FEELINGS ….”To Err is Human to Forgive is Divine”

Forgive or forgiveness, emm, I am not sure that forgiveness is a feeling or not but I think it is important to talk about at this time.

Forgiveness is a big word and (pardon the pun) a “heavy’ concept. Let me start with this analogy. A day is a day, and each day is a beautiful thing and we are blessed to experience any day. Yet lets be honest with ourselves, some days are a little nicer than others. I am not talking about anything that may be going on in your personal lives but just the day in itself.

Take a day when the sun is shinning, there is a nice warm breeze (not to hot), the air smells clean, you can hear the birds in the trees and mother nature is at her best. Tell me, that is not nicer than a day where there is overcast? A day when you know the sun is out but where it is out, who knows. The temperature is chilly; there is not a bird insight (except maybe a gull if you live by water). It is dreary, damp, and you just push yourself to do anything. Think about it for a second …… okay time is up!

When you are angry, bitter, or full of hate it is like those damp dreary days. Your life is like there is a cloud overhead. You don not want (consciously or subconsciously) to function, at your fullest. There is always this something there. Yet if you can forgive, truly forgive, then the “sun shines”!

Your life is now free, clean, fresh, bright, and yes chippy!

Easier said than done! Yes, of course it is. Does it take work? Definitely! Is it worth it? Well you tell me, would someone want a life clouded and gloomy (holding on to bad feelings of anger, hate, despair) or would someone want a life open, fresh, clean, bright, filled with hope and joy? A life that is more suitable to taking care of things, especially ones on person!

Believe me I know that some people (and situations) are easier to forgive than others are. Sometimes the hurts are tiny, not meaningful, without too much damage. Then other times they scream out with all reasons not to forgive. Yet we need to forgive, so we can go on!

Forgiving is a process and one that takes practice sometimes. I have learned to try to put things into perspective. Often I find forgiving easy. The little things are easier to forgive, especially if it is our loved ones, we are forgiving, (although they can often hurt the most).

Then there are the deep rooted, angers and hurts. Sometimes from as long ago as our childhood, where there might have been physical, sexually, mentally, and/or emotional abuse. Often the problems may be relationships gone badly, where there where all kinds of hurts and horrible things done to you. People often hurt people, and forgiving these people, is not easy to do and often not the thing you sometimes want to do.

Yet keep in mind that forgiving, sometimes can be sort of a selfish act. In, the fact, that it is for your own benefit, that you do forgive. This way, you can go on with your life. That your life can be free of this so call, “cloud” this “darkness”.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting or necessarily even renewing that particular relationship. If the person who hurt you is still around and you never speak to them again, so be it (if that is what you want and works for you). Just do not let hatred, anger, and the bad times of the past, rob you now of the present and of the future.

You need to feel the best you can, if you want to do the best you can.

Therefore work on the forgiveness thing (you may even need the help of a friend, professional, and/or religious advisor), just do whatever it takes to help you get past it and past it in a healthy way.

Get rid of the dirty laundry, and you will feel the freshness of springtime, within yourself.

Forgiveness gives me power. A power I love to feel and experience. I like to be able to forgive and I hope that I too can be forgiven when the time (s) come.

Have a great smiling and inner healthy day

Love

Mike

FEELINGS … "Give Me Anger or Give Me Death" …

Is that not what Patrick Henry said? I do not think he quite said that, but “Anger” is the second installment of the “feelings” writings that I would like to address with this blog.
“Anger” can be very destructive both internally and externally.

Externally, as we look around the world, we can see what “anger” actually can do. It literally kills and mangles millions and billions of people, around the world. How dose this sound for an idealistic viewpoint, “a world without anger”? What a thought, what a world it would be.

Before we even attempt to make such an accomplishment and take on such a task, we first need to look at “anger” within ourselves. I put this to all of you who are reading this blog…
“How does anger affect your life”?

Do not get me wrong, I know anger is natural. It is natural to get angry … sometimes. Yet how we deal with the anger, how long we hang on to this anger, this becomes the “million dollar” question. Let us face it the longer anger “runs” us the more destructive it can become.

