I have been having trouble with my heart for years but it has really peaked in the past three months. I could be sitting doing absolutely nothing and all of a sudden I am out of breathe and/or weak as can be. When I found myself not able to walk to the kitchen sink without being short of breathe and/or dizzy and fatigue, well the first thing that came to my mind was I must be gaining weigh, Yet I knew if I was gaining it had to be fluid because it wasn’t food!
When I wet to the doctor and discovered I had lost over 23 pounds since the last visit, I knew something was wrong and I told her (the doctor). She immediately took a cardiogram EKG and after four of them, my every fear came through. She told me I had a serious problem with my heart.
Let me share something with you. All my life doctors have told me that because of my tremendous weight and fluxuation that I should be dead and the only thing keeping me alive is my heart! Now I know that my heart is not too good.
Bottom line is in the first week of July I am scheduled to go through a procedure that they will STOP my heart and then restart it. Now they tell me it will only be stopped for less than a minute. Personally, I do not like the idea of stopping my heart for even a millisecond! They also tell me it is routine, except there are some issues with me. I am 390 pounds and have severe apnea.
The truth is am I nervous …..Yes of course! Do I really think they are not going to be able to restart my heart, of course they are. When my heart is stopped and I see my mom, dad, and nana in the light calling me. I am going to wave to them and say, “Not now I’ll see some other time”!
Yet if by some slim chance that July date is the date that is written in the big book in the sky and it is my last day, how do I look at my life!
I look at my life as a very luck and blessed man. I have been blessed to love and be loved by my family. I am such a lucky man. Yet I would be lying if I did not say I have regrets that I could not be there as I should have been. I was there in many other ways.
I have been so lucky to have met, and communicated with so many thousands and thousands of people.
I have been, touched by some very dear friends, some very close friends.
I have been able to speak out about obesity and have been able to touch some lives and give hope. Do I have more work to do? You bet your bippy I do and I will be doing it.
My dear wife will be with me that day, and I know she will be nervous but wouldn’t dare show me any sign of her nerves (anyone who knows My Matty understands this statement).
I will go through this procedure with flying colors! I do not believe my maker has choosen this way for me to depart.
Therefore, the day will be here very soon, I have to be there very early, go through all kinds of test, and sign all kinds of papers etc, as for me I will take my nervousness and just “Go With The Flow”
Sometimes that is what we have to do, just “go with the flow” and let be what is going to be. Kind of leave it in someone else hands ………Like God!
Love you all now and forever
Mike
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
WHEN IN NEUTRAL ….
I’ve lived a full life and I am only 55 years old. It has been packed; I have had a difficult abusive childhood, yet two parents who were only guilty of loving me very much. Their problem was, that they did not know they had “issues” therefore there was no such thing in the fifties or sixties as going to therapy and airing out your dirty laundry. Therefore, you took it out on your 4-year-old son or each other and went on living “happily ever after”.
The rest of my life “in a nutshell” was packed with intrigue business situations, the ups and downs of weight losses. I have seen my body go through several metamorphoses, spent endless days, weeks and months in hospitals and rehabs. “Mr. Death” and I have had many close conversations. Fifteen minutes of fame, well I have had several! The jewels in my crown are the people and friends that I have met and made along this journey. The foundation of my life is my great extended family who I love dearly.
Then needless to say the diamond in my life is my “love of my life” my soul mate, my “Boot” my sweet dear wife Madelaine. Then with Madelaine comes the cherry and sprinkles on the sundae, my son Mikey. The blessing he was in my life. Two things I never thought I would have, the love of my life, and she accepted me at 450 pounds and then a child at almost 500 pounds. They told me do not expect it. Well I say “man plans and God laughs”, I was blessed with both. Then twenty some odd years later my wonderful daughter in law and now God bless him my little grandson, oh man do I love that little boy.
The point I am making is that life is an interesting ride and sometimes the ride is smooth, sometimes fun, sometimes rewarding. Yes, sometimes the ride is rough, very rough. Sometimes you cannot seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel (it is there, you just have to keep pushing ahead, you will see the light). It can get rough, I know! Right now, I am going through some personal rough times but I have my eye on the light.
We do not have to go through the rough times 24 hours 7 days a week! We do not have to re-live our past over and over constantly (no matter difficult). The question you need to ask is right this second, NOW, right now how are things. If the answer is okay or even if it is, just “well nothing” then why not smile!
When in neutral …..smile! I love to observe people and now that I get out more often than I have in the past twenty years. I love to look at people’s expressions on their faces. WOW! How can so many people be so angry, all the time? One of these days, I am going to get hit! You cannot believe how often I will say to a cashier, “smile”. When my wife will pull up next to a bus driver and I look at them I will ask them “are you okay”? They say yes. Then I say “well smile”!
I do not recommend that you do any of those things. What I do recommend, is for you. When you find yourself in neutral, smile! Oh chemically then say it releases endorphins and this and that. The point is it makes you feel good!
A smile is a nice thing! It is a nice thing to hold personally and even a nicer thing to share.
A smile is a simple gift from God given to us to use at will. You know what they say, “if you don’t use it, you, might lose it!
You do not lose your smile. Now if you have not done it for a while or if you are in neutral well lets go ….
