….free candy. In the fifties and sixties our parents did not have to screen our candy, we were allowed it all, and the pennies went to UNICEF!

If I procrastinated my decision to return to rehabilitation, I would have missed so much life, so much love, and so much fun. There would have been no Disney, this past month. No holidays, I would have missed my grandson’s birthday or my son reaching his 30th birthday and then some.

No, I spent many hours, many days, many months and years, thinking about it!

The thing that changed my life was my thought process and that was …

When the thought came to me, it was the time to react!

So when is the time for change in your life?… HOW ABOUT NOW!?
Change is good ….for the most part.

Good luck and have a great day and never stay in one place….

Love
Mike

Ps
Share some of your thoughts and experiences on change with us; we would love to hear from you.

A Whole New World

2008-10-14T13:43:00.000-07:00

There is that beautiful Disney song from Aladdin that goes “I can open your eyes, take you wonder by wonder, over, sideways and under, on a Magic Carpet Ride …..”

Well over the last eight days’ I was taken on a “Magic Carpet” ride! I experienced a phenomenal, magical, miraculous event. Let me put it this way in one word ….”Disney”! Me, Mike Hebranko, talk about dreams, all things possible. I went onto a jet plane and flew two and a half hours to the “Disney World”.

Imagine, just a little over 12 years ago I was being lifted (by forklift) out of the “cut out front” of my home in Brooklyn, being rushed to a hospital to save my life. At over 900 pounds then was there even a thought of a future vacation in my mind…….I am not sure of vacation was on my mind but a future was definitely in my heart. No matter what 12 years later I was now, being lifted once again (only this time with 150 other people) on a jet and heading to Florida.

It was so special and delightful. My emotions were on overtime from the get go! I was experiencing joy, happiness, pleasure, love, fun, some fear, anxiety and much thankfulness! My wife and I were blessed enough to accompany my son, his dear wife, some other family and friends and “My Grandson”!!! Oh even in my wildest dreams could I have ever imagined (12 years ago or 12 months ago) that I would be at “Disney” with my grandson!

What better pleasure could there be than to see the “love of your life’s” face, light up with every new turn, with every attraction, or every character they came across. To go to “Disney” at 55 years old is a youthful, invigorating time but then to go with your grandchild is heavenly. To see his eyes, his face, to know his heart is filled with just joy is very soothing and euphoric.

If I would have given up in 1996, or not re-entered rehab in 2006 or not picked myself up each time I have fallen. If I would have gotten so fed up with myself to say “the heck” with it all and just “throw in the towel” and had given up…well just look at what I would have missed.

It was not easy for me to have this vacation happen. I am still over 350 pounds and limited in my physical movement. As many of you know, I am a very lucky and a very blessed man! I have a great support team around me.
There was a group of us on this vacation ranging in age from three to 83 years old.

The logistics of planning and arranging for everything and in particular for my special needs was gigantic and an almost an impossible task. That is why I want to publicly (I have privately already) thank my wife, and family, for all their help and assistance. A special mention, to my son, for all of his attention and help that he gave to me. Then to my sister-in-law, who was key in making this trip happen and for all her kindness and a very warm heart. Then to a very special friend who has gone beyond for all of us and especially for me. Susan along with Andrea, spent months planning, making calls, reservations, arranging for my special scooter, handicap room, plane accommodations and so many other details, I personally will always and forever be thankful for them being such an intricate part of my “dream come true”. Neither of these two young people are my blood relatives but they did so much for me and put up with so much from me. They give so much and get so little in return ….Andrea thanks ……Susan, what can I say but that I am grateful and if I at anytime might have seemed unappreciative please forgive me!

The world has changed and it has been a long time since I was out there and part of this “Whole New World”. It is different. I am not use to all of it. Sometimes I literally feel as if I came from a different planet. Sometimes it is a little overwhelming. Sometimes it can be a little scary. Things are done differently, faster. There are times as if I felt I was “Rip Van Winkle” ….well all I can do, all I will do is rub my eyes, stretch my arms, wake up and be thankful that I am getting the opportunity to be part of this world!

I played with my grandson, I went on rides, and I saw Mickey, kissed Minnie, hugged Pluto and took a million pictures. We ate at different restaurants and I ate normally. I did not binge, I did not stuff, I made many healthy choices for example 99% of my dessert choices were fresh fruit, I ate a lot of turkey and chicken but I was relaxed. I was not crazy about what I was gong to eat or not gong to eat. “Where would I cheat”, how would I do it, etc? In the past while I was away this would always a big part of my time. This time I went with the crowd.

