How could I even dare to attempt to make a New Years resolution? What would I say? How about, “I will go on a diet this year and lose weight”. Emmm, how original, I never said that one before! In a pig’s eye I didn’t. I can not begin to share with you how many times, how many years, how many resolutions started out, just like that one, “I will go on a diet …”! Not doing it this year, I will not set myself up, just to fail. In the past I would make that same old commitment to myself and when I would find myself in trouble, eating out of control, it would be just another excuse for me to eat some more. Why not? I failed at my resolution once again, munch, munch, munch, etc.
Not this year! 2007 has been a good year, a great year for me, I am in a better place both mentally and physically than I was 300 days ago and certainly 600 plus days ago. It has been a losing year for me (weight wise). This I have not been able to say for many years. I am more mobile than a year ago, I am home with my family and the past six months I have gotten the opportunity of a lifetime (one I never thought I would ever see). I have gotten to experience, interact, play and love my grandson, more than I could have ever imagined. What a blessing this has been!
Now for 2008 do I have resolutions, goals etc? Sure I do. I resolve not to be such a nag to my sweet wife. She is not responsible for me not being able to do the things I would like to be doing. She is, has been and always will be an angel to me. She is my soul mate and has put up with things that no human being (in my opinion) could do. She is a super gal, so I resolve to try to make her life a little easier (as far as I can do). I also resolve not to be so “OCD”. I don’t know when it happened and I am not even sure if I officially am but as I get older, I seem to become more like Jack Nicholson in “As Good As It Gets”. I need things done in certain ways; things have to be just so, it drives me crazy and the people around me, are not so thrilled with this either. So I will try not to be so … so, well you know. To be honest I am not to sure even these two resolutions are working out and it is only the 3rd of January.
Yet I will try to work on those things. As far as food and dieting go, no resolutions, not at all! It is about a way of life and what is better for me. I know it is better for me to eat sensibly and to move as much as I can and if by chance January 3rd 2009 I happen to weigh less than I do today, well then that is a good thing.
To all my dear friends, let’s stick together, remember it is a “weigh of life”, and also keep in mind “it’s not to late for 2008”.
Happy and Healthy New Year
Love ya
Mike
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18 comments:
my dearest michael, first i want to say thank u for the very nice things you had to say on my blog to friends. i try not to say names as i want everyone to feel welcome never a click. the day i saw you walk into the diner and be able to be out with the world is my happiest memory of 2007. i loved your resoloutions they seem like a great goal to work on . mine this year is to let go of all my anger at people and the world for the cards i have been dealt or just angry in general. i say i want to get rid of all my anger cause i want to shoot for the moon to allow for imperfection. no college could have taught me all the lessons you have taught me and i want to wish you the best 2008 ever and i plan to be in your life for a very long time...yourfriend stacey
Hello Blog-world!
2008 resolutions eh? I have 2 of them this year: #1. To search for me and do everything humanly possible to not only find me but get me back with a vengence!
I want to find that girl who loved life so much that waking up in the morning was the thrill of her day and she'd go around the house tickling family giggling her good-mornings and whisper to them "kiss me". That the smell of fresh brewing coffee and a cup of fruit was heaven to her and NOT 3 eggs over easy w/a bagel loaded w/butter, extra bacon, an extra large juice and coffee w/½ & ½ and 3 sugars! I want to blow up places with HUGE cheap specials that make it sound like you're getting a bargain with all that food! Sure, the money you save will pay for your quadruple bypass down the line or maybe your funeral! AND THERE'S NO DISCOUNT FOR THOSE other than YOUR LIFE that just got discounted! UGH! I want to find that girl that when she turned on her favorite music would dance with the broom stick while doing house chores. She was such a happy girl who got lost somewhere between a tough childhood, an abusive marriage and a very nasty divorce.
I think this year I got some reliable tips to where she can be found and even think I came close to spotting her a few times, so I'll be out searching my little heart out for her and when I find her... WATCH OUT WORLD! She's gonna come find you next and make you dance with a broom! :)
#2. Is to get to my doctor appointments no matter what!
I'd like to say I'm going to find her and bring her back for my loved ones (son, family, friends) but I got to bring her back for ME FIRST, if not, she'll be no use to anyone else. Besides, if I find her and bring her back, she'll make sure the rest of the weight comes off, stays off and is around to enjoy life and her loved ones year after year!
Hugs and smooches to all!