Take the sides of your lips and with the muscles of your cheeks (in your face) start pulling up! Come on, you can do it. Pull back a little more. Now do not be carried away, I wouldn’t want you to actually laugh. Someone might hear you (only kidding).
You are a good person and deserve to smile often as possible. When you are in neutral whether driving, sitting outside, watching TV, reading a book, listening, just smile.
I love to smile; it gets me through some rough times! It helps me get to that light at the end of the tunnel.
Have a great day!
You wonderful you!
SMILE
Love
Mike
The rest of my life “in a nutshell” was packed with intrigue business situations, the ups and downs of weight losses. I have seen my body go through several metamorphoses, spent endless days, weeks and months in hospitals and rehabs. “Mr. Death” and I have had many close conversations. Fifteen minutes of fame, well I have had several! The jewels in my crown are the people and friends that I have met and made along this journey. The foundation of my life is my great extended family who I love dearly.
Then needless to say the diamond in my life is my “love of my life” my soul mate, my “Boot” my sweet dear wife Madelaine. Then with Madelaine comes the cherry and sprinkles on the sundae, my son Mikey. The blessing he was in my life. Two things I never thought I would have, the love of my life, and she accepted me at 450 pounds and then a child at almost 500 pounds. They told me do not expect it. Well I say “man plans and God laughs”, I was blessed with both. Then twenty some odd years later my wonderful daughter in law and now God bless him my little grandson, oh man do I love that little boy.
The point I am making is that life is an interesting ride and sometimes the ride is smooth, sometimes fun, sometimes rewarding. Yes, sometimes the ride is rough, very rough. Sometimes you cannot seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel (it is there, you just have to keep pushing ahead, you will see the light). It can get rough, I know! Right now, I am going through some personal rough times but I have my eye on the light.
We do not have to go through the rough times 24 hours 7 days a week! We do not have to re-live our past over and over constantly (no matter difficult). The question you need to ask is right this second, NOW, right now how are things. If the answer is okay or even if it is, just “well nothing” then why not smile!
When in neutral …..smile! I love to observe people and now that I get out more often than I have in the past twenty years. I love to look at people’s expressions on their faces. WOW! How can so many people be so angry, all the time? One of these days, I am going to get hit! You cannot believe how often I will say to a cashier, “smile”. When my wife will pull up next to a bus driver and I look at them I will ask them “are you okay”? They say yes. Then I say “well smile”!
I do not recommend that you do any of those things. What I do recommend, is for you. When you find yourself in neutral, smile! Oh chemically then say it releases endorphins and this and that. The point is it makes you feel good!
A smile is a nice thing! It is a nice thing to hold personally and even a nicer thing to share.
A smile is a simple gift from God given to us to use at will. You know what they say, “if you don’t use it, you, might lose it!
You do not lose your smile. Now if you have not done it for a while or if you are in neutral well lets go ….
Take the sides of your lips and with the muscles of your cheeks (in your face) start pulling up! Come on, you can do it. Pull back a little more. Now do not be carried away, I wouldn’t want you to actually laugh. Someone might hear you (only kidding).
You are a good person and deserve to smile often as possible. When you are in neutral whether driving, sitting outside, watching TV, reading a book, listening, just smile.
I love to smile; it gets me through some rough times! It helps me get to that light at the end of the tunnel.
Have a great day!
You wonderful you!
SMILE
Love
Mike
Monday, June 2, 2008
Pacino, Brando, Hebranko ….
Speak Softly Love ….. da, da, la, la la. Now what can Brando, Pacino and I all have in common? Let’s see, did we all win the Academy Award? I do not think so, besides if I had won I would accept it. Actually I think Brando did accept it but not himself he sent the Native American Woman to accept it, I don’t remember the details. Anyway, back to my point. What do the three of us have in common? (Final Jepordy theme playing in the background), okay, the answer is “What is we are all Godfather’s”.
Yes, yesterday I was honored (after 26 years) of being asked to be the Godfather of a beautiful little baby girl. This is actually my third time I was honored with such a blessing. My first time was when I was 16 years old to a precious little girl, Cathy P, and then 13 years after that to a handsome baby boy, Joseph B, and now 26 years later at the age of 55 years old to this adorable Melanie H.
It is amazing how as we get older the difference in the meaning in general of being a Godfather. Unfortunately, at 16 years old I did not realize what a great honor it was. Although legally a Godparent today has no kind of responsibility, it is really more a spiritual relationship. I believe the first experience a child has with God and everything else comes from their parents. Yet as a Godparent, we should go that little extra step in helping the parent along in molding a child’s relationship and introduction to God. Yet I also feel as a Godparent and as an adult in any child’s life setting a good example is so very important. An example of loving thyself and each other, living ones life to it’s fullest and not being a quitter, and that all of God’s creatures are beautiful and to look for the good in life. These are not such bad things to try to pass on to a Godchild or any child.
I only wish I understood this with my first Godchild, I have not seen her for many years and was not a good Godfather. I did better with my second, I see him often, and just had the pleasure of having dinner with him and his finance this past week. Now my new little Godchild, well lets be real, I pray I am around long enough to be an influence in her little sweet life. Yet in case I am not and I am lucky enough to have a ticket to get into heaven, she will have one special guardian angel watching over her.
Let us talk about yesterday. It might be normal for people to be a little nervous about being in situation like being a Godfather. People who know me being in front of people, maybe talking, etc does not make me nervous. It just does not. What give me the butterflies, the anxiety and I think may of people who share my history is the logistics.
