REST IN PEACE MICHAEL

IT IS WITH A HEAVY HEART THAT I AM WRITING THIS POST, MY HUSBAND MICHAEL LEFT US ON JULY 25 HE IS NOW WITH HIS MAKER AND WE HAVE AN ANGEL WATCHING OVER US.  WITH MICHAEL HE WOULD WANT US TO CELEBRATE HIS LIFE.  YES WE DO FEEL THE LOSS GREATLY BUT BOOT AS WE CALLED EACH OTHER WAS SO HAPPY THAT HE WAS ABLE TO SEE SOME MANY FIRST HIS SON'S WEDDING THE BIRTH OF HIS TWO GRANDCHILDREN MICHAEL AND NICHOLAS.  HE WAS ALSO HAPPY THAT HE WAS ABLE TO TOUCH AND HELP MANY PEOPLE,  THANK YOU FOR MAKING HIM SO SPECIAL IN YOUR LIFE AS YOU WERE ALL SPECIAL IN HIS. 

 WHO WAS

MICHAEL HEBRANKO JR

 

Born in Brooklyn he became a very successful business man where he employed many local residents, he was an enrolled agent with the IRS, H&R Block tax preparer and instructor, Weight loss motivator, Eucharistic Minister and Religious Education Instructor at Our Lady of Miracles.

Michael was an advocate for the Obese and founded OPIN a not for profit organization dedicated to teaching and helping people that suffered from this disease and also educating the public on the disease.  His whole life he suffered from this disease and he still went out every day into the word helping others.  There is a fund being set up in Michael’s name donations can be made to the Obesity Research Center for care and research specifically for people like Michael.  Donors may go to:
https://supportstlukesroosevelt.org/support-us
The online donation form includes an area where the donor can indicate who the gift is in memory of.  In the "Comments" box, donors should state that their gift is for the Obesity Research Center.

To make a gift by mail, donors can make out a check to St. Luke's-Roosevelt Hospital Center.   They should include a note stating that it is for the Obesity Research Center, in memory of Michael J Hebranko Jr. 

 Checks should be mailed to:
St. Luke's Roosevelt Hospital Center
Development Department
555 West 57th Street, 18th Floor
New York, NY 10019

A funeral mass was held on July 30 at Holy Child Church in Staten Island and a burial followed at Resurrection Cemetery.

love you all stay strong and keep fighting

YOU ARE ALL WORTH IT

MADELAINE

ILOST A DAY…

” I LOST A DAY’’, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LOST A DAY?”…”I LOST A DAY!  THIS PAST TUESDAY DID THE SUN COME UP?  DID IT SET” WAS THERE HISTORY?  WHAT ABOUT MY FAMIY?  WAS I COLD?  DID I CRY?  OR LAUGH!

WELL I LOST THE DAY, I KNOW IT HAPPENED BECAUSE I REMEMBER WEDNESDAY, I HAVE PROFF OF WENESDAY.  UNREAL, I THINK THEY ARE KIDDING ME.

THEY MOVED ME MY SON AND GRANDSON SAT AND WATCHED ME ALL DAY AND SPOKE TO ME, BUT ME I WAS IN LA, LA LAND.

THE BODY HAS AN AMAING WAY TO DEFEND ITSELF, ME I AM GOING ALONG FOR THE RIDE.  BETWEEEN THE HOSPITAL AND NURSING HOME I HAVE BEEN HEAR MORE TIME THAN HOME.   ALL I CAN SAN SAY IS I AM HEAR AND SOME DAYS I AM I ON THE COMPUTER.

PUSH AHEAD, NO REASON TO GIVE UP.  YOU HAVE TIME, YOU ARE GIVEN THE OPPORTINITY.  THERE WILL BE PAIN, CONFUSION, AND QUESTIONING THE FUTURE, TAKE THE SHOT SEE WHAT ELSE THERE IS!

AS LONG AS THE SUN WILL COME OUT TOMORROW THEN WHY NOT YOU COME OUT TOO!

I’LL BE THERE AND I HOPE ARE THERE TOO!!

HANG IN THERE LOVE YOU……

MIKE!!!!!!!!

DID YOU KNOW ANGEL’S HAVE BIRTHDAY’S?? …..WELL THEY DO?

I MAY SOUND CRAZY BUT THAT IS OKAY. I KNOW THIS ANGEL. I HAVE KNOWN HER FOR OVER 40 PLUS YEARS FOR ALL I KNOW SHE COULD HAVE BEEN AROUND FOREVER. LET ME TRY TO TELL YOU CERTAIN THINGS ABOUT HER. SHE IS NO “CLARENCE” FROM IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE. AND SHE IS NO “CARY GRANTS” CHARACTER IN THE BISHOP’S WIFE. REMEMBER DAVID NIVEN WAS THE BISHOP AND LORETTA YOUNG THE WIFE AND GRANT WAS ANGEL. NO MY ANGEL IS VERY VERY SPECIAL. SHE IS CLEAVER; FIRST SHE WAS MY FRIEND THEN BEST FRIEND THEN LOVER INTO A SOULMATE I HOPE FOREVER. MY ANGEL STARTED OFF PLAYING WITH ME AND MY FRIENDS. NOW AS MY SOUL MATE, MY BUDDY, SHE HAS BEEN THROUGH MANY UPS AND SOME CRAZY DOWNS AND THEN I LOOK TO MY LEFT, OR TO MY RIGHT, SOMEWHERE SHE IS THERE. SHE KNOWS JUST WHEN TO SQUEEZE MY HAND, SMILES A LITTLE OR GOES INTO THE PROTECTIVE MODE. I HAD TWO BIG SITUATIONS RECENTLY. ONE WAS I WAS IN ICU AND SHE STOOD BY MY SIDE ALONG WITH MY SON. AS THINGS WERE A LITTLE SCARY, SHE KNEW JUST WHEN TO SQUEEZE MY HAND. JUST THEN I KNEW I REALLY KNEW GOD WAS WORKING THROUGH HER. I COULD FEEL THIS BURST OF ENERGY GO THROUGH MY BATTLE BEATEN BODY. THE POWER THAT SHE TRANSMITTED WAS FOR ME TO HANG ON! I WANTED TO RAISE FROM THAT BED AND DANCE AROUND THE ICU. MY ANGEL KNOWS WHEN TO TELL ME SHUT UP ALREADY AND THEN WIPE A TEAR OFF MY CHEEK. THE OTHER DAY I WAS SICK SUDDENLY, MY SUGAR WENT SKY HIGH, TEMPERTURE ARISING ALL I COULD DO WAS SLEEP I WAS IN A-FIB AND THE PULSE WAS OFF THE GRAFT. WELL I WAS SLEEPING AFTER I HEAR STRANGERS CALLING MY NAME… IT WAS “911”, THERE WERE PEOPLE (EMT) WAKING TO TELL ME I WAS GOING TO THE HOSPITAL. WHAT WAS UP WHAT HAPPENED? WHERE WAS MY ANGEL…? ALL OF A SUDDEN IN THE BACK ROW I HEARD HER ANGELIC VOICE. IT WAS GOING TO BE OKAY! A FEW MINUTES LATER I FELT HER TOUCH, I WENT TO SLEEP SHE TOOK OVER. WHEN I AWOKE ALL WAS BEING TAKING CARE OF AND IT WAS MY ANGEL WHO WAS IN CHARGE. SO TO MY ANGEL, I WISH YOU A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND YOU NEVER SEEM TO AGE… TOO MANY OF YOU…I URGE YOU TO LOOK A LITTLE FURTHER A LITTLE PAST YOUR NOSE AND MAYBE YOUR ANGEL TOO HAS A BIRTHDAY TO CELECBRATE. I WANT TO SEND YOU MY LOVE AND STRENGTH. THROUGH TRIBULATIONS IS WHEN WE JUST FEEL STRONGER. EVEN STRONGER TO GO ON AND EVEN STRONGER TO FACE REALITY. HAVE A GOOD DAY TODAY… TOMORROW IS THERE WAITING WITH YOU AND YOUR ANGEL …! LOVE YA ALL SMILE AND HAVE A GREAT DAY MIKE