Oh, I will not be true to you or myself, if I do not tell you that I fought many internal battles while away and yes, I noticed every food stand along the way… but it was okay. I allowed my feelings to surface, the battles I took on and I was victorious. At times, there might have been a few casualties along the way (for example: my friends and family). I realize when I am fighting one of these internal battles, if sometimes a poor, innocent person crosses my path, they can unknowingly fall victim to my internal rage. I know this is wrong behavior and I am working at changing it. I am getting better at it; in the meantime, all I can do is be very sorry for it!

Recovery involves all kinds of experiences both external and internal. Some may be a little ugly but most are glorious and beautiful.

My Disney Magical Experience was full of pleasure. To be with great people and people that I love, to be able to get this chance once again to live again! To see inside the eyes of my grandbaby, while he was hypnotized with fantasy … well I am limited in words to describe how I felt. All I can do is to quote the song from a Disney movie song that says it best …

“Unbelievable sights, indescribable feeling, soaring, tumbling, freewheelingthrough an endless diamond sky. A whole new world. Don't I dare close my eyes. A hundred thousand things to see…

Hold your breath - it gets better.

I'm like a shooting star. I've come so far. I can't go back to where I used to be.

A Whole New World”

My friends join me on my magic carpet ride …

Have a great day!

Love
Mike

“…pick yourself up and get back in the race…”

2008-09-24T14:14:00.000-07:00

That’s life! Am I dating myself with that Frank Sinatra song? Well I enjoy some of the words, for example. “…each time I find myself laying flat on my face, I just pick myself up and get back in the race”! For years now that has been how I exist. I have been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king, I’ve been up and down and over and out as I am sure many of us have been. The thing I know and I just always had a gut instinct was that I had to Never Give Up!

In my past my biggest downfall was not that “one binge” that I would have, no, never did any one meal put 100 pounds or 600 pounds on me. It was the behavior that followed that binge that became my problem. Initially it is just the taste of the food itself. Oh the experts may say it is the “salty taste, or the sweet taste”, all I know is that it is the “Good Taste” that sets me off. Let me not lie, pizza taste good and never did one slice of pizza ever satisfy me.

Anyway, there I would be struggling along “dieting” following one program or another, one gimmick or some new idea! Doing well for a while, numbers dropping, clothes drooping, and compliments coming and then one day (with or without a reason) I just was not going to have one more balanced “healthy” choice. I would give into the voice, I would weaken to the struggle, I would fall prisoner to the drive, and I became a slave to the compulsion of the self –gluttonous, self–destructive, yet un-controllable behavior. I would eat until there was just no more left; I would eat as if it was the last hour in earth’s being. At that moment nothing else counted, just consume as much food, as fast as I could. I was in a trance. Then often (not by my own power) but for some reason those many moments would be over. Then I had to deal with the after.

What did the after consist of? Guilt! The whys? “Why did I do that? Why did I blow the diet! All my hard work I wasted! It is just not going to work, I can not do it”! Then the next thoughts…. “Oh, I should have had bacon and eggs too or maybe crumb cake”. “Well I can not start the diet again without having a pound of bologna, I will have to have that tomorrow and then I will restart the diet the next day”!

The problem is the next day rarely comes and if it does it usually is a year (and 75 pounds) later.

That is the difference now!

I know that if there is a choice that I make now, that may not be the best one for me. A choice that in the past would have lead to an endless battle of guilt and self-destruction, just does not have to be that way anymore.

If I find myself lying flat on my face, I just have to pick myself up and get back in the race!!! I am an okay person! I am a human being, who at times, I may need to make adjustments in my life, and that is fine! Life is not a mathematical equation and sometimes 2+2 is not always going to easily add up to 4. Sometimes you have to help it along a bit. So why not, I am worth the effort, you are worth the effort!

I am thrilled to have a second (and third and fourth) chance if necessary. I am here today, I am alive today, and I am enjoying my life today because of second chances and my ability to, “not give up”.

My wife reminded me of something today. She had asked me what I was doing today and I told her I was blogging. She asked me about what and I told her. She reminded me that my “picking myself up” has given me an opportunity. An opportunity that I would like to share with you.

Twenty years ago, this past January I was at my lowest, and the year “2008” was not even a thought in my head. Then there was May of 1996, when they were taking me out my window with a forklift, in front of the whole world to see, “2008” was not even a dream of mine. Yet resilience, perseverance and just good old “attitude” of not giving up, has allowed me to be where I am today.

