Saturday, April 26, 2008

FEELINGS ….”To Err is Human to Forgive is Divine”

Forgive or forgiveness, emm, I am not sure that forgiveness is a feeling or not but I think it is important to talk about at this time.

Forgiveness is a big word and (pardon the pun) a “heavy’ concept. Let me start with this analogy. A day is a day, and each day is a beautiful thing and we are blessed to experience any day. Yet lets be honest with ourselves, some days are a little nicer than others. I am not talking about anything that may be going on in your personal lives but just the day in itself.

Take a day when the sun is shinning, there is a nice warm breeze (not to hot), the air smells clean, you can hear the birds in the trees and mother nature is at her best. Tell me, that is not nicer than a day where there is overcast? A day when you know the sun is out but where it is out, who knows. The temperature is chilly; there is not a bird insight (except maybe a gull if you live by water). It is dreary, damp, and you just push yourself to do anything. Think about it for a second …… okay time is up!

When you are angry, bitter, or full of hate it is like those damp dreary days. Your life is like there is a cloud overhead. You don not want (consciously or subconsciously) to function, at your fullest. There is always this something there. Yet if you can forgive, truly forgive, then the “sun shines”!

Your life is now free, clean, fresh, bright, and yes chippy!

Easier said than done! Yes, of course it is. Does it take work? Definitely! Is it worth it? Well you tell me, would someone want a life clouded and gloomy (holding on to bad feelings of anger, hate, despair) or would someone want a life open, fresh, clean, bright, filled with hope and joy? A life that is more suitable to taking care of things, especially ones on person!

Believe me I know that some people (and situations) are easier to forgive than others are. Sometimes the hurts are tiny, not meaningful, without too much damage. Then other times they scream out with all reasons not to forgive. Yet we need to forgive, so we can go on!

Forgiving is a process and one that takes practice sometimes. I have learned to try to put things into perspective. Often I find forgiving easy. The little things are easier to forgive, especially if it is our loved ones, we are forgiving, (although they can often hurt the most).

Then there are the deep rooted, angers and hurts. Sometimes from as long ago as our childhood, where there might have been physical, sexually, mentally, and/or emotional abuse. Often the problems may be relationships gone badly, where there where all kinds of hurts and horrible things done to you. People often hurt people, and forgiving these people, is not easy to do and often not the thing you sometimes want to do.

Yet keep in mind that forgiving, sometimes can be sort of a selfish act. In, the fact, that it is for your own benefit, that you do forgive. This way, you can go on with your life. That your life can be free of this so call, “cloud” this “darkness”.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting or necessarily even renewing that particular relationship. If the person who hurt you is still around and you never speak to them again, so be it (if that is what you want and works for you). Just do not let hatred, anger, and the bad times of the past, rob you now of the present and of the future.

You need to feel the best you can, if you want to do the best you can.

Therefore work on the forgiveness thing (you may even need the help of a friend, professional, and/or religious advisor), just do whatever it takes to help you get past it and past it in a healthy way.

Get rid of the dirty laundry, and you will feel the freshness of springtime, within yourself.

Forgiveness gives me power. A power I love to feel and experience. I like to be able to forgive and I hope that I too can be forgiven when the time (s) come.

Have a great smiling and inner healthy day




Anonymous said...

Dear Mike
I hurt so much inside and for so long and from so many people that I can not begin to forgive. When you have been hurt as I have been right from a little child and now as a Senior Citizen it still is a black part of my life. A day a moment does not go by when the hurt is not thee so how to I forgive. Many of the people who hurt me are gone so it is even to late to forgive them.
Michael I think you are a wonderful guy but this time with the forgiveness thing I am not sure I can agree with you. Although I would love too.

Anonymous said...

Hi Mike.........

