For many of us in America this was the weekend when we push our clocks ahead one hour. I was up Saturday evening/Sunday morning and I was watching the clock on the cable TV box and it said 1:59. I was waiting to see it switch to 2am and much to my amazement it switched to 3:00am.
What happened to Two A.M.? I missed it. A lot of things could have happened in that hour. An hour is pretty important to me and it seems to be getting more important as I get…, well let us just say more mature in life. Oh, let me just say it as it is…as I get older. What am I hiding? I am getting older and all I can say about that is …Thank God! Wow! I am getting older.
I have learned to appreciate each and every hour that I am around. Life is beautiful. There are moments within everyone’s life that things may seem gloomy and really dark. There may be times when horrible things may really happen.
Yet in general and as a whole, I love life and wouldn’t trade it for anything. When I lose an hour I feel cheated. I could have used that hour.
Every hour has meaning to me. I spent many of hours in my life which some may look back at and say were wasted hours, wasted life. I was homebound for many years, bed bound for a few. I have been in Rehabilitation Centers for three years on and off, hospitals hundreds of times and certainly locked up in my own body for almost a lifetime. Have I wasted time? Am I a wasted life?
Some may see my life that way. To those, I say. Take a look deep inside yourself first before you are ready to judge my life. My life is what it is and was what it was. I am here because of where I came from. Where I go next? I go forward, I am always headed forward. There are still times in my life where, for some crazy reason, I find myself going down that silly dark path but I do eventually find my way. I will continue too, as long as I have time in my life and it does not run out on me.
Eventually it will run out. When it does, then my turn will be over and I will know that I never achieved everything that I did. Was it everything I planned? Did I reach every goal? Of course I didn’t complete my “Bucket List”, but man do I have a lot to be thankful for: things I never thought I would have!
When I was a young “whipper snapper”, in my very early twenties, I thought someday I would be President. Oh, I had all the Ideas on how I could solve the world’s problems and make this country an even better place for all (I still I could). In those years, I never thought I would find anyone to fall in love with me and marry me. Children? I didn’t think that was going to ever happen for me and grandchildren, you must be kidding. I was going to be dead according to all the doctors by the time I was the age of 30, therefore grandchildren just were not in my future.
Look what happened! Here I am, maybe not the President of the United States but I am the luckiest man on earth! Look where I am. I am a soul mate, a person who I dreamed of being with from when I was 14 years old and now this angel is my wife. I am a dad, and I am a Ga Ga (grandpa). What great titles to have. I have to tell you when I think of the two titles of…Mr. President, or Ga-Ga, well the truth be, the Ga-Ga title has got me Goo-Goo!
I have gained wonderful relationships, I am considered a friend to many people and I have many friends. I have a great supportive family. That is why every hour of every day has become so very important to me and should be important, to all of us. All of us should use the time we have, to do what we can, in the moment, for our self right now and to make yourself happy. Use the time we have to build, mend and create good strong solid relationships with others. Use this moment to make a good choice for yourself and do a healthy thing.
Too many of us use our precious time to damage our self. We will use it to overindulge and/or abuse our self physically and or emotionally. We will use the time at hand to stuff our problems, swallow them, smoke them or inject them but this behavior will never solve them.
We need to use the time wisely to solve the things that do not work in our life. To search for reasons things might not work for you and then find the solutions. We can begin to make positive changes in our lives right now! Today!
Remember as long as you have the breath then you have the time and as long s we have time, there is hope and then it will never be too late!
Life is to be enjoyed and though there are those dark moments, we still need to stay focused on the overall picture of “Life itself”. Life is “Light” and the beauty of what life can hold for you, for me, for us is just enchanting.
We are here for a finite period of time. What that time is, no one knows. If we are going to spend the time beating ourselves up for a whole lifetime then we have wasted a good opportunity, a good chance, and a time to enjoy… then we have wasted a life.
I had a friend; he will be my friend in my heart forever. He may not be physically on this earth anymore but he will be my friend as long as I will be able to think and feel. The truth is I hadn’t spoken to him in over twenty years but that did not mean he was not my friend. Nicky was a guy who from my viewpoint had everything to live for. In the day, many of the young woman desired him and I am sure some of the young men too. He had the looks any guy wouldn’t mind having. I know looking from my 700 pound body, I often desired his body but not in the way maybe the woman did. I wanted to physically have his body. Nicky also was the kindest, loving, most gentle guy you ever wanted to know. He loved my little son (at the time). He was a dedicated friend, employee and sort of my “left hand man”. He was loyal and would do anything for you. He was shy but at the same time had a nice personality. Nicky had one more thing; Nicky didn’t have much self-confidence. He was not comfortable in his own self. Something bugged him. He struggled a lifetime with his demons and just couldn’t get it together and now Nicky is no longer with us, physically on this earth.
Fifty-five years old may seem old to some but Nicky couldn’t hold on to that “Light of life”. He just couldn’t let himself; stay focused on the “Light of Life”. He tried; I know him and I bet he tried real hard. I guess no one knows someone else’s battles. The world will miss our Nicky….Too short a time, before his time!!
None of us know when our time will be up; that is why it is so very important to make the best of today. Don’t put it off until tomorrow. Don’t wait until tomorrow to call that person you wanted to say “Hi” to. Tell “you know who” how special they are today.
Most of all do that something right, for you now…don’t wait!