I am enjoying my life as if I was 25 years old once again; everyday is a new experience or just and old one that I may have forgotten. The point is that all us need to realize that our recovery, our quest to get well will not go without a bump here or there. Anything any of us strives for, go for, set out to do, will at times come up against a glitch or two. It is up to us to push forward, get through the storm and the bright days are in the future.

I have struggled for a long time, some times too long to think about but every battle every win, every backslide is worth the chance to be here today! Right where I am! Who I am!

Picking ourselves up, allows us to live ….not only live but also to be alive!

I say, I am going to be a player. It is a lot more fun to be a player than to be an observer and ultimately a victim. A player can play at any level, no matter what our physical limitations we may have.

So if you find yourself lying flat on your face, just pick yourself up and get back in the race …as long as you are in the race, YOU ARE A WINNER!

Good Luck my dear friends

Love

Mike

Today is Just Another Day

2008-09-11T13:13:00.000-07:00

Just another day. You know those days where there is no “Pomp and Circumstance”, no parties going on, no company coming over, no events, no plans ….just another day. These for many of us are the majority of days and very often the days that for me in the past were the hardest to deal with (especially when it came to my eating problems). Today is just another day, how easy that can be stated and how untrue it really is.

Just another day, who am I kidding, it is “just another day”, a day that I have awoke, that I get a chance to enjoy a sunrise. A bird sings in my yard and I hear it. I open the door and fresh air blows gently over my face. Just another day to watch a TV show, or to smile, or get to enjoy my grandson. Another day to be able to love and be loved by my wife, son, family and friends. Another day to be a player in this game we call life! How thankful I am to be this player!

Let us not forget what this day really is (the day I am writing this blog). This is a day no American, no world citizen will ever forget, today is September 11th 2008 “911”. Is it “just another day”, to over 3,000 families and loved ones, of those poor innocent people who perished so needlessly, so innocently, so tragically. I spent part of my day watching the reading of those poor victims’ names and as they read, those names I could not help notice how many were in there twenties and thirties. Having a thirty-year-old son, I could not imagine the pain, the horror of it all. All I can say is God bless theses special souls and their loved ones left behind.

If I think about it and maybe not on such a large scale (as 911) but what might be “just another day” for me and you, in someone else’s life it is a very important date. There are no days that are, “just another day”.

I know I needed to look at every day as an important day for me in order to make important changes in my life. To make healthy changes. If it were “just another day” then I would eat whatever I wanted today and then tomorrow on an “important day” I would do the right thing. Wrong! I am just as important today as I am on Christmas Day, Fourth of July, tomorrow or the next day! I am important and so is every day that I am alive.

We need to appreciate this day and everyday and make every day count …for us! We have to do the right things for ourselves just as much today as we should have done yesterday and certainly will do tomorrow.

Not everyday will there be an obvious “parade” but if you look very hard and listen real well you will hear the drums, you will see the floats and enjoy the clowns. You make those days special, even if it is just by doing something nice for someone ….even like yourself.

You wake up; you are ahead of the game and what a game it will be. Let us face it, you can look at a day and deal with a day in a two ways.
One outlook --- “oh man, another day, I don’t feel well, I am alone, I am overweight, I have no money, I can’t eat right, da da da da da”. Another outlook could be “wow, what a great day (even a cloudy, rainy day has beauty), I am alive, I get a chance to make healthy choices, I am going to make myself happy in some way today, I am a lucky person”!

Therefore my friends I know what is working for me and having a positive outlook about my life (even at the low moments), looking for that silver lining, appreciating the journey, taking one step at a time, looking at that glass as so “half full” has helped me lose over 300 pounds in three years. What is even more important than the numbers is the inner feeling of peace. I do not want you or myself to think that I am totally relaxed, I know that I am an addict (food) and I will always be an addict. Yet my positive outlook and attitude, my dealing with each battle as it arises, has helped me now, in the moment and making my life work. So far for three years, thank God!

So if you are one of those who have a little difficulty looking on the bright side, give yourself a chance, begin to love yourself, see that glass as half full. You will begin to realize that there is reason for joy in almost all times of living itself.

Those of my friends that see that silver lining, well that is great! A little suggestion (if you do not already do so) share a smile with someone (especially one who may find it difficult to see that glass as half full) I promise the rewards will be great.

