Friday, April 18, 2008

FEELINGS … "Give Me Anger or Give Me Death" …

Is that not what Patrick Henry said? I do not think he quite said that, but “Anger” is the second installment of the “feelings” writings that I would like to address with this blog.
“Anger” can be very destructive both internally and externally.

Externally, as we look around the world, we can see what “anger” actually can do. It literally kills and mangles millions and billions of people, around the world. How dose this sound for an idealistic viewpoint, “a world without anger”? What a thought, what a world it would be.

Before we even attempt to make such an accomplishment and take on such a task, we first need to look at “anger” within ourselves. I put this to all of you who are reading this blog…
“How does anger affect your life”?

Do not get me wrong, I know anger is natural. It is natural to get angry … sometimes. Yet how we deal with the anger, how long we hang on to this anger, this becomes the “million dollar” question. Let us face it the longer anger “runs” us the more destructive it can become.

Often if we do not handle anger properly and efficiently, then for many of us it will manifest into more reasons for us to become self-destructive. Let us face it, we do not need more reasons for us to be self-destructive (overeat). Therefore, it is to our advantage to get over the anger as soon as possible. If I may say in the healthiest way possible.

How do we get over anger? I for one do not hold onto anger, not for long at least. I just do not like the way it makes me feel. Sometimes if I am angry with someone, I will let him or her know and then often I do not. I find it just sometimes dose not pay. It dose not change anything, and is often a waste of my valuable time and just causes more aggravation. I will just process the anger with rationalization and accepting the fact where it is coming from.

The anger that I personally find sometimes the hardest to deal with is self-anger. The anger I find I often have for myself. I get angry for the times that I have allowed myself to lose such valuable life experiences. This is the most difficult for me and this to me is a more important anger to deal with than any external anger that I might experience. This internal anger lingers in so many of us and needs to be dealt with on so many levels.

I find one healthy way to deal with this anger is with a lot of forgiveness. Self-forgiveness and self-love. Patience, a little understanding and I have to remember that “we” have been through a lot together (the “we” being, me and myself) and I have to give me a break.

If I am angry with myself, then I am not interested in caring for myself, and again that dose not work anymore for me in my life.

Okay everyone let us not be angry anymore! Let us not be angry with our parents, or our spouses (present or exes) our uncles and aunts, or even our abusers. Enough, with being angry at the politicians, and most of all with ourselves.

I know that it is not easy not to be angry, especially with people who have hurt you. I am not telling you to forget, I am just saying let go of the anger and do whatever you need to do to let go of it in a healthy way. It is for your own sake, your overall well-being. Your future success depends on it!

Hey, you are a good person, as a matter of fact, you are a great person and you deserve all the best that life can offer you. You do not have to live with anger any longer than you should have to.

Get rid of these negative feelings. Feelings that knock you down and keep you down!

Replace them with good feelings.

The good feelings of love, and a lot of self-love. Replace anger with caring for yourself, building on successes, feeling a little better about who you are and the good things you can do and the things that you really do for yourself. Void out anger and take in life, your life and start smiling, and smiling a lot.

These are good things!

Have an angry free day!

Love ya

Mike

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mike
Easier said than done. Anger is a big part of my life and getting rid of it is not easy. It is deep and old. It eats at me.
But I try
Shirley

Anonymous said...

Anger....what a topic this is....we are all real good at being angry and holding onto it....but what we do with it is another story...turn to food...take the anger out on ourselves (etc..self hurt)... i for one have done both...i get angry so i eat thinking that is going to comfort me but it doesnt...i get angry at someone or something so i cut myself...well that again does not help....so now when i am angry i write and i write....i have gotten into the habit of taking a piece of paper and writing as fast and as angry as i am and putting it on paper not checking spelling or sentences just letting it all out of me....the more i hold onto anger the more i destroy myself....i cannot blame anymore not at my age...i am the one in control...well mike you asked for a poem so thought i would blog this one here as it is about feelings....


Look into my eyes.
See my defeated stare,
as if I wasn't there.
Look into my eyes.
See my pain,
see my torture.
Just look into my eyes.
Look into my eyes.
See what I go through.
Feel the doubt I cast upon myself.
Look into my eyes.
See the stare of an innocent person,
just trying to keep my life in order.
But questioning everything I do.
Just look into my eyes.
Look into my eyes.
See how I feel everyday.
Live my life,
through my eyes.
Read my eyes,
see my feelings,
hear my thoughts.
Look into my eyes.
then look into your own

Love you Carol

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear Shirley
That is the problem it eats at us or better still we eat or try to eat it away. Anger often equals pain and pain is not easily done away with. Even after we binge the pain is often still there so in fact the food really did not help, in the long run. Shirley just hang in there and keep trying, you can't fail as long as you do not give up!
All my best
Love
Mike

Mike Hebranko said...