Just think if you wait until later to take care of you or do that something nice for you…later may not get here. Later may be that lost hour between 1:59 and 3:00am that I saw go by the other night!
Have a great day, love each other and most of all love yourself …it is okay…
Love
Mike
Friday, March 19, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Oh, Poor Victim…
The last thing in the world I would ever want to sound like or be known as is a “Victim”. Yet there I was today just surfing through the internet and I came upon this blog page (from 2007). It was a bunch of people commenting on the “Inside Brookhaven” documentary (that I appeared in) it has been shown on Discovery and TLC channels from time to time over the years.
In it there was a piece where the EMT (Emergency Ambulance People) were transferring me (actually carrying me) down a long flight of steps in a wheelchair, with the help of six or eight men. They then proceeded to transport me to the Brookhaven facility, and transferred me into the bed from a stretcher. When they were doing this there was a very little drop, of about four to six inches.
Normally this would not be noticed by anyone. Except what we didn’t know at the time was I was suffering from “Rickets” and every bone in my body was brittle and aching with extreme pain. When they dropped me those few little inches, my almost 800 pounds of girth on top of those sore bones, released an expression of pain and verbal abuse, which at the very least could be interrupted as ungrateful. I was hurting and I lashed out at the first person or people that were near me. Was I right to do so? No! Did I realize it came off as ungrateful? Of course not!
What most people do not realize, is that most of what one sees on TV or in the movies is only a small piece of the actual truth. There was so much more to those tapes that did not make it to the TV. I was so appreciative to those people who took care of me and I expressed it both publicly and privately. They know the truth! Let me state it clearly for the record.
I would not be here today if it wasn’t for God, My wife, my son, Richard, and all of the Medical people in my life!! When I say all the medical people I am not just including the great doctors that have kept me alive but I am also including the nurses of the world, who I believe are the real angels of the hospitals and nurses aides who do all the hard stuff. Things I cannot even think of doing, bless them all. Last but certainly not least are the great EMT people who not once but three times literally saved my life, thank God for them. They are real heroes, and often many of them do a lot of volunteer work for the community.
I am now, I was then and I always will be appreciative to those people who have touched my life.
Hey, I am not so thinned skinned that I bruise too easily in my person by someone calling me a name or something like that. Coming from the background I came from I learned that there were people out in the world who did not understand what it is like, to live with this disease. Some people felt comfortable enough to make fun of me in my life even call me horrible names. As I grew older I realized that it was not my problem, their inability to comprehend and that it was okay for them to just not know.
Yet when I read things today like the following {Micheal is annoying. His whole attitude just sucks. Yeah, it's humiliating to have to be dragged out of your house because you can barely stand under your own weight but short of developing a large-and-in-charge levitation machine, there's not a lot those EMTs can do. I felt terrible for them trying to carry him down those stairs and then get "thanked" by having him bitch about how they were too rough with him and he has a bad back. I'm not that nice. I would have just rolled him down the stairs.}
I just had to respond. Not because I felt I needed to defend myself, the truth is there is really not a good excuse for any one human being to be nasty to another (especially if they are helping you) but I did have to just make clear one thing to all my medical Angels out there and that is…
I unconditionally love them all.
I appreciate them and everything they do for me and all people, especially my brothers and sisters in battle. I even appreciate those of them in the medical field that may not quite get it yet, that is okay their hearts are in the right place.
I never want to sound as if I am or ever was a victim but obviously according to the following quote I did so…{”Michael Hebranko bugged me because he had a major victim complex going on”}.
A “victim complex”, that is so funny to hear someone else have these opinions of you but this is what makes the world go around. The last thing I want to be is a victim. As a victim, where am I going?
As a victim all you do is remain stuck in “Victimville”! There is no good life in “Victimville”!
I want to be and have wanted to be for the longest time…a player. I take full responsibility for my life and where it has been, where it is and where it is going.
I refuse to look at my life as to what I have missed but rather I look at how lucky I am to have had the experiences and opportunities that I have had. I will not look at what I do not have because I have so much!
My life is not that of a victim, I Michael Hebranko, am one of the luckiest people in the world. Yeah, I may have a disease but I have a lot of things. I have Life, Faith, Friends and Family.
I have love! Love for life and all that it includes and I am in love and that love grows with every breath I take.
So call me many things (and I have been called it all) but victim…I am not too sure about that one.
None of us should live our lives coming from the point of “Victim”!
Be a player and make things happen in your life…you have the power…we all do!
Remember, Life is Power! You have the Power to Make Life and to Enhance Life!
Don’t let life pass you by…
Have a great day
Love
Mike
Ps
We may have been the victims of some sort of an atrocity in our lives, all I am saying is that I refuse to live my life as a victim!
Pss
Thanks for the concerns comments and emails about my absence from the blog page. I have had some health issues over the past couple of months. 2009 personally went out with a bang for me. I hope to be back blogging on a regular basis and thank you again for your kind thoughts.
In it there was a piece where the EMT (Emergency Ambulance People) were transferring me (actually carrying me) down a long flight of steps in a wheelchair, with the help of six or eight men. They then proceeded to transport me to the Brookhaven facility, and transferred me into the bed from a stretcher. When they were doing this there was a very little drop, of about four to six inches.
