Speak Softly Love ….. da, da, la, la la. Now what can Brando, Pacino and I all have in common? Let’s see, did we all win the Academy Award? I do not think so, besides if I had won I would accept it. Actually I think Brando did accept it but not himself he sent the Native American Woman to accept it, I don’t remember the details. Anyway, back to my point. What do the three of us have in common? (Final Jepordy theme playing in the background), okay, the answer is “What is we are all Godfather’s”.
Yes, yesterday I was honored (after 26 years) of being asked to be the Godfather of a beautiful little baby girl. This is actually my third time I was honored with such a blessing. My first time was when I was 16 years old to a precious little girl, Cathy P, and then 13 years after that to a handsome baby boy, Joseph B, and now 26 years later at the age of 55 years old to this adorable Melanie H.
It is amazing how as we get older the difference in the meaning in general of being a Godfather. Unfortunately, at 16 years old I did not realize what a great honor it was. Although legally a Godparent today has no kind of responsibility, it is really more a spiritual relationship. I believe the first experience a child has with God and everything else comes from their parents. Yet as a Godparent, we should go that little extra step in helping the parent along in molding a child’s relationship and introduction to God. Yet I also feel as a Godparent and as an adult in any child’s life setting a good example is so very important. An example of loving thyself and each other, living ones life to it’s fullest and not being a quitter, and that all of God’s creatures are beautiful and to look for the good in life. These are not such bad things to try to pass on to a Godchild or any child.
I only wish I understood this with my first Godchild, I have not seen her for many years and was not a good Godfather. I did better with my second, I see him often, and just had the pleasure of having dinner with him and his finance this past week. Now my new little Godchild, well lets be real, I pray I am around long enough to be an influence in her little sweet life. Yet in case I am not and I am lucky enough to have a ticket to get into heaven, she will have one special guardian angel watching over her.
Let us talk about yesterday. It might be normal for people to be a little nervous about being in situation like being a Godfather. People who know me being in front of people, maybe talking, etc does not make me nervous. It just does not. What give me the butterflies, the anxiety and I think may of people who share my history is the logistics.
Is there a lot of walking, standing, steps, and chairs with arms and are they strong enough. Will the seats be so low we will not be able to get up easily or at all? Then in my case, I travel with a wheel chair that is wider than the average chair (because my butt is wider than the average butt is). Therefore, the wheelchair does not fit on most of the handicap ramp; it is too wide, does not fit through most doors. Then I was worried about once at the church would it get down the aisles, will I have to go on the alter, if so how? Well almost every concern I had, came through.
The ramp was to narrow, so my poor wife had to fold the chair and I had to get my cane and bent over walk up the ramp and through the narrow doors. We set the chair up and of course, it was in the wrong place. Not to mention I needed to use the men’s room which might have been handicap accessible except the hallway we had to go down was so narrow …..no way, not for my chair so I had to walk it and go into the bathroom stand long enough to handle what need to be done. As the ceremony went on I had to climb up the stairs of the alter and stand there while we christened that bundle of joy. It was only through the power of prayer and the help of my son and wife that I made it through the physicalness. Yes, I have to give myself credit too.
It is just ashamed that in the twenty first century that a person of size has to worry about going out in public. It is hard enough to be starred at, laughed at, and made fun at but if we are strong enough to get passed all that, we have to be concerned about the door, chair etc. \
Just a little more effort on part of businesses and public places to make it more accessible for us as, well it might help us with our self esteem when we want to be players if we can get out there and play.
Things like this can be done; we need help to get it done. We need to help ourselves, we too might like to go to a movie, school, work but we need not to cry and complain. We need to be proactive. Get our friends and families involved, talk to local business people to put a strong chair in their movie house, library, restaurant. Organize write in programs to politicians. Let us pass laws for the obese. We are people too! We count! We want to live! We want to play!
As one of the Godfather’s said “let’s make them an offer they can’t refuse” yes the offer is ...
We want to be!!!!
After all was said and done, I made it through yesterday, I had a great time, did all that was needed of me, and was proud as a peacock.
Sometimes you have to take your fears, anxieties put them in a bag take them with you and do what you have to do anyway. At the end, you look back and see you made it and had a good time at the same time.
Have a great day!!
Love
Mike
PS
Afterwards there was a great house party, with wonderful friends and beautiful family. It is such a blessing to be part of and included. I missed so many things and now I do not want to miss anything. Unfortunately, there was one thing that ripped my heart out. My little grandson got hurt (oh he is such a boy) his mom was standing right next to him, just a second, and it happened. A chunk of my heart went out for my baby but then I felt so badly for my sweet daughter in law. She was so upset because she tried to stop it but just couldn’t. He is doing okay today, Alleluia!
Monday, June 2, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
In The Moment ….
“Now is the time ….” “One day at a time…” “Be here now…” these are all statements that most of us have heard at one time or another. Often they have had a profound meaning on our lives. At the same time if we were not doing well, it was those kinds of statements that were the last thing we wanted to hear. They are simple little words, not complex meanings and yet they can make a big difference in our lives.
Let me share an example with you. Recently (May 14, 2008) I was blessed enough to celebrate my 55th birthday. That in itself, I look at as a miracle. Considering where I have been and what I have put my poor body through and the amount of times that my family or I was told that my time was limited, well miracle is the only word that comes to my mind. Along with grateful, grateful to God and to the people God has sent me in my life.