Bless you all; bless all the families and victims of 911

To all my friends have a great rest of this wonderful day and a special tomorrow …

Love

Mike

Just Twelve Pounds

2008-08-28T23:57:00.000-07:00

Just twelve pounds, in the past that would be an immediate excuse for me to go on a binge. Let me explain. In the past when I was “dieting” and trying to lose weight, I was a slave to the scale. I would weigh myself in the morning, afternoon, and evening. I would weigh myself before a shower and then of course after a shower (hey dirt has weight too). I would take a drink of water, weigh the glass of water, weigh myself before drinking it and then after I drank it, just to see how much weight I gained. Yes, I was compulsive and obsessed with that scale.

Then numbers were a big part of this “weigh” of life. I wanted to see how much weight I lost in a day, a week, a month. Not only was I interested in these numbers but it seemed like many of my family, friends were too. As a matter of fact the whole world seemed interested. A common greeting to me, would be “Hi Mike, how much weight did you lose this week”? Believe me if that number was not high (in the double digits) many of them did not hesitate to say, “Oh, you had a bad week”? Some people might think nine pounds in a week was not bad but for Mike Hebranko it was not good enough. Not even for my own standards.

This is a “heavy” burden to put on oneself, a lot of pressure to be under. This way of life I truly believe was part of (not totally) but part of my overall unhealthy way of losing my weight in the past. Probably contributed to me gaining so many times, my weight back.

Part of my “new outlook”, my new “weigh” of life, what I like to call, my "journey down the road of recovery” is …
I do not have a scale in my home!!! I now weigh myself once every three months and that is at my doctor’s office, only because she requires it.

I do not care what I weigh. What I do care about is how I feel. Am I feeling well, am I able to do more things each day. Am I making progress and yes am I eating within my plan? If I can answer yes to these questions then I know I am getting better and better with each day.

To many times in the past, have I played the “number” games only to lose at the end, and I am not talking about losing weight. Yes, I would lose weight, only to gain it back and then some.

I knew that changes had to be made. I knew that with each experience, I had to learn something and I did. It may have taken a long time, it may have even almost cost me my life at times. I know that some people around me today may not exactly understand or even agree with me and my methods, attitudes or the way I do things. Yet I know, what is working for me. I know how I feel in my head. I have come to a point in my life (over the last few years) where I am achieving an inner peace and a certain co-existence with my own disease (my eating addiction). No longer am I in a race, no longer am I looking for the magic answers, no longer am I trying every new diet, gadget, and procedure out there to lose weight.

I have realized that food is here to stay, I will have to eat at least three meals a day for the rest of my life and if I want to have any length or quality to that life, I better find some way of life, that is going to work for me and hopefully forever.

My twenty years of serious searching and trying to win this battle, plus being in the rehabilitation center for the 36 months I have had a realization. What works for me, is not starvation, not depravation, not elimination, what works for me is simple. Exactly …simple. K.I..S.T. Keeping It Simple for Today! I will basically eat about 1200 to 1400 calories a day and simple ones. Tuna for lunch, Chicken for dinner, simply prepared, sometimes a mushroom omelet made with eggbeaters. There may be occasions where I may go to 1600 calories or a little more (a wedding, party, etc); otherwise, I try not to stimulate the taste buds to much. I am not talking about the taste buds on my tongue but the taste buds in my mind! The better it looks, the better it taste, then the more I want and boy, if I want more and if I cannot control that urge, I can eat a tremendous amount food. I know this because I have done so in the past, (remember 1,000 pounds).

Now in the old days if I was on 1200 calories, the weight would melt off and the numbers would drop on that scale like a “hot potato”. A fact, now due to all the years of yo-yo dieting, losing weight (body muscle) and then gaining it back (more body fat), and along with getting older has effected my metabolism greatly and the weight just does not come off like it use too.
That is okay, it is what it is. I am thankful that it is coming off at all.

Back to “Just Twelve Pounds”. Therefore, I am at the doctor’s office, I get on the scale with no anticipation in my body, the digital number begins to appear. I had lost another 12 pounds. That is 12 pounds in three months, a pound a week! Some may say “just a pound a week”, I say “are you kidding”? The thing is I am not gaining.

My body is slowly losing the weight and this is a good thing for me. I say, I have no goals (as far as weight numbers) this time. If I never reach that number goal then I do not have to worry about “then what”! I know I cannot lose forever and eventually I will have to deal with some kind of maintenance and I have an Idea of how to do that when the time comes. It will be a while.