HOWDY

IT HAS BEEN A WHILE AND I AM GLAD TO BE TALKING TO YOU FOR NOW. I AM NOT GOING TO DRAG YOUR HEAD OR FOCUS MY THOUGHTS ON THE FACT THAT I HAVE BEEN IN A HOSPITAL 205 DAYS THIS YEAR AND THIS LAST STAY INCLUDED A STAY IN “ICU” WITH 19 BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS. I AM CURRENTLY HOME AND COMPLETELY BED BOUND…..POOR ME!!! OR REJOICE, REFOICE! I AM HERE TODAY AND GET TO SHARE A FEW THINGS. TO ALL AND ANY WHO ARE OR ARE NOT SPIRITUAL …GOD LIVES!! HE HANGS OUT IN OUR HEARTS AND IF WE ALLOW HIM TO SPREAD HIS GRACE WITHIN US AND THEN WE SHARE IT. HE LIVES IN ALL THOSE CHURCHS (HEY IT IS GOD) AND HE HANGS OUT IN HOSPITALS. WHETHER THOSE DOCTORS AND NURSES BELIEVE OR NOT... IT DOES NOT MATTER. HE WORKS MIRACLES THROUGH MANY OF THE MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS. I SAID IT AND THAT’S IT! I AM HOME NOW AND I AM LOOKING GOOD, FOR ME. TO GET TO SEE MY GRANDCHILDREN’S FACES ON CHRISTMAS. MY WELCOME HOME HUGS AND KISSES WERE THE BEST MEDICINE. AM I PHYSICALLY CURED? IS IT OVER UNTIL IT IS OVER! AM I CURED? NOT EVEN CLOSE! BUTHAT IS TOMORROW…..!!! TODAY, TODAY IS THE ONE THAT COUNTS, THERE IS GREAT PAIN, BOTH PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY BUT I AM NOT SITTING IN A LONELY HOSPITAL WONDERING IF ANYONE WILL BE COMING THROUGH THAT DOOR TO VISIR ME. I GET TO SEE MY WIFE, SON AND HIS GREAT FAMILY. A FRIEND OR OTHER FAMILY MEMBER MAY STOP IN. MY FRIENDS IT IS IMPORTANT TO FOCUS AS SOON AS YOU CAN ON WHAT WORKS IN YOUR LIFE. FIRST WE ARE ALIVE!!! THEN THERE MAY BE ONE FAMILY MEMBER WHO RESPECTS YOU AND LOVES YOU. YOU ARE ROYALTY. IT COULD BE A CARETAKER WHETHER THEY WORK FOR MONEY OR IT IS THE LOVE FOR YOU IT IS DONE AND THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL THING. YOU HAVE DONE GOOD IN YOUR LIFE. YOU MAY BE WILLING TO ADMIT IT OR NOT! IT IS NOW WE NEED TO STILL DO GOOD…….FOR YOU! YOURSELF! PUSH YOURSELF TODAY TO BE A PLAYER: THAT EXERCISE OR THERAPY IS WORTH IT THAT WATER LOOKS GOOD IT HAS ALL THE “RIGHT STUFF” WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT CIGARETTE? IS THAT EXTRA DRINK NEEDED; TURN YOUR BACK ON THE THAT ILLEGAL DRUG THEN THE TUFF (TOUGH) ONE THE… “FOOD”. THE HOLIDAY’S - IS 5000 CALORIES REALLY THAT IMPORTANT? THEN AFRER THE HOLIDAYS WE ARE THE GENERAL AND FOOT SOLDIER IN THIS BATTLE…MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICES AND EATING HEALTHY! NOT EASY BUT YOU CAN DO IT! YOU KNOW WE CAN NOT ALL BE THE “BIGGEST LOSER” WE CAN BE THE BIGGEST WINNER. YOU DID GOOD FOR YOURSELF TODAY. IT MAY NOT BE PERFECT BUT IT IS ONE LESS DRINK, ONE DAY NO SMOKING, AND YOU ARE THE BEST WITH FOOD TODAY THAN YOU HAVE BEEN IN SIX MONTHS! WO! WINNER! THERE IS BEAUTY IN TODAY; THERE IS BEAUTY IN YOUR LIFE! ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE ….YOU JUST GOTTA BELIEVE! BELIEVE IN A HIGER SPIRIT….BELIEVE IN YOU! WE ALL HAVE TALES OF WOE AND OFTEN THE “DEVIL” IS IN THE DETAILS B U T! WHO CARES ABOUT THE DETAILS? IT DRAGS YOU, OTHERS AROUND YOU, AND THE DAY IS UGLY OR YOUR DAY IS. I AM WORKING ON MY SILVER LINING, ARE YOU? I WANT TO WISH YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES A JOYUS AND HEALTHY HOLIDAY SEASON! I AM ON A GREAT RIDE …MY BODY MAY BE CONFINDE TO BED BUT MY HEART, MIND AND SPIRIT ARE AS FREE AS I REACH OUT AND I LET THEM GO! LET GO OF THE PAIN, SUFFERING, AND TROUBLES (EVEN IF ONLY A MOMENT AT FIRST) AND ENJOY YOUR BLESSINGS. LAUGH TODAY OR AT LEASE SMILE. I BELIEVE IN ME, I BELIEVE IN YOU, I BELIEVE THERE IS BETTER IF WE LET IT! I AM WITH YOU….. HAVE A GREAT DAY LOVE MIKE

WHAT A ROLLER COASTER RIDE…

Weeeeeee! I remember those days so well. I was one of those who loved to go on rides and I did. The rule was “if I fit then that ride I hit”! Many were different Roller Coasters. Living in Brooklyn my whole life we had one of the most famous Roller Coaster in the world, “The Cyclone” in Coney Island.
If you study a Roller Coaster you will find that life is very similar to the ride itself. There are hills and bumps; at times it seems faster than other times. Some of the highs are very high and real scary and then you go along and when you least expect it you plunge into the unknown.
Sound familiar? This can be any of our lives and any time. Throughout life we have our ups and downs, with a few bumps thrown in for good measure. But rather than keep us down we have to keep the ride moving forward because soon the car will climb once again and so will our situations.
Believe me I know when things seem to be the darkest and there seems as if there is no hope, it is hard to keep moving forward. Those are the times when as the song says “you want to roll yourself up in a big ball and die”! “That’s Life”!
True there are times you could feel this way, I have been in that spot often enough to know it. What do you do?
You hang on, you believe and believe hard. There are highs ahead. There is light at the end of that tunnel. The key thing is you have to be here to reap the benefits. You have to not give up, not give up on yourself, on life, on the reality that things can and do change!
You have to believe in yourself even though people have lost faith in you, especially when people have lost faith in you. When those who you love and love you the most have reached their end and have given up on you that is no easy thing to face. That is a low of low.
Here are your greatest support people and they can’t hide their hurt, frustration, fear and overall tiredness. Their lack of belief in you.
This is when it is most important for you to hang on the most. This is where it is the hardest, not only have you given up on you but those who supported you when times were the worse seem to have quit. The pain becomes so bad, the loneliness overcomes you, and the emptiness drains your everything. This is when all you want to do is eat your way through the house….NO, this is when you have to hang on and do the opposite.
You have to fight, try different things, you must survive. We must survive!
There is no answer in the food we stuff in our mouth. The only thing that food does is have the same effect as my Grandson’s Binky (Pacifier). That binky amazes me, it is just a nipple with no reward coming through it yet it quits him down, puts him to sleep and makes him feel good!
Well the food we eat may taste okay for the moment but the overall harm it does…ask yourself. Is it worth it?
We all have an untapped strength inside of us. We really can be stronger than we think we are.
Each and every one of us have to pick our heads up high, throw our shoulders back, deep breath, and say these simple words…”I AM WORTH IT”!
You are worth it! You are worth every try out there. As long as you have breath inside of you, then you are worth the effort. When those who are the ones nearest to us get tired and lose faith in us, we need to be worth it even more.
My brother and sister in battle, no one knows pain we go through, no one knows the Roller Coaster Ride we are on individually, no, not until they ride in our car or walk in our shoes.
There is no room in your shoes for anyone else, walk forward, move on and enjoy the ride because you are worth it!
Really you are!

Good Luck and have a great day…
Love,
Mike

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Tomorrow May 14TH I will celebrate the completion of 58 full years of life and begin down the road of my 59th year. What that holds for me, I am not sure. For some reason this birthday is one of reflection. I think it might be because this has been a year where my mortality has become a reality and not something that is just blindly talked about.

What I mean is that since I was eighteen years of age, I have had doctors and others tell me that “If you do not lose weight, you are going to die”! I have heard this so many times over the years, that death was just become another word to me. A word with no personal individual meaning. Oh I have experienced death in my life as I am sure many of you. I have lost friends and family very close to me. I also have been ill, enough times and badly enough to be knocking at those doors of eternity. Yet when I was suffering with those illnesses, I seemed to have youth on my side and I would hear “Mike thank God you have a good heart”!

Well this all changed this year. Let’s face it first of all I am 58 years old. Even if I were the healthiest person walking this earth, I am still 58 years old. Oh and yes, I can still have another 20, 30 years ahead of me but there is a finite number of those years.