Back to my birthday and being here “Now” etc. I have had some unforgettable birthdays. I have had some great parties, loads of family and friends to celebrate with. Surprise parties, small family get togethers and yes, I have even spent a few birthdays in the hospital fairly ill. I have some very good memories and some not so good ones on the birthdays but the point is if I dwell on all them and live in the past then I would not have been able to enjoy not only one of my best birthday’s in my life but just a great day in general.
To “be here now” would be an understatement. My son arranged for himself to have the day off and with him, my dear daughter in law and my special little grandson they took me to the New York Aquarium in Brooklyn. First, I have not been there, I think since I was 11 years old and that was with my dad. To be able to go there with my grandson and see the joy on his face that I was with him was the best present I could have received. He was as excited but not as much as I was. His mom packed a healthy picnic lunch, we got to eat outdoors. We also were able to watch the walrus get fed. My sweet wife had a business meeting, in the morning but met us at the aquarium later on; it was such a perfect day. I even got to go to a stadium show and watched a sea lion show. One of the joys was to watch the expression on my baby’s face when the sea lion came up to him and planted a smooch (kiss) right on his apple cheek.
It was a special day, and that was because I was there with my very close loved ones. I was able to be part of an event rather than be at home in bed waiting for everyone to arrive home and tell me all about it. I was a participant! I was a player. I was part of life and “living the moment”.
It is days like that, those special days, those days where you can be part of rather than part from. It is those days, which make the daily battle, the daily struggle, all worthwhile.
The pay off sometimes is those big days like I spent on my birthday but if you really look hard the payoff is each day that we wake up and get to play!
Now is the time, being here now, taking one day at a time pays off with many rewards. The reward of satisfaction! Satisfaction of taking care of you and making it happen! The reward of getting another day to play and then there are those extra special days.
The aquarium days …… in my case I am not sure if it was the actual aquarium itself (although I enjoyed the experience immensely) but rather the company I was with and having my little grandson calling me “Ga Ga look at the sea horse, or Ga Ga don’t be afraid of the shark I’ll hold your hand”. That is worth more than the “lottery”, the “triple crown”.
Enjoying the moment, being here right now, and taking one day at a time, may sound corny at times but believe you me, for simple words, they are so powerful.
Therefore, I hope to continue my quest, my journey to make my life as healthy as I can so that I can have more days that are special, just more every day's. I look forward to the tomorrows but in the meantime …… there is the today ……
The Now!
Good luck my friends
May we all journey together
Love
Mike
Let me share an example with you. Recently (May 14, 2008) I was blessed enough to celebrate my 55th birthday. That in itself, I look at as a miracle. Considering where I have been and what I have put my poor body through and the amount of times that my family or I was told that my time was limited, well miracle is the only word that comes to my mind. Along with grateful, grateful to God and to the people God has sent me in my life.
Back to my birthday and being here “Now” etc. I have had some unforgettable birthdays. I have had some great parties, loads of family and friends to celebrate with. Surprise parties, small family get togethers and yes, I have even spent a few birthdays in the hospital fairly ill. I have some very good memories and some not so good ones on the birthdays but the point is if I dwell on all them and live in the past then I would not have been able to enjoy not only one of my best birthday’s in my life but just a great day in general.
To “be here now” would be an understatement. My son arranged for himself to have the day off and with him, my dear daughter in law and my special little grandson they took me to the New York Aquarium in Brooklyn. First, I have not been there, I think since I was 11 years old and that was with my dad. To be able to go there with my grandson and see the joy on his face that I was with him was the best present I could have received. He was as excited but not as much as I was. His mom packed a healthy picnic lunch, we got to eat outdoors. We also were able to watch the walrus get fed. My sweet wife had a business meeting, in the morning but met us at the aquarium later on; it was such a perfect day. I even got to go to a stadium show and watched a sea lion show. One of the joys was to watch the expression on my baby’s face when the sea lion came up to him and planted a smooch (kiss) right on his apple cheek.
It was a special day, and that was because I was there with my very close loved ones. I was able to be part of an event rather than be at home in bed waiting for everyone to arrive home and tell me all about it. I was a participant! I was a player. I was part of life and “living the moment”.
It is days like that, those special days, those days where you can be part of rather than part from. It is those days, which make the daily battle, the daily struggle, all worthwhile.
The pay off sometimes is those big days like I spent on my birthday but if you really look hard the payoff is each day that we wake up and get to play!
Now is the time, being here now, taking one day at a time pays off with many rewards. The reward of satisfaction! Satisfaction of taking care of you and making it happen! The reward of getting another day to play and then there are those extra special days.
The aquarium days …… in my case I am not sure if it was the actual aquarium itself (although I enjoyed the experience immensely) but rather the company I was with and having my little grandson calling me “Ga Ga look at the sea horse, or Ga Ga don’t be afraid of the shark I’ll hold your hand”. That is worth more than the “lottery”, the “triple crown”.
Enjoying the moment, being here right now, and taking one day at a time, may sound corny at times but believe you me, for simple words, they are so powerful.
Therefore, I hope to continue my quest, my journey to make my life as healthy as I can so that I can have more days that are special, just more every day's. I look forward to the tomorrows but in the meantime …… there is the today ……
The Now!