Its been a few blogs...but i didnt have a working computer for a bit... and also am so sorry that we couldnt get a good time for a meet during my last trip in as I would have so wanted to come see you and madelaine and the family. Heres hoping all is well and just wanted to let you know knowwwwwwwww i just couldnt let this one just slip slide I have worked so hard on letting things go and working on anger and I thank God for having you in my life all the time. You have helped light up some very dark hallways for me in my past. Unfortunately with all the work I have done I have found that "Forgiving" seems to be one of the HARDEST.

That is the hardest because with all I have come through as you always remind me, its unfortunate that the more recent or adult friends/people in my life who I counted as some of those nearest and dearest to me ....unfortunately were some of the ones to hurt me the most, after all else is said and done.. by now you would think I would be able to just brush it off and walk away. I just wish it were that easy.

I have always learned that the best way or the biggest way to make a point is to totally ignore someone, and I could never ever do that, yet after so many years I have had that done and I am not sure I could even find a way to start forgiving some people now. Now the most important thing to me is to learn how to deal with the hurt and not eat over it when its a constant reminder for me when I do blogs or move on with life. How do you just turn things off and move on? Thank god for Robin who tries to make me laugh about it all. She tries to make me look at it as if it was a whole other part of my life that I need to let go but I know thats not the answer. I just know the answer isnt that extra snack either.

Thanks choo for allowing me the space to empty this basket of lunacy.

Stay strong and healthy as i plan to try to ....and love to the family......

your singaling

Anonymous said...

Hi Mike
A lot of wisdom is what you say and a lot of hard work on my part.
I have a lot of baggage that I carry with me and for good reason. Not to sure if I can let it go, although I sure wish I could.
I have read your posting three times and I know I must get on with my life. I am trying
Thanks Mike for all the good you try to do

Anonymous said...

Dear Mike
I saw you today in Manhattan. I wanted to come over to you an introduce myself but I was too nervous. I have to tell you that you look great and are such an inspiration.
Keep up the great work and speaking out.

Anonymous said...

I love your writings but have to disagree with you on this one. I refuse to forgive someone who has raped me and I will hate him and never forgive him for as long as I live.
Do you believe that is why I am over 300 pounds and can not lose the weight?
Respectfully I remain,


Anonymous said...

I come to Mike's blog often but never really comment. I just like to read what he has to write and share. Yet when I read your comment I have to say that I feel real bad for you. You must be in a lot of pain.
My Heart is there for you.
Your friend in cyberspace

Mike Hebranko said...

This is a general Comment to those of my friends to whom it may apply.

I post what I feel, then when I respond to some of the comments you may make, in no way do I even pretend to think, that I am a professional.

I am only experienced on my own feelings (and that is still a learning process) and and my lessons that I have been exposed to.

When I write, I am willing to share with my friends and the world in the chancce that I might be able to help a bit. That help may just come in the form af a little self enlightment, that would be great.

To those of us who do not go through the daily struggle of fighting "the battle", those people I hope to maybe just shed a little light on our problem our struggle. Educate the public of what being overweight and/or morbidly obese really means.

Therefore when we deal with feelings, whether it be anger, loneliness, forgiveness etc. All I know is that we need to clear up these emotions that might be preventing us from taking care of ourselves.

Some people can do this on there own and that is fine. Yet some of us (I have been there) need professional help. Good for us for reconizing that fact and seeking the help we need, to get our life working.

The point is we need to do whatever we need to do (in a healthy way) to get well!

So, my friends who are brave enough to share their comemnts of their feelings with us on this blog, I say thank you. I have to tell you I know that you are helping others in many ways but the most important thing is to take care of you.

If those pains are too deep rooted for you to handle by yourself, remember you are not alone. Seek out the help. That journey in it self is part of the cure!

Love you
Good Luck
Thanks for the moment

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear Singaling
I know you received my email. Keep posting it is always great to see what you have to share.

Love Ya

Mike Hebranko said...