Often if we do not handle anger properly and efficiently, then for many of us it will manifest into more reasons for us to become self-destructive. Let us face it, we do not need more reasons for us to be self-destructive (overeat). Therefore, it is to our advantage to get over the anger as soon as possible. If I may say in the healthiest way possible.

How do we get over anger? I for one do not hold onto anger, not for long at least. I just do not like the way it makes me feel. Sometimes if I am angry with someone, I will let him or her know and then often I do not. I find it just sometimes dose not pay. It dose not change anything, and is often a waste of my valuable time and just causes more aggravation. I will just process the anger with rationalization and accepting the fact where it is coming from.

The anger that I personally find sometimes the hardest to deal with is self-anger. The anger I find I often have for myself. I get angry for the times that I have allowed myself to lose such valuable life experiences. This is the most difficult for me and this to me is a more important anger to deal with than any external anger that I might experience. This internal anger lingers in so many of us and needs to be dealt with on so many levels.

I find one healthy way to deal with this anger is with a lot of forgiveness. Self-forgiveness and self-love. Patience, a little understanding and I have to remember that “we” have been through a lot together (the “we” being, me and myself) and I have to give me a break.

If I am angry with myself, then I am not interested in caring for myself, and again that dose not work anymore for me in my life.

Okay everyone let us not be angry anymore! Let us not be angry with our parents, or our spouses (present or exes) our uncles and aunts, or even our abusers. Enough, with being angry at the politicians, and most of all with ourselves.

I know that it is not easy not to be angry, especially with people who have hurt you. I am not telling you to forget, I am just saying let go of the anger and do whatever you need to do to let go of it in a healthy way. It is for your own sake, your overall well-being. Your future success depends on it!

Hey, you are a good person, as a matter of fact, you are a great person and you deserve all the best that life can offer you. You do not have to live with anger any longer than you should have to.

Get rid of these negative feelings. Feelings that knock you down and keep you down!

Replace them with good feelings.

The good feelings of love, and a lot of self-love. Replace anger with caring for yourself, building on successes, feeling a little better about who you are and the good things you can do and the things that you really do for yourself. Void out anger and take in life, your life and start smiling, and smiling a lot.

These are good things!

Have an angry free day!

Love ya

Mike

FEELINGS …Loneliness

Feelings, nothing more than feelings, trying to forget those feelings of …..! I love that song and I am one of those frustrated singers. Actually, I am a 55-year-old, American Idol reject. If I were on American Idol Randy would say, “You really have it man, but you are just off pitch. Then Paula would be next and say “Michael you’re beautiful man and you love to entertain but I have to agree (as always) with Randy, your pitch is off. Then Simon, he would sit back with his arm on the back of Paula’s chair and his words of wisdom would spurt out “YOU STINK”! That would be the end of my singing career. Yet it would not stop me from singing, as people who are close to me know I do. In spite of some opinions, I sing anyway.

Singing is not what I really want to deal with in this positing. Actually, for the next couple of postings I want to talk about feelings. Feelings are the key to our whole life. Our “ups and downs” our successes and the things that sometimes hold us back. All of it has to do with our feelings, and how we deal with them. Our feelings and how we deal with these feelings means the difference between night and day.

The feeling I want to talk about today is, one that almost embarrasses me. I will tell you why. I consider myself a very lucky man and for several reasons. One reason is that I have been blessed with a “soul mate” my wife, my son and now his wife and my beautifully handsome grandson. I also have some great family members who I love and who I know love me back. I have wonderful friends and we care for each other. “I have people”, through most of my life I have had people. I have this theory, you give, you get! I give of myself and I get so much more in return. Therefore, what am I embarrassed to talk about …..”Loneliness”.

Loneliness is the hardest feeling I believe I have to deal with. There are times that loneliness consumes me. It takes comes over me like a “black cloud” a dark blanket. It could happen when I am all alone or when I am in a room full of people. When it hits, it hits hard! It drains me, leaves me empty. I am not scared to be alone, at least not in the respect where I am afraid of something may happen. If anything “scares” me when this loneliness comes over, is myself.