Good luck my friends
May we all journey together
Love
Mike
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
You’ve Got to Believe …!
There have been times in my life when I thought of quitting baby, but my “heart” just won’t buy it! Then I find some reason to hang on. Throughout my adult married life, it has been my family. My love for my wife. The thought of missing her forever was just not an option. Then I was blessed with a son. He has been a source of great strength and pleasure for me over these past thirty years, and now my life seems to have received “the cherry” on the sundae and that is my little grandson. What a pleasure and joy this little baby gives me. I have a great daughter-in-law, such a wonderful human being and becoming quite a great friend of mine. I have been blessed with a good extended family also and have had some very dear close friends throughout my life that I have drawn strength from at times.
Much of my survival I owe to my God and my spiritual relationship we have with each other. We have this thing where we lean on each other if we need each other (yeah sure! My relationship is really one-way God’s support for me and my love for God.
Yet you have to believe ….believe in something if you are going to survive. This is what I believe. One has to have a reason to hang on, to go on. I do not care what it is you believe in. It could be and should be a combination of things. It should be you, some spiritual belief in a higher power (being), another human being, a puppy dog, a soft cat, or pet pig, whatever it is. You have to believe.
What is the payoff? I will share with you one of the payoffs! Most of you know my struggle with my weight and how it has been my whole life. Many of you know of my story because of the notary I achieved in the 90’s when I lost over 700 pounds in 19 months and made the Guinness Book of records. I had received a lot of support from Richard Simmons at that time (and through out the years a continued friendship).
Many more of you have gotten to know me, when in May 1996, I gained back much of that weight and was removed from my home (due to a medical emergency) by a “fork lift”. It became a “media event” a “circus act”, as if I were some freak, rather than some poor human being, fighting to save my life, a human being who was “Hungry for Life”!
Now since May of 1996 my scale has seen many numbers. Numbers ranging, from 450 pounds up to 800 pounds and all kinds of numbers, back and fourth since then. Over the past 5 years, I have been in a Rehabilitation Center not once but twice all in the effort to fight the “battle of the bulge”. I respect everyone’s efforts but I have to say, I try just as hard as many of you. I have fought both privately and publicly very hard to be a “success”. Every pound that I have gained privately has been worn in the public. I could not help feeling that I have not only did I let myself down and my dear family and friends but many people out there who were following my story and rooting for me. This way if I could do it then maybe then, they too could have something work out in their life.
I refuse to give up! I will not quit. I get down sometimes but I am not staying there. You’ve got to believe in “HOPE”!
Now I have been home from Rehab for about 10 months and the time before this when I came home I almost started to gain weight immediately. Well I am home now and I can say for the first time probably 15 or 16 years I am out of the 400's! I am now in the upper 300’s, me, Mike Hebranko. I am cautiously excited. This is a gift that I know if I do not continue to work at and take care of myself, I will lose it, by gaining it! I have not broken any weight loss records since I have been home (I have been there and done that). It has been a slow steady process, but that is good for me. I use my K.I.S.T. method and it is working for me. Some one asked me at the doctor’s office “what is your goal”? I promptly responded, “To never get to it”. I have reached goals before and never maintained them for long. I gain lose weight and boy can I gain it! Therefore, for now, I am taking it easy and slowly but surely, it is coming off.
I do have to share something with all of you. It feels good. I try not to make that scale my police officer, my Academy Award etc but when I stepped upon it, the other day, at the doctors’ office. I see a 22+-pound weight loss since the last visit, well I was ready to do a tap dance and jump up and click my heels (now that would have been a sight in itself, not to mention a miracle). I was full of joy and thankfulness.
My dear friends all things are possible …..You’ve got to believe!
Love to you all
Mike
Much of my survival I owe to my God and my spiritual relationship we have with each other. We have this thing where we lean on each other if we need each other (yeah sure! My relationship is really one-way God’s support for me and my love for God.
Yet you have to believe ….believe in something if you are going to survive. This is what I believe. One has to have a reason to hang on, to go on. I do not care what it is you believe in. It could be and should be a combination of things. It should be you, some spiritual belief in a higher power (being), another human being, a puppy dog, a soft cat, or pet pig, whatever it is. You have to believe.
What is the payoff? I will share with you one of the payoffs! Most of you know my struggle with my weight and how it has been my whole life. Many of you know of my story because of the notary I achieved in the 90’s when I lost over 700 pounds in 19 months and made the Guinness Book of records. I had received a lot of support from Richard Simmons at that time (and through out the years a continued friendship).
Many more of you have gotten to know me, when in May 1996, I gained back much of that weight and was removed from my home (due to a medical emergency) by a “fork lift”. It became a “media event” a “circus act”, as if I were some freak, rather than some poor human being, fighting to save my life, a human being who was “Hungry for Life”!
Now since May of 1996 my scale has seen many numbers. Numbers ranging, from 450 pounds up to 800 pounds and all kinds of numbers, back and fourth since then. Over the past 5 years, I have been in a Rehabilitation Center not once but twice all in the effort to fight the “battle of the bulge”. I respect everyone’s efforts but I have to say, I try just as hard as many of you. I have fought both privately and publicly very hard to be a “success”. Every pound that I have gained privately has been worn in the public. I could not help feeling that I have not only did I let myself down and my dear family and friends but many people out there who were following my story and rooting for me. This way if I could do it then maybe then, they too could have something work out in their life.