Normally this would not be noticed by anyone. Except what we didn’t know at the time was I was suffering from “Rickets” and every bone in my body was brittle and aching with extreme pain. When they dropped me those few little inches, my almost 800 pounds of girth on top of those sore bones, released an expression of pain and verbal abuse, which at the very least could be interrupted as ungrateful. I was hurting and I lashed out at the first person or people that were near me. Was I right to do so? No! Did I realize it came off as ungrateful? Of course not!
What most people do not realize, is that most of what one sees on TV or in the movies is only a small piece of the actual truth. There was so much more to those tapes that did not make it to the TV. I was so appreciative to those people who took care of me and I expressed it both publicly and privately. They know the truth! Let me state it clearly for the record.
I would not be here today if it wasn’t for God, My wife, my son, Richard, and all of the Medical people in my life!! When I say all the medical people I am not just including the great doctors that have kept me alive but I am also including the nurses of the world, who I believe are the real angels of the hospitals and nurses aides who do all the hard stuff. Things I cannot even think of doing, bless them all. Last but certainly not least are the great EMT people who not once but three times literally saved my life, thank God for them. They are real heroes, and often many of them do a lot of volunteer work for the community.
I am now, I was then and I always will be appreciative to those people who have touched my life.
Hey, I am not so thinned skinned that I bruise too easily in my person by someone calling me a name or something like that. Coming from the background I came from I learned that there were people out in the world who did not understand what it is like, to live with this disease. Some people felt comfortable enough to make fun of me in my life even call me horrible names. As I grew older I realized that it was not my problem, their inability to comprehend and that it was okay for them to just not know.
Yet when I read things today like the following {Micheal is annoying. His whole attitude just sucks. Yeah, it's humiliating to have to be dragged out of your house because you can barely stand under your own weight but short of developing a large-and-in-charge levitation machine, there's not a lot those EMTs can do. I felt terrible for them trying to carry him down those stairs and then get "thanked" by having him bitch about how they were too rough with him and he has a bad back. I'm not that nice. I would have just rolled him down the stairs.}
I just had to respond. Not because I felt I needed to defend myself, the truth is there is really not a good excuse for any one human being to be nasty to another (especially if they are helping you) but I did have to just make clear one thing to all my medical Angels out there and that is…
I unconditionally love them all.
I appreciate them and everything they do for me and all people, especially my brothers and sisters in battle. I even appreciate those of them in the medical field that may not quite get it yet, that is okay their hearts are in the right place.
I never want to sound as if I am or ever was a victim but obviously according to the following quote I did so…{”Michael Hebranko bugged me because he had a major victim complex going on”}.
A “victim complex”, that is so funny to hear someone else have these opinions of you but this is what makes the world go around. The last thing I want to be is a victim. As a victim, where am I going?
As a victim all you do is remain stuck in “Victimville”! There is no good life in “Victimville”!
I want to be and have wanted to be for the longest time…a player. I take full responsibility for my life and where it has been, where it is and where it is going.
I refuse to look at my life as to what I have missed but rather I look at how lucky I am to have had the experiences and opportunities that I have had. I will not look at what I do not have because I have so much!
My life is not that of a victim, I Michael Hebranko, am one of the luckiest people in the world. Yeah, I may have a disease but I have a lot of things. I have Life, Faith, Friends and Family.
I have love! Love for life and all that it includes and I am in love and that love grows with every breath I take.
So call me many things (and I have been called it all) but victim…I am not too sure about that one.
None of us should live our lives coming from the point of “Victim”!
Be a player and make things happen in your life…you have the power…we all do!
Remember, Life is Power! You have the Power to Make Life and to Enhance Life!
Don’t let life pass you by…
Have a great day
Love
Mike
Ps
We may have been the victims of some sort of an atrocity in our lives, all I am saying is that I refuse to live my life as a victim!
Pss
Thanks for the concerns comments and emails about my absence from the blog page. I have had some health issues over the past couple of months. 2009 personally went out with a bang for me. I hope to be back blogging on a regular basis and thank you again for your kind thoughts.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
A Season of Miracles
This is the season for the celebration of “Miracles”. So to often we literally get “wrapped” up in the materialistic part of this time of year, that we actually forget what it is all about. It is about miracles.
In much of the world, we celebrate Christmas (the miracle birth of the Christ Child); we also celebrate Hanukkah (a Festival of Lights) and Kwanzaa (the Celebration of a Culture of People). All these celebrations, all based on miracles of all kinds.
We as a people, around this time of year, very often forget, truly forget, the “reason for the season” and instead we are so involved in so many other things. Oh, there is the shopping, spending, worrying, cooking, eating and for many people being depressed takes up a big part of the time. Yes, depressed. Depressed, that their loved ones, may not be with them, for one reason or another. Depressed because they may not have the money to buy the gifts they want to. Depressed, they may not have any friends or family. All may be valid reasons.
Yet again what are we doing? This is a season of “Miracles” and a miracle has occurred in your Life! Yes! It is the twelfth month of the year and you and I are communicating once again. We are celebrating our life. We made it! Another year, Hooray! Some of us, it may have been a “Breeze” and for others it was “The Perfect Storm” but we are all here to talk about it.
Some may be wounded but we are here and as long as there is life….there is HOPE!
Therefore, in this the season of “Miracles”, Celebrations, Gift Exchanging, Partying and Eating…we need to take time to look around and appreciate the “Miracles” in our lives.
When we do look around, we need to start first from within our self.
Get it! We are a Miracle!
Each day we survive is miraculous. Do not brush it off so easily.
Life can be difficult at times and those of us who fight, survive, and get to play in this game of life another day…well that is a gift of champions!