Is there a lot of walking, standing, steps, and chairs with arms and are they strong enough. Will the seats be so low we will not be able to get up easily or at all? Then in my case, I travel with a wheel chair that is wider than the average chair (because my butt is wider than the average butt is). Therefore, the wheelchair does not fit on most of the handicap ramp; it is too wide, does not fit through most doors. Then I was worried about once at the church would it get down the aisles, will I have to go on the alter, if so how? Well almost every concern I had, came through.
The ramp was to narrow, so my poor wife had to fold the chair and I had to get my cane and bent over walk up the ramp and through the narrow doors. We set the chair up and of course, it was in the wrong place. Not to mention I needed to use the men’s room which might have been handicap accessible except the hallway we had to go down was so narrow …..no way, not for my chair so I had to walk it and go into the bathroom stand long enough to handle what need to be done. As the ceremony went on I had to climb up the stairs of the alter and stand there while we christened that bundle of joy. It was only through the power of prayer and the help of my son and wife that I made it through the physicalness. Yes, I have to give myself credit too.
It is just ashamed that in the twenty first century that a person of size has to worry about going out in public. It is hard enough to be starred at, laughed at, and made fun at but if we are strong enough to get passed all that, we have to be concerned about the door, chair etc. \
Just a little more effort on part of businesses and public places to make it more accessible for us as, well it might help us with our self esteem when we want to be players if we can get out there and play.
Things like this can be done; we need help to get it done. We need to help ourselves, we too might like to go to a movie, school, work but we need not to cry and complain. We need to be proactive. Get our friends and families involved, talk to local business people to put a strong chair in their movie house, library, restaurant. Organize write in programs to politicians. Let us pass laws for the obese. We are people too! We count! We want to live! We want to play!
As one of the Godfather’s said “let’s make them an offer they can’t refuse” yes the offer is ...
We want to be!!!!
After all was said and done, I made it through yesterday, I had a great time, did all that was needed of me, and was proud as a peacock.
Sometimes you have to take your fears, anxieties put them in a bag take them with you and do what you have to do anyway. At the end, you look back and see you made it and had a good time at the same time.
Have a great day!!
Love
Mike
PS
Afterwards there was a great house party, with wonderful friends and beautiful family. It is such a blessing to be part of and included. I missed so many things and now I do not want to miss anything. Unfortunately, there was one thing that ripped my heart out. My little grandson got hurt (oh he is such a boy) his mom was standing right next to him, just a second, and it happened. A chunk of my heart went out for my baby but then I felt so badly for my sweet daughter in law. She was so upset because she tried to stop it but just couldn’t. He is doing okay today, Alleluia!
Yes, yesterday I was honored (after 26 years) of being asked to be the Godfather of a beautiful little baby girl. This is actually my third time I was honored with such a blessing. My first time was when I was 16 years old to a precious little girl, Cathy P, and then 13 years after that to a handsome baby boy, Joseph B, and now 26 years later at the age of 55 years old to this adorable Melanie H.
It is amazing how as we get older the difference in the meaning in general of being a Godfather. Unfortunately, at 16 years old I did not realize what a great honor it was. Although legally a Godparent today has no kind of responsibility, it is really more a spiritual relationship. I believe the first experience a child has with God and everything else comes from their parents. Yet as a Godparent, we should go that little extra step in helping the parent along in molding a child’s relationship and introduction to God. Yet I also feel as a Godparent and as an adult in any child’s life setting a good example is so very important. An example of loving thyself and each other, living ones life to it’s fullest and not being a quitter, and that all of God’s creatures are beautiful and to look for the good in life. These are not such bad things to try to pass on to a Godchild or any child.
I only wish I understood this with my first Godchild, I have not seen her for many years and was not a good Godfather. I did better with my second, I see him often, and just had the pleasure of having dinner with him and his finance this past week. Now my new little Godchild, well lets be real, I pray I am around long enough to be an influence in her little sweet life. Yet in case I am not and I am lucky enough to have a ticket to get into heaven, she will have one special guardian angel watching over her.
Let us talk about yesterday. It might be normal for people to be a little nervous about being in situation like being a Godfather. People who know me being in front of people, maybe talking, etc does not make me nervous. It just does not. What give me the butterflies, the anxiety and I think may of people who share my history is the logistics.
Is there a lot of walking, standing, steps, and chairs with arms and are they strong enough. Will the seats be so low we will not be able to get up easily or at all? Then in my case, I travel with a wheel chair that is wider than the average chair (because my butt is wider than the average butt is). Therefore, the wheelchair does not fit on most of the handicap ramp; it is too wide, does not fit through most doors. Then I was worried about once at the church would it get down the aisles, will I have to go on the alter, if so how? Well almost every concern I had, came through.
The ramp was to narrow, so my poor wife had to fold the chair and I had to get my cane and bent over walk up the ramp and through the narrow doors. We set the chair up and of course, it was in the wrong place. Not to mention I needed to use the men’s room which might have been handicap accessible except the hallway we had to go down was so narrow …..no way, not for my chair so I had to walk it and go into the bathroom stand long enough to handle what need to be done. As the ceremony went on I had to climb up the stairs of the alter and stand there while we christened that bundle of joy. It was only through the power of prayer and the help of my son and wife that I made it through the physicalness. Yes, I have to give myself credit too.