I refuse to give up! I will not quit. I get down sometimes but I am not staying there. You’ve got to believe in “HOPE”!
Now I have been home from Rehab for about 10 months and the time before this when I came home I almost started to gain weight immediately. Well I am home now and I can say for the first time probably 15 or 16 years I am out of the 400's! I am now in the upper 300’s, me, Mike Hebranko. I am cautiously excited. This is a gift that I know if I do not continue to work at and take care of myself, I will lose it, by gaining it! I have not broken any weight loss records since I have been home (I have been there and done that). It has been a slow steady process, but that is good for me. I use my K.I.S.T. method and it is working for me. Some one asked me at the doctor’s office “what is your goal”? I promptly responded, “To never get to it”. I have reached goals before and never maintained them for long. I gain lose weight and boy can I gain it! Therefore, for now, I am taking it easy and slowly but surely, it is coming off.
I do have to share something with all of you. It feels good. I try not to make that scale my police officer, my Academy Award etc but when I stepped upon it, the other day, at the doctors’ office. I see a 22+-pound weight loss since the last visit, well I was ready to do a tap dance and jump up and click my heels (now that would have been a sight in itself, not to mention a miracle). I was full of joy and thankfulness.
My dear friends all things are possible …..You’ve got to believe!
Love to you all
Mike
Saturday, April 26, 2008
FEELINGS ….”To Err is Human to Forgive is Divine”
Forgive or forgiveness, emm, I am not sure that forgiveness is a feeling or not but I think it is important to talk about at this time.
Forgiveness is a big word and (pardon the pun) a “heavy’ concept. Let me start with this analogy. A day is a day, and each day is a beautiful thing and we are blessed to experience any day. Yet lets be honest with ourselves, some days are a little nicer than others. I am not talking about anything that may be going on in your personal lives but just the day in itself.
Take a day when the sun is shinning, there is a nice warm breeze (not to hot), the air smells clean, you can hear the birds in the trees and mother nature is at her best. Tell me, that is not nicer than a day where there is overcast? A day when you know the sun is out but where it is out, who knows. The temperature is chilly; there is not a bird insight (except maybe a gull if you live by water). It is dreary, damp, and you just push yourself to do anything. Think about it for a second …… okay time is up!
When you are angry, bitter, or full of hate it is like those damp dreary days. Your life is like there is a cloud overhead. You don not want (consciously or subconsciously) to function, at your fullest. There is always this something there. Yet if you can forgive, truly forgive, then the “sun shines”!
Your life is now free, clean, fresh, bright, and yes chippy!
Easier said than done! Yes, of course it is. Does it take work? Definitely! Is it worth it? Well you tell me, would someone want a life clouded and gloomy (holding on to bad feelings of anger, hate, despair) or would someone want a life open, fresh, clean, bright, filled with hope and joy? A life that is more suitable to taking care of things, especially ones on person!
Believe me I know that some people (and situations) are easier to forgive than others are. Sometimes the hurts are tiny, not meaningful, without too much damage. Then other times they scream out with all reasons not to forgive. Yet we need to forgive, so we can go on!
Forgiving is a process and one that takes practice sometimes. I have learned to try to put things into perspective. Often I find forgiving easy. The little things are easier to forgive, especially if it is our loved ones, we are forgiving, (although they can often hurt the most).
Then there are the deep rooted, angers and hurts. Sometimes from as long ago as our childhood, where there might have been physical, sexually, mentally, and/or emotional abuse. Often the problems may be relationships gone badly, where there where all kinds of hurts and horrible things done to you. People often hurt people, and forgiving these people, is not easy to do and often not the thing you sometimes want to do.
Yet keep in mind that forgiving, sometimes can be sort of a selfish act. In, the fact, that it is for your own benefit, that you do forgive. This way, you can go on with your life. That your life can be free of this so call, “cloud” this “darkness”.
Forgiving does not mean forgetting or necessarily even renewing that particular relationship. If the person who hurt you is still around and you never speak to them again, so be it (if that is what you want and works for you). Just do not let hatred, anger, and the bad times of the past, rob you now of the present and of the future.
You need to feel the best you can, if you want to do the best you can.
Therefore work on the forgiveness thing (you may even need the help of a friend, professional, and/or religious advisor), just do whatever it takes to help you get past it and past it in a healthy way.
Get rid of the dirty laundry, and you will feel the freshness of springtime, within yourself.
Forgiveness gives me power. A power I love to feel and experience. I like to be able to forgive and I hope that I too can be forgiven when the time (s) come.
Have a great smiling and inner healthy day
Love
Mike
Forgiveness is a big word and (pardon the pun) a “heavy’ concept. Let me start with this analogy. A day is a day, and each day is a beautiful thing and we are blessed to experience any day. Yet lets be honest with ourselves, some days are a little nicer than others. I am not talking about anything that may be going on in your personal lives but just the day in itself.
Take a day when the sun is shinning, there is a nice warm breeze (not to hot), the air smells clean, you can hear the birds in the trees and mother nature is at her best. Tell me, that is not nicer than a day where there is overcast? A day when you know the sun is out but where it is out, who knows. The temperature is chilly; there is not a bird insight (except maybe a gull if you live by water). It is dreary, damp, and you just push yourself to do anything. Think about it for a second …… okay time is up!