Twelve pounds, when those people say, “That is not so good”; I think to myself “you are entitled to your opinion”. Some even come to the brilliant conclusion, “you must be eating”. “Guess what? I am eating. Three times a day, everyday”.

If I need to boost my ego, I could tell people or just remind myself that in the past three years I have lost over 320 pounds or that I have lost over 100 pounds since I am home from rehab. (14 months). The one I love the best for some reason is when I got on the doctors scale this week I was 380 pounds.

I love that because that means getting around better. It means having one of the best summers I had in many many years. It meant attending family weddings, christenings, going to Atlantic City for the day and even for the first time in over 15 years I was able to stand by my wife’s side when we recently had to say goodbye to her (our) dear Aunt Ruthie a lovely lady who past away. She will be missed dearly. I was able to be like any other husband and be with my wife and her family through this terribly sad time. Let me mention we traveled over 100 miles to get there and did it two days in a row. To put things in perspective, my dad past away in 1996 and the funeral was a ½ a block from my home and I could not attend.

Three hundred and eighty pounds means a little more freedom than 400 pounds and a lot more freedom than 700 pounds.
As long as I stay focused, stay positive; continue to love life, my family, friends and the good Lord himself things will be okay. I know I have to Keep It Simple, and as long as I can stay “light” in my head, smile as often as possible, my goals will be reached. None of those goals involve numbers (scale numbers).

I will share with you one new goal that has been popping up in my heart lately. When I was a teenager one of the happiest days of my life was the day I opened up the mail and there it was, my “drivers license”, wow what a feeling of joy. Well I had to give up my license and I have not driven now it has to be since about 1993. I am going to drive again, not sure when but I am going to do it! I feel it in my bones, I just have to get my legs to work a little better and be sure to be able to fit behind the wheel, and then…..I am off!

Who knows, maybe I be driving through your town one day and we can say hi!

My friends take it from me, do not play the number games, do not get crazy on what that scale says today, and do not let it rule your life. Better still, concentrate on “change” (do I sound like a politician)? The kind of change that will better the quality of your life.

Let me share something with all of you, even my friends that do not suffer from the “weight” struggles. Change is good (for the most part) especially if it will better your life. If you could smile a little more, feel better about yourself, be more comfortable within your surroundings and with the people around you then begin to make the changes necessary.

Twelve pounds does not drive me crazy, it makes me happy! I lost twelve pounds, I have had a steady loss for three years, and it is a trend and new life for me. More important I have not “binged” for three years. Now that is something I cannot believe I can say. So that twelve pounds represents a new life for me and at 55, a new life is pretty cool! I am a lucky guy!

Lucky to have the people around me that I have, lucky to be able to share my blog with you, lucky to be alive and living better each day!

Have a wonderful day, and appreciate what you have for there is someone out there who has a lot less.

Love
Mike

“Man Plans and God Laughs ….”

2008-08-15T21:06:00.000-07:00

I am writing this on August 16, 2008 and just three years ago on this date, I experienced one of the most joyous events in my life (right up there with the birth of my son and my wedding day), it was the birth of my grandson. I speak from two points of views, the first is like any proud grandparent. A grandchild is such a gift, such a pleasure, they usually come in the “autumn of our lives” and if I may say so my self, the timing is just perfect. When my grandson is near me, or he calls me “GaGa” or I am holding him, every single ache and pain is gone. I can think of nothing else but being at his beckon call for every moment, he needs me. Nothing but pleasure and the most joyous thoughts are in my mind. To, even just look at him brings a feeling of euphoria all throughout my being. Let me share a story with you with this game between him and I that just melts me. My wife (and son) has taught my grandson to enjoy teasing me and he loves to and gets the biggest kick out of it. For example; I will ask him “how much you love everybody in the whole world”, he will proceed to stretch out his little arms as far as can be and say “this much Ga Ga”. Then I will say and much do you love me and he takes his cute little thumb and pointer finger and squeezes it close together and say “only this much Ga Ga” then he will get hysterical laughing. I just melt and eat it up (and at the same time could eat him up too.).

Being a grandpa is a feeling that I just cannot explain. I am sure all my grandparent friends out there can understand, exactly what I am talking about.

Today is special for me for another reason. Now do not get me wrong, I have the greatest amount of respect for the medical professionals (especially my current doctor and the medical team that helps keeps me going) but until I found this current team did I go for an emotional ride! ….

Since I was “eighteen” years of age, all that doctors and many lay people would tell me was “Michael you are not going to live to twenty-one years old, especially if you do not lose weight”.
Then at “twenty-one” the doctors said “for sure you will never see ‘twenty-five’ years of age”. At “twenty-five”, I was told “at over 500 pounds, forget seeing “thirty” years old.