Oh I know the 50’s are the new 40’s and the 40’s the new 30’s etc. but is anyone telling the Big Guy in the sky that we humans have decided to push back time by 10 years?

Another thing that has happened this year is that I am beginning to have “Heart” problems and other medical problems that I have been warned about for many years that were going to catch up with me!

Therefore this birthday is one of real reflection, celebration, and gratefulness.
I am grateful to my “Maker” for giving me all this time so far. I am grateful for those who care for me and have followed God’s guidance to see me through some real tough times. I am thankful for those who love me. Needless to say at the top of that list is my wife. Then my son and his family. Then there is my extended family and friends who love me and have stuck by me through “thick and thin”.

I reflect on how lucky I have been. Though my battle has been rough and there have been some close times both medically and emotionally, I am still here to talk about them. I remain to be the luckiest man on earth.

I love the life that has been given to me, would I change some things if I could? Of course I would. Yet I desire. A “Hunger” to live, to carry on and believe me it is a fight sometimes. One that is worth it.

I love opening my eyes each morning to see that I am included in another day. Then by the end of the day, I love to put my head on my pillow and focus on the beauty of the miracle that I just privileged to live. The day, the events, the people I got to interact with was a thing of beauty!

That is why I sit here May 13th the day before my birthday and I make my plans. Plans for the day, the week, the next three months, the next 12 months, 60 months and yes I am taking bets that I will be around for the next 30 years.
Life and I have a deal. It goes like this… I don’t waste a moment of life and appreciate all of those moments, both good and bad, and in return, life will continue to give itself to me for many years to come.

Life is a bowl of cherries and yes sometimes you get a pit or two. When you do get those pits, what do you do? You spit them right out and dig right back in for another cherry. Life can be fun even at it most worse moments. Those would be the times to hang on the hardest and use the tools that you have gathered through your journey to help you get through it. Maybe it is a friend, a call, a book a professional or a prayer. Whatever it takes, fight to survive and live to enjoy another moment.

Even at my darkest moments if I looked real hard and opened up my eyes I saw light at the end of that tunnel (and still do)!

As a gift for my birthday that I give from me to you, I give you my love. I give you my hope. I give you my “Hunger” for this life.

May you never starve of hope and dreams, may you hunger for another day and may you be happy to be who you are and then from there….

we can start…!

Smile, Love
Mike

Health is Number One

How many times, when I was growing up would I hear my father say, “Money ain’t nuttin, (he was a true Brooklynite) what is important is that you got your health”! Time and time again I would hear those words, even in my early twenties when money was no object for me, you would hear him saying. “Big deal, pray for your health foist”! I actually would get a pain in the pit of my stomach when I heard him say that, especially because he said it so much!

Well, who said “Father knows best”? Guess what? He does! I can now attest to the fact, when you have your health there is nothing that is impossible. Don’t get me wrong, I believe that “All things are possible, if you believe”, but when you have good health, the possible is a little more doable.

Now some of us will use a medical situation as an excuse for not reaching a goal that we feel we really want. I say medical situation because not all medical problems equal poor health. I won’t begin to mention some conditions that some of us may have, that may not really be a reason, not to make a healthy choice for food that day or for doing a little physical activity or just getting something done that you have been putting off.

Everyone needs to take a personal inventory of themselves occasionally. You need to have that talk with yourself and say, “self, am I just clowning around? Am I really that sick, that I cannot do____X”? When you have this talk, this honest talk, you may realize that you, are your biggest barrier to getting things done, to living your life. Your life, the way it is meant to be. Not as a victim but as a winner! A human being, a living force in this universe. One that deserves to achieve and receive!

It is when you are seriously ill and have physical challenges that this becomes a little more difficult task. Not impossible but little more difficult. One of the reasons I believe that it is a little more difficult is because there is a lot of physical hours in a day dedicated to taking care of your health. Either with the assistance of others, managing medications, coordinating care, therapy of all kinds, all this and more takes up a lot of real time.

I for one, (in the past almost a year now) have been battling with my health. I say battling because it is a war and I refuse to surrender! I will not say that there are days I truly feel battle fatigued but hopeless? Never! I fight for the physical assistance I need from others just to get me well. Then I push and pray and believe that there will be a tomorrow for me!

I may have been sicker back in the early 1990s but I was a lot younger. Now there are several organs involved and we seem to get one in balance and another one acts up. All those years of putting such unbelievable pressures on my body have taken its toll.

Oh but as the song in “Bye-Bye Birdie” says, “I’ve Got a Lot of Living to Do”! You know what the fact is I may go before finishing this writing…, it’s possible! I don’t believe it but some day it will be. I cannot live that way. I have to believe that there will be a tomorrow for me.

I want to make the best of this day, live for this day, do for today but I want to be able to lift my head and see in the horizon my tomorrow. Do I look forward to the pain and suffering that I will probably have? I believe eventually it will get better and if I have to suffer a bit tomorrow then I will. Because hidden in that deep screaming, darkness of pain and suffering there are those moments. Moments when I get to see my wife, my boys (son and his son’s), and my daughter in law, my family and friends. I read and email or two, a blog message, my both young guys want their Ga Ga’s (that’s me) attention. That makes the pain a little more manageable, the heart beat a little stronger and things are in sync.

What better force is there than the force of life itself? I believe in life. I believe in living. If I can make a healthy choice today, drink a little extra water (that is a difficult one for me), use little less or no salt at all then I was proactive in helping myself. I keep moving, even if to some it may not seem that way, but me keeping my legs moving doing ankle pumps helps my circulation and that is very important. I do what I can and try to do little more each day.

Sometimes it seems like I am back to square one but those are the days I have to remind myself, I am not bed bound, I say to myself it could be worse. There are moments I want to feel sorry for myself. I allow that moment to linger for a minute or two then I say enough is enough “Hebranko” there are people worse off than you. You were worse off than you!

The glass is half full and soon to run over. I could look at life as “man I am almost sixty, which is really old…”! or “wow cool almost sixty, not bad for a guy who was suppose to be dead since he was 21, 33, 40, 48, 53…”! Sixty is not that old it is just a state of mind.

As long as in your head you feel right about yourself it will be then that the body will start to react! Change comes from within first. You have to want it; you have to believe in it! You have to fight for it!

My friends, many of you have emailed me or blogged asking how I am. I will sum it up this way. My body is not that great but my mind is having a ball!

I hope that you, yes you, are doing well. I hope that you are not losing faith and if you are it is time to re-charge! I want you, me and all of us right now take a deep breath and while letting it out say this one thing……..”I am okay, I am worth it”!

Dad, I know you can hear me saying this….Health is the most important, including your spiritual and emotional health also.

Good luck, Good health and have a great rest of today!

Love
Mike

Happy New Year

To all my blogger family…I want to take this time to wish you and your loved ones only the best of health and internal peace.
I have not forgotten anyone of you and apologize for the long intermission of blogs.
I have been battling on quite a few fronts and now part of my plan (a necessary part) is that I will be going into the hospital Today….snow allowing for it!
I do not look at this as a defeat but rather an opportunity, a chance to get well physically so that I can face some of my demons on a daily basis.
Winners do not get up one morning and there is a “Gold Medal” around there neck. True winners face a journey one of which we really do not know…but we face it. As it comes up we deal with it and try to make the best of it.
So to you my friend a bid you a temporary ado and leave you with this corny but true statement….
A winner never quits and a quitter never wins…
I walk into this new battle not knowing what is ahead but I do have my tools… my wife and son, my family and friends, the best of doctors, my willingness not to give up and my Faith. I believe that I am in the best of hands...
Have a great New Year, Let 2011 be a year for you….
Love
Mike

My Wife

I need to tell you about my wife. I will try very hard not to make this reflect my personal deep feelings about this very special human being. No, what I want to do is let you know where I draw much of my strength from and who I owe much of my life too.

We all need to have someone (not necessarily a spouse) who can be there for us in some way. Who can support you through good times and some really horrible times?
I know this woman who on so many levels outshines, excels most of us…at least myself.

Madelaine is a business woman. Does she work from 9-5 then come home and leave her job behind her? Never! She gives so much time of herself to her career and the company she works for that they could never imagine how lucky they are, even though they are a public company. Even during their supposedly not so busy season she works 8 to 10 hours a day. Then she comes home and after she spends family time, she will then work another two, three hours to past midnight and beyond if need be.

Family time—my wife was and has always been a great mother to our only child. She was a full time mom even when she was working. She also took the role of a part time dad when I couldn’t fulfill the position for one reason or another over the years. Like many moms and many single moms she negotiated her job, the house, our son’s school, his activities and all kinds of things in his life. The only thing was … she wasn’t a single mom. She also, {more than I would like to think} took care of a sick husband and at times a very sick husband.