...Diana (aka Sherlock lol)
I read this and i hear resolutions and i automatically think failure....so this year i am not making any resolutions but instead doing a soul searching and finding me the person i use to be...the one who loved to laugh and play and just live life to the fullest...oh wait or was that the person who hid behind all that to hide the fear and pan she felt inside. Well if i had to make a resolution this year then it would be to release the fears and allow the REAL me to shine through...does it sound difficult...no it don't but is it difficult hell yeah....44 years of fears built inside of me...well if i can release just one then i have not failed. So i put on my stomping shoes and figure which fear to release first...oh yes i know the one that hides behind the food like it is a drug...Well 11 years ago today i let go of the drugs and have been clean ever since so today is the day i let go of the main drug and don't allow it to control me anymore but allow myself to control it....ok enough ramblings from me lololol i leave you with this poem of mine
I have been told to hang on
Hang on with all your might
Never dare to give up
Fight with all your soul might
Be fair and kind to your heart
Never break, never loose hope
Surrender to your own kind words
Pick your own self up
Through this all i have had angels as my protection
They will never forsake me
As i fall to my shaken knees and cry out
a prayer
I am reminded these answers i seek
are with in me and always have been
Yanna,
Ok Enough of the food talk I am now wanting two eggs over easy with ketchup and bacon on a roll. I really believe this is the year to find the old you but this time she will have new behaviors. To be honest I dream of dancing with men ,no brooms for me. LOL! Xo stacey
Ackkk! You're so right! NO FOOD TALK! Sheesh! I hate it myself and MAMMA MIA :::slapping forehead::: there I went and did it! Good catch! Sorry to all you out there, my intentions were not to create a crave but to show how disgusted I am with what I used to do... I could have said it differently and will be more aware from now on.
Hey Stacey, as far as dancing with men... GO FOR IT GIRL! I want to too! But when you're sweeping up the kitchen floor play some music and dance with the broom anyways... it makes the chore fun and makes for a great daytime exercise too! Then when the chores are done, take a bubble bath, hit the clubs and dance the night away with Mr. Lucky! THAT makes for a great nightly work-out! :::giggle-giggle:::
Baci! ...Diana
Micheal..I was glad to find this blog...I just watched a program on TLC and cannot believe hoe unbelievably RUDE, UNGRATEFUL and SELF ABSORBED you were. Your attitide toward those paramedics was disgraceful. Rather than thank them for getting you out of that house..even when it could have caused them to hurt themselves you complained. Then when they got you onto the bed...you complained they were too rough...it probably was not easy for them either. Then you complain that you are amazed that when we can put a man on the moon we can't find a way to get large people put of their houses with dignity...good grief I think the tax payers have paid enough i.e the medical expenses for all of those people in Brookhaven who don't work but sem to have enough money to talk on cell phone and prder take out, which by the way should get people kicked out immediately, yuo cannot go to drug re-hab and have your dealer vring drugs daily, ( anyway, I think we all know who is footing the bill for them to be in there). It amazes me that we have children in this country who have cancer and no medical insurance but we have to pay for people to go to a treatment facility for months and even years to loose weight even of they choose to continue to eat...RIDICULOUS. And rather than we grateful, you are rude and act entitled. In looking for an e-mail address for you a read many many blogs that echo these same thoughts and many many people who thought your behavior toward the medical teams was awful..one person wrote that when they saw the way yuo were treating those paramedics they thoght they should have rolled you down the steps. You really owe those people your thanks and apologies and should be grateful for all you have been given. Most of us have to work and pay our own medical bills....I read an article that said your stay at Brooklyn was $7000 per month and paid by Medicad. Skip the snacks, get in shape, stay that way and take care of yourself!!!
Dear annonymous...
I sat here and read your comment in disbelief as I really dont think you have any idea how hard somethings are yet you like society are very judgemental. I can honestly say unless you were there that day and saw what was going on and all the work then who are we to judge anyone I guess okay my defenses going up but I do not believe Mike was rude to any of the paramdeics that day and what might have seemed to be rude was a man in pain and the 100's of people standing around waiting for a show and making it into a 3 ring circus. I hope one day you are never in that circumstance. Why not look at the whole picture and i truly hope no one judges you this way in your life as you have here. Instead of looking at the rudeness that you call it how about looking at the man who is fighting this battle and is learning how to survive and has helped so many people along the way. A man who at times has put everyone else in front of himself and is learning to take those baby steps once again.
I truly wish you a great day annonymous as i sit here in disbelief at peoples judging
:::Grabbing Bullhorn::: "HEY PEOPLE GET OFF THE STREETS QUICK! I BET THIS UNBELIEVEABLE BEAUT HAS ROAD RAGE!
Hey... Mr./Ms. Anonymous Testosterone… If you're going to make an attempt at sounding like you got something important or intelligent to say or offer, can you at least wait until you've completed proper research and became educated on what you're speaking about BEFORE making such an attempt? The 2nd grade mentality level you've demonstrated here is screaming for help!