I can be and in the past have been dangerous to myself. Sometimes this loneliness last for seconds and sometimes for months. All I know is when this emptiness, abandonees, “black hole”, comes over me there is not enough food in New York City to fill the void. I have done some terrible damage to myself in the past. Learning how to deal with it in other ways can be and is cathartic.

This feeling of loneliness is a rough one for me to handle. The other feelings I do a lot better with, I really do not “hate” anyone or anything. I dislike sometimes for a little while but not hate. I am not a negative person. I do not have anger in me (although my therapist thing I should have some anger).

One of the new ways of dealing with this loneliness feeling is trying to understand what it is about and where does it come from. Trying not to fill my face with food allows me to experience the feeling for what it is. I have to share with you, it can and does hurt! Dealing with this feeling of loneliness involves asking yourself, real hard true questions. Some of which you may not be ready for the answers. Often it involves “crying”, sometimes a lot of it, and why not if that is what comes up for someone then let it happen. The history of my loneliness is interesting and I guess it has to do with the old “childhood” thing. Everything is blamed on the “childhood”. I was an only child (as was millions of other people), and I spent a lot of time alone. The “Teddy Bears” and me. There were three of them and myself. The four of us played monopoly together (I never did, the Panda always did. He was a hard negotiator), and many other things, they were my best friends who I played with and shared my fears with (of which I had many as a little kid).

I had people around then but I was lonely I guess and much of that time was filled with food and snacks. Early bad habits that filled and emptiness and made me feel good for the moment. We know this does not work for us now. Still knowing and doing is the struggle of a lifetime, a “struggle for life”.

I cannot stop feeling lonely in my life at times. Even now at a time in my life when I am at the height of the “love” that flows through my daily life. I cannot stop feelings from coming up. None of us can stop feelings from happening. It is how we deal with the feelings that can change our lives. I for one am trying, trying very hard to do things differently.

I wish I would not feel so lonely, especially when I have so much in my life. I do not feel this way all the time but sometimes. The way I look at it, it could be worse. As long as I have breathe, as long as I can write about it, talk about it, as long as I try then I know I will not fail.

Right now I am not lonely, because I have you …… thanks

Good luck to you …

Feel… go with it, do not bury the feelings it with food!

Love
Mike

Did You Hear the News?

It’s happened! The little “Red Pill” has been invented. You know what red pill I am talking about, The one where we need no more surgeries, no more exercise, no more dieting, no more trying, no more set backs! The “Red Pill” where we take it at 9pm, go to bed and the next morning we all look like Brad Pitt or Angelina.

April fools!! Sorry, believe me am I sorry. I think in the back of my mind I have waited for that pill for the past 42 years. The truth is it is not happening … at least not now! Who knows what the future holds but the fact is, we live in the present. It is “the Now” that we need to deal with. We need to live life to our fullest ….. Now, today!

When I began this blog message, I thought for a minute, “should I fool around with such a sensitive subject. Let us face it obesity is a serious problem. People dying from it each day and others are sacrificing their own quality of life. So what is so funny I thought? Then I said to myself, “self, lighten up”! Sometimes we need to use our sense of humor … it helps. A little laughter is not a sin. It is okay to laugh. I have met people in my life, who think if they laugh, then others will not know how miserable their lives are!

Do not worry; we will know how miserable your life is ….. just laugh a little. It is okay and it may feel good actually.

I love humor. I try to find humor in life as much as possible. My wife (best friend) and I have laughed so much (often through some of our hardest times). You would be surprised how a little humor; a little laughter can make things go a little better.

As a dear friend of mine, taught me a long time ago … your sense humor can often heal loneliness, boredom, anger and many other negative feelings.

So look around today, find a something to smile about (or laugh about). Call someone who makes you laugh, tell someone a joke, get tickled (emmmm).

The thing is, feel good about life in general, feel could about yourself; feel great that you are a player. Why shouldn’t you? You are, and I am great people and we deserve happiness.

Have a smiling day

Love
Mike

Ps.

This new nun joins a convent and she takes the vow of silence. She is only allowed to say “two words” each year. Therefore, a year goes by and the Mother Superior says to her “okay sister a year has gone by you can now say two words. What would you like to say”? The sister looks at the Mother Superior and says “Food Stinks”!

