Thursday, July 30, 2009

Do you need help --To put yourself down?

I have found through my journey that when I am having my worst times. Those days when I would be eating out of control. When I would be starting every day with the words, “Today is going to be the day I do good” and by sometime soon into that day I will be re-negotiated with myself and committing to, “tomorrow I will start over again”!

Each new day making another new deal and truly wanting to believe it will happen and why not? Do I really need to gain any more weight? Do I really want to jeopardize my health and independence? Do I want to die? No, No, No and definitely No! Yet my clothes get tighter, my pain gets deeper, my legs get weaker and my breath gets shorter. I know then that I am in trouble. I have known along the way that I was in trouble.

I am having enough of a hard time with the battle, just to put two healthy meals together, do I really need any ones help, making me feel worse than I already do, about myself? Do I need a family member, a boss, a colleague, a producer, doctor, stranger or friend coming up to me and asking me or “telling” me that I have gained weight? DUH! I know all about it and I thank you for making (helping) me to feel even better about myself, than I do already! DO WE REALLY NEED THAT KIND OF HELP??

You know I have this theory and I will try to explain it in a short version (because some day it might be in a book form, I hope). Her goes, our disease (our struggle, battle, fight, problem, habit, call it whatever makes you feel comfortable), our disease feeds off negative energy. Whether it may be caused from depression, pressure, nerves, loneliness, anxiety, the past, the present, or the fears of the future, any kind of negative energy, both conscience or unconscious, and we will eat over it.

Each time we eat out of control, it is like those “old locomotives”, we feed the engine with more negative logs (reasons) to keep the “engine” (our) mouth going. We eat, we react to eating and then we eat more.

Then all we need is some one to really mean well (and sometimes not mean well) and try to tell us we have gained weight and maybe they can help!

BOOM!

More logs for that engine and then “FULL SPEED AHEAD”, and eating FRENZY!

I know about intervention and I agree that in the right way and done at the right time with the right set of circumstances it can be helpful but it is a delicate problem and needs delicate handling. The biggest intervention has to come first from within.

We know the people in our lives who are out there who will help us! HOWEVER, we have to make those moves toward them; we have to want to make those moves.

In order to want to help ourselves, and to help ourselves we must be in a POSITIVE state of mind, a positive place!

I f you are angry with yourself, if you hate yourself, then how can you be positive about you???

How can you go through the struggle ahead of you that day, if you do not like the person you are fighting for?

You need to support a positive atmosphere around you, within your life as much as possible.

How? Well, one way is to think about this.

You can hate the act (of overeating) but do not hate the actor.

You can possibly not be thrilled with the physical package when you look in a mirror but love the ingredients.

Do that first my friends and then dealing with the others in your life who say hurtful things will be a little easier. If you think about this…

In the scheme of things, the people who are upsetting you do not really matter! They are not there when you have to make the right choices. They are not with your 24/7 when you have to face your inner most self. Who are these people you give so much power too?

They may people who threaten to fire you, or not be your friend, maybe divorce you or never speak with you again, if, you do not lose weight.

Yet do they have the power to extend your life? Can they give you five or ten more years of living? I doubt it but guess what? You have that power!

You are the one that has to like yourself, and like yourself enough to where no matter what hits you, that it will not matter.

You are going to do well with your next choice!

Therefore the original question was “Do you need help to put yourself down?”

What is the answer? You should know the answer.

The answer is, “No one puts you down! You give no one that power!”
Take the power away from those who hurt you and then …

You have won one more battle!

Each battle we win helps with our personal WAR!

Take back the POWER, take back the CONTROL

Good luck my so” worth while”, “Brother and Sister in Battle”

Good luck my friend

Never give up and so you will never fail!

Love

Mike

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

OMG why just why would I need help from someone else to put me down i do that so well i have almost perfected it... i so dont need to hear from someone else you dont need that cake or you really think you should take more... hello i know in my own head what i need to do and when to do it.....i dont need the food police with me to make me feel even more guilty....i make myself feel guilty enough and then the cycle begins again.. i slip up i get guilty the guilt over takes me and i overeat again.. then i get back on track and do it all over again.. its a damn viscous cycle isnt it....
But one thing i did learn through all these years is that i hold the power to back away from the table and to put the fork down and to say enough is enough.. i just have to sometimes remind my head that is what i need to do.. because honestly my head seems to wander at times....
I know people think they mean well when they make their lil suggestions but they need to realize they didnt do this to me and only me can solve it ... and with all the tools out there i know i can fight this one...
Love and hugggs
Carol

Anonymous said...