You would think that somehow in all your "efforts" :::HA!::: you would have come across Michael’s email address or asked for it. Someone with as much confidence as YOU :::pfffft::: couldn’t think to just simply write a little blog entry saying something like this: “Hey Mike, I just watched a show on TLC that disturbed me a bit. Can I have your email address so we could discuss this? I’d like to hear what you might have to say about my concerns on it.” Now doesn't that sound more mature and educated? How old are you? Seems pretty obvious you didn't look for an email address, knew exactly how to find Michael’s blog, and couldn't wait to write something as negative as you could because you're concealing very dark areas within your own self! What’s even worse is that this is a public blog and you tried to convince a very intelligent public that they couldn't figure you out! Tsk tsk tsk... you really showed yourself to be quite the fool.
Not that Michael needs any defense because he's dealt with worse things then the likes of you... But someone needs to inform you that people say things sometimes they may regret when they're suffering, in pain, fearful, etc... If you know ANYTHING about Michael, then you'd also know his tender heart! If he ever said anything offensive to anyone he'd NEVER have to be told to apologize because he would immediately do it on his own the moment he realized. It's obvious you don't know him and even more apparent you know nothing of this disease! What's YOUR excuse for this display of hot air "Mr./Ms. Anonymous Coward"? You're hiding because you knew in advance how wrong what you've done is! You set out to purposefully send out an uneducated hateful message, and didn't want to have to apologize for being a dum-dum! You know what? Take an ANGER MANAGEMENT COURSE! I'm sure in your line of work you won't be able to save enough to pay for the therapy since you couldn't afford to learn how to spell, however you can apply for Medicaid and the taxpayers may find it worth the investment!
I feel sorry for you... In your blog comment it's very clear to see that you're melodramatic, angry, uneducated, miserable, and I even think you were hysterical at one point… Do yourself a favor and take something for that diarrhea of the mouth you have, you've made a mess all over yourself! After you've had some therapy and Imodium THEN "Come-out come-out wherever you are" and try to speak like a mature adult human being who has some self-control and maybe you'll learn a thing or two from a mature discussion... or else just hush-up!
Proud not to have the feeling or need to be in hiding… Diana
PS: Hey Michael... Forgive this poor soul cause he/she obviously doesn't have a freaking clue and can't afford to buy a vowel! :::sigh:::
Michael,
Thank you for this wonderful blog. I was thinking of you (no, we don't know each other) and went online to see if there were any news articles about you or updates and lo and behold the next thing I know I'm reading your very thoughts. I went back and read last year's posts, too, and you have a wonderful way of expressing yourself. It fills my heart with joy to know you're home with your family and enjoying your grandchild.
Love to you and your family,
My dear friends and readers,
First I want to thank you for your time and effort to comment on the blog page. I want so badly for all of us to dialogue and I believe it is healthy to hear different opinions. I appreciate and thank those of you who feel they need to come to my defense, but as one of you said it is not necessary. There are many people out there who just really do not understand the life and situation we live and it is really the belief of many that all we have to do “is push ourselves away from the table” and practice some “will power”. It is that mentality that has held back the medical field so many years from looking for other answers. It is that kind of thinking that has held back funding (both privately and government) to research and find and answer to this problem, that is truly killing so many Americans (human beings worldwide).
Not all people understand and that is okay. It is up to those of us who want to try to educate the general public that we are not “lazy, fat pigs” that just want to give up and wait for a magic answer. Rather we are loving, kind human beings who have all kinds of different reasons for being overweight but, yet we share very common tragic problems. We share lives that hold us back form doing things and being part of things that we would love to be part of. If there are people out there who really believe that I would have rather lied in bed eating a sandwich than have attended my son’s high school graduation …. Well what can I say, except they are wrong! I have never, now get this never, ever gotten over missing my son’s graduation but I have to forgive myself for it.
Let me state this for all those who wish to learn … We do not want to live this way! If we knew some way to take off the weight and keep it off successfully then we would. It is more than just a simple answer otherwise those diet companies and gimmicks would not be making billions of dollars on people trying to save their lives. There must be some other causes and answers … and they are beginning to find out many of these answers. I hope that in my time but most definitely for the upcoming youth of the world who is suffering from obesity already, that there will be answers to a serious problem, a deadly problem.
A couple of more points on this most current interchange of thoughts on my blogg. As for email there is an email address on the blogg page which I am not to sure how it works but you can also email me at michaelhebranko@yahoo.com anytime.
Now for the EMS people and the paramedics. I LOVE THE PARAMEDICS AND THE EMS PEOPLE OF THE WORLD. They have helped save my life on several occasions and the job they do is phenomenal. They put their bodies at risk every time they transport me and people like myself and I am grateful. I also apologize if I came across ungrateful to them. My frustration is not to those people moving me, my frustration is to the technology that is limited out there. My frustration is toward the funds and funding available out there for the equipment to move a human being of size. Maybe some people are right, it cost a lot of money for a place like Brookhaven (there is not many of those places by the way) and maybe it would make more sense to put more money towards research, education, phys ed. back in the schools, to head of the problem before it gets to the point of Brookhaven. Yes and a little money aside so that when people of size, that do want to take care of themselves (and say enough) can go to a hospital and get a CAT scan or MRI or lay in a hospital bed that does not break, and be treated and feel some what normal.