In addition to all that good medical advise, from the time I was ten years old I remember my grandmother saying if I, didn’t “lose weight I would never find a girl to love me and marry me”. Over the years, other family members felt it was there obligation to tell me the exact same thing.

The best was when I did get married I had doctors tell me “at 450-500 pounds you will never become a father you definitely have to lose weight”.

Well, “Man Plans and God Laughs”.
I found a girl to love and marry me and it just happen to be the girl of my dreams. She is not only my best friend, she is my soul mate, my life long lover and she comes with a great family. I am proud to say we will be married “thirty-three” years this coming June. I also became a daddy at twenty-four years old and yes, I was over 450 pounds
(I am not bragging, just saying what is so). By the way, I will be fifty-six on my next birthday.

Besides who ever thought, I certainly did not in my wildest dream ever think, that someday I would be celebrating the third birthday of my grandson. I love humankind and for the most part human beings are great but God is better.

Hey, I am not saying that those doctors were all together wrong, they were basing their opinions on scientific facts and statistics and common sense. Unfortunately, 400, 500-pound people do not live long lives. The quality of life at 800 pounds is compromised. My grandmother and family meant well in their own way, I know that.

Yet you cannot live your life in fear! You have to do the best you can, make the best out of the situation and have faith. All things are possible if you believe. First, you believe, next, you hang on and then you finally do something to make changes.

Change is such a funny thing. You know basically I have either been home bound, hospitalized or in a rehabilitation centers over the last 15 to 18 years, so therefore I have not been out in the world a lot.
Over the last year, I am out at least two to four days a week.

One of the changes I have experienced is, that here in New York (and maybe over the rest of the country)when you go into some of these family type (chain owned)restaurants, they now (on the menus) list the calories counts for the items.

This is a great idea and I believe it is going to revolutionize the way people eat out in the future. It will help change the way people eat. It helps you to do a reality check. An example is that “grilled chicken fajita” that you thought was healthy and a good choice, you are now find out has over 900 calories not to mention the baked potato, sour cream etc.

I now go into these restaurants and just tell the waiter or waitress, “ah, just bring me 165 calorie appetizer and a 400 calorie entrée, It doesn’t matter to me what it is, it could be paper, all I know is I want about 600calories”. They look at me as if I am crazy!

Things have changed out there and it takes time for me (any of us) to adjust but I love every moment of it and I love the opportunity to be able to be a participator rather than a spectator.

Change is good, especially when it is going to improve our life in general.

Yes, I love and appreciate all that my doctors have done for me but I know in my heart that there is a greater force that works through them. That beautiful force I call God.
In spite of what man has said over the years, I get to do something that at age 18, I never thought would happen. I never thought I would even be alive, and yet I did get married have a child and imagine I get to see my grand child celebrate his third birthday!

Thank you Lord, thank you for being in my corner, giving me the strength, sending me the right doctors, the right people in my life, my wife, my son, his beautiful wife and my grand baby….

In addition, I want to wish my “little Ga Ga” a very Happy Birthday to you …even though you only love me a little bit!!!!

To all my friends …… don’t ever lose hope, as long as there is life there is hope, there is a chance. The spark of life burns inside of all of us!

I hope and pray you have a great day and that you do something special for you!

Love

Mike

Ps
I am thinking of starting a Newsletter, please read the details on the right side of the blog page thanks!

What is Important …

2008-08-07T12:07:00.000-07:00

As a little child what was important to me as I can remember was … not getting a beating, my daddy not coming home drunk and my mother and father not fighting. This was an important thing for me. As I got a little older (11-13 years old) the things that were important to me were the same things as a little kid but now there were even more things to add to the list. It was important to bring home good marks from school and for my teachers and neighbors to tell my mother what a “nice kid”, “a good boy” I was. It was also important to me if my few friends I had were, going to play with me without making fun of me (because of my weight). Then there was puberty, the teen years, and a completely new group of things that were important to me. Still holding on to all the things that were important to me in the earlier years (although in all due respect my dad had stop drinking, by now, only with an “occasional backslide”) there were additional important things. Girls, my future, career, car payments, a job and college.

Many things happened to me in my twenties and the things that were important to me were interesting. Oh some great things happened to me in my twenties (some of which how great they were I really did not get at that moment). I got married, I became a daddy, I was successful in business, and I bought a house, cars, and things.