It is just ashamed that in the twenty first century that a person of size has to worry about going out in public. It is hard enough to be starred at, laughed at, and made fun at but if we are strong enough to get passed all that, we have to be concerned about the door, chair etc. \
Just a little more effort on part of businesses and public places to make it more accessible for us as, well it might help us with our self esteem when we want to be players if we can get out there and play.
Things like this can be done; we need help to get it done. We need to help ourselves, we too might like to go to a movie, school, work but we need not to cry and complain. We need to be proactive. Get our friends and families involved, talk to local business people to put a strong chair in their movie house, library, restaurant. Organize write in programs to politicians. Let us pass laws for the obese. We are people too! We count! We want to live! We want to play!
As one of the Godfather’s said “let’s make them an offer they can’t refuse” yes the offer is ...
We want to be!!!!
After all was said and done, I made it through yesterday, I had a great time, did all that was needed of me, and was proud as a peacock.
Sometimes you have to take your fears, anxieties put them in a bag take them with you and do what you have to do anyway. At the end, you look back and see you made it and had a good time at the same time.
Have a great day!!
Love
Mike
PS
Afterwards there was a great house party, with wonderful friends and beautiful family. It is such a blessing to be part of and included. I missed so many things and now I do not want to miss anything. Unfortunately, there was one thing that ripped my heart out. My little grandson got hurt (oh he is such a boy) his mom was standing right next to him, just a second, and it happened. A chunk of my heart went out for my baby but then I felt so badly for my sweet daughter in law. She was so upset because she tried to stop it but just couldn’t. He is doing okay today, Alleluia!
Monday, May 19, 2008
In The Moment ….
“Now is the time ….” “One day at a time…” “Be here now…” these are all statements that most of us have heard at one time or another. Often they have had a profound meaning on our lives. At the same time if we were not doing well, it was those kinds of statements that were the last thing we wanted to hear. They are simple little words, not complex meanings and yet they can make a big difference in our lives.
Let me share an example with you. Recently (May 14, 2008) I was blessed enough to celebrate my 55th birthday. That in itself, I look at as a miracle. Considering where I have been and what I have put my poor body through and the amount of times that my family or I was told that my time was limited, well miracle is the only word that comes to my mind. Along with grateful, grateful to God and to the people God has sent me in my life.
Back to my birthday and being here “Now” etc. I have had some unforgettable birthdays. I have had some great parties, loads of family and friends to celebrate with. Surprise parties, small family get togethers and yes, I have even spent a few birthdays in the hospital fairly ill. I have some very good memories and some not so good ones on the birthdays but the point is if I dwell on all them and live in the past then I would not have been able to enjoy not only one of my best birthday’s in my life but just a great day in general.
To “be here now” would be an understatement. My son arranged for himself to have the day off and with him, my dear daughter in law and my special little grandson they took me to the New York Aquarium in Brooklyn. First, I have not been there, I think since I was 11 years old and that was with my dad. To be able to go there with my grandson and see the joy on his face that I was with him was the best present I could have received. He was as excited but not as much as I was. His mom packed a healthy picnic lunch, we got to eat outdoors. We also were able to watch the walrus get fed. My sweet wife had a business meeting, in the morning but met us at the aquarium later on; it was such a perfect day. I even got to go to a stadium show and watched a sea lion show. One of the joys was to watch the expression on my baby’s face when the sea lion came up to him and planted a smooch (kiss) right on his apple cheek.
It was a special day, and that was because I was there with my very close loved ones. I was able to be part of an event rather than be at home in bed waiting for everyone to arrive home and tell me all about it. I was a participant! I was a player. I was part of life and “living the moment”.
It is days like that, those special days, those days where you can be part of rather than part from. It is those days, which make the daily battle, the daily struggle, all worthwhile.
The pay off sometimes is those big days like I spent on my birthday but if you really look hard the payoff is each day that we wake up and get to play!
Now is the time, being here now, taking one day at a time pays off with many rewards. The reward of satisfaction! Satisfaction of taking care of you and making it happen! The reward of getting another day to play and then there are those extra special days.
The aquarium days …… in my case I am not sure if it was the actual aquarium itself (although I enjoyed the experience immensely) but rather the company I was with and having my little grandson calling me “Ga Ga look at the sea horse, or Ga Ga don’t be afraid of the shark I’ll hold your hand”. That is worth more than the “lottery”, the “triple crown”.
Enjoying the moment, being here right now, and taking one day at a time, may sound corny at times but believe you me, for simple words, they are so powerful.
Therefore, I hope to continue my quest, my journey to make my life as healthy as I can so that I can have more days that are special, just more every day's. I look forward to the tomorrows but in the meantime …… there is the today ……
The Now!
Good luck my friends
May we all journey together
Love
Mike
Let me share an example with you. Recently (May 14, 2008) I was blessed enough to celebrate my 55th birthday. That in itself, I look at as a miracle. Considering where I have been and what I have put my poor body through and the amount of times that my family or I was told that my time was limited, well miracle is the only word that comes to my mind. Along with grateful, grateful to God and to the people God has sent me in my life.