Carol my Carol
So much pain so much past. How all of that controls the "Now". Carol it is time not only for you but for all to "give" to yourself a gift. A gift of the "right" to be happy..."TODAY"!
Your poetry is good, deep but good. I have a request write me a poem about how you would like "your life" to be for the next 10 years or so and be real.
You can do it, remember this is how you want it to be.
Love you
Mike

Anonymous said...

Anger that is hard it is something that I hold onto so much. It just creeps up and creeps up until I explode and then there is no control emotional, physically and then the world and I have to watch out. If I really stop and think about it I know that I need to let the feelings out with the anger and move on. When I DO THIS I release all the negative and I get to go on feeling good about myself. Anger how can you turn this into love. Thanks I just got rid of of some anger.

Chubby

Anonymous said...

Chubby
I understand the way you feel. It is me all over, what do we do to survive?
Linda

Mike Hebranko said...

Hi Chubby
I want to first thank you for sharing your thoughts so freely and so often. Obviously "anger" is an issue with you and me not being a "shrink", can no way give any professional advice. Yet as a friend and within my own life experience I know we need to find a healthy, non-destructive way to deal with anger. I believe one way is not to let it build up inside of you. I have this "handerchief" theroy that some day I will get into. Basically it says to deal with things as they come up and not let them fester inside until there is an explosion.
As for turning anger into love well once you empty yourself of anger (you process it, understand it, forgive etc) you open up space for love. Love is such a beautiful fulfilling, spiritual thing.
Chubby I believe that you have it in you to figure it out ... and you will
Love and good wishes
Mike

Mike Hebranko said...

Hi Linda
I think it is great to see the ehalthy exchange on the blog between people. I see you wrote to "Chubby" and I hope she responds to you. But here is my 2 cents. You ask how do you survive!
I think talking about it with otherrs, maybe professionals if need be and not giving up is a great start.
Linda keep in touch and remember, your life is too important to waste it by being angry.
Love Ya
Mike

Anonymous said...

Ok you asked for one positive one so i am giving it to you lolol...hugggs and love you Carol

Is it possible
to feel love again
To feel the warmth of it
as it embraces your soul
Is it possible
to smile again
To feel all giddy inside
Is it possible
to dream again
to allow your mind
to wander to that place
Is it possible
to hope again
to believe
that this just might be
Is it possible
I wonder
but
I wait and see

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Anonymous said...

Hi Linda

When we release the anger I am sure you must feel the peace that goes through you. You made me remember how it feels to be free from anger I waste my time carrying this and it blocks the way for joy and it makes me eat. The circle does not stop until I think and right now you have me thinking. So, Linda maybe if you think so happy thoughts you too can free up some of those bad feelings in side and find the time to smile :-). thanks Linda and Mike for the feelings and the smile

Chubby

Anonymous said...

My friend Mike
I am angry and it hurts. I am angry at the mis-understanding ideas, people have towards those of us who are overweight. You have been an amazing guy over these years. You have tried to make a difference and help people understand our plight, even as you fight to live yourself.
Where do you find the energy?
Thank you for your sharing and keep up the help. I promise to work on my anger.
a friend
Hilary (not the candidate)

Mike Hebranko said...

Carol
You write so beautifully, I don't remember you writing in the past, but my memory is not what it use to be.
Well you are right I asked for it and I got it. The "is it possible poem". I am reading and I am saying to myself "go Carol, go Carol, you got it"! Then the end! ..."is it possible, I wondder, but I wait and see"! No No it is all possible but don't wait and see and wonder. It is not going to knock on your door and say, "hi carol, I am here, are you ready for me"?
What I am saying is you like so many of us take a passive attitude, when we should be taking a more active attitude... in every aspect of our lives.
We have to be do'ers in our own lives. We can not wait for the next guy to do it for us, or for the famous little "red pill" to cure us, or for a relationship to find us.
Life is a game, we have to choices, one is to be a spectator and watch and say "we should of, could of, not us"! Or we could be players and have some role in the game, some fun, some injuries but at least we are playing.
So my dear sweet friend Carol keep writing, it is a good thing, search in your words for the light but don't get lost in your words there is a world out there ... and it is waiting for YOU!!!
Love ya
Mike

Mike Hebranko said...