When you are angry, bitter, or full of hate it is like those damp dreary days. Your life is like there is a cloud overhead. You don not want (consciously or subconsciously) to function, at your fullest. There is always this something there. Yet if you can forgive, truly forgive, then the “sun shines”!
Your life is now free, clean, fresh, bright, and yes chippy!
Easier said than done! Yes, of course it is. Does it take work? Definitely! Is it worth it? Well you tell me, would someone want a life clouded and gloomy (holding on to bad feelings of anger, hate, despair) or would someone want a life open, fresh, clean, bright, filled with hope and joy? A life that is more suitable to taking care of things, especially ones on person!
Believe me I know that some people (and situations) are easier to forgive than others are. Sometimes the hurts are tiny, not meaningful, without too much damage. Then other times they scream out with all reasons not to forgive. Yet we need to forgive, so we can go on!
Forgiving is a process and one that takes practice sometimes. I have learned to try to put things into perspective. Often I find forgiving easy. The little things are easier to forgive, especially if it is our loved ones, we are forgiving, (although they can often hurt the most).
Then there are the deep rooted, angers and hurts. Sometimes from as long ago as our childhood, where there might have been physical, sexually, mentally, and/or emotional abuse. Often the problems may be relationships gone badly, where there where all kinds of hurts and horrible things done to you. People often hurt people, and forgiving these people, is not easy to do and often not the thing you sometimes want to do.
Yet keep in mind that forgiving, sometimes can be sort of a selfish act. In, the fact, that it is for your own benefit, that you do forgive. This way, you can go on with your life. That your life can be free of this so call, “cloud” this “darkness”.
Forgiving does not mean forgetting or necessarily even renewing that particular relationship. If the person who hurt you is still around and you never speak to them again, so be it (if that is what you want and works for you). Just do not let hatred, anger, and the bad times of the past, rob you now of the present and of the future.
You need to feel the best you can, if you want to do the best you can.
Therefore work on the forgiveness thing (you may even need the help of a friend, professional, and/or religious advisor), just do whatever it takes to help you get past it and past it in a healthy way.
Get rid of the dirty laundry, and you will feel the freshness of springtime, within yourself.
Forgiveness gives me power. A power I love to feel and experience. I like to be able to forgive and I hope that I too can be forgiven when the time (s) come.
Have a great smiling and inner healthy day
Love
Mike
Friday, April 18, 2008
FEELINGS … "Give Me Anger or Give Me Death" …
Is that not what Patrick Henry said? I do not think he quite said that, but “Anger” is the second installment of the “feelings” writings that I would like to address with this blog.
“Anger” can be very destructive both internally and externally.
Externally, as we look around the world, we can see what “anger” actually can do. It literally kills and mangles millions and billions of people, around the world. How dose this sound for an idealistic viewpoint, “a world without anger”? What a thought, what a world it would be.
Before we even attempt to make such an accomplishment and take on such a task, we first need to look at “anger” within ourselves. I put this to all of you who are reading this blog…
“How does anger affect your life”?
Do not get me wrong, I know anger is natural. It is natural to get angry … sometimes. Yet how we deal with the anger, how long we hang on to this anger, this becomes the “million dollar” question. Let us face it the longer anger “runs” us the more destructive it can become.
Often if we do not handle anger properly and efficiently, then for many of us it will manifest into more reasons for us to become self-destructive. Let us face it, we do not need more reasons for us to be self-destructive (overeat). Therefore, it is to our advantage to get over the anger as soon as possible. If I may say in the healthiest way possible.
How do we get over anger? I for one do not hold onto anger, not for long at least. I just do not like the way it makes me feel. Sometimes if I am angry with someone, I will let him or her know and then often I do not. I find it just sometimes dose not pay. It dose not change anything, and is often a waste of my valuable time and just causes more aggravation. I will just process the anger with rationalization and accepting the fact where it is coming from.
The anger that I personally find sometimes the hardest to deal with is self-anger. The anger I find I often have for myself. I get angry for the times that I have allowed myself to lose such valuable life experiences. This is the most difficult for me and this to me is a more important anger to deal with than any external anger that I might experience. This internal anger lingers in so many of us and needs to be dealt with on so many levels.
I find one healthy way to deal with this anger is with a lot of forgiveness. Self-forgiveness and self-love. Patience, a little understanding and I have to remember that “we” have been through a lot together (the “we” being, me and myself) and I have to give me a break.
If I am angry with myself, then I am not interested in caring for myself, and again that dose not work anymore for me in my life.
Okay everyone let us not be angry anymore! Let us not be angry with our parents, or our spouses (present or exes) our uncles and aunts, or even our abusers. Enough, with being angry at the politicians, and most of all with ourselves.
I know that it is not easy not to be angry, especially with people who have hurt you. I am not telling you to forget, I am just saying let go of the anger and do whatever you need to do to let go of it in a healthy way. It is for your own sake, your overall well-being. Your future success depends on it!
Hey, you are a good person, as a matter of fact, you are a great person and you deserve all the best that life can offer you. You do not have to live with anger any longer than you should have to.
Get rid of these negative feelings. Feelings that knock you down and keep you down!
Replace them with good feelings.