Back to my birthday and being here “Now” etc. I have had some unforgettable birthdays. I have had some great parties, loads of family and friends to celebrate with. Surprise parties, small family get togethers and yes, I have even spent a few birthdays in the hospital fairly ill. I have some very good memories and some not so good ones on the birthdays but the point is if I dwell on all them and live in the past then I would not have been able to enjoy not only one of my best birthday’s in my life but just a great day in general.
To “be here now” would be an understatement. My son arranged for himself to have the day off and with him, my dear daughter in law and my special little grandson they took me to the New York Aquarium in Brooklyn. First, I have not been there, I think since I was 11 years old and that was with my dad. To be able to go there with my grandson and see the joy on his face that I was with him was the best present I could have received. He was as excited but not as much as I was. His mom packed a healthy picnic lunch, we got to eat outdoors. We also were able to watch the walrus get fed. My sweet wife had a business meeting, in the morning but met us at the aquarium later on; it was such a perfect day. I even got to go to a stadium show and watched a sea lion show. One of the joys was to watch the expression on my baby’s face when the sea lion came up to him and planted a smooch (kiss) right on his apple cheek.
It was a special day, and that was because I was there with my very close loved ones. I was able to be part of an event rather than be at home in bed waiting for everyone to arrive home and tell me all about it. I was a participant! I was a player. I was part of life and “living the moment”.
It is days like that, those special days, those days where you can be part of rather than part from. It is those days, which make the daily battle, the daily struggle, all worthwhile.
The pay off sometimes is those big days like I spent on my birthday but if you really look hard the payoff is each day that we wake up and get to play!
Now is the time, being here now, taking one day at a time pays off with many rewards. The reward of satisfaction! Satisfaction of taking care of you and making it happen! The reward of getting another day to play and then there are those extra special days.
The aquarium days …… in my case I am not sure if it was the actual aquarium itself (although I enjoyed the experience immensely) but rather the company I was with and having my little grandson calling me “Ga Ga look at the sea horse, or Ga Ga don’t be afraid of the shark I’ll hold your hand”. That is worth more than the “lottery”, the “triple crown”.
Enjoying the moment, being here right now, and taking one day at a time, may sound corny at times but believe you me, for simple words, they are so powerful.
Therefore, I hope to continue my quest, my journey to make my life as healthy as I can so that I can have more days that are special, just more every day's. I look forward to the tomorrows but in the meantime …… there is the today ……
The Now!
Good luck my friends
May we all journey together
Love
Mike
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
You’ve Got to Believe …!
There have been times in my life when I thought of quitting baby, but my “heart” just won’t buy it! Then I find some reason to hang on. Throughout my adult married life, it has been my family. My love for my wife. The thought of missing her forever was just not an option. Then I was blessed with a son. He has been a source of great strength and pleasure for me over these past thirty years, and now my life seems to have received “the cherry” on the sundae and that is my little grandson. What a pleasure and joy this little baby gives me. I have a great daughter-in-law, such a wonderful human being and becoming quite a great friend of mine. I have been blessed with a good extended family also and have had some very dear close friends throughout my life that I have drawn strength from at times.
Much of my survival I owe to my God and my spiritual relationship we have with each other. We have this thing where we lean on each other if we need each other (yeah sure! My relationship is really one-way God’s support for me and my love for God.
Yet you have to believe ….believe in something if you are going to survive. This is what I believe. One has to have a reason to hang on, to go on. I do not care what it is you believe in. It could be and should be a combination of things. It should be you, some spiritual belief in a higher power (being), another human being, a puppy dog, a soft cat, or pet pig, whatever it is. You have to believe.
What is the payoff? I will share with you one of the payoffs! Most of you know my struggle with my weight and how it has been my whole life. Many of you know of my story because of the notary I achieved in the 90’s when I lost over 700 pounds in 19 months and made the Guinness Book of records. I had received a lot of support from Richard Simmons at that time (and through out the years a continued friendship).
Many more of you have gotten to know me, when in May 1996, I gained back much of that weight and was removed from my home (due to a medical emergency) by a “fork lift”. It became a “media event” a “circus act”, as if I were some freak, rather than some poor human being, fighting to save my life, a human being who was “Hungry for Life”!
Now since May of 1996 my scale has seen many numbers. Numbers ranging, from 450 pounds up to 800 pounds and all kinds of numbers, back and fourth since then. Over the past 5 years, I have been in a Rehabilitation Center not once but twice all in the effort to fight the “battle of the bulge”. I respect everyone’s efforts but I have to say, I try just as hard as many of you. I have fought both privately and publicly very hard to be a “success”. Every pound that I have gained privately has been worn in the public. I could not help feeling that I have not only did I let myself down and my dear family and friends but many people out there who were following my story and rooting for me. This way if I could do it then maybe then, they too could have something work out in their life.
I refuse to give up! I will not quit. I get down sometimes but I am not staying there. You’ve got to believe in “HOPE”!
Now I have been home from Rehab for about 10 months and the time before this when I came home I almost started to gain weight immediately. Well I am home now and I can say for the first time probably 15 or 16 years I am out of the 400's! I am now in the upper 300’s, me, Mike Hebranko. I am cautiously excited. This is a gift that I know if I do not continue to work at and take care of myself, I will lose it, by gaining it! I have not broken any weight loss records since I have been home (I have been there and done that). It has been a slow steady process, but that is good for me. I use my K.I.S.T. method and it is working for me. Some one asked me at the doctor’s office “what is your goal”? I promptly responded, “To never get to it”. I have reached goals before and never maintained them for long. I gain lose weight and boy can I gain it! Therefore, for now, I am taking it easy and slowly but surely, it is coming off.