Things! I think that is what was becoming more important to me … things. I was the first in the neighborhood to have a “radar oven” a VCR (as big as a TV almost) Sound 8mm movie cameras and projectors and screen, phone in the car, taking vacations. These were important things to me. Working long ours, making money and not being poor were important to me. I was poor as a child and I did not want to be poor as an adult or for my child to want for anything. I remember as a child if I wanted something (and I was an only child), we would have to save forever before I would get it. I did not want this for my son or for my family. It was important to me that if the three of us wanted it we got it before the end of the sentence came out of our mouth.

All these things, that were important to me, came with a price! First, it was an opportunity for me to feed my disease (literally feed it). I had unlimited money and resources. Working so hard and such long hours allowed me not to take the time to take care of myself. The other big price I paid was that, trying to take care of my family so hard, I lost out, on my family so much!

Working so much took time away from them but even more not taking care of myself took its toll on my body and health and in the end robbed my family of me. Slowly I could not or would not be part of their lives on many levels. I tried in many ways to be there but it was not the same.

It amazes me even now as I write about the “then me” how I have changed. I do not know the day or time it happened but I do know now that now in my fifties “things” are so not important to me anymore.

What is important to me, now? People are important! My wife, my son, his family, oh yes my grandson, oh how I adore that little guy! He brings me such joy, and he loves to tease me and I love every minute of it.

The truth is I never got the joy from my “Radar Oven” or VCR that I got from being in a swimming pool this weekend with my grandson. Experiences are important to me.

I find now that the things that are more important to me now are less the things that I can buy but rather the gifts of life itself.
My family and friends are important to me. They are gifts of life. The opportunity to take care of myself is important to me, this is a gift of life (my chance again).

If along my way in my journey I can touch someone else, help someone else, educate someone else about my struggle (our struggle) then this is a gift of life and important to me too.

Yet if it is meant to be for me to spend the next 5 minutes, 5 days, 5 months, 5 years, or 25 years being a good husband, father, father-in-law, GRANDPA, brother-in-law, nephew, cousin, uncle, friend then that is great for me!

It is more important to be a good person, to be a loving person, to be a happy person
rather than to have a billion things!

Hey, my friends have a great day, think of what is important to you …

Love
Mike

For The Want of a Hot Dog …

2008-07-28T15:16:00.000-07:00

For the want of a hot dog, I have given up so much and to be honest I totally do not understand it! I know that by my overeating it has caused loss of quality of my life; it has caused pain in the life of my loved ones, yet in the past I tried but had many backslides. Do I know entirely why this happens, absolutely not! I do not believe anyone on this earth entirely understands why ….yet! It is not a fun thing to live with! Yet…

I openly admit that I was am and always will be addicted to food and I have had major problems controlling the amount of food that I can consume. An example of that would be “Hot Dogs”. In the past, I have been known to eat a great number of hot dogs (frankfurters). You may ask (out of curiosity) how many would that be, well the number is not important but 20 to 30 at a sitting would not be unheard of. Surprised? Well do not be. I was a man who could be over 1,000 pounds at times and I am not one of those overweight people who you hear say, “I don’t know how I got to this weight because I do not really eat”! No that is not I. “I admit, I can eat, and eat a lot”! I am not proud of this fact; it just is what it is. When I am not doing well, I eat tremendous amounts of foods and it is for this reason, I have paid an expensive price. You know what it has cost me? Well, let me tell you by telling you where my life is now, compared to where it was five summers ago, or even two summers ago.

Five summers ago I was literally stuck in bed, well over 800 pounds and not being out of the house in years (other than to be removed to be taken to hospitals). Two summers ago, I was spending each day in a Rehabilitation Center in Queens New York, working on getting physically better. I came home last June 30th and let me tell you where my life is physically right now (minus a short intermission, due to my little heart problem, which is doing much better now).

First as many of you know (I posted about it) in the beginning of June I attended a Christening of a beautiful little girl, who I had the privilege of being her Godfather. I was able to attend the church and participate in the ceremony including climbing the alter steps (that had no railings) with a little help of my son. Afterwards, I attended the party, which was miles from my home, and if I may say so, I had a great time. In contrast, my baby (my grandson) who was Christened a little less than three years ago, was done so without his grandpa, (me) being there … physically at least.