The Mother Superior thought to herself, “wow, she could only say two words and food stinks is what she says”. The “Mother Superior” changes the cook and brings in better quality food.

Another year goes by, the sister comes in front of the “Mother Superior”, and Mother says to her, “Sister another year has gone by what two words would you like to say this year”?

The Sister looks at Mother Superior and says “Bed hard”! The Mother Superior thought to herself, “My Lord, I better change the furniture. It must be terrible, if this is the two words she chooses to say and it is about the furniture”. She changes all the furniture in the Convent.

The third year pasts and the Sister comes before the Mother Superior and Mother says, “What words do you choose to say this year”? The nun says “I Quit”!

The Mother Superior says, “Oh, thank God, you have done nothing but complain since you got hear”!!!!

Loss … or Farewell to the “BIG LUG”

Enough is enough! Since January, it seems like it has been one personal loss after another. They say you hear of “deaths” in three, well for me these past three months, it has been more like three times three. Just in the past three weeks alone, I have lost very close dear friends. Last week it was a friend of mine, who has been in my life for over thirty years. Then just yesterday, I and some of my dear friends, have lost a loved one. Someone affectionately know to us as the “Big Lug”. The world will be a much emptier place without our friend Al.

Loss is not easy for any of us to handle. I know speaking for myself, as an addict, I feel that the emptiness I feel, the great hole that is left deep down inside of me, the pain that my heart is screaming out with, knows only one temporary “pain reliever”. You know exactly what I am talking about! We try stopping the pains, these wounds with a “band-aide”. A band-aide called food! I ask you, does this simply gratification solve anything? Does it take away the pain, does it ease the loss, does it fill the emptiness, and does it bring back our “dead” loved ones?

No, it does not! I know that, and you know it and the world knows it. We need to be rational when it comes to times like this. We have to be rational! If we turn to food now, if I turn to food now, it solves nothing and creates an infinite number of other problems.

What else do we do? I do not have all the answers. What I do have is many experiences. I know what does not work. I know bingeing do not work.

Often talking with someone, sharing how you are feeling in the moment, might help. Writing a note to someone, maybe to yourself or even your friend or loved one that you have lost, can help. Blogging might be an outlet, and yes, even praying can be a blessing.

Sometimes I take a walk, (it may be a short one, but it is a walk). I might make a phone call to someone. Often that person I am talking to, may not know what I am even going through at that moment.

One thing I know for sure, is that the people I have lost recently in my life, very much supported my recovery. The last thing they would want for me, is to be part of my potential “backslide”.

My pain exists, my friends are gone, and the loved ones they leave behind hurt.

The earth is less full, their lack of presence will be realized, Al (“Big Lug”), Linda, David, Bill, Robert all gone too early in life, (some due to our “disease”).
Your physical beings will sure be missed but your memory and spirit will live forever in many of our hearts.

To my sweet friend Ro, who physically you are still with us (thank God) but you have seemed to leave us in memory (hopefully temporarily). I miss you dearly Ro and I am praying for your prompt return.
Painful? You bet! Since January, it has been one loss after another and many major battles have been fought within.
Life is often about battles and these are the days that our training and experience really have to kick in.

Easy? No. Impossible? No. Necessary? Absolutely!

We must stay focused, we must Keep It Simple Today, and we must “never give up” and always remember all things are possible … as long as we believe!

God bless my friends and loved ones here and there

LOVE
MIKE

Comes In Like A Lion …

They say March either, comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb or visa-versa. Personally I like roller coasters but in theme parks and not in my life. Of course, in a perfect world, every day being mellow and predictable, would be easy for someone to follow a health food program but “man would that be a bore”! Therefore, we have months like March in our lives, unpredictable. Think about it, how many times are our days like March,... "unpredictable"? We start out with one plan and "boom" something happens that changes our direction. Often we start out in one kind of “head” (mood) and someone or something comes along and bingo! We all of a sudden have a new attitude, one of which is often not a good one.
Life has its difficulties and at times our plans do not work out.