NOTE TO ALL MY FRIENDS

SORRY ABOUT MY GRAMMAR AND SPELLING, ENGLISH IS NOT MY BEST SUBJECT AND THIS BLOG SITE DOESN'T HAVE SPELL CHECK. TRUST ME WHEN I WRITE AND USE SPELL CHECK IT SOMETIMES SAYS TO ME "ARE YOU KIDDING". ANYWAY THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE
MIKE

Mike Hebranko said...

Nice post Chubby to Linda, You sound a little better.
Remember "all things are possible... if you believe"!
Love
Mike

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear Hilary
You sure you are not the "other Hilary". I am sure you have nothing else to do the day before the Penn. Primary but come to our blog. Only kidding>
Hilary
Not to sound like Dear Abbey but I try to make a little difference. I first have to take care of myself, then my family, and then my friends. As for energy, I wish I had a lot more there is so much work that has to be done.
So many are making "billions" off of this disease and not really giving anything back to help.
Some are trying but not enough, we all have to be patient and educate those who are ignorant to the facts about us and our struggle.
Well Hilary keep in touch (my regards to Bill (ha, ha)) and turn your anger into positive energy and help with the cause and also take care of you!
Love
Mike

Anonymous said...

OK since your topic was anger thought i wouldshare this one of takingthe power back...this one has alot of meaning to me....as it was a time where i needed the control back in my life and i got it...huggggs and love you Carol



Prying away the fingers of my destroyer
I take its' power
You will rule no longer
Never again
I let you steal from me too long
I gave you everything
How dare I give in
How dare I allow you so much of myself
Your lies were made to weaken
Your words made to kill
I am taking over now
You will die by my words
Silence, only silence
No more will I follow blinded
by your non-truths
I see you for the monster you are
an evil so clever I almost became
your next victim
I see you clearly
You will not take me
Victory is mine
The battle is over
You will succumb to me now
Leave!
Never again will I allow you into
my mind
Never again will you steal from
me

Anonymous said...

Hi Mike,

Hope you are feeling healthy, you are certainly looking not-too-bad from where I'm sitting. I have kept my hopes up for you since I became aware of you in 1999. I enjoyed your remarks comparing heroin and eating some time ago. A fine point indeed.
I do wonder whether you have been reading Buddhist philosophy judging by your comments on anger. Buddhists tend to discuss anger a lot. Perhaps I should string some on here for everyone's consideration. One of my own, I often hear people say to another, "you made me angry", or "I am angry because of you", this is what I call offloading the responsibility and inevitably takes them further away from finding peace in their own hearts.

Dave C
rudolph_valentino758*at*hotmail.com
(replace *at* with @)

Anonymous said...

Mike
You are really a beautiful person. You give so much of yoursel and I for one appreciate your sharing your life for all these years. You have helped me so much and I hope that you are around for many years to come. The world needs more people like you.
Thank you for all your help
Sincerely
Nadine

Anonymous said...

Dear Mike
I just found your blog although I have known you for many years. I once met you in the audience of the Sally Jessie Show and you were the most kindest and understanding human beings I have ever met.
You told me then that I had to believe in myself and I never forgot it. I have had some real rough times since then and have thought of quittting at times but your kind words, warm smile stayed with me. I am glad that I have found this blog and can read your commments. I have read the past three and they are so helpful.
Bless you and your life
Maryann

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear Carol
I know you are working hard! I am rooting for you and you know I am here for you if I can help. We will talk.
Love ya
Mike

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear Dave
I am honored to hear from you and thank you for your kind thoughts about anger. We so often are ready to put the blame on some one else or something else. You are so right.
I am also sorry to say that I have never study the Buddhist philosophy. Yet I do believe that truth and love will find its way in all who allow it to flow within them.
Dave I hope you continue to share with us and continue to post your comments on the blog.
I hope all is well with you and you have inner peace
with love to a fellow human being
Mike

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear sweet Nadine
There is beauty is all people ... some you have to look for a little deeper than others.
As for me Nadine, I love two things in life one being my family and the other is trying to make a little difference. Being nice, trying to help in my way, sharing my story, listening once in awhile, hey what is the big deal.
We get what we give and in my experience I get back much more than I can ever give .....that would be life itself!
So thank you again Nadine and one other thing don't sell yourself short, you say I have helped you but remember Nadine you have helped you.
Be well
Love
Mike

Mike Hebranko said...

My dear friend Maryann
I am glad that I made an impression that has been able to stay with you. I wish that in my life that all my first encounters I handled so well but I haven't. I try to but no one is perfect. We
are human and just by definition "human beings are not perfect" and that is okay. Perfection is not for us to strive for it is an unobtainable goal. Therefore we do the best we can, Maryann you too should just do the best you can.
Keep in touch I will be here for you as long as I can
Love and best wishes
Mike