The good feelings of love, and a lot of self-love. Replace anger with caring for yourself, building on successes, feeling a little better about who you are and the good things you can do and the things that you really do for yourself. Void out anger and take in life, your life and start smiling, and smiling a lot.
These are good things!
Have an angry free day!
Love ya
Mike
“Anger” can be very destructive both internally and externally.
Externally, as we look around the world, we can see what “anger” actually can do. It literally kills and mangles millions and billions of people, around the world. How dose this sound for an idealistic viewpoint, “a world without anger”? What a thought, what a world it would be.
Before we even attempt to make such an accomplishment and take on such a task, we first need to look at “anger” within ourselves. I put this to all of you who are reading this blog…
“How does anger affect your life”?
Do not get me wrong, I know anger is natural. It is natural to get angry … sometimes. Yet how we deal with the anger, how long we hang on to this anger, this becomes the “million dollar” question. Let us face it the longer anger “runs” us the more destructive it can become.
Often if we do not handle anger properly and efficiently, then for many of us it will manifest into more reasons for us to become self-destructive. Let us face it, we do not need more reasons for us to be self-destructive (overeat). Therefore, it is to our advantage to get over the anger as soon as possible. If I may say in the healthiest way possible.
How do we get over anger? I for one do not hold onto anger, not for long at least. I just do not like the way it makes me feel. Sometimes if I am angry with someone, I will let him or her know and then often I do not. I find it just sometimes dose not pay. It dose not change anything, and is often a waste of my valuable time and just causes more aggravation. I will just process the anger with rationalization and accepting the fact where it is coming from.
The anger that I personally find sometimes the hardest to deal with is self-anger. The anger I find I often have for myself. I get angry for the times that I have allowed myself to lose such valuable life experiences. This is the most difficult for me and this to me is a more important anger to deal with than any external anger that I might experience. This internal anger lingers in so many of us and needs to be dealt with on so many levels.
I find one healthy way to deal with this anger is with a lot of forgiveness. Self-forgiveness and self-love. Patience, a little understanding and I have to remember that “we” have been through a lot together (the “we” being, me and myself) and I have to give me a break.
If I am angry with myself, then I am not interested in caring for myself, and again that dose not work anymore for me in my life.
Okay everyone let us not be angry anymore! Let us not be angry with our parents, or our spouses (present or exes) our uncles and aunts, or even our abusers. Enough, with being angry at the politicians, and most of all with ourselves.
I know that it is not easy not to be angry, especially with people who have hurt you. I am not telling you to forget, I am just saying let go of the anger and do whatever you need to do to let go of it in a healthy way. It is for your own sake, your overall well-being. Your future success depends on it!
Hey, you are a good person, as a matter of fact, you are a great person and you deserve all the best that life can offer you. You do not have to live with anger any longer than you should have to.
Get rid of these negative feelings. Feelings that knock you down and keep you down!
Replace them with good feelings.
The good feelings of love, and a lot of self-love. Replace anger with caring for yourself, building on successes, feeling a little better about who you are and the good things you can do and the things that you really do for yourself. Void out anger and take in life, your life and start smiling, and smiling a lot.
These are good things!
Have an angry free day!
Love ya
Mike
Friday, April 11, 2008
FEELINGS …Loneliness
Feelings, nothing more than feelings, trying to forget those feelings of …..! I love that song and I am one of those frustrated singers. Actually, I am a 55-year-old, American Idol reject. If I were on American Idol Randy would say, “You really have it man, but you are just off pitch. Then Paula would be next and say “Michael you’re beautiful man and you love to entertain but I have to agree (as always) with Randy, your pitch is off. Then Simon, he would sit back with his arm on the back of Paula’s chair and his words of wisdom would spurt out “YOU STINK”! That would be the end of my singing career. Yet it would not stop me from singing, as people who are close to me know I do. In spite of some opinions, I sing anyway.
Singing is not what I really want to deal with in this positing. Actually, for the next couple of postings I want to talk about feelings. Feelings are the key to our whole life. Our “ups and downs” our successes and the things that sometimes hold us back. All of it has to do with our feelings, and how we deal with them. Our feelings and how we deal with these feelings means the difference between night and day.
The feeling I want to talk about today is, one that almost embarrasses me. I will tell you why. I consider myself a very lucky man and for several reasons. One reason is that I have been blessed with a “soul mate” my wife, my son and now his wife and my beautifully handsome grandson. I also have some great family members who I love and who I know love me back. I have wonderful friends and we care for each other. “I have people”, through most of my life I have had people. I have this theory, you give, you get! I give of myself and I get so much more in return. Therefore, what am I embarrassed to talk about …..”Loneliness”.
Loneliness is the hardest feeling I believe I have to deal with. There are times that loneliness consumes me. It takes comes over me like a “black cloud” a dark blanket. It could happen when I am all alone or when I am in a room full of people. When it hits, it hits hard! It drains me, leaves me empty. I am not scared to be alone, at least not in the respect where I am afraid of something may happen. If anything “scares” me when this loneliness comes over, is myself.
I can be and in the past have been dangerous to myself. Sometimes this loneliness last for seconds and sometimes for months. All I know is when this emptiness, abandonees, “black hole”, comes over me there is not enough food in New York City to fill the void. I have done some terrible damage to myself in the past. Learning how to deal with it in other ways can be and is cathartic.