This is life and thank God for it! Think of how boring life would be if nothing changed and everything worked as planned. Oh, I am not crazy about the rough times. I am human.
Health crisis, money problems, relationship conflicts, they all trouble me and often really can cloud my outlook. What I try to do is catch it when I can. I try to, as soon as possible, realize that I am allowing that situation to take control of my life rather than “me, myself” being in the drivers seat! If I let, the “problems” run the situation then I am just a passenger, in my own life and I have to go where I am taken. WELL NO MORE! I cannot allow myself to be a just passenger in my own life! I have to be the pilot! I have to be behind the wheel and I have to direct the path my life takes. Other wise I take the role of the victim and that does not work for me. I cannot let a bad situation run me (control me) longer than the moment I realize that it is happening.

I know if my life is to work, I have to work it and this is what seems to be working for me now!
Believe me I am not without problems, boy do I have my share of situations but they are in a pile and I try to handle them one at a time. Some I work out pretty well and some are in the pile a little longer. I know if I let them take over my life, if I constantly worry about money or health, if I try to be always right in an argument or try to figure out someone else’s ways, it could and will “drive me to eat”!
I do not need reasons to self-destruct and eat myself to oblivion.

I love life too much; I enjoy the little things that I am able to do again. It sounds corny but you do not realize what you have until you do not have it any more. I was homebound, bed bound, institutionalized for nearly 15 years. That is a long time. Prior to that my disease caused me to cut myself out of many things in my life and the lives of my loved ones.

Now that I am in my “twilight” years, I want to maximize every possible opportunity. I do what I need to do to get through each situation .... some times it is even writing on my blog!

Therefore my friends, do not let the garbage smell up your life. Throw it aside, throw it out and take the time to "smell the flowers". Get in the drivers seat and sore!
Have a great day …. You deserve it!

Love
Mike

K.I.S.T.

People go to school for many years to receive many levels of degrees and diplomas. My hats off to all of them for their efforts and accomplishments. I personally have some formal education but I hold a self- proclaimed PhD in “the battle to live”. My thesis is in the self-study to find a balance of living with my disease and being able to come to some normalcy. Do I know about obesity? Do I know things about myself, and how they affect my behaviors? Do I know how to lose weight? Do I know how to diet? Do I know? Oh do I know! If a doctorate could be issued in “obesity” … well just call me Dr. Mike.

I have researched this disease for over twenty-three years. I have self-examined and put myself in therapy for over thirty years. Medically, I have experienced personally a lot and have seen even more. I have exercised at 198 pounds and at 1,000 pounds and I have lost literally over a ton of weight.

Throughout the years if something worked for me, I was the type of person who wanted to share with my friends. Well something is working for me over the past almost three years and I want to share it. Now it is no magic answer and it is really nothing amazingly new but it works, it works for me. I am an addict and when it comes to food, I love it. I will always love it and not all the therapy, all the behavior modification, in the world, so far has been able to keep me from loving food. Not only do I love it I am addicted to it also. In that once I start eating it I can barely control myself and it becomes a major all out battle.

Therefore, what is working for me is my K.I.S.T. method. Keep It Simple Today! Tomorrow we will worry about when it gets here but for today simple. Simple menus, simple cooking, simple flavors. The more involved the more flavors and aromas, the prettier and tastier and emmm good then guess what? I want more! No matter how healthy it is prepared, how much fiber and little fat etc. etc. eventually if you eat more and more of it the calories add up. If you eat, more calories than your body burns up in a 24-hour period then guess what happens to those extra calories? They get stored as fat. Now I know that is a simple version but that is what I am talking about, simple. Keep It Simple Today!

Listen to me my friends and listen to and old experienced person in this topic (one who in no way has it all together yet) we cannot look for pleasure in the food. We have to find something else in our life that makes us feel as good as those crazy flavors, sensations that come from eating. That is the million-dollar question what is that thing for you. For me it might be my grandson, or my wife or family or helping a friend for you it might be something else.

The important thing is the quest is worth it in your life. Your ultimate inner peace and happiness is worth it all. So when it comes to your battle for control today, when it comes to your next meal or worrying about your exercise remember this K.I.S.T.

Keep It Simple Today
Love ya
Mike