Madelaine is a daughter, sister, cousin, niece, friend etc: Takes on all those roles with great pleasure and pride.

She rarely misses church on Sundays.

Then as a wife! Madelaine has taken her vows “through sickness and health, for better or worse, until death due you part”, very much to heart.

Here is a woman who at 23 married a guy who was heavy (450) yes, but he was mobile. He was working a great job. He took her on a 3 week honeymoon to Hawaii, California, and Vegas. Then we went back and forth to Vegas a few times in those beginning years. All kinds of vacation weekends, beautiful cars, a home, cleaning ladies. Madelaine was living large …then within 4 years the “Balloon” Burst. I lost the business; I was getting sicker, medical bills, surgeries, comas, hospitals, nurses, major wounds, 24 hour care. Now 30 years later and she still takes care of wound care she helps her husband all the time. She is there with him in the hospital, heart doctor appointments, through kidney failure and all kinds of scares.

She lives in fear of losing me but has she ever “Jumped ship” has she ever turned her back on me or any of her responsibilities or anyone? Never!

You have to see the joy she brings to her grandchildren and what she gets back in return. For them and her son and his family, she will do without so that they may have if need be.

Madelaine is greatness and not just because I love her.

She represents millions of un-sung heroes of the world.

People who help others and ask for nothing in return.

If it weren’t for a Madelaine there would be no Michael.

Remember none of us are an Island; none of us can really make it on our own.

We all need someone.

It may be a spouse, a friend, a church member, a special doctor, a neighbor or a family member.

We need someone to encourage us when we are doing well and to help pick us up when we are down.
Madelaine is and has been a friend for many. She is there for her family, her company, her friends and for sure her husband.

Madelaine is strong, she rarely asks for anything, and nearly never complains. She is a cancer survivor, those are special people right there!

I hope, pray and wish you all have a Madelaine in your lives!

God has put these Angels all around the planet to help people like you and me.

If you know one great, if you do not, they are out there.

Have a special day

Love

Mike

My Heart Cries Out to Be Free

My heart cries out to be free….once and for all! I have struggled with my disease for over fifty years. I have had to live with humiliation, abuse, failure, depression and that is only what I have done to myself. I have had to see the let down in the faces and voices of people who mean the most to me in the whole world. Worse I have had to see the frustration and fear in their eyes and hearts too. I am so tired of hurting and letting people down around me and I have been doing this for a long period of time already.

Time and time again I give the people around me a moment in their lives when they can take a deep breath and feel kind of secure that the worse is behind them and that they can enjoy life with me…and then…..fasten your seat belts here we go again, “he has screwed up one more time. Once again he has gone too far maybe to a point of no return and yet we have to watch it all over again and suffer the fear, pain and anxiety of it all”.

I truly get it and I realize that it cannot be an easy thing for those around someone like me. Those who love me and have stood by me through “thick and thin”. It cannot be easy for them. I know it is not easy for me to watch them, watch me. Yet what are their options? What would I do if I were in their shoes? One thing for sure is, I would not, I could not, abandon them, I could not turn my back, and I could not stop loving them. Could I do as they show on television…an “Intervention”? Then what, send a “food addict” to detox for 30 days and then live happily ever after? Well speaking from experience 30 days is not really enough….I’ve been there, done that.

I have fought and boy have I fought for many, many years always searching and trying new things, new ideas, and new gimmicks. I have traveled many a long dark lonely roads because of my disease. I have swum in many of mud filled puddles of tears along the way. Disappointment has become a familiar companion to me. Hopelessness has tried to take over my life! I won’t let that happen….no matter what!

I have had some very real successes over the years and some very real backslides but with each one I learn more and more about me, the “person”.

Each experience has taken its toll on my life, my health and my relationships. Yet I do grow from them all (and not in the physical sense, although that too happens sometimes).

Two of the biggest things I have learned about myself over the past few years, one being a physical thing and one is an emotional thing.
First the physical.

Food! What works for me best, when trying to eat healthy, when trying to exist with food on a regular everyday basis and not just dieting, or binging or starving but just being comfortable with food , my environment and my disease is my K.I.S.T. method. "Keep It Simple Today", this has worked for me for the longest period of time, with the most amount of results and the thing that I am most comfortable with. It allows me to lose weight but a normal pace and still be able to function in the world. This is what I have been able to live with. This is a program that works! It makes sense!

The second thing that I have learned about myself…

Is not such an easy thing to talk about or even admit, to myself or anyone else but I suffer from depression!

Not sure if it is a chemical thing or not. But it is real! In the past doctors have given me anti-depressants but always under the umbrella that it would help me with my appetite and they never worked in that department so they were stopped.

Yet I have learned that I suffer from depression. How did I learn this? Like I have learned so many other things about myself and that is through the “School of hard Knocks”.

I am a guy who has it all. I have a loving and supportive wife, a great and caring family and beautiful friends. I have had the pleasure of being a grandpa for almost 5 years and the privilege, of being a daddy for 33 years. I have been counted out health wise many times only to live to write this blog (thank God and the caregivers he has sent to me). As the world looks at my life they say I am a lucky guy and I so agree with them on that one. They also would say, “so what does he have to be depressed about?” I would tend to agree with them on that one too, except those are the people who do not understand depression.

Having something to be depressed about and being depressed is two completely different things.

There are times in my life when I have had things to be depressed over. A death of a loved one, the loss of a relationship, sickness in the family or of one you adore. Financial situations, all kinds of reasons in one’s life can be a reason to get sad or depressed over…but then there is depression!

Depression is being depressed when there is no reason to be depressed.

When if you stop running for one second and let things catch up you will just cry and why? Do you need a reason? Not really!

Depression is being in a room full of people who love you and being so lonely. Depression is long, very long nights and lonely, dark, cold bitter nights and that could be in the summer.

Then it becomes a cycle, yes the “vicious” cycle. The last thing I want to do when I am depressed is K.I.S.T.

No, when I am depressed all I want to do is eat something fast, of quantity and that will comfort me and make the pain of loneliness go away, the feeling of emptiness…if even for an un-logical moment in time. Does it really work? Not really! We know that in our common sense but at that time we are not dealing with common thoughts and we are we really only fooling but ourselves.

I would love to be free of it all.

Someone just recently asked me a question, which I didn’t hesitate one second to answer.

The question was “do you want to die”? Not for one second is that ever a thought in my mind.

All I want to do is to survive; all I want to do is live. I love life, my whole struggle is about survival and making it work. I thrive myself in seeing that glass as half full.

I have believed now and have always believed that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I have been in many tunnels in my day and I am happy to report that there has been light at the end of each and every one of them.

My journey has not to say the least been an easy one. Not for me and certainly not for those who love me. Do I mean to bring hurt or pain to anyone? Not in a heartbeat but do I anyway? Yeah, I do!

I cannot make empty promises to them or to myself. What I can do is continue to fight and fight hard. Continue to learn about myself, not hide in my shame and pain. Open myself up as I find out more about me. Give myself time to heal. Be patient with myself. Love myself and be able to forgive myself.

I am not the worse person in the world and neither are you! The best things about me are the worse things about me and from there I grow.

I feel this way; perfect is not a way to describe me. Basically I am a good person, a person who loves and loves to be loved. I have problems and I will work the rest of my life making my life work. I deserve that effort and so do you. We all do!

We have this gift and sometimes a gift comes with instructions and sometimes it does not. My life did not come with instructions therefore I have to work at it the best way I know how and sometimes I am going to make mistakes. Mistakes are opportunities to learn and as long as we have the time to make corrections then what else can we do?

Depression is no joke and if anyone out there is reading this and suffers from depression and is not able to get hold of it themselves, then please for me, for your loved ones and most of all for yourself seek professional help. You are worth it! We all are.

My heart cries out to be free! Free of the pain, the struggle, the loneliness, and the darkness…Free….my heart cries to be free. My spirit thrives to win and win it will be! I have made it this far and I refuse to ever give up.

I am a fighter and like a good fighter I may get knocked down once in awhile but before the count of ten I brush myself off get back up on my feet and get back in the fight. I see the light and not the eternal-spiritual light- no I see the light of hope and the light of life itself!

My name is Mike and I am a man who loves life, loves his family and friends and I am a winner!

I am a fighter and I will never give up! Oh yes and there are times that I suffer from depression…

Be all of who you are, own up to it and move forward from there…and now have a great day….you deserve it!

Love ya
Mike

Up Up and Away …

What did you do yesterday? What are your plans for today? How about tomorrow? Can you afford to sit around and wait for something to happen in your life? We all have to be players in our own game.