This feeling of loneliness is a rough one for me to handle. The other feelings I do a lot better with, I really do not “hate” anyone or anything. I dislike sometimes for a little while but not hate. I am not a negative person. I do not have anger in me (although my therapist thing I should have some anger).
One of the new ways of dealing with this loneliness feeling is trying to understand what it is about and where does it come from. Trying not to fill my face with food allows me to experience the feeling for what it is. I have to share with you, it can and does hurt! Dealing with this feeling of loneliness involves asking yourself, real hard true questions. Some of which you may not be ready for the answers. Often it involves “crying”, sometimes a lot of it, and why not if that is what comes up for someone then let it happen. The history of my loneliness is interesting and I guess it has to do with the old “childhood” thing. Everything is blamed on the “childhood”. I was an only child (as was millions of other people), and I spent a lot of time alone. The “Teddy Bears” and me. There were three of them and myself. The four of us played monopoly together (I never did, the Panda always did. He was a hard negotiator), and many other things, they were my best friends who I played with and shared my fears with (of which I had many as a little kid).
I had people around then but I was lonely I guess and much of that time was filled with food and snacks. Early bad habits that filled and emptiness and made me feel good for the moment. We know this does not work for us now. Still knowing and doing is the struggle of a lifetime, a “struggle for life”.
I cannot stop feeling lonely in my life at times. Even now at a time in my life when I am at the height of the “love” that flows through my daily life. I cannot stop feelings from coming up. None of us can stop feelings from happening. It is how we deal with the feelings that can change our lives. I for one am trying, trying very hard to do things differently.
I wish I would not feel so lonely, especially when I have so much in my life. I do not feel this way all the time but sometimes. The way I look at it, it could be worse. As long as I have breathe, as long as I can write about it, talk about it, as long as I try then I know I will not fail.
Right now I am not lonely, because I have you …… thanks
Good luck to you …
Feel… go with it, do not bury the feelings it with food!
Love
Mike
Singing is not what I really want to deal with in this positing. Actually, for the next couple of postings I want to talk about feelings. Feelings are the key to our whole life. Our “ups and downs” our successes and the things that sometimes hold us back. All of it has to do with our feelings, and how we deal with them. Our feelings and how we deal with these feelings means the difference between night and day.
The feeling I want to talk about today is, one that almost embarrasses me. I will tell you why. I consider myself a very lucky man and for several reasons. One reason is that I have been blessed with a “soul mate” my wife, my son and now his wife and my beautifully handsome grandson. I also have some great family members who I love and who I know love me back. I have wonderful friends and we care for each other. “I have people”, through most of my life I have had people. I have this theory, you give, you get! I give of myself and I get so much more in return. Therefore, what am I embarrassed to talk about …..”Loneliness”.
Loneliness is the hardest feeling I believe I have to deal with. There are times that loneliness consumes me. It takes comes over me like a “black cloud” a dark blanket. It could happen when I am all alone or when I am in a room full of people. When it hits, it hits hard! It drains me, leaves me empty. I am not scared to be alone, at least not in the respect where I am afraid of something may happen. If anything “scares” me when this loneliness comes over, is myself.
I can be and in the past have been dangerous to myself. Sometimes this loneliness last for seconds and sometimes for months. All I know is when this emptiness, abandonees, “black hole”, comes over me there is not enough food in New York City to fill the void. I have done some terrible damage to myself in the past. Learning how to deal with it in other ways can be and is cathartic.
This feeling of loneliness is a rough one for me to handle. The other feelings I do a lot better with, I really do not “hate” anyone or anything. I dislike sometimes for a little while but not hate. I am not a negative person. I do not have anger in me (although my therapist thing I should have some anger).
One of the new ways of dealing with this loneliness feeling is trying to understand what it is about and where does it come from. Trying not to fill my face with food allows me to experience the feeling for what it is. I have to share with you, it can and does hurt! Dealing with this feeling of loneliness involves asking yourself, real hard true questions. Some of which you may not be ready for the answers. Often it involves “crying”, sometimes a lot of it, and why not if that is what comes up for someone then let it happen. The history of my loneliness is interesting and I guess it has to do with the old “childhood” thing. Everything is blamed on the “childhood”. I was an only child (as was millions of other people), and I spent a lot of time alone. The “Teddy Bears” and me. There were three of them and myself. The four of us played monopoly together (I never did, the Panda always did. He was a hard negotiator), and many other things, they were my best friends who I played with and shared my fears with (of which I had many as a little kid).
I had people around then but I was lonely I guess and much of that time was filled with food and snacks. Early bad habits that filled and emptiness and made me feel good for the moment. We know this does not work for us now. Still knowing and doing is the struggle of a lifetime, a “struggle for life”.
I cannot stop feeling lonely in my life at times. Even now at a time in my life when I am at the height of the “love” that flows through my daily life. I cannot stop feelings from coming up. None of us can stop feelings from happening. It is how we deal with the feelings that can change our lives. I for one am trying, trying very hard to do things differently.
I wish I would not feel so lonely, especially when I have so much in my life. I do not feel this way all the time but sometimes. The way I look at it, it could be worse. As long as I have breathe, as long as I can write about it, talk about it, as long as I try then I know I will not fail.