YOU REALLY INTERVENED AND HELPED ME YESTERDAY. BECAUSE OF YOU I PUT NO LOGS ON THE NEGATIVE FIRE. MY DISEASE WAS STANDING THEIR WITH ITS ARMS FOLDED AND WAS SAYING TO ME " GO AHEAD NOBODY COULD BLAME YOU NOW" THE PROBLEM IS THE BINGE WOULD HAVE NEVER ENDED NEVER!!!!! I DO NOT HAVE TO BE 550 EVER AGAIN ! INSTEAD OF WAKING UP AND HATING MYSELF I WOKE UP TWO POUNDS DOWN. THANK U FOR BEING THE REFLECTION IN MY MYLAR BALLOON BECAUSE IF I CAN LOVE YOU WHY CAN'T I LOVE ME!! PS EDDIE AND I WILL BE AT PAULAS PARTY SATURDAY , IT WILL BE HARD BECAUSE EVERYONE WILL BE EXPECTING THE OPRAH STAR AND I JUST HAVE TO BE THE REAL ME. LOVE U MUCH STACEY

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

GREAT BLOG
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT

Anonymous said...

Dear Mike
I find this blog very interesting and helful. Thank you os very much.
Cynthia G

Anonymous said...

Michael
Just had to tell you that I have enjoyed and gotten so much from this blog site. Thank you for being so open to all of us
June R

Anonymous said...

Dear Mike
I need help so badly. I let everyone step all over me and control my hurt meter. Your message has me rethinking about it and I want to thank you for it.
Geri Thomas

Anonymous said...

Mike
Each time I come to this blog I get more and more from it. This blog tells it like it is. Youa re so right. I have been one of these people for so long and I am taking back the power. Good Blog
Theresa Frankle

Anonymous said...

It seems that you know just when to write the right blog. Last time it was depression and this time about me letting people help put me down. Are you in my Kitchen? Do you know me personally? I do not think we ever met but it seems we did. Well thank you for opening up my eyes.
Cindi Behr

Anonymous said...

Micheal- You have done so much to help others! You are brave to be open about what you have been through and I am so impressed. I am a teacher in my 50's and I have had several friends in a similar situation as yours. Your honesty is amazing and all you have shared is so impressive. i could go on and on. Thank you sooo much! Debbie W.

Anonymous said...

Hi Michael
I have followed your story forever. You continue to inspire and amaze me with your willingness to be so open. I would love to hear more of your story. Is there a legitamate Bio on you anywhere. One that is not slanted by the press?
Helen Grey

Anonymous said...

How do I not let my hisband and my mother and mother in law not hurt me, These people are close to me and I see every day. They tell me all the time I am worthless and too fat to be any good. How can I not hurt? Tell me, anyone?
Lynn

Anonymous said...

Crazy but sometimes allowing others to put me down it allows me an excuse to give in to my eating. My question how do I stop letting this happen. It is so easy sometimes to let myself allow others to give me the tool so I can give in to eating poorly.

Chubby

Kathy said...

I so agree with what you have to say here, Mike. This disorder feeds on itself, literally and figuratively. That's why I thrive on being connected in some way to people who understand. To be accepted. To feel normal. To not be judged. I will always remember something I read. There are many worthy and important reasons to lose weight. But being cherished should not be one of them. People can be hurtful whether intentional or well-meaning. I was joking with a sister in struggle once that I was going to make a T-shirt that said, "Can't you just eat some fruit?" I think I could put in small print "Do you think you retain fluid?" I can't honestly say I believe there is a reason for everything, but if there is a reason for me to suffer with this, I believe it is to understand that I determine my value. Not the opinion of others. And no one can put limits on my life but me.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I come here to read what Mike says and it is powerful. Then I love to read what the others say becasue from them I relate and get strength. I here Carol and want to be like Kathy writes. I relate to Lynn and Chubby has me confused but this is all good. As Theresa says I too get more and moe each time I come to this blog and I want to thank Mike first and all who contribute.
Paula

Anonymous said...