Then after looking within ourselves take a look around us and I bet we can find all kinds of “Miracles” that happen around us in our lives.
A phone call can be a miracle, if it is at that right moment if our life, when it is needed. A smile, a visit, the smell of a new day, can be miraculous when a smile is what it takes. How about a new birth, or the passing of a suffering loved one? Getting to hold your grandchild, this is nothing short of a miracle.
Miracles, all kinds of miracles are all around us, all the time.
We need to just rub our eyes and stretch out our arms and just take in the goodness that surrounds us.
Yes, this is “A Season of Miracles” but that does not mean Miracles only happen in December!
To all of you out there have a Miraculous Holiday, a Healthy one to you and all your loved ones and when it comes to the “Eating”, Remember….
There is a tomorrow
Have a wonderful day
Love
Mike
In much of the world, we celebrate Christmas (the miracle birth of the Christ Child); we also celebrate Hanukkah (a Festival of Lights) and Kwanzaa (the Celebration of a Culture of People). All these celebrations, all based on miracles of all kinds.
We as a people, around this time of year, very often forget, truly forget, the “reason for the season” and instead we are so involved in so many other things. Oh, there is the shopping, spending, worrying, cooking, eating and for many people being depressed takes up a big part of the time. Yes, depressed. Depressed, that their loved ones, may not be with them, for one reason or another. Depressed because they may not have the money to buy the gifts they want to. Depressed, they may not have any friends or family. All may be valid reasons.
Yet again what are we doing? This is a season of “Miracles” and a miracle has occurred in your Life! Yes! It is the twelfth month of the year and you and I are communicating once again. We are celebrating our life. We made it! Another year, Hooray! Some of us, it may have been a “Breeze” and for others it was “The Perfect Storm” but we are all here to talk about it.
Some may be wounded but we are here and as long as there is life….there is HOPE!
Therefore, in this the season of “Miracles”, Celebrations, Gift Exchanging, Partying and Eating…we need to take time to look around and appreciate the “Miracles” in our lives.
When we do look around, we need to start first from within our self.
Get it! We are a Miracle!
Each day we survive is miraculous. Do not brush it off so easily.
Life can be difficult at times and those of us who fight, survive, and get to play in this game of life another day…well that is a gift of champions!
Then after looking within ourselves take a look around us and I bet we can find all kinds of “Miracles” that happen around us in our lives.
A phone call can be a miracle, if it is at that right moment if our life, when it is needed. A smile, a visit, the smell of a new day, can be miraculous when a smile is what it takes. How about a new birth, or the passing of a suffering loved one? Getting to hold your grandchild, this is nothing short of a miracle.
Miracles, all kinds of miracles are all around us, all the time.
We need to just rub our eyes and stretch out our arms and just take in the goodness that surrounds us.
Yes, this is “A Season of Miracles” but that does not mean Miracles only happen in December!
To all of you out there have a Miraculous Holiday, a Healthy one to you and all your loved ones and when it comes to the “Eating”, Remember….
There is a tomorrow
Have a wonderful day
Love
Mike
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Gobble Gobble Gobble
Gobble, gobble, can you believe it Thanksgiving is here! Speaking of “gobble”, this is not the time for so many of us to get gobbled up in the “curtain” of the “holidays”. I say the “curtain of the holidays”, because over the next seven weeks, those of us who really suffer from this disease can hide behind the “curtain of the holidays” and “eat” just like everyone else is doing! Oh sure, no one will notice us eating, because everyone is doing it, picking and chewing, and chewing, and chomping. All the food, spread out all over the place, plenty of opportunities for us to do all kinds of damage to ourselves.
This presents a couple of problems. First is that statistics say the average American will gain 14 to 20 pounds over the next 7 weeks…..Hello, Average!
When have most of us been average when it comes to eating? When they say 14 to 20 that means that some will gain 2 pounds and maybe some will even lose 3 pounds (Ha!). Then on the other hand, some of us could actually gain 40 or 60 pounds over the next seven weeks.
My problem is, especially if I do not keep myself in “check”, If I do not “Keep It Simple for Today”, my problem could and has been at times in the past that …
I begin eating the night before Thanksgiving (when we are doing the preparing) and do not finish until three days after the “Super Bowl” which is in late January early February. I can, and have eaten as if it is holiday every single one of those Seventy days.
This is why we all need to focus.
Thanksgiving is a day to surely be thankful and not for the poor Turkey that gave its life for us. We need to be “thankful for the chance to be able to be thankful”.
We need to look around and see the real things that we have to be thankful for.
Spend a moment (at least) during that day to reflect on the things you have to be thankful for. It is not about the food.
You have eaten it all before!
If you do right by yourself this year, you will live for another, to taste it all again.
Look, the reality is you are going to eat more than 1600 calories probably that day….okay!
That is one day! Not every day, not the next seven weeks! Besides it, does it really have to be 16,000 calories?
You can have a small piece of pie, a taste, if you need to have it…
Then that is it! The holiday does not continue until and through Chanukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Years and Ground Hog Day.
No, there are breaks in between those days.
You do not have to celebrate every social event at office parties, house parties, family gatherings, and all of them with a mouthful of food.
Swallow a little and talk. Socialize, it is fun.
The Holidays can and should be a time to spend and enjoy with your friends, family and loved ones. Time spent, without food making you feel either sick, guilty or both!!
