I have been having trouble with my heart for years but it has really peaked in the past three months. I could be sitting doing absolutely nothing and all of a sudden I am out of breathe and/or weak as can be. When I found myself not able to walk to the kitchen sink without being short of breathe and/or dizzy and fatigue, well the first thing that came to my mind was I must be gaining weigh, Yet I knew if I was gaining it had to be fluid because it wasn’t food!
When I wet to the doctor and discovered I had lost over 23 pounds since the last visit, I knew something was wrong and I told her (the doctor). She immediately took a cardiogram EKG and after four of them, my every fear came through. She told me I had a serious problem with my heart.
Let me share something with you. All my life doctors have told me that because of my tremendous weight and fluxuation that I should be dead and the only thing keeping me alive is my heart! Now I know that my heart is not too good.
Bottom line is in the first week of July I am scheduled to go through a procedure that they will STOP my heart and then restart it. Now they tell me it will only be stopped for less than a minute. Personally, I do not like the idea of stopping my heart for even a millisecond! They also tell me it is routine, except there are some issues with me. I am 390 pounds and have severe apnea.
The truth is am I nervous …..Yes of course! Do I really think they are not going to be able to restart my heart, of course they are. When my heart is stopped and I see my mom, dad, and nana in the light calling me. I am going to wave to them and say, “Not now I’ll see some other time”!
Yet if by some slim chance that July date is the date that is written in the big book in the sky and it is my last day, how do I look at my life!
I look at my life as a very luck and blessed man. I have been blessed to love and be loved by my family. I am such a lucky man. Yet I would be lying if I did not say I have regrets that I could not be there as I should have been. I was there in many other ways.
I have been so lucky to have met, and communicated with so many thousands and thousands of people.
I have been, touched by some very dear friends, some very close friends.
I have been able to speak out about obesity and have been able to touch some lives and give hope. Do I have more work to do? You bet your bippy I do and I will be doing it.
My dear wife will be with me that day, and I know she will be nervous but wouldn’t dare show me any sign of her nerves (anyone who knows My Matty understands this statement).
I will go through this procedure with flying colors! I do not believe my maker has choosen this way for me to depart.
Therefore, the day will be here very soon, I have to be there very early, go through all kinds of test, and sign all kinds of papers etc, as for me I will take my nervousness and just “Go With The Flow”
Sometimes that is what we have to do, just “go with the flow” and let be what is going to be. Kind of leave it in someone else hands ………Like God!
Love you all now and forever