Monday, July 28, 2008

For The Want of a Hot Dog …

For the want of a hot dog, I have given up so much and to be honest I totally do not understand it! I know that by my overeating it has caused loss of quality of my life; it has caused pain in the life of my loved ones, yet in the past I tried but had many backslides. Do I know entirely why this happens, absolutely not! I do not believe anyone on this earth entirely understands why ….yet! It is not a fun thing to live with! Yet…

I openly admit that I was am and always will be addicted to food and I have had major problems controlling the amount of food that I can consume. An example of that would be “Hot Dogs”. In the past, I have been known to eat a great number of hot dogs (frankfurters). You may ask (out of curiosity) how many would that be, well the number is not important but 20 to 30 at a sitting would not be unheard of. Surprised? Well do not be. I was a man who could be over 1,000 pounds at times and I am not one of those overweight people who you hear say, “I don’t know how I got to this weight because I do not really eat”! No that is not I. “I admit, I can eat, and eat a lot”! I am not proud of this fact; it just is what it is. When I am not doing well, I eat tremendous amounts of foods and it is for this reason, I have paid an expensive price. You know what it has cost me? Well, let me tell you by telling you where my life is now, compared to where it was five summers ago, or even two summers ago.

Five summers ago I was literally stuck in bed, well over 800 pounds and not being out of the house in years (other than to be removed to be taken to hospitals). Two summers ago, I was spending each day in a Rehabilitation Center in Queens New York, working on getting physically better. I came home last June 30th and let me tell you where my life is physically right now (minus a short intermission, due to my little heart problem, which is doing much better now).

First as many of you know (I posted about it) in the beginning of June I attended a Christening of a beautiful little girl, who I had the privilege of being her Godfather. I was able to attend the church and participate in the ceremony including climbing the alter steps (that had no railings) with a little help of my son. Afterwards, I attended the party, which was miles from my home, and if I may say so, I had a great time. In contrast, my baby (my grandson) who was Christened a little less than three years ago, was done so without his grandpa, (me) being there … physically at least.

Since June, I have traveled to Downingtown, Pa. to the 60th wedding anniversary of my Aunt and Uncle, what a beautiful couple they are. Aunt Eva and Uncle Steve are the kindest, warmest, most generous people you would ever want to know. At my sickest moments throughout the years, it did not matter how they were feeling or how far they were from me. They would get in their car, (most of the time alone, some times with my cousins) and come all the way to New York to see me. I missed their 50th anniversary (my family attended); I also missed my aunts 80th birthday (my family attended). Therefore, when I received the invitation for this party a couple of months ago I said if I had to go on a stretcher, I was going. Well no stretcher was needed, I was able to get into an auto (a minivan, I sat upfront, with a seatbelt, no extension belt!) and my wife drove for 2 ½ hours down to Pennsylvania and I was able to visit them for a change. I also got to see my cousins and their families and I got to see cousins whom I haven’t seen for a while and their children who I never had the pleasure of meeting (boy am I getting old but thank God for that). It was a great experience.

We drove back that night and were able to attend Mass and just be thankful for a great day. The next day was another memorable day. Once again, we got into the car and we drove over an hour and half into Long Island (Suffolk County) where I was able to go visit the gravesites of my mom and dad. Now I have not been there in over 20 years, my mom has been there first (she passed away over 30 years ago and my dad joined her 12 years ago). I have never been to the cemetery since my dad died. As a matter, of fact when my dad past away and the funeral home was a half a bloc k from my home and I could not attend his funeral, I could not leave the house. Unfortunately, there were many events that I could not attend, both sad and joyous ones.

I think some of the hardest ones I missed were the ones that involved my son’s life. Is school plays, is little league baseball games, parent teachers conference and his High School Graduation was a rough one. Not to mention I could not be there when my son went through open-heart surgery! When he became a daddy! Why?

All because of my relationship with food. Yet it seems to be changing at this moment. All of a sudden, there are these events and I do not have to wait home anymore and ask everyone “how was it”? Who was there, what were they wearing and did anyone ask about me”? These kinds of questions are not asked anymore. All of a sudden, I look around and I am part of it. I am a player, instead of a spectator. Wow, how much fun is that? Who would have ever thought it could happen again …another chance

My life is so different now. Instead of watching Mass every Sunday morning on the television, I am now in Church every Sunday morning or Saturday evening. I go out with my wife to a restaurant now sometimes. We go shopping; we go for drives and just look at the world around us. We get to visit her mom, family, and friends. Yesterday once again I was able to be a guest again at a beautiful Christening of the grand-daughter of my very close and dear cousin. It was a lovely day with lovely people. I was not able to be at the Christening of her first grand-daughter but I am thankful and grateful for being part of this one.