Look I totally understand pain, lack of energy, inability to “exercise” and just general loss of seeing any light at the end of the tunnel. Yet my friends, I can tell you there is light in that tunnel, there is always light there. Sometimes it takes a little longer to get to it, find it or even see it. Many times some of us have been in the dark for so long, that when we are standing in the light, we don’t even know it!

I cannot tell you how many times I have been in the “Pits”. Things have been so dark, so painful, so lonely, it all seemed so hopeless, that all I could think, was “I want to die”. I can remember feeling that way as early as the age of five years old. In the last twenty years I have been successful in taking off the weight; several times…I have also had “tons” of problems keeping it off!

Have any of you, lost weight in the past, then put it back, plus a little more. Do you remember how you felt? How about how your loved ones, friends and family looked when they saw you, after you gained the weight back? How did that make you feel?

Well now multiply that feeling by millions because every pound that I lost and gained in the last twenty years has been journalized, televised, blogged about and analyzed. Believe me when I tell you, the same as it has been for you it has not been easy for me. What do we do?

Do we roll ourselves up in a big ball and die? (I got that line from a song “That’s Life”). Do we give up? Throw our hands up and say I can’t do it anymore; I don’t want to do it anymore?

We all can be “weighed” down for all kinds of reasons. They may be physical and/or emotional. Yours may be weight related or have nothing to do with your weight or your body at all.

The point is if you want to get to the chance to be a player in your own game of life, then you have to start playing now!

If you did nothing yesterday but sat around and felt sorry for yourself then…

Today you have to do something a little different!

If there are physical limitations, then try to do some kind of movement. Try to lift your legs a bit or maybe lift your arms as high as you can, even if for only a couple of minutes at a time.

I was bed bound and over 800 pounds and I use to do arm work outs, upper body stuff, that is why I have a “six pack” today…..okay maybe not a “six pack” more like a “case”!

Seriously I would lie there and do ankle pumps all day. You have to keep the blood flowing.

You can do things today for you. If you can, go outside for a while. Enjoy nature, call a friend, or try saying hi to a neighbor.

DO SOMETHING TODAY FOR YOU!

Make plans for tomorrow. You must have something to look forward to. Plan a healthy food day, visit someone, or invite a family member over to your home. Maybe go to a museum, sit on the porch.

YOU MUST HAVE A REASON FOR TOMORROW!

There is hope, always hope! You got to believe!

If we let life “weigh” us down too much and for too long, then it makes it more difficult to get up!

Does it make it impossible? No, just a little harder.

You can do it! You should want to do it! Why not? Why not? Are you not worth the effort?

Sure you are! You have been your best friend your whole life, you have been through so much with yourself. You have laughed, cried, celebrated and loved. All the time having yourself to get through and share it all.

Therefore taking care of you now, makes sense!

Here is a new concept for some of you...that is to “Love Yourself”! It’s okay! It was a hard one for me and one that I work on constantly. It is the basis to my survival

Okay so let’s make those plans; let’s do the things we need to do. Let’s make life work for you. No more sitting back.

Up, Up and away, and you will begin to sore. You will see the light, all kinds of light. Life is full of light. Play the game…

Pick yourself up and get back in the race……

Have a great day, plan for tomorrow

Love ya
Mike

Fall Back and Spring Ahead….

For many of us in America this was the weekend when we push our clocks ahead one hour. I was up Saturday evening/Sunday morning and I was watching the clock on the cable TV box and it said 1:59. I was waiting to see it switch to 2am and much to my amazement it switched to 3:00am.

What happened to Two A.M.? I missed it. A lot of things could have happened in that hour. An hour is pretty important to me and it seems to be getting more important as I get…, well let us just say more mature in life. Oh, let me just say it as it is…as I get older. What am I hiding? I am getting older and all I can say about that is …Thank God! Wow! I am getting older.

I have learned to appreciate each and every hour that I am around. Life is beautiful. There are moments within everyone’s life that things may seem gloomy and really dark. There may be times when horrible things may really happen.
Yet in general and as a whole, I love life and wouldn’t trade it for anything. When I lose an hour I feel cheated. I could have used that hour.

Every hour has meaning to me. I spent many of hours in my life which some may look back at and say were wasted hours, wasted life. I was homebound for many years, bed bound for a few. I have been in Rehabilitation Centers for three years on and off, hospitals hundreds of times and certainly locked up in my own body for almost a lifetime. Have I wasted time? Am I a wasted life?

Some may see my life that way. To those, I say. Take a look deep inside yourself first before you are ready to judge my life. My life is what it is and was what it was. I am here because of where I came from. Where I go next? I go forward, I am always headed forward. There are still times in my life where, for some crazy reason, I find myself going down that silly dark path but I do eventually find my way. I will continue too, as long as I have time in my life and it does not run out on me.

Eventually it will run out. When it does, then my turn will be over and I will know that I never achieved everything that I did. Was it everything I planned? Did I reach every goal? Of course I didn’t complete my “Bucket List”, but man do I have a lot to be thankful for: things I never thought I would have!

When I was a young “whipper snapper”, in my very early twenties, I thought someday I would be President. Oh, I had all the Ideas on how I could solve the world’s problems and make this country an even better place for all (I still I could). In those years, I never thought I would find anyone to fall in love with me and marry me. Children? I didn’t think that was going to ever happen for me and grandchildren, you must be kidding. I was going to be dead according to all the doctors by the time I was the age of 30, therefore grandchildren just were not in my future.

Look what happened! Here I am, maybe not the President of the United States but I am the luckiest man on earth! Look where I am. I am a soul mate, a person who I dreamed of being with from when I was 14 years old and now this angel is my wife. I am a dad, and I am a Ga Ga (grandpa). What great titles to have. I have to tell you when I think of the two titles of…Mr. President, or Ga-Ga, well the truth be, the Ga-Ga title has got me Goo-Goo!

I have gained wonderful relationships, I am considered a friend to many people and I have many friends. I have a great supportive family. That is why every hour of every day has become so very important to me and should be important, to all of us. All of us should use the time we have, to do what we can, in the moment, for our self right now and to make yourself happy. Use the time we have to build, mend and create good strong solid relationships with others. Use this moment to make a good choice for yourself and do a healthy thing.

Too many of us use our precious time to damage our self. We will use it to overindulge and/or abuse our self physically and or emotionally. We will use the time at hand to stuff our problems, swallow them, smoke them or inject them but this behavior will never solve them.

We need to use the time wisely to solve the things that do not work in our life. To search for reasons things might not work for you and then find the solutions. We can begin to make positive changes in our lives right now! Today!
Remember as long as you have the breath then you have the time and as long s we have time, there is hope and then it will never be too late!

Life is to be enjoyed and though there are those dark moments, we still need to stay focused on the overall picture of “Life itself”. Life is “Light” and the beauty of what life can hold for you, for me, for us is just enchanting.

We are here for a finite period of time. What that time is, no one knows. If we are going to spend the time beating ourselves up for a whole lifetime then we have wasted a good opportunity, a good chance, and a time to enjoy… then we have wasted a life.

I had a friend; he will be my friend in my heart forever. He may not be physically on this earth anymore but he will be my friend as long as I will be able to think and feel. The truth is I hadn’t spoken to him in over twenty years but that did not mean he was not my friend. Nicky was a guy who from my viewpoint had everything to live for. In the day, many of the young woman desired him and I am sure some of the young men too. He had the looks any guy wouldn’t mind having. I know looking from my 700 pound body, I often desired his body but not in the way maybe the woman did. I wanted to physically have his body. Nicky also was the kindest, loving, most gentle guy you ever wanted to know. He loved my little son (at the time). He was a dedicated friend, employee and sort of my “left hand man”. He was loyal and would do anything for you. He was shy but at the same time had a nice personality. Nicky had one more thing; Nicky didn’t have much self-confidence. He was not comfortable in his own self. Something bugged him. He struggled a lifetime with his demons and just couldn’t get it together and now Nicky is no longer with us, physically on this earth.

Fifty-five years old may seem old to some but Nicky couldn’t hold on to that “Light of life”. He just couldn’t let himself; stay focused on the “Light of Life”. He tried; I know him and I bet he tried real hard. I guess no one knows someone else’s battles. The world will miss our Nicky….Too short a time, before his time!!
None of us know when our time will be up; that is why it is so very important to make the best of today. Don’t put it off until tomorrow. Don’t wait until tomorrow to call that person you wanted to say “Hi” to. Tell “you know who” how special they are today.

Most of all do that something right, for you now…don’t wait!
Just think if you wait until later to take care of you or do that something nice for you…later may not get here. Later may be that lost hour between 1:59 and 3:00am that I saw go by the other night!