Dear Mike and Fellow Bloggers
Thanks for all you guys contribute. Mike is the captain of this blog and we get so much from his words and life. Yet the contributions our fellow bloggers add is really valuable. Chubby seems hard line and Kathy is warm. But you get something helpful from both.
Agin thanks
Laurie Bernard

Anonymous said...

Mike
I was with my mother in law of 19 years today. She knows how I struggle and work so hard at trying to keep my weight in control. Recently I have been doing well but the weight has been coming off slowly. She sees me go to the gym three nights a week and bike ride twic a week. She finds it in her heart to tell me that in her opinion she does not think any of it is helping. I wish I could say it didn't bother me but it did. After I went in another room and cried my eyes out, I also ate like there was no tomorrow. I know it was wrong but what she said hurt and I reacted in a wrong way.
Any advice?
Karen T

Anonymous said...

Michael
Your messages have helped me in so many ways. Please keep blogging and if you can please tell me is your book availabe on Amazon.com if not where can I get it?
Thank you so much
Loretta Keiths

Anonymous said...

Hi Michael
Just needed to say that you are quite the guy. I have been following your life for many years and there have been times when I have been so down that I have thought the worse. Your willingness to go on is the spark that helps me not to give up!
A friend forever
Jason B

Anonymous said...

I enjoy reading your comeents Michael and also the comments and suggestions of your bloggers, it helps on the rough days.
Willie

Anonymous said...

Do you ever appear in person any where. I would love to come hear you lecture. YOu have so much to offer. Come to Ohio.
J.Frankle

Anonymous said...

OMG! I stumbled upon this blog page after looking for Mr. Hebranko and I am hooked on his writings and some of what people havven written. I think Mr. Hebranko has such and insight on this disease and in life in general. I will be returning and tell my friends about this blog page.
Patti

lynn said...

Hi Mike.

I saw you on UK television tonight in a documentary and wanted to see how you are doing. I found your blog and love it and your inspirational words. I hope you do write a book. Congratulations on your new grandson. Wishing you strength and sending you love.

Rosie from England xx

Anonymous said...

I came back to read this blog because right now im dealing with trying to stop putting myself down...i try to be so very positive when it comes to blogs but i needed to hear your words again and try and make sense out of all im going through and the reasons why ... I am hoping after re reading this a few times i can my life having some worth and try and move forward...Mike thank you for your words always and this is one of the reasons i miss NY is i sure could use a Mike Hebranko hug the ones that said hey you can make it ...

Love always and huggs
Carol

Anonymous said...

Your blog ask do I need to take the power away from those who hurt. I answered "no". The reason for that is they are meaningless to me and have no power over me to start. I guess you might say then how can they hurt me in the first place then. Well I am still working on that one.
Confused?

Anonymous said...

I have ben a follower of yur blog since its start. You amaze me with your insight to so many things in life. I want to thank you.
Sadny

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to let you know I enjoyed reading your blog on depression, you have such insite when it comes to people and life in general. I have suffered from depression from the age of nine, you have hit the nails on so many heads.
My mantra is one day at a time, live my life to the fullest, enjoy all things that make me happy, especially my children and my grandchildren.

It amazes me ! All those years, you just keep your insite to yourself! Thank you for opening up, you are a good friend.

Love Ya!

Anonymous said...

Mike,

This is the most insightful thing I have ever read about binge eating. We spend so much time on diet and exercise, and the cure must come from WITHIN! We have to like ourselves; LOVE ourselves just the way we are RIGHT NOW - then the rest will take care of itself. The work must be done on the inside of us for it to manifest on the outside. I know that I personally cannot do this without God's help, and I am so thankful to have it.

God Bless You,
Carole P.

Anonymous said...

I was in Bay Rdge Brooklyn and saw you filming yesterday. You were climbing staris and I had tears in my eyes. I know those are the same steps they carried you down just a few years ago. I was in my car, I pulled over and watched a miracle in progress. Bless you Mike
Jayne Peters

Anonymous said...

Mike
This blog page does a lot of good for people and I want to thank you.
Helene Thomas

Anonymous said...

Mike
I love taking your polls and we need a new one, when will it be ready? Your last two blogs have really done a lot for me thank you so much
Irene V

Anonymous said...

I need to stop aloowing people to hurt me. You are so right, take the power away from them and I would be better off.
Thank you Mike
Edwina

Anonymous said...

Dearest Michael
You have such insight and this is so helpful to so many of us. I love coming here and look forward to your writings and the comments of others.
Gerald Peterson