I do have to share something with all of you. It feels good. I try not to make that scale my police officer, my Academy Award etc but when I stepped upon it, the other day, at the doctors’ office. I see a 22+-pound weight loss since the last visit, well I was ready to do a tap dance and jump up and click my heels (now that would have been a sight in itself, not to mention a miracle). I was full of joy and thankfulness.
My dear friends all things are possible …..You’ve got to believe!
Love to you all
Mike
Much of my survival I owe to my God and my spiritual relationship we have with each other. We have this thing where we lean on each other if we need each other (yeah sure! My relationship is really one-way God’s support for me and my love for God.
Yet you have to believe ….believe in something if you are going to survive. This is what I believe. One has to have a reason to hang on, to go on. I do not care what it is you believe in. It could be and should be a combination of things. It should be you, some spiritual belief in a higher power (being), another human being, a puppy dog, a soft cat, or pet pig, whatever it is. You have to believe.
What is the payoff? I will share with you one of the payoffs! Most of you know my struggle with my weight and how it has been my whole life. Many of you know of my story because of the notary I achieved in the 90’s when I lost over 700 pounds in 19 months and made the Guinness Book of records. I had received a lot of support from Richard Simmons at that time (and through out the years a continued friendship).
Many more of you have gotten to know me, when in May 1996, I gained back much of that weight and was removed from my home (due to a medical emergency) by a “fork lift”. It became a “media event” a “circus act”, as if I were some freak, rather than some poor human being, fighting to save my life, a human being who was “Hungry for Life”!
Now since May of 1996 my scale has seen many numbers. Numbers ranging, from 450 pounds up to 800 pounds and all kinds of numbers, back and fourth since then. Over the past 5 years, I have been in a Rehabilitation Center not once but twice all in the effort to fight the “battle of the bulge”. I respect everyone’s efforts but I have to say, I try just as hard as many of you. I have fought both privately and publicly very hard to be a “success”. Every pound that I have gained privately has been worn in the public. I could not help feeling that I have not only did I let myself down and my dear family and friends but many people out there who were following my story and rooting for me. This way if I could do it then maybe then, they too could have something work out in their life.
I refuse to give up! I will not quit. I get down sometimes but I am not staying there. You’ve got to believe in “HOPE”!
Now I have been home from Rehab for about 10 months and the time before this when I came home I almost started to gain weight immediately. Well I am home now and I can say for the first time probably 15 or 16 years I am out of the 400's! I am now in the upper 300’s, me, Mike Hebranko. I am cautiously excited. This is a gift that I know if I do not continue to work at and take care of myself, I will lose it, by gaining it! I have not broken any weight loss records since I have been home (I have been there and done that). It has been a slow steady process, but that is good for me. I use my K.I.S.T. method and it is working for me. Some one asked me at the doctor’s office “what is your goal”? I promptly responded, “To never get to it”. I have reached goals before and never maintained them for long. I gain lose weight and boy can I gain it! Therefore, for now, I am taking it easy and slowly but surely, it is coming off.
I do have to share something with all of you. It feels good. I try not to make that scale my police officer, my Academy Award etc but when I stepped upon it, the other day, at the doctors’ office. I see a 22+-pound weight loss since the last visit, well I was ready to do a tap dance and jump up and click my heels (now that would have been a sight in itself, not to mention a miracle). I was full of joy and thankfulness.
My dear friends all things are possible …..You’ve got to believe!
Love to you all
Mike
Saturday, April 26, 2008
FEELINGS ….”To Err is Human to Forgive is Divine”
Forgive or forgiveness, emm, I am not sure that forgiveness is a feeling or not but I think it is important to talk about at this time.
Forgiveness is a big word and (pardon the pun) a “heavy’ concept. Let me start with this analogy. A day is a day, and each day is a beautiful thing and we are blessed to experience any day. Yet lets be honest with ourselves, some days are a little nicer than others. I am not talking about anything that may be going on in your personal lives but just the day in itself.
Take a day when the sun is shinning, there is a nice warm breeze (not to hot), the air smells clean, you can hear the birds in the trees and mother nature is at her best. Tell me, that is not nicer than a day where there is overcast? A day when you know the sun is out but where it is out, who knows. The temperature is chilly; there is not a bird insight (except maybe a gull if you live by water). It is dreary, damp, and you just push yourself to do anything. Think about it for a second …… okay time is up!
When you are angry, bitter, or full of hate it is like those damp dreary days. Your life is like there is a cloud overhead. You don not want (consciously or subconsciously) to function, at your fullest. There is always this something there. Yet if you can forgive, truly forgive, then the “sun shines”!
Your life is now free, clean, fresh, bright, and yes chippy!
Easier said than done! Yes, of course it is. Does it take work? Definitely! Is it worth it? Well you tell me, would someone want a life clouded and gloomy (holding on to bad feelings of anger, hate, despair) or would someone want a life open, fresh, clean, bright, filled with hope and joy? A life that is more suitable to taking care of things, especially ones on person!
Believe me I know that some people (and situations) are easier to forgive than others are. Sometimes the hurts are tiny, not meaningful, without too much damage. Then other times they scream out with all reasons not to forgive. Yet we need to forgive, so we can go on!