Have a great day, love each other and most of all love yourself …it is okay…

Love
Mike

Oh, Poor Victim…

The last thing in the world I would ever want to sound like or be known as is a “Victim”. Yet there I was today just surfing through the internet and I came upon this blog page (from 2007). It was a bunch of people commenting on the “Inside Brookhaven” documentary (that I appeared in) it has been shown on Discovery and TLC channels from time to time over the years.

In it there was a piece where the EMT (Emergency Ambulance People) were transferring me (actually carrying me) down a long flight of steps in a wheelchair, with the help of six or eight men. They then proceeded to transport me to the Brookhaven facility, and transferred me into the bed from a stretcher. When they were doing this there was a very little drop, of about four to six inches.

Normally this would not be noticed by anyone. Except what we didn’t know at the time was I was suffering from “Rickets” and every bone in my body was brittle and aching with extreme pain. When they dropped me those few little inches, my almost 800 pounds of girth on top of those sore bones, released an expression of pain and verbal abuse, which at the very least could be interrupted as ungrateful. I was hurting and I lashed out at the first person or people that were near me. Was I right to do so? No! Did I realize it came off as ungrateful? Of course not!
What most people do not realize, is that most of what one sees on TV or in the movies is only a small piece of the actual truth. There was so much more to those tapes that did not make it to the TV. I was so appreciative to those people who took care of me and I expressed it both publicly and privately. They know the truth! Let me state it clearly for the record.

I would not be here today if it wasn’t for God, My wife, my son, Richard, and all of the Medical people in my life!! When I say all the medical people I am not just including the great doctors that have kept me alive but I am also including the nurses of the world, who I believe are the real angels of the hospitals and nurses aides who do all the hard stuff. Things I cannot even think of doing, bless them all. Last but certainly not least are the great EMT people who not once but three times literally saved my life, thank God for them. They are real heroes, and often many of them do a lot of volunteer work for the community.

I am now, I was then and I always will be appreciative to those people who have touched my life.

Hey, I am not so thinned skinned that I bruise too easily in my person by someone calling me a name or something like that. Coming from the background I came from I learned that there were people out in the world who did not understand what it is like, to live with this disease. Some people felt comfortable enough to make fun of me in my life even call me horrible names. As I grew older I realized that it was not my problem, their inability to comprehend and that it was okay for them to just not know.

Yet when I read things today like the following {Micheal is annoying. His whole attitude just sucks. Yeah, it's humiliating to have to be dragged out of your house because you can barely stand under your own weight but short of developing a large-and-in-charge levitation machine, there's not a lot those EMTs can do. I felt terrible for them trying to carry him down those stairs and then get "thanked" by having him bitch about how they were too rough with him and he has a bad back. I'm not that nice. I would have just rolled him down the stairs.}

I just had to respond. Not because I felt I needed to defend myself, the truth is there is really not a good excuse for any one human being to be nasty to another (especially if they are helping you) but I did have to just make clear one thing to all my medical Angels out there and that is…

I unconditionally love them all.

I appreciate them and everything they do for me and all people, especially my brothers and sisters in battle. I even appreciate those of them in the medical field that may not quite get it yet, that is okay their hearts are in the right place.

I never want to sound as if I am or ever was a victim but obviously according to the following quote I did so…{”Michael Hebranko bugged me because he had a major victim complex going on”}.

A “victim complex”, that is so funny to hear someone else have these opinions of you but this is what makes the world go around. The last thing I want to be is a victim. As a victim, where am I going?

As a victim all you do is remain stuck in “Victimville”! There is no good life in “Victimville”!

I want to be and have wanted to be for the longest time…a player. I take full responsibility for my life and where it has been, where it is and where it is going.
I refuse to look at my life as to what I have missed but rather I look at how lucky I am to have had the experiences and opportunities that I have had. I will not look at what I do not have because I have so much!

My life is not that of a victim, I Michael Hebranko, am one of the luckiest people in the world. Yeah, I may have a disease but I have a lot of things. I have Life, Faith, Friends and Family.

I have love! Love for life and all that it includes and I am in love and that love grows with every breath I take.

So call me many things (and I have been called it all) but victim…I am not too sure about that one.

None of us should live our lives coming from the point of “Victim”!

Be a player and make things happen in your life…you have the power…we all do!

Remember, Life is Power! You have the Power to Make Life and to Enhance Life!

Don’t let life pass you by…

Have a great day

Love
Mike

Ps
We may have been the victims of some sort of an atrocity in our lives, all I am saying is that I refuse to live my life as a victim!
Pss
Thanks for the concerns comments and emails about my absence from the blog page. I have had some health issues over the past couple of months. 2009 personally went out with a bang for me. I hope to be back blogging on a regular basis and thank you again for your kind thoughts.

A Season of Miracles

This is the season for the celebration of “Miracles”. So to often we literally get “wrapped” up in the materialistic part of this time of year, that we actually forget what it is all about. It is about miracles.

In much of the world, we celebrate Christmas (the miracle birth of the Christ Child); we also celebrate Hanukkah (a Festival of Lights) and Kwanzaa (the Celebration of a Culture of People). All these celebrations, all based on miracles of all kinds.

We as a people, around this time of year, very often forget, truly forget, the “reason for the season” and instead we are so involved in so many other things. Oh, there is the shopping, spending, worrying, cooking, eating and for many people being depressed takes up a big part of the time. Yes, depressed. Depressed, that their loved ones, may not be with them, for one reason or another. Depressed because they may not have the money to buy the gifts they want to. Depressed, they may not have any friends or family. All may be valid reasons.

Yet again what are we doing? This is a season of “Miracles” and a miracle has occurred in your Life! Yes! It is the twelfth month of the year and you and I are communicating once again. We are celebrating our life. We made it! Another year, Hooray! Some of us, it may have been a “Breeze” and for others it was “The Perfect Storm” but we are all here to talk about it.

Some may be wounded but we are here and as long as there is life….there is HOPE!

Therefore, in this the season of “Miracles”, Celebrations, Gift Exchanging, Partying and Eating…we need to take time to look around and appreciate the “Miracles” in our lives.

When we do look around, we need to start first from within our self.

Get it! We are a Miracle!

Each day we survive is miraculous. Do not brush it off so easily.

Life can be difficult at times and those of us who fight, survive, and get to play in this game of life another day…well that is a gift of champions!

Then after looking within ourselves take a look around us and I bet we can find all kinds of “Miracles” that happen around us in our lives.

A phone call can be a miracle, if it is at that right moment if our life, when it is needed. A smile, a visit, the smell of a new day, can be miraculous when a smile is what it takes. How about a new birth, or the passing of a suffering loved one? Getting to hold your grandchild, this is nothing short of a miracle.

Miracles, all kinds of miracles are all around us, all the time.

We need to just rub our eyes and stretch out our arms and just take in the goodness that surrounds us.

Yes, this is “A Season of Miracles” but that does not mean Miracles only happen in December!

To all of you out there have a Miraculous Holiday, a Healthy one to you and all your loved ones and when it comes to the “Eating”, Remember….

There is a tomorrow

Have a wonderful day

Love
Mike

Gobble Gobble Gobble

Gobble, gobble, can you believe it Thanksgiving is here! Speaking of “gobble”, this is not the time for so many of us to get gobbled up in the “curtain” of the “holidays”. I say the “curtain of the holidays”, because over the next seven weeks, those of us who really suffer from this disease can hide behind the “curtain of the holidays” and “eat” just like everyone else is doing! Oh sure, no one will notice us eating, because everyone is doing it, picking and chewing, and chewing, and chomping. All the food, spread out all over the place, plenty of opportunities for us to do all kinds of damage to ourselves.

This presents a couple of problems. First is that statistics say the average American will gain 14 to 20 pounds over the next 7 weeks…..Hello, Average!

When have most of us been average when it comes to eating? When they say 14 to 20 that means that some will gain 2 pounds and maybe some will even lose 3 pounds (Ha!). Then on the other hand, some of us could actually gain 40 or 60 pounds over the next seven weeks.

My problem is, especially if I do not keep myself in “check”, If I do not “Keep It Simple for Today”, my problem could and has been at times in the past that …

I begin eating the night before Thanksgiving (when we are doing the preparing) and do not finish until three days after the “Super Bowl” which is in late January early February. I can, and have eaten as if it is holiday every single one of those Seventy days.

This is why we all need to focus.

Thanksgiving is a day to surely be thankful and not for the poor Turkey that gave its life for us. We need to be “thankful for the chance to be able to be thankful”.

We need to look around and see the real things that we have to be thankful for.

Spend a moment (at least) during that day to reflect on the things you have to be thankful for. It is not about the food.

You have eaten it all before!

If you do right by yourself this year, you will live for another, to taste it all again.

Look, the reality is you are going to eat more than 1600 calories probably that day….okay!

That is one day! Not every day, not the next seven weeks! Besides it, does it really have to be 16,000 calories?