As for when those poor EMS people put me into the bed and I screamed out in pain. The two beds were not even and the did drop me a couple of inches and normally that would not matter but what we found out months latter was my body was full of “rickettes” (not sure of the expression) and besides I have herniated discs in my spine and yes for a second (more than a second) I was in a lot of pain. I am sorry that showed on the TV show, I had no editing say so, it was not my best moment but I am human and sometimes I hurt both physically and mentally and it shows.
Finally yet importantly, let us all play nice together and let us not fight because there is enough of that in the world. Mine is a place where we can say what we want yet be respectful to each other and try to love each other along the way.
Love ya
Mike
Hi, all this is Mike’s wife and I want to thank most of you for your support and good wishes. I would like to share a little with all of you, my life with Mike started more than 30 years ago and before we married the man I admired most asked me are you sure you want to marry Michael. I said dad trust me, I love Michael and there is much more to life than weight. I made my choice and it is one that I have never regretted. We have a life that has been filled with ups and downs but our love has always helped us get through whatever challenges came our way. We have a great family and our son who is married with his own family now, is a blessing from God, as most medical people had told us “it would be hard for us to have a child”. Again, we were blessed in our first ten years of marriage. Mike worked very hard and we lived and loved life like a king and a queen. At over 1000 pounds, Mike earned a great living. However, the years caught up and Mike became disabled and eventually had to go on disability. A very hard choice for him. As life and health became tougher for us, Mike’s health declined and it took over 8 years to find help for someone so obese. We had the money to pay but as many of you know, one sickness can wipe you out. As we became more intense on finding help, Mike became home bound and had to get help to get out of the house this process took over 2 months to get the right people and equipment to get Mike out of the house and to the hospital. Luckily, we did and it was hard for all. Again, God and the doctors were on our side, Mike got another chance, and he has worked hard at getting himself help and getting things changed so that people that are morbidly obese can feel comfortable and safe with getting help. Not everyone is a success but again with addictions there are always a good number of people that fall and have to pick themselves up to start again. I want all of us who suffer from this addiction to remember to never give up and do not let the cynics win because “you will never fail if you keep on trying”.
Boot
Dear Bebe
It was nice to hear from you. I am doing really well and I am carefully, hopefully and excitingly looking forward to 2008. It is great to be home and I love and enjoy my family so much.
I hope you continue to read the blogg and look forward to hearing from you in the future. Good luck to you and May all you wishes and goals come too.
With love and respect
Mike
Boot
Yesterday, today and tomorrow I did, do and will always love you.
Love
Boot
Dear Sash
Thanks for your comments. Your friendship throughout the years has been important to me. Congratulations on your success and may all your dreams come true.
Love
Mike
Dear Diana
You are super!
Dear dear Carol
Not to say things you have heard but "don't give up" and I know you wont. You have worked so hard and tried so hard through out the years. Your will to go on has helped you to survive. You are a fighter and will always continue the fight. Don't search to far, sometimes those answers are right inside of us.
Love ya
Mike
It was wonderful to see Madelaine write here and Madelaine your words were so uplifting as always....You are alwasy the quiet one until you have something to say....You and Mike have been an inspiration for all and know first hand how many times you helped me through times in my life and at times i still hear those words.....I am a fighter do not quit or i would have given up 8 years ago when they told me i had a year to live but guess what im still here....guess im too bitchy to go anywhere huh....
I am very grateful for these blogs here as it inspires me to keep going and doing what i need to do and talking to people who suffer and fight daily with the same issues as i do....I know one day they will come on the news and say yes we have a cure but until then we are the cure for it. we hold the answers deep inside us....now if we all stick together and feed each other the answers then we can do this and we can WIN.....I for one want to let go of all the anger and all the fears that hold me back from this fight and if i can let go of just one i will be happy..So lets keep fighting and moving ahead and supporting each other and realizing we have a life to live and a goal to reach...
Huggss to all who read these ramblings of mine but when i get to typing i dont promise it will make sense ....
Dear Madelaine
My name is Cynthia and I have been following your husbands plight for longer than I can remember. I believe you are the true hero in this story. You are his Angel, and yes ther are his doctors and Richard Simmons and many many friends and those of us who support him but you are in the trenches with him every day. You have been by his side, I see you in the background all the time. You have been with him through thick and thin (pardon the pun). As a hidden friend of your husband I want to thank you so very much.
Cynthia
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