Forgiving is a process and one that takes practice sometimes. I have learned to try to put things into perspective. Often I find forgiving easy. The little things are easier to forgive, especially if it is our loved ones, we are forgiving, (although they can often hurt the most).
Then there are the deep rooted, angers and hurts. Sometimes from as long ago as our childhood, where there might have been physical, sexually, mentally, and/or emotional abuse. Often the problems may be relationships gone badly, where there where all kinds of hurts and horrible things done to you. People often hurt people, and forgiving these people, is not easy to do and often not the thing you sometimes want to do.
Yet keep in mind that forgiving, sometimes can be sort of a selfish act. In, the fact, that it is for your own benefit, that you do forgive. This way, you can go on with your life. That your life can be free of this so call, “cloud” this “darkness”.
Forgiving does not mean forgetting or necessarily even renewing that particular relationship. If the person who hurt you is still around and you never speak to them again, so be it (if that is what you want and works for you). Just do not let hatred, anger, and the bad times of the past, rob you now of the present and of the future.
You need to feel the best you can, if you want to do the best you can.
Therefore work on the forgiveness thing (you may even need the help of a friend, professional, and/or religious advisor), just do whatever it takes to help you get past it and past it in a healthy way.
Get rid of the dirty laundry, and you will feel the freshness of springtime, within yourself.
Forgiveness gives me power. A power I love to feel and experience. I like to be able to forgive and I hope that I too can be forgiven when the time (s) come.
Have a great smiling and inner healthy day
Love
Mike
Forgiveness is a big word and (pardon the pun) a “heavy’ concept. Let me start with this analogy. A day is a day, and each day is a beautiful thing and we are blessed to experience any day. Yet lets be honest with ourselves, some days are a little nicer than others. I am not talking about anything that may be going on in your personal lives but just the day in itself.
Take a day when the sun is shinning, there is a nice warm breeze (not to hot), the air smells clean, you can hear the birds in the trees and mother nature is at her best. Tell me, that is not nicer than a day where there is overcast? A day when you know the sun is out but where it is out, who knows. The temperature is chilly; there is not a bird insight (except maybe a gull if you live by water). It is dreary, damp, and you just push yourself to do anything. Think about it for a second …… okay time is up!
When you are angry, bitter, or full of hate it is like those damp dreary days. Your life is like there is a cloud overhead. You don not want (consciously or subconsciously) to function, at your fullest. There is always this something there. Yet if you can forgive, truly forgive, then the “sun shines”!
Your life is now free, clean, fresh, bright, and yes chippy!
Easier said than done! Yes, of course it is. Does it take work? Definitely! Is it worth it? Well you tell me, would someone want a life clouded and gloomy (holding on to bad feelings of anger, hate, despair) or would someone want a life open, fresh, clean, bright, filled with hope and joy? A life that is more suitable to taking care of things, especially ones on person!
Believe me I know that some people (and situations) are easier to forgive than others are. Sometimes the hurts are tiny, not meaningful, without too much damage. Then other times they scream out with all reasons not to forgive. Yet we need to forgive, so we can go on!
Forgiving is a process and one that takes practice sometimes. I have learned to try to put things into perspective. Often I find forgiving easy. The little things are easier to forgive, especially if it is our loved ones, we are forgiving, (although they can often hurt the most).
Then there are the deep rooted, angers and hurts. Sometimes from as long ago as our childhood, where there might have been physical, sexually, mentally, and/or emotional abuse. Often the problems may be relationships gone badly, where there where all kinds of hurts and horrible things done to you. People often hurt people, and forgiving these people, is not easy to do and often not the thing you sometimes want to do.
Yet keep in mind that forgiving, sometimes can be sort of a selfish act. In, the fact, that it is for your own benefit, that you do forgive. This way, you can go on with your life. That your life can be free of this so call, “cloud” this “darkness”.
Forgiving does not mean forgetting or necessarily even renewing that particular relationship. If the person who hurt you is still around and you never speak to them again, so be it (if that is what you want and works for you). Just do not let hatred, anger, and the bad times of the past, rob you now of the present and of the future.
You need to feel the best you can, if you want to do the best you can.
Therefore work on the forgiveness thing (you may even need the help of a friend, professional, and/or religious advisor), just do whatever it takes to help you get past it and past it in a healthy way.
Get rid of the dirty laundry, and you will feel the freshness of springtime, within yourself.
Forgiveness gives me power. A power I love to feel and experience. I like to be able to forgive and I hope that I too can be forgiven when the time (s) come.
Have a great smiling and inner healthy day
Love
Mike
Friday, April 18, 2008
FEELINGS … "Give Me Anger or Give Me Death" …
Is that not what Patrick Henry said? I do not think he quite said that, but “Anger” is the second installment of the “feelings” writings that I would like to address with this blog.
“Anger” can be very destructive both internally and externally.
Externally, as we look around the world, we can see what “anger” actually can do. It literally kills and mangles millions and billions of people, around the world. How dose this sound for an idealistic viewpoint, “a world without anger”? What a thought, what a world it would be.
Before we even attempt to make such an accomplishment and take on such a task, we first need to look at “anger” within ourselves. I put this to all of you who are reading this blog…
“How does anger affect your life”?