Right now I am not lonely, because I have you …… thanks
Good luck to you …
Feel… go with it, do not bury the feelings it with food!
Love
Mike
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Did You Hear the News?
It’s happened! The little “Red Pill” has been invented. You know what red pill I am talking about, The one where we need no more surgeries, no more exercise, no more dieting, no more trying, no more set backs! The “Red Pill” where we take it at 9pm, go to bed and the next morning we all look like Brad Pitt or Angelina.
April fools!! Sorry, believe me am I sorry. I think in the back of my mind I have waited for that pill for the past 42 years. The truth is it is not happening … at least not now! Who knows what the future holds but the fact is, we live in the present. It is “the Now” that we need to deal with. We need to live life to our fullest ….. Now, today!
When I began this blog message, I thought for a minute, “should I fool around with such a sensitive subject. Let us face it obesity is a serious problem. People dying from it each day and others are sacrificing their own quality of life. So what is so funny I thought? Then I said to myself, “self, lighten up”! Sometimes we need to use our sense of humor … it helps. A little laughter is not a sin. It is okay to laugh. I have met people in my life, who think if they laugh, then others will not know how miserable their lives are!
Do not worry; we will know how miserable your life is ….. just laugh a little. It is okay and it may feel good actually.
I love humor. I try to find humor in life as much as possible. My wife (best friend) and I have laughed so much (often through some of our hardest times). You would be surprised how a little humor; a little laughter can make things go a little better.
As a dear friend of mine, taught me a long time ago … your sense humor can often heal loneliness, boredom, anger and many other negative feelings.
So look around today, find a something to smile about (or laugh about). Call someone who makes you laugh, tell someone a joke, get tickled (emmmm).
The thing is, feel good about life in general, feel could about yourself; feel great that you are a player. Why shouldn’t you? You are, and I am great people and we deserve happiness.
Have a smiling day
Love
Mike
Ps.
This new nun joins a convent and she takes the vow of silence. She is only allowed to say “two words” each year. Therefore, a year goes by and the Mother Superior says to her “okay sister a year has gone by you can now say two words. What would you like to say”? The sister looks at the Mother Superior and says “Food Stinks”!
The Mother Superior thought to herself, “wow, she could only say two words and food stinks is what she says”. The “Mother Superior” changes the cook and brings in better quality food.
Another year goes by, the sister comes in front of the “Mother Superior”, and Mother says to her, “Sister another year has gone by what two words would you like to say this year”?
The Sister looks at Mother Superior and says “Bed hard”! The Mother Superior thought to herself, “My Lord, I better change the furniture. It must be terrible, if this is the two words she chooses to say and it is about the furniture”. She changes all the furniture in the Convent.
The third year pasts and the Sister comes before the Mother Superior and Mother says, “What words do you choose to say this year”? The nun says “I Quit”!
The Mother Superior says, “Oh, thank God, you have done nothing but complain since you got hear”!!!!
April fools!! Sorry, believe me am I sorry. I think in the back of my mind I have waited for that pill for the past 42 years. The truth is it is not happening … at least not now! Who knows what the future holds but the fact is, we live in the present. It is “the Now” that we need to deal with. We need to live life to our fullest ….. Now, today!
When I began this blog message, I thought for a minute, “should I fool around with such a sensitive subject. Let us face it obesity is a serious problem. People dying from it each day and others are sacrificing their own quality of life. So what is so funny I thought? Then I said to myself, “self, lighten up”! Sometimes we need to use our sense of humor … it helps. A little laughter is not a sin. It is okay to laugh. I have met people in my life, who think if they laugh, then others will not know how miserable their lives are!
Do not worry; we will know how miserable your life is ….. just laugh a little. It is okay and it may feel good actually.
I love humor. I try to find humor in life as much as possible. My wife (best friend) and I have laughed so much (often through some of our hardest times). You would be surprised how a little humor; a little laughter can make things go a little better.
As a dear friend of mine, taught me a long time ago … your sense humor can often heal loneliness, boredom, anger and many other negative feelings.
So look around today, find a something to smile about (or laugh about). Call someone who makes you laugh, tell someone a joke, get tickled (emmmm).
The thing is, feel good about life in general, feel could about yourself; feel great that you are a player. Why shouldn’t you? You are, and I am great people and we deserve happiness.
Have a smiling day
Love
Mike
Ps.
This new nun joins a convent and she takes the vow of silence. She is only allowed to say “two words” each year. Therefore, a year goes by and the Mother Superior says to her “okay sister a year has gone by you can now say two words. What would you like to say”? The sister looks at the Mother Superior and says “Food Stinks”!
The Mother Superior thought to herself, “wow, she could only say two words and food stinks is what she says”. The “Mother Superior” changes the cook and brings in better quality food.
Another year goes by, the sister comes in front of the “Mother Superior”, and Mother says to her, “Sister another year has gone by what two words would you like to say this year”?
The Sister looks at Mother Superior and says “Bed hard”! The Mother Superior thought to herself, “My Lord, I better change the furniture. It must be terrible, if this is the two words she chooses to say and it is about the furniture”. She changes all the furniture in the Convent.
The third year pasts and the Sister comes before the Mother Superior and Mother says, “What words do you choose to say this year”? The nun says “I Quit”!
The Mother Superior says, “Oh, thank God, you have done nothing but complain since you got hear”!!!!
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