Since June, I have traveled to Downingtown, Pa. to the 60th wedding anniversary of my Aunt and Uncle, what a beautiful couple they are. Aunt Eva and Uncle Steve are the kindest, warmest, most generous people you would ever want to know. At my sickest moments throughout the years, it did not matter how they were feeling or how far they were from me. They would get in their car, (most of the time alone, some times with my cousins) and come all the way to New York to see me. I missed their 50th anniversary (my family attended); I also missed my aunts 80th birthday (my family attended). Therefore, when I received the invitation for this party a couple of months ago I said if I had to go on a stretcher, I was going. Well no stretcher was needed, I was able to get into an auto (a minivan, I sat upfront, with a seatbelt, no extension belt!) and my wife drove for 2 ½ hours down to Pennsylvania and I was able to visit them for a change. I also got to see my cousins and their families and I got to see cousins whom I haven’t seen for a while and their children who I never had the pleasure of meeting (boy am I getting old but thank God for that). It was a great experience.

We drove back that night and were able to attend Mass and just be thankful for a great day. The next day was another memorable day. Once again, we got into the car and we drove over an hour and half into Long Island (Suffolk County) where I was able to go visit the gravesites of my mom and dad. Now I have not been there in over 20 years, my mom has been there first (she passed away over 30 years ago and my dad joined her 12 years ago). I have never been to the cemetery since my dad died. As a matter, of fact when my dad past away and the funeral home was a half a bloc k from my home and I could not attend his funeral, I could not leave the house. Unfortunately, there were many events that I could not attend, both sad and joyous ones.

I think some of the hardest ones I missed were the ones that involved my son’s life. Is school plays, is little league baseball games, parent teachers conference and his High School Graduation was a rough one. Not to mention I could not be there when my son went through open-heart surgery! When he became a daddy! Why?

All because of my relationship with food. Yet it seems to be changing at this moment. All of a sudden, there are these events and I do not have to wait home anymore and ask everyone “how was it”? Who was there, what were they wearing and did anyone ask about me”? These kinds of questions are not asked anymore. All of a sudden, I look around and I am part of it. I am a player, instead of a spectator. Wow, how much fun is that? Who would have ever thought it could happen again …another chance

My life is so different now. Instead of watching Mass every Sunday morning on the television, I am now in Church every Sunday morning or Saturday evening. I go out with my wife to a restaurant now sometimes. We go shopping; we go for drives and just look at the world around us. We get to visit her mom, family, and friends. Yesterday once again I was able to be a guest again at a beautiful Christening of the grand-daughter of my very close and dear cousin. It was a lovely day with lovely people. I was not able to be at the Christening of her first grand-daughter but I am thankful and grateful for being part of this one.

While I was out to Long Island last week, my wife and I got to spend some time with friends who we knew from the rehabilitation center. We had a beautiful day by his pool with his family and some mutual friends. It was great to just sit out there and socialize instead of wondering (as I would have in the past) what was everyone was doing while I was at home …probably eating in darkness.

This next weekend I am going on a short vacation for a couple of days.
I have plans for every weekend for the month of August (look at me Mr. Social Butterfly). Then if God willing we are planning a fall vacation to Disney World with my grandson (who has been there twice already, bless him). I get to watch his face light up while he sees his hero’s like Mickey and Captain Hook. A dream of mine, which will come true.

Can I still eat 20 hot dogs? In a heartbeat! I am very well aware of that and must never forget it or let my guard down. Are there some days I go a little overboard? In all honesty not “days” at least not in a long while. There may be moments, a meal, and a situation where I may over indulge and that is when I am reminded that I am still an addict. I know I cannot let that moment or meal turn into a day anymore. Not anymore!

Not for the “want of a hot dog” am I willing to give it al up! I love my renewed life. It is so much better than the bed. The bed is good for 6 to 8 hours a day (for sleep and rest) but that is it (unless for some unfortunate reason you find yourself having to be there).
If you do not have to be in bed then get up! The world, the wonderful world is passing us buy. It may have its bumps, but it is still a beautiful world, bumps and all.

Do not let the want of a hot dog or extra piece of cake or cookies, (or anything like that) ever hold you back again! Now is the time to make the right choice!

I personally enjoy being included and part of life. Next year I want to be even more involved with maybe a little less effort on the part of my family (to help me). I know if little by little I keep trying, working at it, doing my best and willing to be patient with myself and if necessary pick myself up and keep on going forward…then I know I will make it!

What a gift we all have today, and that gift is, today itself! Make the rest of today a great one. Give someone a call, tell someone you love them, smile, and laugh a little and most of all ….

Do something good for you.

Peace

Love
Mike