You can have a small piece of pie, a taste, if you need to have it…

Then that is it! The holiday does not continue until and through Chanukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Years and Ground Hog Day.

No, there are breaks in between those days.

You do not have to celebrate every social event at office parties, house parties, family gatherings, and all of them with a mouthful of food.

Swallow a little and talk. Socialize, it is fun.

The Holidays can and should be a time to spend and enjoy with your friends, family and loved ones. Time spent, without food making you feel either sick, guilty or both!!

Whatever you do, do not say those horrible dreadful “Loser” words…..

”Ah, I’ll make a New Years Resolution and I will start my diet January 2nd”!!!!!!!

NO!!!!!!!!!!

It is only November, December, it is today!

Do it now! You are now!

You are alive …now!! You count…now!!

You can do it ….Now!

So gobble, gobble, let’s finish ’09 ….“In Line”!

“In Line for a great 2010”.

A 2010 where there will be no end of “You taking care of You”.

To all my friends and buddies and to all my “brothers and sisters” in battle ….

I wish to you a very happy, healthy, thankful holiday season and I am thankful we get this chance to share together…..

Eat smart, Think well, do not hate, be less angered, and smile when in neutral …..

All my love

Mike

The Stork Arrives

It is 11:03AM on Thursday, October 20th 1977 and the doctor (actually, it was a nurse) tells me that I have a son!! A little boy weighing it at 11 pounds 4 ounces a bouncing baby boy, a healthy little “Butterball”. Imagine I was a father and now the task of becoming a “Daddy” began.

Oh, it is not easy for any parent. Raising a child, being responsible for their safety, well-being, happiness, future, their every need is not an easy thing. Some people unfortunately think “flim-flam-bam and thank you mam they are parents and the rest is easy….it is not!

I only realized the struggle, worry and concern my parents went through, only when I became a father myself.

I always say, just because you are a parent that does not make you perfect! That when you become a parent, there are no, instructions that come along with that tiny little miracle of life, that is now yours.

It is like being thrown into the 100 foot water (never knowing if you can swim or not) and being told, “Swim”!

Yet I for one thing I am the luckiest man in the world! Seriously! Many of these blogs have been about my struggles or those of others but let us face it life has its REWARDS!

In addition, to being a father and I believe I also can call myself a “Daddy” for Thirty-Two years there are many “REWARD”!

I have been blessed with a child (and now a Man) who has been respectful to his family, loved his family, never ever embarrassed himself or his family. He works hard for his wife and children, he is true to them (and better be) and loves them and adores them very much.

Is he perfect? In my eyes as a dad, ….Yes! Could he do or have done some things differently? Ha! Who could not do some things differently in thirty-two years if given the chance? It is certainly easy for me or anyone from the cheap seats to sit and be a judge….but I will not!

I too could have done things differently and so could have you, I am sure!

The thing is I have gotten to see him grow up! With all that comes from that.

All the cheers, jeers, and tears! The awards (and there were many), the parties, graduations (I might not have attended them all but I have been around for them all), and “the first”! First tooth, then the first tooth to fall out, first job, first girlfriend, first (and only) wife, first child, (now second child) many first.

Yes, life has its REWARDS and one of mine (a biggy) was certainly the day the Stork arrived in our family.

I feel good today! I feel great today! I am proud to be a father and more proud to be the Dad of Michael Hebranko III born 1977.

I am a lucky person to be here to see all this and to be able to share it with my loved ones and my friends.

I share this part of my life with you and I ask you to take a moment to reflect on even just one “REWARD” life has had for you……..We all have them……….

In this world today of havoc, finances a mock, news is crazy, wars, innocent people dying, people doing crazy things just to be on TV ….sometimes it is important amidst all this havoc to search and reflect on the good things …..

On the REWARDS…it helps us to appreciate our lives ourselves..

It may bring a smile to us…

I know, to this very day not matter how I feel, no matter what kind of mood I am in, when I see my Son (even if it is for a second, until we argue about something) my heart brightens up, my blood flows better, my insides smile!

There are certain things that I am proudest of in my life one being my marriage and the love and relationship it has produced between myself and my bride and from that comes the other most proudest things in my life….my son...and now his family, his children, my grandchildren…

I have other things that I am proud of most… some are self accomplishment and survival and most are relationships with family and friends.

Life’s REWARDS they are there for the enjoyment, the reflection, the inner peace and comfort. Use them, allow yourself to appreciate them and acknowledge your part in your life’s REWARDS!

Enjoy today and all the days….

Love
Mike

Isolation

Those of us who suffer from this “Disease”, “Addiction”, “Affliction”. Need to understand the things that truly feed or fuel this “mis-function” within us.

Throughout the years of my journey and as I walk the road towards recovery I have learned many things about myself and what works and even more so what does not work.

With me, myself and through observations of close friends and associates, I have seen one common behavior pattern with in many of us, that is “Isolation”.

Isolation, we tend to withdraw first in our heads then in our lives.

For example: In so many interviews that I have done, it will not take a minute for some one to ask my poor wife, “How can you watch him eat? On the other hand, “Why don’t you stop him”?

Well here is some news for the world…97% of all the wrong kind of eating, I have done, I have done alone, on the sneak, in private. I have never needed anyone to help me to get my “drug of choice” ---“FOOD”! I have put those pounds on in private…for the world to see in public!!

So hiding and sneak eating is one of our problems and one that needs to be addressed if we are going to make any improvements in our life!

Another major “Isolation” problem is that we will withdraw, internally. We will cut people out! Stop communicating! Stop talking to loved ones. Whether we live with them, or if we live alone, we will stop calling or avoid calling friends and family. Just so that we do have to face the reality of that dreaded question …“How are you doing?”

We hear that question and if we are not doing well with our food, we will hear… “How are you doing, now that you are not dieting and eating out of control and gaining all that weight and being a complete failure…etc”!

Even though that poor person never said anything like that but that is what we might hear because often those are the tapes we are playing in our own head! That is our we are beating ourselves up already!

Isolation feeds our ability to make our self wrong, to support our terrible feelings of failure! Isolation will do that.

Then the finally kind of “Isolation” is the physical kind.

That is where you will avoid going out, avoid going to family functions, meeting with friends, going shopping, or just going to a movie. You are ashamed, you are tired, you are heavier, etc. etc.!

IF YOU WANT TO WIN THIS BATTLE, IT IS MORE THAN JUST MAKING A SALAD!

If you want to win the battle it is more than just making a salad, you need to make changes! You need to acknowledge you want to withdraw from everything and say, “Okay, I feel this way but I am still going to be a player, even though I do not want to play”!

Isolation means just you and your disease and guess what????? That disease knows how to push your buttons and for the most part …will win over you.

Do not let it win over you any more!

Just recognize that you are trying to Isolate and that is part of your problem.

Yet still get up tomorrow and make that phone call, go out to visit your friend, go to the neighborhood café and socialize, go to the family function…no matter what your weight is today! That number can change either way tomorrow, depending on what you do right…Today!

You are a human being who deserves every break in life! You deserve the chance to enjoy life, to smile. You have paid your dues now you can enjoy a little.

Give yourself permission to smile, laugh, and have a good time. Okay life may be a little “Heavy”. You know what? It could be worse…you know that, just turn on the News.

So remember do not Isolate, it does not help…at all.

Open up those doors, open up your heart, and get out of your head.

Look for some one who loves you and share with them. Play with them. Laugh with them.

Laughter, good medicine…and it is free!

My dear friends, we are in a war to survive but one where there are many battles to be won.

We learn along the way, we learn from each other… I am sharing with you, my brothers and a sister in battle…that Isolation is “Not a good thing”!

Do not be alone! You do not have to be!

You have me, I have you, we have each other!

You have to make it work ……..Go fight for what you deserve!

Have a great day and Never Give UP!

Love

Mike

Cheating

The dictionary defines cheating as follows: to defraud; swindle; to deceive; to elude; to violate rules or regulations; a person who acts dishonestly.

Wow, after all that we are then suppose to feel good about ourselves and get back on track and do the things that we need to do to live a healthier and fuller life.

Think about it? Here we are doing are best, trying are hardest, whether it is to eat right, stay sober, be positive or just live a healthier life style and then it happens! A bad moment, a bad choice, a bad day, whatever the reasons may be, you may be aware of the reason or you may not, it just happens!

You “Cheat”, then you come to your senses and cannot help but look at what has happened, what you have done and you think to yourself...”I cheated”!

Then the tapes begin to play in your head. Then by definition you are a fraud, swindler, you violate the rules, you are dishonest! You cannot help but hear these tapes in your head. You have been raised your whole life, to know that cheaters are low lives.