While I was out to Long Island last week, my wife and I got to spend some time with friends who we knew from the rehabilitation center. We had a beautiful day by his pool with his family and some mutual friends. It was great to just sit out there and socialize instead of wondering (as I would have in the past) what was everyone was doing while I was at home …probably eating in darkness.

This next weekend I am going on a short vacation for a couple of days.
I have plans for every weekend for the month of August (look at me Mr. Social Butterfly). Then if God willing we are planning a fall vacation to Disney World with my grandson (who has been there twice already, bless him). I get to watch his face light up while he sees his hero’s like Mickey and Captain Hook. A dream of mine, which will come true.

Can I still eat 20 hot dogs? In a heartbeat! I am very well aware of that and must never forget it or let my guard down. Are there some days I go a little overboard? In all honesty not “days” at least not in a long while. There may be moments, a meal, and a situation where I may over indulge and that is when I am reminded that I am still an addict. I know I cannot let that moment or meal turn into a day anymore. Not anymore!

Not for the “want of a hot dog” am I willing to give it al up! I love my renewed life. It is so much better than the bed. The bed is good for 6 to 8 hours a day (for sleep and rest) but that is it (unless for some unfortunate reason you find yourself having to be there).
If you do not have to be in bed then get up! The world, the wonderful world is passing us buy. It may have its bumps, but it is still a beautiful world, bumps and all.

Do not let the want of a hot dog or extra piece of cake or cookies, (or anything like that) ever hold you back again! Now is the time to make the right choice!

I personally enjoy being included and part of life. Next year I want to be even more involved with maybe a little less effort on the part of my family (to help me). I know if little by little I keep trying, working at it, doing my best and willing to be patient with myself and if necessary pick myself up and keep on going forward…then I know I will make it!

What a gift we all have today, and that gift is, today itself! Make the rest of today a great one. Give someone a call, tell someone you love them, smile, and laugh a little and most of all ….

Do something good for you.


Peace

Love
Mike

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is inspiring
I am so ready to get started and I thank you Mike. I happened to read your blog today and I have been thinking about losing weight. I have about 75 pounds to take off. I just have not been able to get started, until now.
I can feel your enjoyment and I am happy for you and want to be that happy too.
I will let you know how I am doing.
Shelly, Va.

Anonymous said...

You are a poet.

Your wonderful and lovely wife must be thrilled to have you by her side again.

Thanks for sharing, Mike.

Love, Bebe

Anonymous said...

Omg this blog i definitely jump up and down about because i get it i really get it.....summers for me have been hard with not going to the beach or the pool and watching everyone have fun instead i sat home and felt sorry for me...well for the past two weekends my best friends and family here have put in a pool and i was able to go...was able to walk to the pool on my own go down the steps get in the pool and spent 4 hours in it....so see i get it i get it i get it....i didnt have to call later and ask how was the pool did the little one have fun no i was there enjoying it and playing and doing things that people do...after that we had a healthy bbq and it was wonderful.....but the point im making is i was able to do it ....and felt wonderful...so yes i get it.....and cant wait for this weekend to make the ride over again and go back in the pool...
hugggs and love
Carol

Anonymous said...

Dear Mike
You have hit a nerve. I am one who sits home and awaits to hear all the details, well no more. I will begin today and believe. I want to be a player like you and Carol. I know it will take a long time but I am going to begin and I have you to thank.
Thank you for sharing
you are a wonderful man
Love
Laurie

Anonymous said...

Dear Mike, I read your blog faithfully. I, too, am a compulsive overeater. Know that someone in Central New York is praying for you daily and hoping that you will continue forward on your way towards recovery. It's not about the hot dogs, after all, it's about physical, spiritual and emotional recovery. Take care. Lots of love.

Lacy said...

Mike you are truly an inspiration to me. I am almost 35 and a good 70 pounds overweight.I also compete in strongwoman.My weight is a daily battle reading your blog certainly hits home.I am very active at 300 pounds.But I am almost 35 .the thought lingers how long my body will hold at this weight.
Thank you for your blog again it is motivating and inspirational.

Lacy

Anonymous said...

My name is Gina and I relate to what Lacy has written. I too am 308 pounds and 33 years old. I am very active but I too worry about my future. Will I be home bound of even worse. I have two children and eventually I am sure their friends will have something to say to them about their mother being fat.
Mike this blog is so inspirational and I am ready to do some serious changes in my life. I have you to thank for giving me the push and drive.
I will keep in touch and good luck to Lacy.

Gina

Anonymous said...

Dear Mike
I want to feel that freedom once again also. I have been in my house now for five years and it is getting worse. Your new chance gives me hope, thanks you for your kindness and warmness.
I want you to know you give me hope.
Thanks
Mona W.

Anonymous said...

Dear Mike
How can I get to meet you in person. I want to thank you oersonally for all you have given to me and my family.
You have shared so much of your life, you have given so much hope to so many of us and this I want to thank you for in person. I want to hug you.
I am not a fanatic or stalker I just think you are a special person who I would love to meet.
Please let me know.
Carly R.