Whatever you do, do not say those horrible dreadful “Loser” words…..
”Ah, I’ll make a New Years Resolution and I will start my diet January 2nd”!!!!!!!
NO!!!!!!!!!!
It is only November, December, it is today!
Do it now! You are now!
You are alive …now!! You count…now!!
You can do it ….Now!
So gobble, gobble, let’s finish ’09 ….“In Line”!
“In Line for a great 2010”.
A 2010 where there will be no end of “You taking care of You”.
To all my friends and buddies and to all my “brothers and sisters” in battle ….
I wish to you a very happy, healthy, thankful holiday season and I am thankful we get this chance to share together…..
Eat smart, Think well, do not hate, be less angered, and smile when in neutral …..
All my love
Mike
This presents a couple of problems. First is that statistics say the average American will gain 14 to 20 pounds over the next 7 weeks…..Hello, Average!
When have most of us been average when it comes to eating? When they say 14 to 20 that means that some will gain 2 pounds and maybe some will even lose 3 pounds (Ha!). Then on the other hand, some of us could actually gain 40 or 60 pounds over the next seven weeks.
My problem is, especially if I do not keep myself in “check”, If I do not “Keep It Simple for Today”, my problem could and has been at times in the past that …
I begin eating the night before Thanksgiving (when we are doing the preparing) and do not finish until three days after the “Super Bowl” which is in late January early February. I can, and have eaten as if it is holiday every single one of those Seventy days.
This is why we all need to focus.
Thanksgiving is a day to surely be thankful and not for the poor Turkey that gave its life for us. We need to be “thankful for the chance to be able to be thankful”.
We need to look around and see the real things that we have to be thankful for.
Spend a moment (at least) during that day to reflect on the things you have to be thankful for. It is not about the food.
You have eaten it all before!
If you do right by yourself this year, you will live for another, to taste it all again.
Look, the reality is you are going to eat more than 1600 calories probably that day….okay!
That is one day! Not every day, not the next seven weeks! Besides it, does it really have to be 16,000 calories?
You can have a small piece of pie, a taste, if you need to have it…
Then that is it! The holiday does not continue until and through Chanukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Years and Ground Hog Day.
No, there are breaks in between those days.
You do not have to celebrate every social event at office parties, house parties, family gatherings, and all of them with a mouthful of food.
Swallow a little and talk. Socialize, it is fun.
The Holidays can and should be a time to spend and enjoy with your friends, family and loved ones. Time spent, without food making you feel either sick, guilty or both!!
Whatever you do, do not say those horrible dreadful “Loser” words…..
”Ah, I’ll make a New Years Resolution and I will start my diet January 2nd”!!!!!!!
NO!!!!!!!!!!
It is only November, December, it is today!
Do it now! You are now!
You are alive …now!! You count…now!!
You can do it ….Now!
So gobble, gobble, let’s finish ’09 ….“In Line”!
“In Line for a great 2010”.
A 2010 where there will be no end of “You taking care of You”.
To all my friends and buddies and to all my “brothers and sisters” in battle ….
I wish to you a very happy, healthy, thankful holiday season and I am thankful we get this chance to share together…..
Eat smart, Think well, do not hate, be less angered, and smile when in neutral …..
All my love
Mike
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
The Stork Arrives
It is 11:03AM on Thursday, October 20th 1977 and the doctor (actually, it was a nurse) tells me that I have a son!! A little boy weighing it at 11 pounds 4 ounces a bouncing baby boy, a healthy little “Butterball”. Imagine I was a father and now the task of becoming a “Daddy” began.
Oh, it is not easy for any parent. Raising a child, being responsible for their safety, well-being, happiness, future, their every need is not an easy thing. Some people unfortunately think “flim-flam-bam and thank you mam they are parents and the rest is easy….it is not!
I only realized the struggle, worry and concern my parents went through, only when I became a father myself.
I always say, just because you are a parent that does not make you perfect! That when you become a parent, there are no, instructions that come along with that tiny little miracle of life, that is now yours.
It is like being thrown into the 100 foot water (never knowing if you can swim or not) and being told, “Swim”!
Yet I for one thing I am the luckiest man in the world! Seriously! Many of these blogs have been about my struggles or those of others but let us face it life has its REWARDS!
In addition, to being a father and I believe I also can call myself a “Daddy” for Thirty-Two years there are many “REWARD”!
I have been blessed with a child (and now a Man) who has been respectful to his family, loved his family, never ever embarrassed himself or his family. He works hard for his wife and children, he is true to them (and better be) and loves them and adores them very much.
Is he perfect? In my eyes as a dad, ….Yes! Could he do or have done some things differently? Ha! Who could not do some things differently in thirty-two years if given the chance? It is certainly easy for me or anyone from the cheap seats to sit and be a judge….but I will not!
I too could have done things differently and so could have you, I am sure!
The thing is I have gotten to see him grow up! With all that comes from that.
All the cheers, jeers, and tears! The awards (and there were many), the parties, graduations (I might not have attended them all but I have been around for them all), and “the first”! First tooth, then the first tooth to fall out, first job, first girlfriend, first (and only) wife, first child, (now second child) many first.
Yes, life has its REWARDS and one of mine (a biggy) was certainly the day the Stork arrived in our family.
I feel good today! I feel great today! I am proud to be a father and more proud to be the Dad of Michael Hebranko III born 1977.
I am a lucky person to be here to see all this and to be able to share it with my loved ones and my friends.