Now after that and a host of other guilty feelings, you are suppose to go forward, feel good about yourself, get back “on the wagon” and eat healthy and do healthy things for our self.

Can it be done? It can! Is it easy? No! Must it happen? You bet!

Who else but “you” is going to do it? If not now, when? Are you going to let another day go by? Do more damage to your body, your mind, your heart?

You cannot wait for someone else to make you feel good (it might happen, but there are no guarantees). There is an expression that goes “don’t wait for some one to tell you to wash your face…because then you just might look better than them.”

That is a harsh statement and does not play true in all cases but the point is we cannot wait for others to make us feel good about ourselves.

We have to dig deep inside and find the strength, realize the goodness, the worth inside of our self and begin once again.

It can be difficult, especially when you might have people around that knock you every chance they get, that may have lost faith in you, or are just fed up with you and all the years of you have struggled already.

These are the times when you need to try your hardest.

When that hill becomes a mountain, yet either way, it still needs to be climbed, one more time. You and you alone have to find the strength to take those first steps.

You have to tap into that inner worth, the inner need to succeed, the desire to survive, you have to know that you are worth it!
Life at times is not easy and often the bounce back from “nowhere” seems impossible, but who else but you deserves to be happy.

Do not act has if you might not deserve to be happy, you do!

You are a beautiful creation and deserve to live your life to its fullest.

Therefore, you, I and the rest of us have to fight!

Fight for our well-being, fight no matter what our demons are, no matter how dark they may be. We have to do what we need to do to make it!

If we need help and cannot find it here then we have to look for it there.

We need to do, what we need to do! As hard as it may seem, as alone as we may feel, we need to be able to look inside ourselves first!

We have power! We are strong! We made it this far and we can make it to the top of that mountain.

My friends who are in struggles of all kinds…I say this to you. Hang in there!

Be a little easy on yourself; give a little hug to yourself.

Never quit, never give up!

You are special….very special and you are worth it!

Love
Your Brother in Battle

Mike

Do you need help --To put yourself down?

I have found through my journey that when I am having my worst times. Those days when I would be eating out of control. When I would be starting every day with the words, “Today is going to be the day I do good” and by sometime soon into that day I will be re-negotiated with myself and committing to, “tomorrow I will start over again”!

Each new day making another new deal and truly wanting to believe it will happen and why not? Do I really need to gain any more weight? Do I really want to jeopardize my health and independence? Do I want to die? No, No, No and definitely No! Yet my clothes get tighter, my pain gets deeper, my legs get weaker and my breath gets shorter. I know then that I am in trouble. I have known along the way that I was in trouble.

I am having enough of a hard time with the battle, just to put two healthy meals together, do I really need any ones help, making me feel worse than I already do, about myself? Do I need a family member, a boss, a colleague, a producer, doctor, stranger or friend coming up to me and asking me or “telling” me that I have gained weight? DUH! I know all about it and I thank you for making (helping) me to feel even better about myself, than I do already! DO WE REALLY NEED THAT KIND OF HELP??

You know I have this theory and I will try to explain it in a short version (because some day it might be in a book form, I hope). Her goes, our disease (our struggle, battle, fight, problem, habit, call it whatever makes you feel comfortable), our disease feeds off negative energy. Whether it may be caused from depression, pressure, nerves, loneliness, anxiety, the past, the present, or the fears of the future, any kind of negative energy, both conscience or unconscious, and we will eat over it.

Each time we eat out of control, it is like those “old locomotives”, we feed the engine with more negative logs (reasons) to keep the “engine” (our) mouth going. We eat, we react to eating and then we eat more.

Then all we need is some one to really mean well (and sometimes not mean well) and try to tell us we have gained weight and maybe they can help!

BOOM!

More logs for that engine and then “FULL SPEED AHEAD”, and eating FRENZY!

I know about intervention and I agree that in the right way and done at the right time with the right set of circumstances it can be helpful but it is a delicate problem and needs delicate handling. The biggest intervention has to come first from within.

We know the people in our lives who are out there who will help us! HOWEVER, we have to make those moves toward them; we have to want to make those moves.

In order to want to help ourselves, and to help ourselves we must be in a POSITIVE state of mind, a positive place!

I f you are angry with yourself, if you hate yourself, then how can you be positive about you???

How can you go through the struggle ahead of you that day, if you do not like the person you are fighting for?

You need to support a positive atmosphere around you, within your life as much as possible.

How? Well, one way is to think about this.

You can hate the act (of overeating) but do not hate the actor.

You can possibly not be thrilled with the physical package when you look in a mirror but love the ingredients.

Do that first my friends and then dealing with the others in your life who say hurtful things will be a little easier. If you think about this…

In the scheme of things, the people who are upsetting you do not really matter! They are not there when you have to make the right choices. They are not with your 24/7 when you have to face your inner most self. Who are these people you give so much power too?

They may people who threaten to fire you, or not be your friend, maybe divorce you or never speak with you again, if, you do not lose weight.

Yet do they have the power to extend your life? Can they give you five or ten more years of living? I doubt it but guess what? You have that power!

You are the one that has to like yourself, and like yourself enough to where no matter what hits you, that it will not matter.

You are going to do well with your next choice!

Therefore the original question was “Do you need help to put yourself down?”

What is the answer? You should know the answer.

The answer is, “No one puts you down! You give no one that power!”
Take the power away from those who hurt you and then …

You have won one more battle!

Each battle we win helps with our personal WAR!

Take back the POWER, take back the CONTROL

Good luck my so” worth while”, “Brother and Sister in Battle”

Good luck my friend

Never give up and so you will never fail!

Love

Mike

Depression

Have you ever been in a room full of people and felt alone? Have you ever felt as if you wanted to, just scream but for no particular reason. Besides, why bother, who would care or even hear you anyway? Does what seems to be the silliest little reason put you into tears? Does your bed or your living room ever seem like it is the easiest or safest place to deal with “today”?

Sound familiar? You may be depressed! I looked up in the dictionary and among many definitions on “depression”; I would like to share these few:

A depressed or sunken place- sadness; gloom; dejection. A condition of general emotion dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason

Suffering from depression or being depressed… in the past has been an embarrassment and almost like having some terrible social disease.

Times have changed and the time is now and is time to “Get over that”!

Depression is not something to be ashamed of nor is it something to be ignored and “shoved under the carpet”, with hopes it will go away on its own Depression is something that needs to be fought, on every level with everything you got!

This is a time in history, when we as human beings acknowledge whatever is not working and then do what is needed to be done and make it all work for the better!

There is nothing wrong with depression or being depressed except “Staying Depressed”!

I have dealt with depression on many levels throughout my battle and during my re-discovery.

All I do know is, depression is not pretty. It could be very painful, draining and at times destructive. Destructive meaning: non-productive; harmful to relationships; hurtful to oneself; and on many different levels.

In my particular case, I would often find myself asking…

“Do I overeat because I am depressed or “Am I depressed because I overeat”?

This is the “million dollar” question but either way the results of the overeating in the past have not been good for me.

That is why I and I hope anyone who reads this must be willing to take the “Bull by the horns”.
Recognize the enemy! Notice the signs and if you are depressed, then do whatever it may take to get yourself back on track.

I am no professional nor do I pretend to be one but I am a person who knows about depression. I have seen it in its ugliest states.

Besides, I personally like millions of human beings fight to stay positive. Sometimes you may be feeling a little blue and just a new hair do may be the “Pick you up” that you might need. Maybe a phone call to an old friend and a few laughs is just “What the doctor has ordered”.

Sometimes it may take a little more than just that. It may take some professional help…and why not? Are you not worth it? I ask you, is not your life working well, worth anything and everything? If you had a bad cold that you could not “shake” with some over-the-counter medication, you would look to a professional.

So, I ask, why not in this case too?

I know I would do anything, rather than be confined to a bed again for three years or homebound for fifteen years. If it means me admitting, I might need a little extra help and that I am not the one who can fix everything in the world and in my life. That I might need some help. Than let it be!

Depression is an ugly thing! Yet with work, it can be made better. Maybe it will not be cured forever, but for now, you do what you have to. Later, then you do what needs to be done, then too!

As long as you remember at all times, your life is meant to be lived, to the fullest and at the highest quality possible. You must remember that you do whatever needs to be done to make you smile inside your heart. To have peace, within your being.

You must make the effort, to get up out of that bed, if you physically can (so many of our friends physically cannot), get up out of that chair; open up that door or window, take a deep breathe and smile. Smile, then make some good healthy choices today and always remember these four simple but very important words….say them to yourself daily and as often as necessary during the day. Repeat them now…with meaning

I AM WORTH IT! One more time I AM WORTH IT!

Have a great day and do whatever you need to do to make this day, your day!

Love
Mike