Hi Lydia
I know where you are coming from. Some of the people who hurt me the most are no longer here either. I persoanlly needed some professional help to work it out. The truth I am still working it out but I have no hate, anger, and I do forgive and trust me the hurt was painful.
Me telling you how I do it, probably wouldn't help you. Each of us have to work it out ourselves and inwhatever way we need to do.
Lydia you sound like a sweet lady and I know what thing you desreve peace and health.
So don't give up!!!

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear Tami
Trust me it is not easy but I can share one thing with you. You say that you are trying!

I believe that is one of my seacrets. I keep trying and as long as you keep trying you won't fail in the long run!

Go get em

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear Barbara
next time come onn over and say Hi! I would be glad to share a smile and a nice little chat with you.

We are all just human!

Love ya

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear sweet Anonymous

I have to agree with Larry and say I can only imagine your pain. But my dear sweet friend you are not alone. There is help for you, There is healing in your future and you certainly deserve to have it.
Don't give up Looking and you will find it

Keep in touch

Anonymous said...

Michael you always amaze me. In your will to live and your attitude. Now your words that you share with us show a lot of wisdom.
I personally agree with you about forgiveness. My life was not working as long as I was holding on to that anger, and hate and not willing to forgive my offenders. Why? They didn't care what I was going through. It was not easy but I am getting past it and I feel lighter, inside.
So Mike your right some of us need extra help and there is nothing to be ashamed about. Getting our life in order is the most important thing.
Mike the world is a better place with you in it ...

Anonymous said...

Forgiveness.....i know before i can start forgiving others i need to forgive myself first, becasue without that how can i even think to do it to others...and im learning how to forgive myself slowly...i forgive myself for allowing certain things to happen in my life and for allowing me to mess will take time to forgive the abuse and the mental anguish but i know in time i will be able to do that.....i keep so much bottled up inside that some days i am so ready to explode....but each day i work at it and each day i get stronger....and each day i know i want to make it...
So i now leave you with some words.....

Be Yourself... truthfully.

Accept Yourself... gratefully.

Value Yourself... completely.

Treat Yourself... generously..

Balance Yourself... harmoniously.

Bless Yourself... abundantly.

Trust Yourself... confidently.

Love Yourself... wholeheartedly.

Empower Yourself... prayerfully.

Give Yourself... enthusiastically.

Express Yourself... radiantly.

Honor Yourself... purposefully.

Much love and hugggs Carol

Anonymous said...

this is to annonymous.....

pssst its carol and i would so love to hear from you.....hear what is going on with you...its been way too long ....huggggsssssssssssssssss and love

Anonymous said...

ok sorry last post was actually to singalong

Mike Hebranko said...

Hi Lisa
You got it!!!!
Usually the offenders do not care, (sometimes they are remorseful) either way, you have to go on with your life.
Lisa I am inspired by your attitude keep us informed with your progress and we are all here for each other.
Good luck
My love and best wishes

Mike Hebranko said...

My dear friend Carol
Love Your little saying (poem). Sounds good to me.

I will probably use it with your permission in the future.

Two other things, email me your email address. I wanted to email you today but did not have your email address.

Don't take to long to forgive yourself. I know you and you're a good person and do not deserve the hard time.
Love ya

Anonymous said...

Hi Mike, and thanks for setting up this blog. My husband is morbidly obese (near 800 pounds) I don't know what to do. Can you give some advice on how to take care of him. When you were his size did you have a home health aid? Family to care for you? How did you pay for the meals? I am going broke and missing work. Who can I speak to? Did you get any medical/disability? Thanks. Linda from Boston.

joan said...

Dear Mike-
2am- just saw you on Oprah-- Sooo inspired by your story and words- I weigh roughly 145lbs- never really struggled with my weight, but I find your positive attitude and the wisdom to keep it- something we all strive for. I will hold your many wise words and you in prayer in my heart- Thanx for sharing- what a blessing! Just what I needed on today and congrats on the grandkids!

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