I share this part of my life with you and I ask you to take a moment to reflect on even just one “REWARD” life has had for you……..We all have them……….
In this world today of havoc, finances a mock, news is crazy, wars, innocent people dying, people doing crazy things just to be on TV ….sometimes it is important amidst all this havoc to search and reflect on the good things …..
On the REWARDS…it helps us to appreciate our lives ourselves..
It may bring a smile to us…
I know, to this very day not matter how I feel, no matter what kind of mood I am in, when I see my Son (even if it is for a second, until we argue about something) my heart brightens up, my blood flows better, my insides smile!
There are certain things that I am proudest of in my life one being my marriage and the love and relationship it has produced between myself and my bride and from that comes the other most proudest things in my life….my son...and now his family, his children, my grandchildren…
I have other things that I am proud of most… some are self accomplishment and survival and most are relationships with family and friends.
Life’s REWARDS they are there for the enjoyment, the reflection, the inner peace and comfort. Use them, allow yourself to appreciate them and acknowledge your part in your life’s REWARDS!
Enjoy today and all the days….
Love
Mike
Oh, it is not easy for any parent. Raising a child, being responsible for their safety, well-being, happiness, future, their every need is not an easy thing. Some people unfortunately think “flim-flam-bam and thank you mam they are parents and the rest is easy….it is not!
I only realized the struggle, worry and concern my parents went through, only when I became a father myself.
I always say, just because you are a parent that does not make you perfect! That when you become a parent, there are no, instructions that come along with that tiny little miracle of life, that is now yours.
It is like being thrown into the 100 foot water (never knowing if you can swim or not) and being told, “Swim”!
Yet I for one thing I am the luckiest man in the world! Seriously! Many of these blogs have been about my struggles or those of others but let us face it life has its REWARDS!
In addition, to being a father and I believe I also can call myself a “Daddy” for Thirty-Two years there are many “REWARD”!
I have been blessed with a child (and now a Man) who has been respectful to his family, loved his family, never ever embarrassed himself or his family. He works hard for his wife and children, he is true to them (and better be) and loves them and adores them very much.
Is he perfect? In my eyes as a dad, ….Yes! Could he do or have done some things differently? Ha! Who could not do some things differently in thirty-two years if given the chance? It is certainly easy for me or anyone from the cheap seats to sit and be a judge….but I will not!
I too could have done things differently and so could have you, I am sure!
The thing is I have gotten to see him grow up! With all that comes from that.
All the cheers, jeers, and tears! The awards (and there were many), the parties, graduations (I might not have attended them all but I have been around for them all), and “the first”! First tooth, then the first tooth to fall out, first job, first girlfriend, first (and only) wife, first child, (now second child) many first.
Yes, life has its REWARDS and one of mine (a biggy) was certainly the day the Stork arrived in our family.
I feel good today! I feel great today! I am proud to be a father and more proud to be the Dad of Michael Hebranko III born 1977.
I am a lucky person to be here to see all this and to be able to share it with my loved ones and my friends.
I share this part of my life with you and I ask you to take a moment to reflect on even just one “REWARD” life has had for you……..We all have them……….
In this world today of havoc, finances a mock, news is crazy, wars, innocent people dying, people doing crazy things just to be on TV ….sometimes it is important amidst all this havoc to search and reflect on the good things …..
On the REWARDS…it helps us to appreciate our lives ourselves..
It may bring a smile to us…
I know, to this very day not matter how I feel, no matter what kind of mood I am in, when I see my Son (even if it is for a second, until we argue about something) my heart brightens up, my blood flows better, my insides smile!
There are certain things that I am proudest of in my life one being my marriage and the love and relationship it has produced between myself and my bride and from that comes the other most proudest things in my life….my son...and now his family, his children, my grandchildren…
I have other things that I am proud of most… some are self accomplishment and survival and most are relationships with family and friends.
Life’s REWARDS they are there for the enjoyment, the reflection, the inner peace and comfort. Use them, allow yourself to appreciate them and acknowledge your part in your life’s REWARDS!
Enjoy today and all the days….
Love
Mike
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Isolation
Those of us who suffer from this “Disease”, “Addiction”, “Affliction”. Need to understand the things that truly feed or fuel this “mis-function” within us.
Throughout the years of my journey and as I walk the road towards recovery I have learned many things about myself and what works and even more so what does not work.
With me, myself and through observations of close friends and associates, I have seen one common behavior pattern with in many of us, that is “Isolation”.
Isolation, we tend to withdraw first in our heads then in our lives.
For example: In so many interviews that I have done, it will not take a minute for some one to ask my poor wife, “How can you watch him eat? On the other hand, “Why don’t you stop him”?
Well here is some news for the world…97% of all the wrong kind of eating, I have done, I have done alone, on the sneak, in private. I have never needed anyone to help me to get my “drug of choice” ---“FOOD”! I have put those pounds on in private…for the world to see in public!!
So hiding and sneak eating is one of our problems and one that needs to be addressed if we are going to make any improvements in our life!
Another major “Isolation” problem is that we will withdraw, internally. We will cut people out! Stop communicating! Stop talking to loved ones. Whether we live with them, or if we live alone, we will stop calling or avoid calling friends and family. Just so that we do have to face the reality of that dreaded question …“How are you doing?”
We hear that question and if we are not doing well with our food, we will hear… “How are you doing, now that you are not dieting and eating out of control and gaining all that weight and being a complete failure…etc”!