Mike Hebranko said...

Dearest Shelly,
You ready? On your mark, get set, GO! Shelly, You can be happy right, because you have made up your mind right now to get started.
It is important for success that you are in the right frame of mind. Being positive with yourself, forgiving yourself for all those past tries and being happy with you, right now is a great begining. It is not ust about eating right, if it were we would all be at perfect Barbie doll and Ken weights.
I know you can do it, Shelly keep in touch
Love
Mike

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear Bebe,
Thank uou Bebe, you were a part of it! Hope you and your family are well. Let's keep in touch,
Love, respect and thanks
Mike

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear Esther Williams, oops I mean Carol,
Yes my sweet friend it is nice to be a player and keep trying to get invited to your best friends pool. It is great exercise even if you are just walking around, or holding the sides and kicking your legs.
Taking care of yourself, baby steps, got you into that pool, allowed you to be part of instead of apart from. So keep at it and remember these days on the rougher ones.
Love ya
Mike

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear Laurie
I can not speak for Carol (but knowing her, I think I can. On behalf of both of us we wish you all the best of luck! It will not be easy and probably not without some little bumps along the way. Yet stay focused and keep moving forward and you will get to your destination!
Good luck
Love
Mike

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear Central New York
I know, I am learning day by day, year by year, battle by battle! The victories taste better than anything I have ever really eaten.
Mike

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear Lacy,
The accountant in me says emm 35 yrs old 70 pounds overweight, well that is only 2 pounds a year...!
Seriously, 70 pounds can be rough on the body. 70 pounds can turn into 80, 90 before you know it 100. I do not mean to scare you because it is not going to happen to you!!!
You are active and you are a "Strongwoman" physically and mentally.
True the excess weight will take its toll on the body (believe me) but it does not have to happen.
Lacy, you can do it, make those better choices, do what ever you need to do to eat healthier. I knwon it is not easy. Personally eating has to be the worse habit to keep in check. We can't give up eating,(like smoking or drinking, or drugs). We have to eat to live but not live to eat!
Lacy keep in touch and let me know how you are doing.
All my love and respect and thank you for writting
Mike

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear Gina,
It is good at 33 you are worried. I wish at 33 I was really worried and tuned in. I must of been close to 700+ pounds and I was hearing it but I was not getting. It was not really registering.
Yes, things could get worse...but not for you!!
You are a doer, and you are going to do the things you need to do!
Whatever it takes to be healthier, yes for your children but even more so ...FOR YOU!!
Kepp in touch Gina
I am in your corner
Love
Mike

Mike Hebranko said...

Mona
My dear friend,don't wait like I did, almost 15 years! You have made the first step by talking (writting) about it! Now get the help you need to make yourself healthier. You can start with your next meal. Eat a little better, stay away from those empty calories.
Move as much as you can to burn calories and breath in!
You can do it Mona
Let me know
Love
Mike

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear Carly
Frist of all you do not have to thank me. I believe we "help ourselves, when we help each other"! Besides I know my life is a gift from God and I like to share gifts.
Who know what the future hold? Maybe we will meet, it would be my pleasure and when we do I will have a big hug for you.
Be well and take good care of you
Lovingly
Mike

Anonymous said...

Dear Mike
Again thank you
Laurie

Anonymous said...

Dear Micheal
I love what you write and enjoy this blog page. Thank you very much you have inspired so much with all you have done. You give me the hope that I look for.
I will continue to look at this blog and read what you have to say. I want you to know that I have been trying to do it the K.I.S.T. method and it works well for me. It has been about two months I have lost 19 pounds so far.
Thanks
a friend forever
Kathy

Emma said...

Hi Mike,

Such an inspiration as always. Its fantastic to hear your story, you are such a determined person and you always give me inspiration. Its a joy to hear you truly enjoying life again, you totally deserve it!
Myself, I only need to lose about 28lbs really, but man they are such a struggle.

Thanks for the motivation, and stay happy and healthy as I know you will x

Emma :D

Anonymous said...

Mike
I love your blog and your attitude. I too like Emma have less than 30 pounds to lose but am I having a rough time. I use to be able to take off 5 pounds in a week or two. Now I am lucky if I can do it in 4 or 5 weeks and that is with a lot of hard work.
You have been a lift to me. Please keep up your messages I love them.
Nice work
Janice
PS
Good luck Emma

Anonymous said...

Hi Mike
I just wanted you to know that I read your blog yesterday. At the end you say to call someone and to tell them you love them. Well I have a brother and him and I have been at each others throats fro years. We talk, our wives are friendly but him and I are like oil and water.
Well I read your blog yesterday and the first person who came to my mind was my brother Gordon. I had to call him, so I did. I told him I was calling just to to tell him I loved him and was glad to have him as my brother. I can not tell you how great I felt. Not only that he took off from his job came over to my house. He walked in with tears in his eyes, we Hugged and we spent the rest of the day and most of the evening together. It was the best time we had together in 44 years.
I wanted you to know this.
I enjoy what you have to say
Bill

Anonymous said...