Do not get me wrong, I know anger is natural. It is natural to get angry … sometimes. Yet how we deal with the anger, how long we hang on to this anger, this becomes the “million dollar” question. Let us face it the longer anger “runs” us the more destructive it can become.
Often if we do not handle anger properly and efficiently, then for many of us it will manifest into more reasons for us to become self-destructive. Let us face it, we do not need more reasons for us to be self-destructive (overeat). Therefore, it is to our advantage to get over the anger as soon as possible. If I may say in the healthiest way possible.
How do we get over anger? I for one do not hold onto anger, not for long at least. I just do not like the way it makes me feel. Sometimes if I am angry with someone, I will let him or her know and then often I do not. I find it just sometimes dose not pay. It dose not change anything, and is often a waste of my valuable time and just causes more aggravation. I will just process the anger with rationalization and accepting the fact where it is coming from.
The anger that I personally find sometimes the hardest to deal with is self-anger. The anger I find I often have for myself. I get angry for the times that I have allowed myself to lose such valuable life experiences. This is the most difficult for me and this to me is a more important anger to deal with than any external anger that I might experience. This internal anger lingers in so many of us and needs to be dealt with on so many levels.
I find one healthy way to deal with this anger is with a lot of forgiveness. Self-forgiveness and self-love. Patience, a little understanding and I have to remember that “we” have been through a lot together (the “we” being, me and myself) and I have to give me a break.
If I am angry with myself, then I am not interested in caring for myself, and again that dose not work anymore for me in my life.
Okay everyone let us not be angry anymore! Let us not be angry with our parents, or our spouses (present or exes) our uncles and aunts, or even our abusers. Enough, with being angry at the politicians, and most of all with ourselves.
I know that it is not easy not to be angry, especially with people who have hurt you. I am not telling you to forget, I am just saying let go of the anger and do whatever you need to do to let go of it in a healthy way. It is for your own sake, your overall well-being. Your future success depends on it!
Hey, you are a good person, as a matter of fact, you are a great person and you deserve all the best that life can offer you. You do not have to live with anger any longer than you should have to.
Get rid of these negative feelings. Feelings that knock you down and keep you down!
Replace them with good feelings.
The good feelings of love, and a lot of self-love. Replace anger with caring for yourself, building on successes, feeling a little better about who you are and the good things you can do and the things that you really do for yourself. Void out anger and take in life, your life and start smiling, and smiling a lot.
These are good things!
Have an angry free day!
Love ya
Mike
“Anger” can be very destructive both internally and externally.
Externally, as we look around the world, we can see what “anger” actually can do. It literally kills and mangles millions and billions of people, around the world. How dose this sound for an idealistic viewpoint, “a world without anger”? What a thought, what a world it would be.
Before we even attempt to make such an accomplishment and take on such a task, we first need to look at “anger” within ourselves. I put this to all of you who are reading this blog…
“How does anger affect your life”?
Do not get me wrong, I know anger is natural. It is natural to get angry … sometimes. Yet how we deal with the anger, how long we hang on to this anger, this becomes the “million dollar” question. Let us face it the longer anger “runs” us the more destructive it can become.
Often if we do not handle anger properly and efficiently, then for many of us it will manifest into more reasons for us to become self-destructive. Let us face it, we do not need more reasons for us to be self-destructive (overeat). Therefore, it is to our advantage to get over the anger as soon as possible. If I may say in the healthiest way possible.
How do we get over anger? I for one do not hold onto anger, not for long at least. I just do not like the way it makes me feel. Sometimes if I am angry with someone, I will let him or her know and then often I do not. I find it just sometimes dose not pay. It dose not change anything, and is often a waste of my valuable time and just causes more aggravation. I will just process the anger with rationalization and accepting the fact where it is coming from.
The anger that I personally find sometimes the hardest to deal with is self-anger. The anger I find I often have for myself. I get angry for the times that I have allowed myself to lose such valuable life experiences. This is the most difficult for me and this to me is a more important anger to deal with than any external anger that I might experience. This internal anger lingers in so many of us and needs to be dealt with on so many levels.
I find one healthy way to deal with this anger is with a lot of forgiveness. Self-forgiveness and self-love. Patience, a little understanding and I have to remember that “we” have been through a lot together (the “we” being, me and myself) and I have to give me a break.
If I am angry with myself, then I am not interested in caring for myself, and again that dose not work anymore for me in my life.
Okay everyone let us not be angry anymore! Let us not be angry with our parents, or our spouses (present or exes) our uncles and aunts, or even our abusers. Enough, with being angry at the politicians, and most of all with ourselves.
I know that it is not easy not to be angry, especially with people who have hurt you. I am not telling you to forget, I am just saying let go of the anger and do whatever you need to do to let go of it in a healthy way. It is for your own sake, your overall well-being. Your future success depends on it!
Hey, you are a good person, as a matter of fact, you are a great person and you deserve all the best that life can offer you. You do not have to live with anger any longer than you should have to.
Get rid of these negative feelings. Feelings that knock you down and keep you down!
Replace them with good feelings.
The good feelings of love, and a lot of self-love. Replace anger with caring for yourself, building on successes, feeling a little better about who you are and the good things you can do and the things that you really do for yourself. Void out anger and take in life, your life and start smiling, and smiling a lot.
These are good things!
Have an angry free day!
Love ya
Mike
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