Even though that poor person never said anything like that but that is what we might hear because often those are the tapes we are playing in our own head! That is our we are beating ourselves up already!
Isolation feeds our ability to make our self wrong, to support our terrible feelings of failure! Isolation will do that.
Then the finally kind of “Isolation” is the physical kind.
That is where you will avoid going out, avoid going to family functions, meeting with friends, going shopping, or just going to a movie. You are ashamed, you are tired, you are heavier, etc. etc.!
IF YOU WANT TO WIN THIS BATTLE, IT IS MORE THAN JUST MAKING A SALAD!
If you want to win the battle it is more than just making a salad, you need to make changes! You need to acknowledge you want to withdraw from everything and say, “Okay, I feel this way but I am still going to be a player, even though I do not want to play”!
Isolation means just you and your disease and guess what????? That disease knows how to push your buttons and for the most part …will win over you.
Do not let it win over you any more!
Just recognize that you are trying to Isolate and that is part of your problem.
Yet still get up tomorrow and make that phone call, go out to visit your friend, go to the neighborhood café and socialize, go to the family function…no matter what your weight is today! That number can change either way tomorrow, depending on what you do right…Today!
You are a human being who deserves every break in life! You deserve the chance to enjoy life, to smile. You have paid your dues now you can enjoy a little.
Give yourself permission to smile, laugh, and have a good time. Okay life may be a little “Heavy”. You know what? It could be worse…you know that, just turn on the News.
So remember do not Isolate, it does not help…at all.
Open up those doors, open up your heart, and get out of your head.
Look for some one who loves you and share with them. Play with them. Laugh with them.
Laughter, good medicine…and it is free!
My dear friends, we are in a war to survive but one where there are many battles to be won.
We learn along the way, we learn from each other… I am sharing with you, my brothers and a sister in battle…that Isolation is “Not a good thing”!
Do not be alone! You do not have to be!
You have me, I have you, we have each other!
You have to make it work ……..Go fight for what you deserve!
Have a great day and Never Give UP!
Love
Mike
Throughout the years of my journey and as I walk the road towards recovery I have learned many things about myself and what works and even more so what does not work.
With me, myself and through observations of close friends and associates, I have seen one common behavior pattern with in many of us, that is “Isolation”.
Isolation, we tend to withdraw first in our heads then in our lives.
For example: In so many interviews that I have done, it will not take a minute for some one to ask my poor wife, “How can you watch him eat? On the other hand, “Why don’t you stop him”?
Well here is some news for the world…97% of all the wrong kind of eating, I have done, I have done alone, on the sneak, in private. I have never needed anyone to help me to get my “drug of choice” ---“FOOD”! I have put those pounds on in private…for the world to see in public!!
So hiding and sneak eating is one of our problems and one that needs to be addressed if we are going to make any improvements in our life!
Another major “Isolation” problem is that we will withdraw, internally. We will cut people out! Stop communicating! Stop talking to loved ones. Whether we live with them, or if we live alone, we will stop calling or avoid calling friends and family. Just so that we do have to face the reality of that dreaded question …“How are you doing?”
We hear that question and if we are not doing well with our food, we will hear… “How are you doing, now that you are not dieting and eating out of control and gaining all that weight and being a complete failure…etc”!
Even though that poor person never said anything like that but that is what we might hear because often those are the tapes we are playing in our own head! That is our we are beating ourselves up already!
Isolation feeds our ability to make our self wrong, to support our terrible feelings of failure! Isolation will do that.
Then the finally kind of “Isolation” is the physical kind.
That is where you will avoid going out, avoid going to family functions, meeting with friends, going shopping, or just going to a movie. You are ashamed, you are tired, you are heavier, etc. etc.!
IF YOU WANT TO WIN THIS BATTLE, IT IS MORE THAN JUST MAKING A SALAD!
If you want to win the battle it is more than just making a salad, you need to make changes! You need to acknowledge you want to withdraw from everything and say, “Okay, I feel this way but I am still going to be a player, even though I do not want to play”!
Isolation means just you and your disease and guess what????? That disease knows how to push your buttons and for the most part …will win over you.
Do not let it win over you any more!
Just recognize that you are trying to Isolate and that is part of your problem.
Yet still get up tomorrow and make that phone call, go out to visit your friend, go to the neighborhood café and socialize, go to the family function…no matter what your weight is today! That number can change either way tomorrow, depending on what you do right…Today!
You are a human being who deserves every break in life! You deserve the chance to enjoy life, to smile. You have paid your dues now you can enjoy a little.
Give yourself permission to smile, laugh, and have a good time. Okay life may be a little “Heavy”. You know what? It could be worse…you know that, just turn on the News.
So remember do not Isolate, it does not help…at all.
Open up those doors, open up your heart, and get out of your head.
Look for some one who loves you and share with them. Play with them. Laugh with them.
Laughter, good medicine…and it is free!
My dear friends, we are in a war to survive but one where there are many battles to be won.
We learn along the way, we learn from each other… I am sharing with you, my brothers and a sister in battle…that Isolation is “Not a good thing”!
Do not be alone! You do not have to be!
You have me, I have you, we have each other!
You have to make it work ……..Go fight for what you deserve!
Have a great day and Never Give UP!
Love
Mike
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Cheating
The dictionary defines cheating as follows: to defraud; swindle; to deceive; to elude; to violate rules or regulations; a person who acts dishonestly.