Thank you for you contributions to this website, it helps me a lot. I am from Germany and love to read it all the time
Gilda

Lacy said...

Mike,
Thanks for the warm reply.I check your blog daily for new inspirations.I hope you and the wife are well.I competed this last weekend taking the win at my competition.
I'm eating healthier and yes again cheking your blog daily very inspirational

Anonymous said...

Dear Mike
I just love you and your story, you can not imagine what you do for me. Is it possible for you to write more often =, I would love to know your daily life.
Please help me I have to lose over 100 pounds.
I think you know from what you have learned and lived.
I respect you
Lorraine

Anonymous said...

Mike
To be honest with you when I first saw your story when you came out of the window I felt that you sought of made your own bed. As I have followed your story I realize that you are one heck of a guy, a champion. a hero of soughts.
I have grown to respect you and what you have to say.
I have found this blog and check it daily. You inspire me as I battle my personal demons with drugs.
Thank you for being here
Robert

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear Laurie
My pleasure

Mike Hebranko said...

Hey Kathy
19 pounds, that is fantastic!! I am so happy for you, just keep at it and remember the most important thing is understanding your goal. It should not be a number but rather a lifestyle. Continue to eat the right way, the right foods, and hopefully doing some kind of physical activity that is good for you. This then becomes a lifestyle that works forever.
Well Kathy keep up the great work and never give up
All my love
Mike

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear sweet Emma D.
What do you mean, "only 28 pounds"?? That 28 pounds or my 100 pounds is the same thing. We both today have to make the right choices, fight the same battles, do good things for ourselves and watch the world "eat away" in front of us! So 28 pounds 50 pounds 200 pounds ...we are all in the same boat..all holding hands, all in suppot of each other.
The reality is we can do. I can, You can, it may take time but hey what the heck it didn't happen overnight and it is not going away overnight!
So Emma, I am here for you and we are for each other. Keep in touch, keep writing let us know what is going on and if you need to you can email me anytime at
michaelhebranko@yahoo.com

Have a great healthy day
Love
Mike

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear janice
I know what you are saying! Back in the day (1989) I was able to lose over 700 pounds in 19 months that is a lot of weight each month (like over 35 pounds a month average). Now almost 20 years later, 20 years older, and a lot of ups and downs, gains and losses my body and metabolism has paid a big price. I barely lose 4 pounds a month. You know what? It is better than gaining 4 to 5 pounds a month!!
Janice it will happen be patient and love yourself becasue you are a special person and deserve the time and care.
Be well keep in touch
Love
Mike

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear Bill
All I can say is you brought tearsw to my eyes! I never wanted a brother more (a sibling) than I did when I read your blog.
Thank you for sharing that with us.
You know something Love is so much stronger than hate. Such good things come from love and peace. Most of the time when we think of what we are angry at, we dont really remember or the hurt from then is not the same now, or just not worth it!
A hug is powerful!
Don't let go of him!
We do not have to be right all the time, we do not have to win all the time (especially with loved ones). As a matter of fact it is fun to let someone else win!
You win in the long run!
Take care Bill and thank you again
Love ya buddy
Mike

Mike Hebranko said...

Gilda
Welcome to my cyber home and family. I am glad you enjoy it and please feel free to visit whenever you would like and also keep in touch and write again.
Love
Mike

Mike Hebranko said...

Lacy
You are a winner on many levels and I am proud to know you (even though our friendship is a young one).
Continue to be well and keep in touch, please!
I love hearing from you
Love
Mike
PS
My wife and I are well ...thank God!

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear Lorraine
I will try to write a little more often. As for my daily life, my life is your life. I get up in the morning (happy to the fact that I wake up) and I face the things that need to be done for that day. Of which there are the things that need to be done on a daily basis like taking care of myself, and then the rest. Spreading the love to my family when i get the opportunity, enforcing relationships, and handling the daily things that need to be done.
Some days seem more positive and some days seems like a little more effort to get through but the challenges I face are opportunities for victories, which make me stronger!
Be well Lorraine and keep in touch
Love
Mike

Mike Hebranko said...

Dear Robert
Tahnks for your honesty and I totally understand what you say. As for champion and hero ...well these are words to describe other people I think but thanks anyway!
I am glad our paths have crossed and I wish you all the luck with you journey. Please if I can help, if you need an ear or someone to share with and I can be there for you drop me a line. My email is michaelhebranko@yahoo.com
Take care buddy, you know it is about "one day at a time", baby steps
respecfully love
Mike