Wow, after all that we are then suppose to feel good about ourselves and get back on track and do the things that we need to do to live a healthier and fuller life.
Think about it? Here we are doing are best, trying are hardest, whether it is to eat right, stay sober, be positive or just live a healthier life style and then it happens! A bad moment, a bad choice, a bad day, whatever the reasons may be, you may be aware of the reason or you may not, it just happens!
You “Cheat”, then you come to your senses and cannot help but look at what has happened, what you have done and you think to yourself...”I cheated”!
Then the tapes begin to play in your head. Then by definition you are a fraud, swindler, you violate the rules, you are dishonest! You cannot help but hear these tapes in your head. You have been raised your whole life, to know that cheaters are low lives.
Now after that and a host of other guilty feelings, you are suppose to go forward, feel good about yourself, get back “on the wagon” and eat healthy and do healthy things for our self.
Can it be done? It can! Is it easy? No! Must it happen? You bet!
Who else but “you” is going to do it? If not now, when? Are you going to let another day go by? Do more damage to your body, your mind, your heart?
You cannot wait for someone else to make you feel good (it might happen, but there are no guarantees). There is an expression that goes “don’t wait for some one to tell you to wash your face…because then you just might look better than them.”
That is a harsh statement and does not play true in all cases but the point is we cannot wait for others to make us feel good about ourselves.
We have to dig deep inside and find the strength, realize the goodness, the worth inside of our self and begin once again.
It can be difficult, especially when you might have people around that knock you every chance they get, that may have lost faith in you, or are just fed up with you and all the years of you have struggled already.
These are the times when you need to try your hardest.
When that hill becomes a mountain, yet either way, it still needs to be climbed, one more time. You and you alone have to find the strength to take those first steps.
You have to tap into that inner worth, the inner need to succeed, the desire to survive, you have to know that you are worth it!
Life at times is not easy and often the bounce back from “nowhere” seems impossible, but who else but you deserves to be happy.
Do not act has if you might not deserve to be happy, you do!
You are a beautiful creation and deserve to live your life to its fullest.
Therefore, you, I and the rest of us have to fight!
Fight for our well-being, fight no matter what our demons are, no matter how dark they may be. We have to do what we need to do to make it!
If we need help and cannot find it here then we have to look for it there.
We need to do, what we need to do! As hard as it may seem, as alone as we may feel, we need to be able to look inside ourselves first!
We have power! We are strong! We made it this far and we can make it to the top of that mountain.
My friends who are in struggles of all kinds…I say this to you. Hang in there!
Be a little easy on yourself; give a little hug to yourself.
Never quit, never give up!
You are special….very special and you are worth it!
Love
Your Brother in Battle
Mike
Wow, after all that we are then suppose to feel good about ourselves and get back on track and do the things that we need to do to live a healthier and fuller life.
Think about it? Here we are doing are best, trying are hardest, whether it is to eat right, stay sober, be positive or just live a healthier life style and then it happens! A bad moment, a bad choice, a bad day, whatever the reasons may be, you may be aware of the reason or you may not, it just happens!
You “Cheat”, then you come to your senses and cannot help but look at what has happened, what you have done and you think to yourself...”I cheated”!
Then the tapes begin to play in your head. Then by definition you are a fraud, swindler, you violate the rules, you are dishonest! You cannot help but hear these tapes in your head. You have been raised your whole life, to know that cheaters are low lives.
Now after that and a host of other guilty feelings, you are suppose to go forward, feel good about yourself, get back “on the wagon” and eat healthy and do healthy things for our self.
Can it be done? It can! Is it easy? No! Must it happen? You bet!
Who else but “you” is going to do it? If not now, when? Are you going to let another day go by? Do more damage to your body, your mind, your heart?
You cannot wait for someone else to make you feel good (it might happen, but there are no guarantees). There is an expression that goes “don’t wait for some one to tell you to wash your face…because then you just might look better than them.”
That is a harsh statement and does not play true in all cases but the point is we cannot wait for others to make us feel good about ourselves.
We have to dig deep inside and find the strength, realize the goodness, the worth inside of our self and begin once again.
It can be difficult, especially when you might have people around that knock you every chance they get, that may have lost faith in you, or are just fed up with you and all the years of you have struggled already.
These are the times when you need to try your hardest.
When that hill becomes a mountain, yet either way, it still needs to be climbed, one more time. You and you alone have to find the strength to take those first steps.
You have to tap into that inner worth, the inner need to succeed, the desire to survive, you have to know that you are worth it!
Life at times is not easy and often the bounce back from “nowhere” seems impossible, but who else but you deserves to be happy.
Do not act has if you might not deserve to be happy, you do!
You are a beautiful creation and deserve to live your life to its fullest.
Therefore, you, I and the rest of us have to fight!
Fight for our well-being, fight no matter what our demons are, no matter how dark they may be. We have to do what we need to do to make it!
If we need help and cannot find it here then we have to look for it there.
We need to do, what we need to do! As hard as it may seem, as alone as we may feel, we need to be able to look inside ourselves first!
We have power! We are strong! We made it this far and we can make it to the top of that mountain.
My friends who are in struggles of all kinds…I say this to you. Hang in there!
Be a little easy on yourself; give a little hug to yourself.
Never quit, never give up!
You are special….very special and you are worth it!
Love
Your Brother in Battle
Mike
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
